But I’ll Still Sing for You

I woke up the next morning with Josh’s facial hair tickling my shoulder and his even breathing brushed against my ear. “Josh,” I murmured, shifted softly.

“Not yet,” I heard him say, his voice was just above a whisper. “Can we pretend for just a bit longer?” I wanted to cry. The pleading crack in his voice broke my heart.

“Yeah, we can pretend.” I whispered back. I closed my eyes tightly I wanted to cry.. “I’m sorry, Josh.”

“I should go.” I sniffled as he pulled from me and sat up. “I need to go.” I felt my lip quiver as I watched him walk away from me. “I’ll have Laura stop in and check on you.” With those as his goodbye, Josh left my flat.

It might have just been the excess hormones controlling my emotions, but I spent the next hour crying to myself. After not being able to bear my hunger any longer, I got out of bed. I waddled to the kitchen and grabbed myself a yogurt. I made my way to the bathroom. Typically when I felt overly emotional, I would take a bath. And that’s just what I was going to do. While I waited for the tub to fill I sat on the edge with my feet in the running water and ate my strawberry yogurt.

“Look, that was pretty rude of me.” A small scream slipped from my mouth as I jumped at the sudden voice. “Sorry,” I looked over my shoulder with wide eyes. Josh was leaning against the door frame wearing a small frown.

“It’s okay. You scared the hell out of me, but it’s okay.” I replied gently. “What was pretty rude of you?” I asked him. I leaned over and turned off the water so I could properly hear him talk. I removed my feet from the water and dried them off.

“Leaving you abruptly this morning.” I nodded slowly as I stood up straight to face him. “Yogurt.” He noted awkwardly, pointing to the empty cup in my hand.

“Yeah, it’s pretty good.” After a couple silent minutes I spoke up again. “Actually it tastes like shit and there was a grody liquid nastiness when I first opened it. It’s killing me to eat it, but this stupid fucking baby won’t let me eat shit.” I vented, causing Josh to laugh out loud.

“Well, want me to buy you breakfast?” I shrugged. “I’ll buy you hot chocolate and maybe even a scone” I laughed softly and rolled my eyes at the way his voice raised when he said scones. “And I’m sure,” Josh stepped closer and rested a hand on my baby bump. “I’m sure that he’ll let you eat it, if daddy buys it.” I bit back a smile that killed me to hide. A dark red pool of blood brushed into my cheeks.”I might kiss you,” he whispered

“You really shouldn’t,” I whispered back, which caused Josh to sigh as he nodded. I reached up and kissed his cheek. “I’m gonna take a shower and then we can go out?” A small smile slipped onto his face. “Alright, out.” I lightly pushed him out. “There goes my bath.”

Josh chuckled softly and left the bathroom. “I’m gonna watch t.v.” He called behind him and shut the door. I took a quick shower and rushed to my room in my bathrobe. “I saw you!” I rolled my eyes and locked my bedroom door. I sighed as I turned in the mirror. “Alexia, are you decent?” I groaned.

“Basically,” I muttered. I was in my underwear. Josh laughed and shook his head when he walked in. “I look gross in everything.”

“Oh shut up,” he groaned and threw a pillow at me. “Wear a dress or something.” He suggested weakly.

“I love the baby, but this bump is stupid.” I whined as I searched through my closet. “I fucking had to go and buy tons of new shit and leggings and stuff.” I continued to complain as I looked for clothes. Josh groaned and got of my bed.

“Wear this.” He said absent mindedly pulling out a loose blue dress. I grabbed it from him and quickly pulled it on. “Perfect,” I groaned and looked in the mirror. “I love it.”

“It’s kinda tight around the bump.” Josh rolled his eyes. “Sorry,”

“You should show off what we made together.” He mumbled against my neck. “Come on baby,” I smiled and followed him. “Oh, and Alexia.” I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand. “I know a really good place just a couple blocks from here, if you’re cool to walk?”

“Josh, I’m not even wearing shoes, I haven’t done my hair.” Josh groaned loudly and dropped to his knees. “Ten minutes, I swear.” I kissed his nose and rushed to the bathroom. I quickly did my makeup and dried my hair. I knew the way we were acting wasn’t good and today probably isn’t going to end well, but I didn’t care enough to stop.

“Lex!” I rolled my eyes and brushed my hair again. “Shoes?” He asked holding up a pair of blue flats.

“I’m impressed,” I admitted and took my shoes from him. “You’re a cutie,” I murmured and walked past him. I pulled my phone from the charger and my keys from the rack. “Will you hold my stuff?” Josh held out his hand and took my keys and cell phone.

“So, I got a tattoo.” Josh told me over a our drinks. “Yeah, it’s on my hand.” He reached out and showed me the tiny IV tattoo on his finger.

“Aw,” my reaction caused him to blush like crazy. “It’s adorable,”

“Shut up.” He pulled his hand away and looked over his shoulder. “I like it.” I smiled and sipped my hot chocolate.

“Did it hurt?” Josh shrugged and turned back to me. “I’m scared to get one.”

“As soon as he pops out you should!” I rolled my eyes. What would I even get?

“It’s not a boy.” Josh groaned. “What names have you thought of?” I asked him, taking another sip of my drink. “Fuck its so good.” Josh chuckled and looked down at his coffee.

“Um, I was thinking of um- well maybe I’m thinking maybe like Ethan or like Mason.” He stammered. I smiled at the blush on his face. “And for um, for a girl I thought maybe Piper or Annie or something.” He said scratching his beard. I smiled softly and looked at the ground.

“Those are really good names, Josh. I really like Piper and- well, fuck I like all of them.” Josh smiled and looked away. I noticed Max and Laura in the window trying to get Josh’s attention.

“Fuck, I’ll be right back.” He told me as he got out of his seat. Laura rushed past him and sat down where he had.

“Um, what’s going on here Vi?” I groaned and looked away. “No, you didn’t” I quickly shook my head, causing Laura to let out a loud sigh of relief.

“Oli’s having him watch over me and the baby, and Josh came over this morning and I was whining about how he never lets me eat and makes me throw up- oh my god I just referred to the baby as a boy goddammit.” I muttered angrily. “Fuck.”

“He’s still in love with you, so don’t you dare lead him on. Vienna, I’m telling you. Don’t you fucking do that to him.” She scolded me, sticking her pointer finger at me accusingly.

“He knows I’m with Oliver, and that I’m not going to cheat on Oliver. He’s here solely to take care of the baby, and that’s it. It’s not about me, it’s about this child. I’m not leading him on. Yes, I miss him. And I am, and forever will be, in love with him but that time is over now. Our relationship is over and it hurts a lot to think about still but it is. It’s time to move on, that’s what I’ve done. I’m not leading him on.” Laura nodded slowly.

“Okay. Make sure he knows that.”