Trouble in Paradise

Matt held his head in his hands and waited, like he’d done the past two days. He was sick of waiting around. It was going to drive his crazy.

“Matt” a soft female voice croaked. “Matt where am I?” Emily lifted her head and tried her very best to sick up. Matt helped her watching her face try to hold back the pain she felt. “What happened?” but before Matt could answer a doctor walked in through the door.

“Ah you’re up,” he said picking up the clip board on the end of her bed, glancing at the notes, trying to figure out what was wrong with his current patient. “Now Lieutenant Sanders, you’ve been in a very bad traffic collision. Fortunately you suffered no broken bones, just some sever bruising and a small concussion...”

“What about the baby?” Matt asked, taking his wives hand in his own. The doctor looked through the medical notes, cursing the doctor on the previous shift for not telling the man about his child. “Did anything happen to the baby?”

“Unfortunately this was too much stress put on the foetus... Lieutenant... Mr. Sanders... I’m sorry but the child did not survive, you suffered a miscarriage.” The doctor put down the clip board, pressing the button on his beeper. “I’m sorry if you’ll excuse me-” with that he left.

Emily looked at Matt; he’d aged within a few minutes of hearing the news. His eyes were watering, but Emily had no other reaction but to let out a sigh of relief. “Are you happy now?” he muttered into his hands. “The baby is gone now. Now you can go back to your precious Lt. position in the army.”

“I will.” She said as Matt stood up and starred out of the window. “With or without this crash. I wouldn’t have had the baby. It would have been killed either way.” Matt’s body slumped against the glass and he exhaled deeply. “You know I never wanted children. I preferred shooting -”

“You also said you never wanted to get married...” he didn’t lift his head to look at her, he just swayed in one spot, only moving his lips. “You married me... I thought we could have children together and just have a proper family... Em, do you even love me? Because sometimes it feels like you don’t.”

“Don’t be stupid. Of course I love you.” Now it was her turn to become emotional. “Everything I do is for you. From day one I’ve always tried to please you, to keep you happy... but having children. I can’t have children. I don’t want them at all.”

“What about Rhys? Does he mean nothing to you? He is part of me and you, how could you not want children?” sorrow tore through his body with the thought that his son’s mother neither loved nor wanted him. “You're not going back to work. You can go get some counselling or something. That’s not right Emily; you can’t not love your own flesh and blood.”

“Don’t you tell me how to feel? I do love him, more than I ever thought I could love a child. But I still love being in the army more; I love my troops, the excitement of going on tours. I have more love for my job than ever having another child.”

Matt turned to face her, his face stained with tears and his eyes blood shot. “I’m going home.” He stated. “Whenever you are ready, I and Rhys will be waiting for you.” He walked over to her bed and places a single kiss on her forehead. “I love you so much.”

She tried to take his hand, but he just walked towards the open door. “Matt?” he stopped in his tracks and just looked at his wife. “I...” she began “I love you too.” He gave her a tight smile and left.