A Lifelong Promise

When Paul was boarding their bus that would take them on a road trip until Saturday night he didn't think anything of the look on James face when he plopped down next to him. Paul was preoccupied with the fact that Clare would be working with this douche, Jason, and be having drinks with him when he wasn't going to even be in the same state as her- all the while she would not be taking seriously the fact that this guy was attracted to her. James threw his head back on the headrest of his seat and let out a deep breath catching Paul's attention.

"What's up with you?" Paul asked unassuming- he was simply striking up conversation.

"I'm in hell man," James breathed out and rubbed his face with his hand.

"What do you mean?"

"I really thought last night something changed- like I had a shot at her taking me back," James began to explain somewhat rambling. "I had her, I really, I had her."

"Woah," Paul said trying to slow him down and figure out what he was talking about. "Slow down a second. What happened. What do you mean?" he asked frantically. He could feel the knots in his stomach as he listened to James go on about Clare.

"After the game last night Clare came over," James started, backing up to explain the whole story to Paul, whose heart was in his throat. "She didn't know I was there- that was so obvious. She came by to scoop up the divorce papers, I guess she thought I signed them."

"You didn't?"

"No, man. No. I won't sign them. I don't want to get divorced."

"Why though? If she wants a divorce it isn't your call to force her into staying married to you."

"Who the hell-- which side are you on anyway?" James asked more aggravated. "I won't sign those papers. She'll be a widow before she's be a single woman. Would you just let me finish?"

Paul swallowed and gave a nod, somehow managing to mask how irate he was.

"Anyway," James continued sarcastically. "I tried talking to her, telling her the truth- the real truth, all of it this time. There isn't anything left for me to lose so I told her everything. She sat down on the couch and listened and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex right there on it..." James trailed off and Paul tried to hide his disbelief and utter jealousy. His jaw dropped slightly as he couldn't find any words to say, so he continued to listen. "It was fucking good sex too," James said with a grin, clearly reminiscing back to the previous night. "I thought she finally was ready to accept my millionth apology, but," he dropped his head and gave it a shake. "After we were done she started crying and was even more angry with me that it even happened. She told me not to talk to her or call her until I sign the papers and then she left. I'd say she hates me but...she's gotta still love me. She has to. She slept with me, it has to mean I have hope, right?"

Paul realized after a few seconds that James was looking to him for an answer and he quickly shook himself out of his shock and started to give some kind of response. "Um," he breathed out. "I...I don't know man. I...I don't know. I don't know what that means." Paul was angry, pissed off, hurt, and raging with jealousy- though he was perfectly aware of the fact that he had no good reason to be. She didn't belong to him, she belonged more to James than anyone, and it was her right to choose to sleep with her husband or not. Even though he knew he had no grounds to stand on in regards to his feelings, he couldn't deny that what James just told him hurt him more than he'd ever admit.

"That's...that's the best answer you can give me?" James asked annoyed by Paul's lack of response, lack of help.

"What do you want me to say?" Paul said, snapping just a little. "I don't know. She's your wife. Shouldn't you know her well enough by now to answer that question yourself?"

"What's with you? You changed, you....I don't know, it's like since she left me you don't want to talk to me anymore. Things aren't the way they used to be. I know you didn't like how much I fucked up and fooled around on her but I don't get why you're this mad at me."

Paul pursed his lips and took in a deep breath. "You're right." It was taking more self-control than he expected to keep his composure but he wasn't about to rub salt in either James or Clare's wounds. He realized his feelings for Clare had gone beyond inappropriate and he needed to take a step back. He had been friends with James since way before the cheating and marital issues and friendship with Clare sprung up. It wasn't right what he was doing and he couldn't help feeling like he was out of place. There was the other perspective he battled with- that his relationship with Clare wouldn't have even become an issue if James had been the damn husband he should have been.

"I mean you have a hell of a lot of nerve to get on my case and be mad at me about my marriage. My marriage, which has nothing to do with you," James continued, seemingly taking his anger and frustration out on the guy sitting next to him. "I know I've done wrong and I talk to you because I need someone to talk to but, man, you have some nerve getting pissed at me and dishing out shit on me being a bad husband when you've never been married before."

"Yup," Paul repeated feeling the anger rise inside him. "You're right," he repeated again out of fear he would take things a step too far if he continued speaking.

Paul turned his face towards the window and tightened his jaw, sitting in silence for the rest of their trip. James had his own inner demons to battle, so sitting in silence was just fine by him as well.

***

Paul and James tried to pretend they were fine and normal with each other, but the truth was they knew deep down there was a huge, awkward wall up between them. They avoided each other the rest of the trip and Paul kept mostly to himself. Paul knew he had feelings for Clare- that much became abundantly evident to him the minute he went through with sending her flowers, knowing that she was married and James would get the credit, and didn't care as long as it made her smile. He just didn't realize it'd get this far. And after finding out that she'd had sex with James it made him hurt, it made him want to back away- and he had every intention of doing so, until he was walking into their apartment building and he spotted her with Jason.

Paul stopped in his tracks as he watched her stumble out of the cab and towards the front door of their building with less-drunk looking Jason behind her. He could see the guy licking his chops, expecting to be invited up in her drunken state, and ready to take full advantage. He watched as Jason opened the door and led her in her own building, all the while she looked like she needed to lay down. When Paul saw Jason rest his hand on the lowest part of her back, right above her ass, Paul felt the rage inside his body flourish as he rushed over to them.

"I'll take her from here," Paul said stepping in and giving Jason a little push out of the way and off of her.

"Who the fuck are you?" Jason asked clearly not happy with the idea of being cock-blocked as he tried to hold his ground with Paul.

"Don't worry about it. I live here and you're not coming up with her."

"I think that's up to her," Jason chimed in looking to Clare to put up some kind of fight for him, but as he did Clare wrapped her arms around Paul's waist and clung to him, resting her cheek on his back.

"Don't look at her," Paul said assertively as he stood straight and confident in-between her and him and feeling his blood race inside him at her touch. "She's clearly not in a position to be making any decisions like that and you're clearly trying to take advantage of it. So I'll give you ten seconds before I get security over here to escort you."

"Fuck you," Jason spat before he begrudgingly turned and made his way out. Paul watched as Jason exited the building when he was satisfied he wouldn't come back in, he spun around and put his attention on Clare. Though he was now facing her she still had her arms wrapped around him, her face now resting on his chest where he was sure she could hear his heart racing. "Come on," he said softly as he picked her up bridal style and carried her over to the elevator. Before he got on he confirmed with the doorman, who he had a friendly relationship with, that he'd bring his luggage up to his apartment so that he could get Clare to hers.

He got the keys that were dangling out of her purse and opened up her front door, not putting her down until he got to the couch. She let out a moan as she curled up on it and clutched the pillow against her stomach. Paul sat down small amount of empty space left on the couch next to her and began to softly rub her back. "What's up with you?" he asked as he looked down and saw the tears in her eyes.

"I'm a terrible person. I'm an idiot, I deserve what I get."

"What do you mean, Clare?" he asked already having an inkling that this had to do with what James already told him. "Talk to me."

"You shouldn't want to talk to me," she slurred out. "You shouldn't even want to be here."

"Why?" he asked as he swallowed. "Why shouldn't I?"

"You know I fucked James the other night? Yeah. I finally stand up for myself, put my foot down and make a good decision based on everything that he's done to me, put me through by demanding a divorce. And I go there and I really wanted to just get the papers. I wanted them signed and he was home, I didn't know he was home and I let him try to explain. I listened to him admit he'd cheated on me so many times, soooo many times. He would leave and go fuck some other girl and then come home and kiss my lips and make love to me all the while he was tainted with them and I listened to him admit it, finally, and I still gave in and ended up having sex with him. How does that happen?" she broke down buried her face in the pillow she was clutching.

Paul felt his heart sink for her. As angry as he had been, that was all out the door now. He realized just how upset she was with herself for the decision she made and it made him feel worse. He pet the back of her head and ran his fingers through his hair as he scooted down onto the floor to be closer to her level. "Hey," he cooed. "Look at me," he prompted her but she refused. "You're not a bad person Clare. You can't beat yourself up over something that happened with a man you married."

Clare finally lifted her head up and wiped her eyes. "But I don't want to be married to him anymore. And I left him sweet-talk me and I hate myself for letting it happen when he's been with more women than I would ever want to know. You know what makes it worse?" she asked as she looked at him. "I've only ever been with him."

Paul had to force his jaw not to drop at her revelation. He couldn't believe the words that just came out of her mouth.

Seeing his reaction Clare continued speaking. "Yeah," she reassured him. "And I feel like such a fool. I married the worst type of guy- he's the one that fools you into thinking he's everything you want and need only to get what he wants and show his true colors down the road. He's a master manipulator. You don't love someone and cheat on them day in and day out, lie to them. I'd never do that to him and..." she wanted to keep going but she trailed off and started to lose herself in hysterics again. "Look at me," she said after a few moments. "I"m a blubbering idiot. Look what I've become."

"You're not an idiot," Paul said reassuring her once more. He would have walked to the ends of the earth in that moment if it would have cheered her up but he knew nothing he could say would make much of a difference. "And I don't think he always was the guy he became if that makes you feel any better. I think he really did love you- I think he still does, but that doesn't make what he's done right. And you're right to question whether he really did love you because I don't know how he could do the things he's done and profess undying love to you. I don't know what to tell you Clare, I don't have the answers, but I can tell you from the bottom of my heart, you deserve better than him."

Clare looked at him, her eyes still glistening with tears, and caught Paul by surprise by leaning in and pressing her lips to his. It wasn't a little sloppy and totally unexpected and Paul felt his insides explode but just as sudden as it happened, she pulled away. She gasped and brought her hand up to her mouth as she realized what she'd done. She clumsily got to her feet and in her frazzled stated mustered out an apology before she turned and made her way to her room, wanting to get out of there and away from what she'd just done.

Paul was still in shock way too much to even move, and when he finally did she was already locked in her room. He could taste the alcohol on her lips, he could tell she'd consumed a lot, and despite all that it still made him weak in the knees. Paul sat down on the couch and tried for a while to catch his composure, running his hand through his hair and letting out a deep breath.

***

Clare woke up the next morning totally hung over and nauseous. She felt like the entire planet was spinning and she couldn't catch her balance. Moving a quarter of an inch in her bed made her feel like she was on the teacup ride at Disney World. When she finally got enough stability to make her way out to the kitchen for some breakfast she jumped back with a gasp when she realized Paul was sleeping there on her couch. She looked at him lying there and felt her heart flutter before she remembered what she'd done the night before. She squeezed her eyes shut and put her hand on her stomach feeling like a jackass. As she began to walk over to him she saw him begin to stir.

"Hey," he said groggily as he opened his eyes and saw her there in the room with him.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" she asked genuinely wanting to know why he was there on her couch when he could be comfortable in his own bed.

"You weren't in a good place last night and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Clare felt her lips curl up into a slight smile as his words warmed her heart. "You stayed her on the couch to make sure I would be alright?"

Paul looked away real quick and flickered his eyes back on hers. "Yeah. I just wanted to know." Paul crawled off the couch and stretched out his muscles as he made his way into her kitchen. "You sit, I'm gonna make you breakfast."

She stood there almost paralyzed and looked at him wide-eyed. She knew him well enough by now not to question him when he wanted to do something. He wasn't going to let her talk him out of it and he knew she appreciated how he looked out for her. "Oh...okay," she whimpered out before collapsing back on the couch where he just was and breathed in his scent.

"Look," Clare started the awkward conversation she didn't want to have. "About what happened..."

Paul stopped from his place in the kitchen and looked up at her. "It's really okay. You were really drunk. I've done worse less drunk than that."

She knew his answer was meant to comfort her but somehow it didn't.

"I'm more concerned about that guy you were with," Paul continued.

"Oh my God," Clare said remembering Jason and his antics. She brought her hand up to her forehead and began to rub at it in attempt to take away what happened.

"Yeah," Paul answered. "He would have taken full advantage of you last night. I'm glad I got home when I did. Please," he pleaded as he walked into the living room and slowly walked towards her. "Don't trust him. Keep away from him. He's not good for you."

Clare looked up at him and gave a slight nod. "Okay."

"Promise me," he said as he looked at her intently. "I mean it."

"I know," she answered softly. "I promise you."

"How did you get so out of hand anyway? I don't think I've ever seen you that drunk."

Clare let out a deep moan forced herself up where she walked over to Paul and stood in front of him. "I told you last night where it stemmed from and I just wanted to drink it away. Again, not a great decision. But all I can say is I'm glad you got home when you did. I didn't want to sleep with him, and I didn't invite him up. He just kinda came home with me."

"I figured as much," Paul said with a nod. "Well, he's a tool. So if you take anything out of what I say to you, trust me on that."

"I bet he'll be thrilled to see you at the gala," she said as she flashed him a smile. "If you still wanna go."

"Of course I do," he said surprised she'd even question it.

She shook her head and flickered her eyes away. "I still feel mortified about last night..."

"Mmm," he let out a little moan as he thought back to it. Though it wasn't romantic or what he expected, he couldn't deny that he liked it when she kissed him. "Don't, really," he insisted. "It's water under the bridge."

"Don't worry," she said with a flirtatious undertone. "I can promise you I won't get drunk and make any passes at you next weekend."

Paul gave a little nod and lifted his hand where he tucked her hair behind her ear. "Good." He looked down into her eyes more serious than either of them thought he would be and ever so gently rested his hand on her hip. "Go rest and I'll make breakfast," he said as he nodded in the direction of the couch.

Clare swallowed as she looked up at him and gave a little nod. "Alright, thank you."