A Lifelong Promise

James walked through the door and smelled the heavenly scent of his wife's cooking. Whenever he was gone for any amount of time she would always make sure to cook something special to welcome him home. Today, the aroma of pancakes, eggs, and bacon were filling his senses and before he could make it into the kitchen he saw Clare walk out to greet him.

"I thought I heard you," she squealed as she threw her arms around her husband and gave him a kiss. Despite her suspicions she was trying desperately to hold onto her marriage.

"Yeah," he answered with a little laugh. "Wow breakfast smells so good babe. I can't wait to get it in my stomach, I'm starving."

"I figured you would be." She knew him after all the years they spent together, so it came as no surprise to her. "Oh I missed you," she moaned out as she hung on to him tightly. After more than a week of not seeing her husband she just wanted to be in his arms.

"I missed you too," he responded unemotionally and lightly rubbed his hand up and down her back.

When Clare pulled away she had a hint of sadness in her eyes but quickly flickered them away from James and to the kitchen. "Come eat."

"Yeah," he answered with a nod and went to brush by her. As he did, he noticed the look on her face. "Hey," he asked as he gently placed his hand on her waist. "Everything okay?"

She looked up at him and gave a quick nod, "Yeah. I'm fine."

"You're sure?" he asked as he looked down into her eyes.

"Mmmhmm," she answered again and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before turning to go up the stairs. "You go eat," she instructed as she walked up to their room. "I've got some stuff to do," she lied as she nonchalantly wiped away tears hoping James wouldn't notice.

As James helped himself to his wife's delicious cooking he couldn't help feeling a twinge of guilt. He knew he was doing her wrong and though he convinced himself it wasn't a big deal, that he deserved to have his fun, that no matter what or who he did he always went home to Clare, he knew deep down he was wrong. The problem was, the more he kept doing it, the less he cared. Things weren't always like this. When he met Clare at that ice cream shop all those years ago she instantly caught his eye and he flirted with her until she gave in and gave him her number. She had him on his knees from the beginning; he loved her instantly. When he was drafted it all happened so suddenly that they were separated for nearly two weeks before she was able to join him. She had a job, so when she was able to go see him she was only able to spend the weekend- and he realized he didn't want to live that way. The next day off he had as a new member of the Stars organization, he flew back to Clare and surprised her. He knocked on the door at two in the morning until she answered, and when she did, he dropped down on his knee and begged her to marry him. He couldn't consider his life without her, he knew that no matter where he played or ended up he wanted her by his side, and he never even thought about being with anyone else.

Until he became a big shot.

Girls were always accessible to him; throwing themselves at him. He took them up when he was single and had his fun, but it changed when he met Clare-- that wasn't the life he wanted anymore, he only wanted her. He thought it was bad before he went pro, that when he did, he didn't know what hit him. For a while he was able to turn them away, not give in to temptation because he loved Clare and marrying her was his main priority. The problem was, after being married a while he began to feel the wear and tear of constantly being pursued and constantly saying no. He came to realize that there were plenty of guys who cheated and had 'happy' marriages. He saw the way they behaved and how they basically had a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy with their wives. He never wanted to be that guy, but it just was so easy that one night he realized he'd crossed the line. He didn't plan on it but he realized he didn't do anything to prevent it; he'd been putting himself in more comparable positions and then wondered why he ended up straying.

He felt terrible at first. He threw up the next morning disgusted at how awful he was; how he betrayed the most loyal person to him in his life. He vowed never to do it again and even though he contemplated coming clean with her he ultimately decided against it. He didn't want to lose her over one night of stupidity and he had no intention of going down that road again, but it was just so easy. The girls were everywhere and in his face and he liked the way they rubbed his ego, flattered him until he couldn't resist anymore. The one thing he realized as he went down this road of betrayal was that it got easier each time, and each time he came home Clare was the one who was there. He liked being able to have his cake and eat it too, and he refused to acknowledge the fact that no matter how much he denied it, his marriage was struggling. He had become so arrogant he developed a false sense of entitlement and untouchability.

He failed to accept there were guys who weren't like that- the ones who had the strength to say no and stay true. Sid was a big advocate of if. James saw how much he loved his wife and wouldn't do anything to ever hurt her. James couldn't help the occasional thought from entering his mind that if Crosby was desired by practically every girl and managed to stay true to Hannah, why couldn't he stay true to Clare? Before he could come up with a response he usually shook the question out of his mind and conscious because he knew he wouldn't like the answer he came up with.

When he finished eating the delicious meal Clare had made for him, he got up and put his dirty plate in the dishwasher, grabbed his keys and headed out the door. Clare heard him leave upstairs in their room and looked at their wedding photos that were scattered everywhere. She had no idea where he went but as he pulled out of the driveway she let herself go and sobbed into her pillow. She wasn't stupid, she knew things had changed, that things were different between them. She never had official proof that James wasn't faithful to her, but she wasn't an idiot. She didn't know when it started, couldn't pinpoint when it happened, but she knew he'd pulled away from her. She tried, she tried so damn hard to do everything in her power to show him she loved him. She thought if she could love him enough that it would reel him back in. She never clung to him, never accused him of anything, she just kept on being the loving, loyal and supportive wife she'd always been to him. She did little things for him to reaffirm the way she felt about him, but he barely acknowledged it anymore, and even when he did it felt like he wasn't really all there.

She sat up and wiped her tears away and looked down at her hand. She shook her head as she looked down at her huge engagement ring and wedding band perched on her left ring finger. Clare didn't know what else to do anymore, she just knew she was getting increasingly tired of living a lie. On the outside she looked like she had the perfect life, but on the inside it was anything but. She really didn't know how much longer she could keep on pretending everything was okay. She loved him, but on the inside she was being ripped apart.

When she heard James pull back in the driveway she went into the bathroom and splashed some cool water on her face to try and mask the fact that she had been crying. She didn't want James to see her like this and she didn't want to have to tell him why she was so upset. The thing she feared most was him confirming her suspicions, and even though she knew she would need to have that question answered soon she just wasn't ready yet to walk away when he told her the truth.

When she went to make her way back down the stairs she jumped when she nearly ran into James who was making his way up to her. "Hey," she said surprised. "Where are you heading?"

"To find you." He put his hand on her waist and gave her a kiss. When he pulled his lips off hers, he moved his free hand up from behind his back revealing the bouquet of roses he had been concealing. "These are for you," he said with a sly smile.

"Thanks," Clare forced a smile back. She wanted to look happy but it was killing her to hold back tears. "They're beautiful. What are they for?" she asked as she looked up into his eyes.

James swallowed and flickered his eyes away for a brief second before wrapping her up in his arms and holding her tightly to him, "I can't get flowers for my wife?" he asked flirtatiously before pressing his lips to her forehead.

She nodded into him, "Of course you can. Thank you," she whispered in response to his question. As upset as she was on the inside, it felt damn good when she was in his arms.

He bent down and scooped her up bridal style, carrying her back up the stairs and into their bedroom; he didn't put her down until he reached the bed and was quick to crawl in-between her legs. He kissed her awkwardly and made a trail down her neck with his lips. "Mmmm," he moaned into her ear as he began to tug at her clothes. "I missed you."

Clare wanted to believe him but it just felt so forced. She bit her lip and let out a soft whimper. "I missed you too." The problem was, she really did. She still loved him despite how much he'd changed. The difference between her and him was, when she made her vows to him, she actually meant them.

After they made love James went into the bathroom to clean up and Clare stayed there on the bed for a moment longer. She turned and looked out the window feeling her heart aching inside her chest. Though they made love, it wasn't the way it used to be-- it was like at some point she became the mistress in her own marriage. The more he tried to overcompensate for his behavior, the more obvious it became to Clare he was doing something wrong even though she really didn't want to see it.

James was feeling pretty good as he cleaned himself up. He just had pretty incredible sex with his perfect wife who he hadn't seen in over a week, and he knew as long as he kept going above and beyond for her while they were together, she wouldn't know the crap he was doing behind her back. He knew it made no sense to say, but despite everything wrong he'd done, he still loved her. He was a good husband, he had convinced himself. As long as he was good to her while he was with her, she'd never question him or leave him. He could have his home-life the way he wanted it.

Or so he thought.