A Lifelong Promise

After what felt like eternity but still not long enough, Paul slowed their kiss to a stop and pulled back to search Clare's eyes. They stood there for a few moments just looking at each other, both with wide eyes, until Clare gently leaned in and gave him one last lingering kiss which elicited a grin from Paul. When she pulled away and had the back of her head resting against the wall he lifted his hand and ran the back of his fingers delicately down her cheek as he looked in her eyes. "I've wanted to do that for so long," he breathed out.

Clare's lips curled back into a smile and she leaned into his hand which was still on her face. She didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. She reached up with her hands and grabbed his in hers, squeezing it and interlocking their fingers. Paul could feel his cock stir in his pants- it'd been at attention since the second his lips met hers- and with his free hand he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into him. "You wanna go?"

She looked up at him and gave a slight nod before leaning up and kissing him again. Paul wanted to get out of there but he was paralyzed by her desire to kiss him and feel him against her. He wanted to lift her up, wrap her legs around him, shove her panties to the side and go inside her right there, but he knew that wasn't an option. Instead, he kissed her back with as much passion as she gave him. He didn't know what to expect the second he decided to go for it but she was much more receptive than he ever expected. When she finally broke up their round of making out she pressed the bridge of her nose against his and he could hear her as she tried to catch her breath. "It feels right," she whispered before swallowing exhaling with shaky breath.

"I think we should go," he said back with his hands clinging onto her hips and before anything else was said he felt her nod into him. He pulled away, reached down and grabbed her hand as they made their way back to the party and got their things to go.

"Wait," she said as she slowed to a stop and their arms extended so that their hands wouldn't have to separate.

"What?" he asked as he turned around and walked closer back to her.

She gave him a little grin and nodded her head to something to the side of them. "You wanna?" she asked hopeful.

When turned his head and saw the photo booth he immediately let out a little laugh. He looked back at her and knew he couldn't deny those beautiful eyes. "Yeah," he let out definitely down to go in there with her and began to lead her to it.

They grabbed the cute little props and had fun with the four shots. With their arms around each other, they made silly faces in the first, laughed hysterically in the second, cuddled into each other and smiled nicely in the third. Paul made the rash decision to look down at Clare and kiss her for the fourth and last picture- and the best part was she kissed him back. When they got their pictures Clare gave it to Paul for safe keeping. He folded the strip in half, not crinkling any part of the actual pictures, and placed it right in the opening of his wallet.

Clare looked up at him as she leaned into him on their way outside to get a cab. The mood had lightened just a bit and it was enough to not go insane until they got back to her place.

It wasn't a far ride home but Paul took full advantage of sitting in the back seat of the cab with his hand rested on her knee, sliding it up to her upper thigh the whole way back to their apartment building. He knew it wasn't the time or place to talk about what had happened- he also knew she wouldn't let him get into the details of it all in the back of a cab. He couldn't help the thought of James finding out running through his mind. At this point it was inevitable and Paul would be lying if he said he didn't feel guilty, but Clare was something he couldn't control his feelings with. He kept himself in check when she was actively married to James but now that he'd cheated and she filed for divorce...it was different. He never meant to get this deep into it- this far involved- but he couldn't help it. She was worth whatever he had to go through in order to keep her.

He grabbed her hand again and they exchanged a flirty, content glance as they walked into the building and made their way to her apartment. They were giddy- she was blushing- and neither could contain their smiles. It was the happiest Paul had seen her since her split from James and he relished in being the cause of it. When they walked in her apartment and closed the door behind them, Paul turned and scooped her up into his arms and lifted her off her feet as he pressed his lips back to hers. He felt her kick off her shoes and heard them land on the ground. She was tall for a girl, but he still had enough height on her to get her a good few inches off the floor. He was in over his head at this point and he didn't want to stop. He pushed her up against the hallway wall where he released her back down onto her feet. He kissed down her cheek to her collarbone and neck then traced his tongue back up to her ear. "You're so beautiful," he whispered in an unexpected confession as he pulled back to look at her.

She had her hands wrapped around him and she moved her right hand to gently run her fingers down his cheek. She stared into his eyes for a few seconds before building up the nerve to speak. "I really care about you," she whispered. "A lot."

Paul couldn't contain the smile that spread across his face as he looked down in her eyes. "I feel like such a bad person but I--I can't help it," he stammered out. "I never would have done anything before but I mean, the truth of it is I've been falling for you for a long time." Paul felt such relief as he finally spoke the things that had been building up inside him for so long he had begun to go nuts.

Clare's eyes fell for a second as she understandably thought about her estranged husband. "You and I really do have a lot of complicated things in our way. We didn't meet under normal circumstances, nor did we start up on normal circumstances."

"Yeah, I wasn't sure how you'd react but I couldn't hold it in anymore. I couldn't help thinking you had to feel something back. We're too close for this to not mean something more than just friendship."

Clare swallowed and let out a rush of air through her nostrils. "I just wish this wasn't so complicated. James is gonna flip out when he finds out- and he eventually will- and when that happens he's gonna be unrelenting with you. You might run."

Paul swallowed thinking about James and how he would handle him but quickly shook his head as he tucked Clare's hair behind her ear. "I know this isn't the most ideal of situations but I'm not gonna run- not if you don't want me to. I can handle James, what I can't handle is being the rebound or...you being the one who runs," he said timidly knowing full well that it was something he was setting himself up to potentially experience.

Clare looked up at him surprised and quickly shook her head. "No," she immediately let out. "I'm not gonna run. I don't want to." She put her hands up to his face and cupped it as she made him look at her. "You aren't a rebound. We invested too much time into this for you to be the rebound. If you were, I would have taken all my emotions out on you that night in the hotel when I caught him cheating. It's been a few months and..." she let out a breath and pursed her lips before looking back at him. "You actually make me happy and you don't even realize it. You have for longer than I even realized."

"So where does that leave us?"

"I don't know," Clare looked away. "There's one thing that I can't deny."

"And what's that?" Paul asked not sure he actually wanted to know the answer.

"You do the same exact thing for a living as my estranged husband. You play on his team and see him everyday. He and I weren't always in this terrible, nauseating place that we're in now. I guess I'll have to trust him on the fact that he didn't always cheat on me but the fact that he eventually made the decision to do it, that we'd been together for years- been married for years- and he still made the decision to cheat on me...I don't know where this," she said waving her finger back and forth between the two of them, "I don't know where we're headed but I don't want to go through that again."

"This is sudden, all of this, I know that. But I'm not him. I wouldn't do that to you," Paul said sweetly yet defensive. He knew that was going to be a major hurdle but he didn't know how to prove he wouldn't do that to her.

"Yeah, maybe not tomorrow. But you don't know you never would."

Paul stepped back and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. Her fears were totally validated even if they were unfairly being projected onto him. "I wouldn't. Not after this, not after everything I would have had to go through in order to be with you."

He watched Clare swallow and look away. She might be ready to give him a chance but he knew she was still very much haunted by her lying, cheating, dirtbag of an ex. He could see the faint hint of tears glisten in her eyes as he slid his hands back on her waist. "So where are we? Because I can tell you that if you said the word I'd be yours."

Clare looked at him after a few seconds and closed her eyes. "I don't know," she said softly. "But I don't want to have all the answers tonight," she whispered as she leaned in closer.

"Are you in this with me?" he asked as he nuzzled his nose against hers.

Clare nodded against him. "Yeah. Haven't I been all along?"

"What do you want?" he asked softly but Clare shushed him. "Just kiss me." It wasn't said in a seductive tone, it was more a plead with pain and confusion underlying beneath it. Paul was happy knowing she had feelings for him but he wanted more than that. Though he didn't have all the answers, he wanted what she wanted, and without objection he leaned down and took her top lip in-between both of his before sliding his tongue into her mouth and feeling hers press back against him.

***

Paul woke up the next morning in his own bed alone and frustrated but happy all the same. After their kiss stopped they both decided it'd be best if Paul slept at his own place before things got out of control. Clare wasn't the type of girl to open her legs on a first date and based on things she'd told him in the past, she took her time. He knew she wanted him, and it was clear as day that he wanted her, but they cared about each other too much to give in on night one. Plus, part of him really wanted to see how she'd be when the sun came up- if she'd freak out without even having sex.

He didn't get much time to think about it though it was the only thing that occupied his mind. He knew he was visibly distracted during practice and whenever anyone asked him about what was on his mind he'd shake it off not wanting to talk about it. His friends, his teammates, weren't stupid- they could see the genuine happiness splashed across his face and they rightfully wanted to know what had him all revved up. He felt pangs of guilt whenever he looked at James- he felt like the worst friend in the world. He knew the truth, he knew that somewhere along the lines he fell for his buddy's soon-to-be ex-wife. He knew that he didn't do anything all that wrong or make a move while they were still together...but he also knew that it didn't matter what the story was. Fact was Paul fell for his wife.

On top of the fact that they hadn't been talking all that much, Paul had more reason to avoid him now. He didn't know how to talk to James and not blurt out that he'd spend the night making out with Clare. He was a lot of things but a liar wasn't one of them.

"Hey man," James came up to him as they walked out.

"What's up man," Paul said awkwardly as he cleared his throat. He was hoping that their exchange would be over before it really started.

"Not much," James said with more ease. "Spent most of last night drinking myself silly on the couch. How about yourself?"

Paul wrinkled his brow and looked at him. "Why?"

"Last night was Clare's gala for work that I was supposed to go with her to. Obviously I didn't go because she hates my guts and I spent the night alone thinking about how badly I fucked up my life."

Paul felt the pangs of guilt stabbing at him once again when he heard his confession. "I'm-- I'm really sorry man." And he was. He was sorry- he was sorry that he his friend was hurting so much and that he knew it'd hurt more if he knew what Paul had done.

"Nah," James shook it off. "Thanks, but it isn't your fault. I ruined it. I know that now. Last night I was sitting there thinking about her all night, wondering who she was it, what she was doing, and I realized I would have been there next to her all night if I didn't break what we had. I thought I had it all and I got so caught up in my own ego that I thought I could do whatever I wanted with little to no consequences. Now, here I am, broken as I've ever been and the one person I wanna share everything with is gone...because of me."

Paul looked at James sympathetically and put his hand on his shoulder. He didn't say anything simply because he didn't have the words, but he pursed his lips and let out a sigh and it seemingly told James everything he needed to know- that he had Paul's support. "Anyway," James said trying to run far away from his emotional confession. "What about you? What's been up with you? You look all stars-in-the-eyes happy. You meet a girl or something?"

Paul nervously cleared his throat and shook his head as he felt his reddened cheeks and goofy grin betray him. "Nah, nothing like that." Which...was....kind of true. He hadn't just met her- he'd known her for a while.

"Yeah, okay," James laughed not believing Paul's obvious lie. "Who is she?"

Paul continued to shake his head trying to avert this conversation from happening. "Don't worry about it."

"I knew something was up with you," James said, not dropping it. "I couldn't tell you the last time I saw you talk to a girl in a bar or on the road. You haven't been interested in anyone in...." James couldn't even think back to the last time and it showed. "I don't even know. I knew there had to be a reason for it."

Paul swallowed and looked away from James not having a clue on what to say. "I don't really wanna make a big thing of it yet. It's kinda new, I don't know," he shook his head due to the uncomfortableness he was feeling at that moment.

"Alright," James said as he put his hands up. "It's your business. No worries. It's just written all over your face."

"Is it?"

"You've obviously fallen for this girl- whoever she is- and good for you man. I hope it works out. Don't fuck it up like I did," James said, unknowingly giving him gravely serious advice. If James only knew the truth....Paul knew he'd waste no time throwing punches at him and show no mercy at that.

"I don't intend to," Paul answered perhaps the most honest he'd been that day. He wasn't about to mess it up- to him, Clare was the most incredible woman he'd ever met, and he didn't see a need to keep looking when he'd found what he never knew he was always looking for.

"Good. Hey, a bunch of us are going out to grab a bite to eat. Do you wanna come?"

"Um," Paul said stalling for a second. He wanted to get back to his apartment and go talk to Clare. He wanted to figure out where they stood and what she felt after last night.

"Oh c'mon," James insisted. "Live a little."

Paul rubbed the back of his head and gave a slight nod, begrudgingly giving in. "Alright. You guys going now?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, yeah," Paul repeated. "I'm in."

A bunch of them went out to eat and talked, catching up on things they might have otherwise missed out on if they had gone to a bar. The guys talked about their lives, wives, girlfriends and everything in between. When someone asked James how he was holding up since his split from Clare, Paul had to hold back and listen. He wasn't surprised when James expressed remorse for what'd he caused, but he sat quietly nonetheless.

"And what about you?" Kunitz asked as he turned to Paul. "What's up with you?"

"Me?" Paul asked with a grin. "Nothing, why?"

"See, I told you," James spat out amused. "He met a girl but he won't say more than that."

"You wanna keep her a secret, huh? Keep her all to yourself. No sharing. I get that." Kunitz said with a nod. "But you gotta tell us something here."

Paul shrugged and felt his cheeks redden once again. "I don't know what you want me to tell you."

"How hot is she? What's her name? Something, dude. You're way to secretive about this one."

"Maybe I just really care about her and wanna keep it to myself for a while," Paul shot back.

"Alright," Kunitz laughed. "I'll back off. For now."

Paul felt his insides relax as relief overcame his body. He enjoyed the rest of the time with the guys and when the bill came he quickly took out his wallet, waiting for the check to get passed to him so he could pay his share. He opened it without looking and grabbed some cash to throw into the pot before getting up and making his way to the door with the rest of the guys. When he was just about to exit the front doors, talking with Crosby and Kunitz on the way, he heard James authoritatively and alarmingly call his name from behind him.

"Paul!" James yelled angrily and Paul quickly turned around to see what was wrong.

"What the fuck is this?!" James spat out with daggers in his eyes as he quickly approached Paul.

Paul looked at what was in James hand and felt his jaw drop as he realized James was looking at the photo booth strip of pictures of him and Clare from the night before.