Status: coming soon!!!
But I’ll Still Sing for You
decem.
I didn’t believe him, and why would I? I pulled his heart out, held it in my hands and let it slip through my fingers. He shouldn’t love me. Oliver didn’t say much after Josh left, he stood with me as I spent my time with Piper. “It’s okay,” I mumbled to him.
“What’s okay?” Oliver asked, bending down to me.
“If you want to break up, it’s okay. I’ll be okay. You don’t need to stay, you have a tour to get back to and fans and I understand.” I didn’t move from my place by Piper, but I knew what he was thinking. His muscles were stiff, his hand rested uncomfortably at the base of my back. His breathing was more steady and calm than I would expect, but his fingers made up for it- they weren’t as soft as before. “It’s okay Oliver, I don’t want to be your baggage.” I reassured him softly.
“But I love you,” Scoffing, I turned and looked up at him. “Don’t look at me like that. I’ve been here for you, I’ve helped you with Piper. Why are you pushing me away? Is it Josh? Are you still in love with him? I know you two have been pretty close while I’ve been away.” Oliver’s voice cracked along with his knees, as he kneeled down to my eye level. “Be real with me Vi, if you love him…” he trailed off. Taking in a deep breathe, with eyes tightly clasped shut, Oli finished his sentence; “if you still love him, Vienna, you should be with him. It’s not fair to string me along for security,” He paused, and looked at Piper and then to me. “He’s the father, Vi, he should be in her life. And I’m talking more than a couple postcards a year.”
Perplexed, I quickly responded to him. “Are you trying to convince me to be with Josh?” Oliver didn’t respond. “Piper doesn’t deserve this stress, can we please discuss this at home or something?” Oliver shook his head slowly. “Oli, don’t do this to me.” I felt my lower lip tremble.
“He was right. You can still live in the flat, until I get back or you find a better home, or if you get back with Josh.” I tried to keep myself composed the best I could. “I feel so lied to and betrayed by you, yet I still feel like I’m in the wrong. I shouldn’t come between you two, it doesn’t matter how strongly I feel for you. He loves you so much, Vienna.” My heart felt like beating was no longer worth the work. “I’m going back to Warped Tour, and when I get back we can discuss living arrangements. If you’ve already moved out, that’s fine. I love you, but neither of us deserve this.”
With a kiss to my forehead, Oliver walked out of my life as I had walked out of his best mates just months before. I sat alone with Piper for a while before Anna returned. “I heard some commotion, so I stayed back a bit. I’m real sorry about that,” Anna said as cheerfully as she could, considering what she must have heard. “Do you want us to call you a cab?” She offered sweetly. I slowly shook my hand and tugged my hand from Piper’s.
“Thank you, though. I love you Pipes.” I blew her a kiss and stood up from the rocking chair I was in. “I’ll be back tomorrow,” I informed both Anna and Piper.
Slowly but surely I made my way across the green patterned carpeting. I grabbed my things from the I’d been staying in and drifted slowly towards the front exit. “Alexia!” I heard my name and struggled to turn. “I’m sorry.” Josh mumbled, coming face to face with me once more. “I’m sorry that I ruin everything, and I’m sorry that I have a temper. I’m sorry that I suck at UNO and I’m sorry I always pick the cheap wine. I’m sorry I work across the world and I’m sorry I knocked you up. I’m sorry I ruined your marriage and now you’re relationship with Oliver. I’m sorry for every time I made you cry.” He paused to take a deep breathe. “I’m sorry I watched Dexter without you, I’m sorry I drank the last beer almost every other week. I’m sorry I let my friends crash on the couch, I’m sorry I refused to get you a dog,
“I’m sorry I always forget to pull out, I’m sorry for that one time I didn’t last very long- god I’m so sorry for that one.” I tugged on my bottom lip with my front teeth. I didn’t want to smile, solely for prideful reasons. “I’m sorry that I ruin everything but I’m most sorry for losing you. I love you, so much. Please Alexia, from here on out I will call you before I pick up the wine. I will watch other shows when you’re gone, I’ll buy the beer, I’ll buy condoms, I’ll buy you a dog. I will jack off twice a day for a year, just to make sure that shit doesn’t happen again. I will play basketball on stilts if you ask me to. I love you. I will always love you, and I love Piper. Please, Alexia.” He repeated, resting his forehead lightly against mine. “Just say it back, that’s all I’m asking you for.”
As the blood rushed to my cheeks and drained from my brain, I opened my mouth just slightly. “I love you more.”
“What’s okay?” Oliver asked, bending down to me.
“If you want to break up, it’s okay. I’ll be okay. You don’t need to stay, you have a tour to get back to and fans and I understand.” I didn’t move from my place by Piper, but I knew what he was thinking. His muscles were stiff, his hand rested uncomfortably at the base of my back. His breathing was more steady and calm than I would expect, but his fingers made up for it- they weren’t as soft as before. “It’s okay Oliver, I don’t want to be your baggage.” I reassured him softly.
“But I love you,” Scoffing, I turned and looked up at him. “Don’t look at me like that. I’ve been here for you, I’ve helped you with Piper. Why are you pushing me away? Is it Josh? Are you still in love with him? I know you two have been pretty close while I’ve been away.” Oliver’s voice cracked along with his knees, as he kneeled down to my eye level. “Be real with me Vi, if you love him…” he trailed off. Taking in a deep breathe, with eyes tightly clasped shut, Oli finished his sentence; “if you still love him, Vienna, you should be with him. It’s not fair to string me along for security,” He paused, and looked at Piper and then to me. “He’s the father, Vi, he should be in her life. And I’m talking more than a couple postcards a year.”
Perplexed, I quickly responded to him. “Are you trying to convince me to be with Josh?” Oliver didn’t respond. “Piper doesn’t deserve this stress, can we please discuss this at home or something?” Oliver shook his head slowly. “Oli, don’t do this to me.” I felt my lower lip tremble.
“He was right. You can still live in the flat, until I get back or you find a better home, or if you get back with Josh.” I tried to keep myself composed the best I could. “I feel so lied to and betrayed by you, yet I still feel like I’m in the wrong. I shouldn’t come between you two, it doesn’t matter how strongly I feel for you. He loves you so much, Vienna.” My heart felt like beating was no longer worth the work. “I’m going back to Warped Tour, and when I get back we can discuss living arrangements. If you’ve already moved out, that’s fine. I love you, but neither of us deserve this.”
With a kiss to my forehead, Oliver walked out of my life as I had walked out of his best mates just months before. I sat alone with Piper for a while before Anna returned. “I heard some commotion, so I stayed back a bit. I’m real sorry about that,” Anna said as cheerfully as she could, considering what she must have heard. “Do you want us to call you a cab?” She offered sweetly. I slowly shook my hand and tugged my hand from Piper’s.
“Thank you, though. I love you Pipes.” I blew her a kiss and stood up from the rocking chair I was in. “I’ll be back tomorrow,” I informed both Anna and Piper.
Slowly but surely I made my way across the green patterned carpeting. I grabbed my things from the I’d been staying in and drifted slowly towards the front exit. “Alexia!” I heard my name and struggled to turn. “I’m sorry.” Josh mumbled, coming face to face with me once more. “I’m sorry that I ruin everything, and I’m sorry that I have a temper. I’m sorry that I suck at UNO and I’m sorry I always pick the cheap wine. I’m sorry I work across the world and I’m sorry I knocked you up. I’m sorry I ruined your marriage and now you’re relationship with Oliver. I’m sorry for every time I made you cry.” He paused to take a deep breathe. “I’m sorry I watched Dexter without you, I’m sorry I drank the last beer almost every other week. I’m sorry I let my friends crash on the couch, I’m sorry I refused to get you a dog,
“I’m sorry I always forget to pull out, I’m sorry for that one time I didn’t last very long- god I’m so sorry for that one.” I tugged on my bottom lip with my front teeth. I didn’t want to smile, solely for prideful reasons. “I’m sorry that I ruin everything but I’m most sorry for losing you. I love you, so much. Please Alexia, from here on out I will call you before I pick up the wine. I will watch other shows when you’re gone, I’ll buy the beer, I’ll buy condoms, I’ll buy you a dog. I will jack off twice a day for a year, just to make sure that shit doesn’t happen again. I will play basketball on stilts if you ask me to. I love you. I will always love you, and I love Piper. Please, Alexia.” He repeated, resting his forehead lightly against mine. “Just say it back, that’s all I’m asking you for.”
As the blood rushed to my cheeks and drained from my brain, I opened my mouth just slightly. “I love you more.”
♠ ♠ ♠
the end.