Secret Happiness
Part 4
'Oh for fuck sake.'
'Nice to hear from you too'. I hear him throw a a little laugh and I rub my temples.
'No, not you. I just heard Emily wake up. She's having some rough nights lately, I don't know what's the matter with her?'
'Have you taken her to the Doctor?'
'No, I haven't, she's fine Jared it's what children do.' Hopefully she'll settle herself back to sleep.
'Listen, I just wanted to call you to let you know I'll be in town in a couple of days. Well. Wednesday to be precise and I'm coming over to see Emily.' I hate it when he does this; using his commanding tone to get whatever he wants.
'Oh don't worry about my plans or anything Jared, that's fine.'
'Hey, I aint asking for permission to see my daughter alright.'
'A bit more of a notice would be nice.' Our voices are rising and I can feel myself getting more and more angry by the second.
'What do you call this then Rae!' I let out a huge breath. I'm not rising to the bait to have another shouting match over the phone. I can hear her getting louder in her cries, I'm going to have to get up to check on her.
'Jay, I have to go and see to her. I'll call you later ok'. I feel David's hand on my back and I turn around, covering the speaker on the phone with my hand.
'Stay here, I'll go.' He understands that Jared doesn't know about us yet and that he can't know he's there.
'No no it's fine.' I tell him and kiss him on the head. 'Jared-'
'Rae, stay on the phone. Take me with you to speak to her.'
'Jay it's half twelve at night I can't excite her anymore than she already is.'
'Please'. I can hear the pleading in his voice. Urgh. Every single time.
'Fine, just don't get her all wiled up.' I turn to David give him a slient kiss and signal for "one minute". He just closes his eyes and nods, lying down and throwing the duvet over him. He wishes I could jsut let him go an didn't give in to him all the time. I wish it too, just not tonght. I go down the hall and turn the light on, when I open the door the light from hall reveals her in her cot lying down crying her little lungs out. Oh baby girl. 'Jay I'm just going to put you down for a sec.' I turn on Emily's night light and the whole room turns into a night sky; stars and moons covering us and slowly spinning. I close the bedroom door and place the phone on the table next to the nursing chair and go over to the cot and pick her up; cradling her in my arms. 'Shhh, it's ok baby. Mummy's here now. It's ok.' I take her over to the chair, sit down and start a gentle rock. 'Shhh baby girl. Mummy's here.' I pick up the phone and he starts immediately.
'What's happened is she ok? What's wrong with her?' He's borderline shouting at me and I have to pull the phone away fro my ear. It's a bit much to have cries in one ear and Jared in the other.
'Jared she's fine, she's just over tired. She woke herself up and she's fighting to go back to sleep.' Emily rubs her eyes and the decibels are going down by the minute.
'Rae put her on the phone, let me speak to her.'
'Ok, just a sec. Emily, do you want to speak to Daddy? Yeah?' She immediately starts to mumble "Dadadada". I put the phone to her ear and as he's talking to her, I can't hear what he's saying but she soon starts to quieten down and doze off. I take the phone from from her ear with my gaze locked on her and her deep breathing. When I put the phone to my ear I hear something thta I haven't heard in a long time, something that always used to make me smile and feel safe; Jared's soft singing. I continued to look upon the angel in my arms and listen to the lulluby in my ear, I don't want to lose this moment.
'Sweet Angel, I'm always here. I'm always with you. I'll always love you.' I feel a tear building up in my eye, remembering when he used to soothe me and call me his angel.
'Jared, it's me, Emily's gone to sleep.'
'I know.'
'Nice to hear from you too'. I hear him throw a a little laugh and I rub my temples.
'No, not you. I just heard Emily wake up. She's having some rough nights lately, I don't know what's the matter with her?'
'Have you taken her to the Doctor?'
'No, I haven't, she's fine Jared it's what children do.' Hopefully she'll settle herself back to sleep.
'Listen, I just wanted to call you to let you know I'll be in town in a couple of days. Well. Wednesday to be precise and I'm coming over to see Emily.' I hate it when he does this; using his commanding tone to get whatever he wants.
'Oh don't worry about my plans or anything Jared, that's fine.'
'Hey, I aint asking for permission to see my daughter alright.'
'A bit more of a notice would be nice.' Our voices are rising and I can feel myself getting more and more angry by the second.
'What do you call this then Rae!' I let out a huge breath. I'm not rising to the bait to have another shouting match over the phone. I can hear her getting louder in her cries, I'm going to have to get up to check on her.
'Jay, I have to go and see to her. I'll call you later ok'. I feel David's hand on my back and I turn around, covering the speaker on the phone with my hand.
'Stay here, I'll go.' He understands that Jared doesn't know about us yet and that he can't know he's there.
'No no it's fine.' I tell him and kiss him on the head. 'Jared-'
'Rae, stay on the phone. Take me with you to speak to her.'
'Jay it's half twelve at night I can't excite her anymore than she already is.'
'Please'. I can hear the pleading in his voice. Urgh. Every single time.
'Fine, just don't get her all wiled up.' I turn to David give him a slient kiss and signal for "one minute". He just closes his eyes and nods, lying down and throwing the duvet over him. He wishes I could jsut let him go an didn't give in to him all the time. I wish it too, just not tonght. I go down the hall and turn the light on, when I open the door the light from hall reveals her in her cot lying down crying her little lungs out. Oh baby girl. 'Jay I'm just going to put you down for a sec.' I turn on Emily's night light and the whole room turns into a night sky; stars and moons covering us and slowly spinning. I close the bedroom door and place the phone on the table next to the nursing chair and go over to the cot and pick her up; cradling her in my arms. 'Shhh, it's ok baby. Mummy's here now. It's ok.' I take her over to the chair, sit down and start a gentle rock. 'Shhh baby girl. Mummy's here.' I pick up the phone and he starts immediately.
'What's happened is she ok? What's wrong with her?' He's borderline shouting at me and I have to pull the phone away fro my ear. It's a bit much to have cries in one ear and Jared in the other.
'Jared she's fine, she's just over tired. She woke herself up and she's fighting to go back to sleep.' Emily rubs her eyes and the decibels are going down by the minute.
'Rae put her on the phone, let me speak to her.'
'Ok, just a sec. Emily, do you want to speak to Daddy? Yeah?' She immediately starts to mumble "Dadadada". I put the phone to her ear and as he's talking to her, I can't hear what he's saying but she soon starts to quieten down and doze off. I take the phone from from her ear with my gaze locked on her and her deep breathing. When I put the phone to my ear I hear something thta I haven't heard in a long time, something that always used to make me smile and feel safe; Jared's soft singing. I continued to look upon the angel in my arms and listen to the lulluby in my ear, I don't want to lose this moment.
'Sweet Angel, I'm always here. I'm always with you. I'll always love you.' I feel a tear building up in my eye, remembering when he used to soothe me and call me his angel.
'Jared, it's me, Emily's gone to sleep.'
'I know.'