These Four Words

Vic’s POV

It had been months since that drunken night with Kellin and although I tried to distract myself from it by drinking my ass off and hooking up with several strangers, I could never take him out of my mind; he was still all I could think about.

I could hear my sloppy footsteps tapping against the hard concrete when I was walking to the hotel. It wasn’t that far away from the club I had just walked out, but trying to get there stumbling in a drunken state wasn’t easy at all.

When the hotel came to view, I let out a sigh. I was really exhausted so I made my way to the elevators and pressed the button to the third floor, where my room was located. Once the door closed I let my head rest against the metal cold wall, trying to dissipate de dizziness.

Once the annoying bell sounded announcing my arrival, I stepped out of the cabin and walked to the end of the hall, meeting my door and sliding the card. One I let myself in, I fell face down on the bed and sighed, turning to stare at the ceiling.

I started thinking about all those wonderful times we had spent together, maybe not just on tour, but about all those times when he made me laugh and I needed it the most. About all those times he realized something was wrong with me when no one else had noticed. I thought about how he could read me like an open book.

I sighed and got up of the bed, then walked to the minibar and was about to pour a little vodka bottle in my mouth when someone knocked. I groaned but dragged my feet towards the door anyway, not bothering to look through the peephole and swung the door open.

“Are you really doing this to yourself, Vic? Like… for real.” Mike scoffed, walking past me and into the bedroom. I rolled my eyes and closed the door behind him, following in.

“I’m fine, Mike. How many times do I have to tell you?” I went to where I had left the bottle earlier and drank it at once. Mike leaned against the wall as he watched me, shaking his head on disapproval at my actions.

“You can lie to yourself Vic, but not me.” He said sternly, looking straight into my eyes. I turned my gaze, trying not to meet his stare. “Of course you are perfectly fine getting wasted every freaking day and hooking up with strangers. Of course. That’s perfectly normal of you.”

“Why the fuck do you care anyway?” I snapped at him and went to grab another bottle, but he took a hold of my wrist and made me look at him.

“Because you’re my brother and I love you.” He said, looking at me pleadingly, I wriggled my wrist out of his hand and sighed, then plopped down on the bed and dragged a hand down my face.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be this rude towards you or anybody in particular.” I said through my fingers, trying to make words as clear as possible. I felt the bed’s weight shift.

“I might had seen oblivious of your relationship with Kellin, but I was aware of what was going on between you two.” He said after a few minutes of silence, I instantly sat up and stared at him with my mouth ajar. He laughed. “The way you looked at him was different. You’ve never looked at anyone like that before.”

I lowered my gaze to my thumbs and played nervously with them, a lump forming in my throat as my cheeks burned bright red. “Why does this always happen to me, Mike?” My voice cracked. “I always believe I’ve found the one but they end up having babies? I don’t understand it.”

I looked up and saw him staring at me sympathetically, then moved to my side and he brought me close to him, so my head was resting against his shoulder. I let a few tears run out and tried to brush them quickly, but I gave up when I realized they weren’t stopping anytime soon. He squeezed my shoulder lightly, trying to comfort me in some way.

After that talk with my brother I realized I couldn’t keep damaging myself that way, which is why I stopped fooling around and focused on the band instead. I even wrote a few more songs on one of those rare days off we had when the boys would go out, but I would stay behind in my bunk or hotel room, letting my feelings out instead.

It was one of those days when my phone rang, startling me. I looked at its screen and there was his name. My breath hitched in my throat and I hesitated before answering, but I knew I had to talk to him sometime soon so I tapped the answer button and placed the device to my ear.

“Hello?” I asked as confident as I could, but my heart was beating furiously against my chest.

“Hi, Vic.” He croaked out, sounding nervous as hell.

"Are you ok? You sound nervous." I asked, he sighed on the phone and I knew he was not okay. "What's wrong?"

"I'm in the hospital." He hesitated before speaking. "Katelynne's delivering right now." I was completely speechless but I had to think about how nervous he must had been feeling.

"Oh. Uh…" An awkward silence fell upon us. I scratched the back of my head, trying to come up with something that could make him feel better but nothing came to my mind. "I hope everything's going well." He sighed.

"They won't tell me anything." I could hear his footsteps as he paced back and forth in the waiting room. "And to be completely honest… your voice is the only thing that keeps me calm."

"Kell-" I started but he cut me off.

"I know, I know. I'm so-"

"Kellin Quinn?" I could hear somebody calling him on the other side of the phone.

"Yes." He said, putting his hand on the speaker but then turned to the phone. "Uh, shit. I'll call you back, Vic." And with that, he hung up.

I was still sitting in my bunk trying to process what had happened when I heard the front door bursting open. The guys had come back.

"Vic!" I heard Jaime call as I heard footsteps approaching the bunk area.

"Yes!" I called back, my voice cracking at the end. The curtain of my bunk flew open and revealed a very spiky haired man as the smile on his face died down, turning into a frown.

"Is everything ok, man? You look ghostly pale." I swallowed hard and nodded, not meeting his eyes. He sighed. "Something's going on, what is it?" He asked more sternly, I sighed.

"Katelynne's into labour right now." I whispered.

Jaime said nothing as he hugged me tightly against his chest. I did no other than to think about everything. It hurt, I admit that but I knew I shouldn't be sad about it. I guess it was just that one part of me still hoped something would come out of all of this.

-

Months passed by and I found out Katelynne had given birth to a healthy baby girl. I had seen pictures of Kellin holding her and I could tell how much he loved her by the adoration on his eyes when he looked at her. It was precious.

I stared out the window of the cab as the driver made his way on the busy Grand Rapids' streets, approaching Kellin's address. He had called earlier this week, asking me to meet with him to try and figure out our situation. Obviously, I accepted.

The taxi driver stopped and I instantly stood outside the house I had seen a few times before, it looked exactly the same way I remembered. It was a two story house, with ornaments on the porch, making it look fancy. I knew for a fact that he had worked hard enough to get all of this. I sighed heavily and walked to the door, knocking a few times before turning around and admiring the view as I waited for someone to get the door. It was just when someone cleared their throat that I turned around.

Of course he was standing there, staring at me through those big turquoise eyes I had grown to love so fondly, but I had to push my feelings back. It was clear this wasn't going to be a pleasant talk. He looked really tired as big dark circles were situated right under his eyes, and his black hair was messily placed on his head, proving he had not been sleeping well.

"Hi." I said when I broke out of my shock and tried to smile at him, failing completely. He just nodded and step to the side, letting me walk in just to close the door after me.