Was It Ever Enough?

Systemic Lupus Erythematosus was incurable, but treatable. And Lorelei got that right treatment. At the last moment, as Dr. Harries said.

After two weeks, Lorelei was admitted to the semi-annual treatment in Europe. It was a new project of several doctors from Switzerland, where they were working on the new possibilities of treatment of this disease, especially in the later stages, when the disease almost attacked or attacked heart, kidneys or brain. Well, she was an experimental patient. But they helped her.

Of course, she would always have to be under the medical care. And take medication. For the rest of her life.

And it wasn't easy. At first she had problem with two things; sleep difficulties and intense fatigue. She also wanted to scream or start crying because of headaches. But with each passing week her body adjusted to the medication, while continuing to react appropriately to the drugs.

She was able to live with it.

And she had her little girl.

Yes, the most important fact for her was that her little girl was healthy, even if she was born at the beginning of the seventh month.

Her daughter had so much strength that got the better of all impediments that were at the beginning of her existence and now she was just a wonderful, healthy child. Full of joy. Full of happiness.

Full of love.

***

Lorelei was the most amazing girl who ever came into his life, and he was a fool for ever trying to deny it. Yes, he was doing it when she got away, but he was just lying to himself and people who surrounded him. Even now, he sometimes did it.

Maybe because it was easier to survive each passing day. Without her.

Yes, he missed her. Yes, he loved her. He always would. Did he want her back? Yes, of course. But... no. He couldn't. Because he will always remember what they had, but he will never forget what they became.

And he won’t be able to help, but wonder in the future.. Just wonder if they really could have done anything about them. Or if by some off chance they happen again.

Maybe they have to love other people before they get back to loving each other. The right way.

But being totally honest, as messed up as things got between them, nothing would make him happier than if she just ran into his arms right now.

However, he had someone who owned his heart. He had that little girl who fell into his arms and she was his whole world. She had been since he saw her for the first time three and half year ago.

"Daddy! Guess what!" she squealed.

Although he was a musician, it took him a long time get used to this kind of sound. Claire was just...a loud child. And she was a talker. She enjoyed pretty much everything. That was a reason of squealing. But John smiled anyway. He loved seeing her happy. Her laugh was the most amazing sound he had ever heard, he could swear.

"What?" he grabbed her little body and lifted her up. She started laughing so loudly that her cheeks flushed.

"Granny bought me a puppy! I named her Lucy! She's so cute!" she giggled as he kissed her nose three times. That was their thing. His gaze stopped at Lorelei, who came up to them. She gave him a small smile.

"She bought her dog?" he asked.

Jenny loved Claire so much. John sometimes thought that, well, too much. Claire was her only grandchild and Jenny couldn't refuse her anything. Literally.

"I thought we agreed that we will buy it to her on her fourth birthday" he added. Lorelei shrugged, looking at him and at their daughter. Claire was exactly like her father. Blond hair and those wonderful hazel eyes. She smiled, seeing as Claire rubbed her cheek against his chin. John had stubble. And their daughter loved it.

Just like me, she thought.

"I know. But John... This is Jenny, huh? You exactly know how your mother is. Firstly, she's a little crazy about being grandma. Secondly, you're afraid to tell her to stop, and why should I do that? No, thanks" she said and they both laughed a bit.

"You know what that means, daddy?" the little girl asked. John raised his eyebrows. "Now you have to think about other great gift for me!"

"Of course I do, Clara Jane" he solemnly declared, using her full name. She giggled again, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Like mother, like daughter" he said quietly to Lorelei with a wide small and she rolled her eyes.

Even if they weren't in a relationship, John had the habits he used to have. He loved messing with her. He liked to provoke her with silly jokes and smirks. And she always rolled her eyes at him. Like this time. And she pinched him.

"Mommy, behave yourself!" Claire made serious face and John high-fived her; her little hand getting lost in his large one.

"What if I won't?" Lorelei smiled at her, rubbing her little nose with her finger.

"Daddy won't kiss you!"

"He'd never do, little you" Lorelei rolled her eyes again.

With her whole heart, she really dreamed about that kiss, but she got used to the situation and understand it, despite the fact that she'd like to change it so much.

"You never know" John said, sending her another wide smile and start to walk towards the playground with the girl in his arms.

She sat on a bench, looking at them, and couldn't help but smile. She knew they needed time. A lot of time. A lot of time to see if they can happen again. Maybe yes, maybe not. Maybe in another life, another time.

Maybe they have to love other people before they get back to loving each other. The right way.

Because sometimes you have to be unraveled in order to find out who you really are. You need to step back and remind yourself of who you are and where you want to be.

They just needed time.