A Lifelong Promise

It took James about five minutes before he was able to move. He just stood there staring at the divorce papers that were laid out on the table in front of him. In his other hand he held Clare's wedding and engagement rings and tried to figure out what had happened since he last saw her that made her snap. Before he left, they had been great-- more than great, they were happy, having sex, affectionate. There wasn't as much of a wall up between them as there had been. In fact, since that night James apologized, he was making a conscious effort to make things better. He loved his wife, he just lost himself along the way. He remembered kissing her good bye as he walked out the door and couldn't wait to get back to celebrate their anniversary. He never thought he'd get home and see divorce papers instead of Clare's face.

He dropped everything back down on the table and whipped his phone out. He frantically tried to call her but each time it went straight to voice mail. He tried all night, he left messages, texted her but much to his dismay he got no response. He would've driven to the ends of the earth to find her but he had no idea where to start. He didn't know where she was or who would know. All he knew was that it was his five year wedding anniversary and came home to an emptier house physically because their stuff wasn't there, and emotionally because she was gone.

He realized someone must have tipped her off to his latest--and as he had planned, his last ever--indiscretion. But he had no clue who. He really didn't know enough of what was going on to piece together any pieces of the puzzle.

Until something on the ground caught his eye.

He saw the card and wrinkled his brow as he scooped down to pick it up. It was by the table the divorce papers and rings were on and he realized it must have slipped off onto the ground unnoticed when he hastily picked up the other items. When he held it up and examined it his head dropped, his heart sunk, and he felt the tears start steaming lightly down his cheek. It was a hotel room keycard, and that's when he knew she'd gone out to surprise him. There was no other way around it, no other logical explanation for her to have a copy of his room key, and he knew she'd caught him. He couldn't figure out exactly how, because he never saw her, but it was enough for him to know she'd been there in some capacity and she knew he'd betrayed her on the most intimate level.

There was nothing James wanted more than to find Clare and try to talk to her but he had no idea where she was and no head start on how to find her. it took him time to realize what he was doing enough to make him want to stop and now he was paying the repercussions-- he didn't want anything other than her and he didn't know if she'd even consider giving him another chance.

***

It took everything in James to wake up the next morning after barely sleeping and drag his body out of bed. He felt like a cadaver, he was barely mobile and felt worse than he ever remembered. All the feelings he'd suppressed, all the guilt he'd been ignoring, he couldn't deny it anymore. He thought he could do whatever he wanted, that he was invincible, but he wasn't-- and he had to learn that the hard way. He had to lose the most important thing to him to realize he didn't need all the other crap.

This was the day after their anniversary-- the day they had designated to spend together and celebrate. He had her present and the day all planned. He didn't have practice and all he wanted to do was be with her and now this day was going to be one of the hardest of his life. He couldn't stay at the house anymore going nuts so he threw on clothes and made his way to her job. He figured if there was a place to start, it'd be there.

He walked through the doors of the museum looking desperate and disheveled. His hair was a mess, his eyes were red and puffy, his beard was scruffy. He knew he didn't look good but it was the ultimately reflection to how he felt.

James looked around for someone that could help him find his wife and when he saw the weasel that wanted his wife walk by, he was quick to get his attention.

"Jason," he yelled out and promptly got his attention.

Jason turned his head and as soon as his eyes met with James, they widened in surprise. "Mr. Neal."

"Hi," James nodded as he walked closer to Jason. "I'm looking for my wife," he stated as he rubbed the back of his neck. He felt anxious for a million different reasons. "Do you know where she is?"

Jason swallowed and shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry but she's in a meeting, she'll be tied up for the rest of the afternoon."

James pursed his lips and nodded his head as he realized what Jason was doing. "I see. She told you that if I came in to keep me from her at all costs, huh?"

Jason looked guilty but wasn't about to throw Clare under the bus. "I'm...I'm sorry I'm not...."

"C'mon," James cut him off. "Man to man here, she asked you to help her out, and you are. Let's not beat around the bush here."

Jason looked at him and tightened his jaw. "Yeah and I think you should go."

"I bet you do," James spat out, taking his frustration and emotions out on the person standing in front of him rather than with himself. "I bet you just love this. I've been on to you since she started here."

Jason smirked despite his best efforts not to. "I don't know how you could fuck up that bad man. You must really not know what you have at home. But I do. I work with her everyday and the last person she now wants anything to do with, is you. Kind of ironic don't you think? I guess you won't be escorting your 'wife'", he said with sarcastic air-quote, "to the gala in a few weeks."

James felt the anger surging up inside him as Jason confirmed his suspicions and rubbed salt in his wounds. "You've probably been waiting for this day all along so you can try and get my wife into bed."

"With all due respect, it doesn't sound like she'll be your wife for much longer."

James felt his eyes pop open and his breath catch in his throat. Before he could think he immediately reacted by lifting his fist and slamming it into the side of this pricks face. Jason stumbled backwards as security began to rush over following the commotion. As they grabbed a hold of him, James looked at Jason who was cradling his aching cheek. "You tell her I'm not giving up. And you stay away from her," James demanded as he was escorted to the front of the building.

***

Clare had stayed as late as she possibly could in attempt to avoid dealing with real life issues but she had to leave her security blanket and subject herself to the personal hell she called her personal life.

She walked out the doors exhausted and emotionally drained only focused on getting to her car and getting to her new apartment. When she looked up she saw James leaning against her car with roses and she immediately turned to go back inside but he ran to her and grabbed her before she could get away.

"Clare," he begged over and over as he held onto her and tried to get her to look at him. "Clare, please. Please look at me. Please talk to me."

Clare finally faced him and looked up at him with tears in her eyes, but there was something different with the way she looked at him. It was cold and distant and it disturbed him to his core. "Get off me," she demanded with gritted teeth and ripped her arm out of his grasp.

"Clare," he said again with a nervous swallow. "I love you. I love you, " he repeated desperately not really sure what else to say. "Please talk to me. Please. You can't leave divorce papers for me to find on our wedding anniversary and not expect me to-"

"To what?" she screamed losing her patience. "What can't I expect? Because I wouldn't have filed them, left them to find on our anniversary, and moved out if I hadn't gone to surprise you and walked in the room to find you in the shower and a naked girl in your room with you. So tell me," she demanded as she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. "Tell me what you should expect."

"I know I deserve it, okay? I know I do. I've been terrible to you and hearing you say that makes me feel worse."

"Did you feel bad every other time you did it? Because I'm not an idiot anymore. It's become very clear, it all makes sense. Why you pulled away, chose to go out with the guys after games, didn't answer my phone calls while you were on the road. I get it now. I just was too naive to accept it before even though I think deep down I already knew. I just couldn't handle losing you so I lied to myself and tried so hard to fix it but I'm not gonna be that Dutch boy with his finger in the dam anymore."

"Clare," he put his hands up in a surrendering motion and tried to calm her down. "You're right. There's nothing I can say to make up for everything I've done to you. I couldn't stand the guilt and rather than do the right things I pulled away and continued to lose myself in this awful life, this awful sin I got wrapped up in," he said with raw emotion as tears threatened to fall. He lost her and it was abundantly clear to him now.

"You can't," she said shaking her head. "Do you know how much I loved you?" she asked more sincere as she began to lose herself to her tears. "Do you have any idea what I would have done for you?"

"I love you," he breathed out. "I always have, I still do. There's gotta be something I can do."

"There is," she said as she breathed in and composed herself. "You can get out of my way and let me go home."

"Where are you?" he asked needing to know where she moved. "You can't just leave and live in a secret place."

"Watch me."

"Clare you can't do this. You need to tell me-- I'm your husband, I have a right to know. I'm going insane. This is way too much information to get in a day."

"Yeah," she nodded her head and pursed her lips with her nostrils flaring. "I know exactly how you feel."

"You tell me where you're living or I'll follow you home," he threatened more angrily.

"You follow me home and I'll have you arrested."

"Fine," he spat back bitterly as he looked down into her eyes. After a few seconds he couldn't help himself and quickly leaned down to kiss her but she turned her head away from him so he caught her cheek. When he pulled back she slapped him across the cheek. "Don't do that," she demanded before walking to her car and driving away without looking back.

***

When Clare got in her apartment she collapsed on the couch and let out the tears that symbolized her frustration. She was so sick over the recent events that she couldn't eat anything. She just stayed there not moving until about a half hour had gone by and she heard a knock on her door.

The dog ran to it and let out a bark as Clare considered letting whoever it was just go away. She was almost fully convinced it was her estranged husband but before she could completely convince herself of it she heard Paul's voice through the door. "Clare it's me."

Clare pulled herself up and dragged her body over to the door. When she opened it Paul could immediately see her red face and eyes indicating she'd been crying. "How was work?"

She let out a little laugh that coincided with a sigh. "You don't even want to know."

"What happened? He show up?"

"Of course," she said as she pulled him inside and closed the door behind them. "First he showed up during the day and punched one of the guys I work with," she recollected as she sat down on the couch and Paul sat down next to her so they were facing each other.

"Geez," Paul let out as he rubbed his hand over his face. He immediately knew it was the guy James always hated, but he said nothing and continued to listen to her.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Then when I left he was waiting for me by the car with roses. I didn't take them, obviously. And we had a fight. And he tried to kiss me but I slapped him and came home. So, yeah. Wasn't the best day but I had to expect that after he had no idea he'd be greeted with divorce papers."

"Wow," Paul sighed out again. "Clare I'm sorry. That really...well, sucks to be honest. You're so strong, though. Don't ever think you're not. How are you handling it?"

"Honestly? I'm kind of okay. I mean it's like the hardest thing I've ever had to do, ever gone through, but it's also the most freeing. I mean, I can finally admit it to myself that I kinda knew all along. I just didn't want to believe it and now I'm standing up for myself. I refuse to be in a marriage where I can't trust him, where I'm being cheated on nonstop. People change and he changed for the worst. It's hard but I'm, kinda, well in a weird way, I'm okay. It's over, and I'm okay-- it was a longtime coming."

"I'm glad to hear that," Paul said secretly relieved and impressed by how well she was handling it. He could tell she really was done putting up with his bullshit and it was a big difference to how she was the other night in the hotel. Paul just loved seeing her smile and James had made her cry one too many times for his liking. "You deserve more than that. I know it's hard but it'll be okay."

Clare nodded. "Thanks. I couldn't have done all this without your help. I really can't explain how thankful I am. I owe you so much."

"No," Paul quickly shook his head. "Don't mention it. It's the least I could do. I couldn't stand seeing you cry over him anymore. I mean, he has this wife, and she's incredible, and he's just letting her walk away crying so many times- that's something that was angering me more than you know."

Clare smiled at him and leaned into him on the couch. "You've always been way too kind to me. You know that?"

Paul felt his heart jump up to his throat at her touch. "It's always come so easy."

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. "James is going to flip out when he finds out you've been so helpful in my divorce proceedings and I'm really sorry to put you in that position," she said sincerely.

Paul shook his head and swallowed before speaking. "It's on him. He can't be mad at anyone but himself."

"Honestly," Clare started as she still was leaning into Paul, "I don't know if I would have been able to do all of this without you- and I don't mean the apartment and all that."

"Well," Paul started a little awkwardly and afraid at how it'd be received. "There isn't much I wouldn't do for you."

"I know that," Clare nodded. "And what does it say when you trust your husband's friend more than you trust your husband?"

Paul felt butterflies erupt in his stomach at her words. "Yeah I could see how that'd be a problem. I am glad you trust me though."

"I really do," she nodded genuinely meaning that.

"Good," Paul let out as he very gently began to rub her lower back with his hand. "Because I really like spending time with you," he said letting his guard down. As soon as he realized what he was doing he stopped it as quickly as it started and rest the palm of his hand down on the couch behind her.

Clare looked at him and smiled. "I really like spending time with you too."

Paul held her gaze for a few seconds and realized he needed to leave before he did anything to get himself into trouble. "I should get going," he said as he jumped up. "I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing." He omitted the fact that he simply just wanted to see her.

"Thanks," Clare answered as she stood with with him and began to lead him to the door. "I really appreciate that. Good luck dealing with him tomorrow. Let me know how it goes."

"I will," he nodded. "I don't plan on telling him anything though."

"Don't," she shrugged. "It's better the less he knows."

"Yeah," he agreed with her. "I'll stop in tomorrow if that's okay."

"You're always welcome."

"I'll remember that."

"Well you're my building buddy now. So if you get lonely or bored, I don't care what time it is, feel free to come visit. I don't know if I'll be getting much sleep myself, anyway."

Paul's mind raced and his cock briefly jumped at her words. He knew she didn't mean them in the way he was taking them, but he couldn't shake the things he was thinking about her, especially since she was one step closer to being available- it was becoming increasingly more difficult to keep his thoughts at bay. "I think I could get used to this arrangement," he said with a smile. "Good night Clare." He leaned in and gave her a quick, polite kiss on the cheek.

"Night Paul. See you tomorrow."