Disaster's Aid

"But it's not right." I breathe into my phone.

"Come on Sara, just get to an embassy and leave. Monday's in two days. The offices should be open. They can't keep you there, you have citizenship here."

"No Arfsy, that's not it."

"What do you mean?"

"I feel so bad, but I-"

"What happened, are you okay? If he tried anything I'll come ov-" Arfsy began to shreik.

"No! No, Arfsy. Everything is so nice here. So good. Nothing happened. Tariq didn't do anything, I'm just not sure I should stay."

Arfsy takes a breath. Deep and static filled.

"Sara, do you want to stay?"

"I told you why I don't want to stay."

"But that doesn't make any sense Sara. They're bad for forcing you to marry him. You're not bad, you're good! You're my friend! They don't have any right to make you feel bad about yourself."

"They didn't Arfsy, I just, I just feel bad about how I tricked Mo and Shahid into liking me. Like how I kind of, well, used them to avoid coming here. How we planned to make one of them propose so my parents wouldn't make me leave and now, and now with Tariq I just don't want that side of me to come back. I don't want to ruin his life. You know that marriage is forever."

"Marriage isn't forever, Islam has divorce you know. Maybe Mo and Shahid still want you too."

"Arfsy, it's considered really bad to divorce. But I know... I guess that it is allowed. It's just that there would be no reason to divorce if my family says yes. He's just too nice. He would do whatever I ask him."

"Come on Sara, they've just got you into their mess. Wake up. No one is that nice." Arfsy huffs on the other side.

"Arfsy he keeps making sure no one is forcing me into this."

"What! You have to use this. That is your ticket! Get out of there with this. Come on girl, this is perfect."

"But he's so nice. Our families had this arranged for years. It just isn't fair to him for me to marry him. I'm just so bad. I'll mess him up too."

"No you won't? Sara, what exactly are you asking me?"

"What do you mean? I'm not asking anything."

"Look, you keep telling me that you want to get away from him, and he'll probably let you leave too. So, in my opinion, just go. You're confusing me girl! Do you want to go or do you want to stay? Are you feeling all right?"

I slide my back against the cold marble and rest down on the floor with my knees under my chin. The embroidered white beads make my chin itch. The large bathroom tiles feel smooth and polished. I rest my right elbow on a potted palm tree and switch the phone to my other hand.

The sound of the door outside the washroom closing makes me whisper.

"I'm confused too. Anyways Arfsy I have to go. I've been hiding in the bathroom for like 15 minutes and I can hear someone coming into the room."

"Call me ASAP. Bye."

"Okay bye." I press "end" and slip my Iphone into my pink clutch.

I straighten up and wash my hands.

I open the washroom door and stare at the closed room door. I search the navy room with my eyes.

Empty.

Oh Allah, save me from the repercussions of whoever was listening to me.

My heart stills. I clutch my hijab to smoothe it out. It's now or never.

And never is just too far away.

I slide open the door and click my heels towards the elevator. I go down to the ground floor and creep into the dining room.

Mama smiles at me and I perch beside her. She takes me hand and kisses it. Abou and Uncle Baber are watching politics on TV in complicated Urdu.

"Where's Tariq?" I say.