Status: We'll see where this one leads

A Lifelong Promise

Changer

Clare's eyes jutted open and she pulled back from Paul as she stared at him in confusion. She turned her head to look at Paul's clearly bitter ex-girlfriend before returning her gaze back to Paul.

"Yeah," Jess started again, able to draw her own conclusion by the way Clare reacted to her words. "I didn't think so."

Clare's hands dropped from Paul's body and she stepped back a few inches. "This...is really very awkward. I'm...I'm gonna go to my apartment. You guys need to talk."

Paul swallowed as he looked down at Clare and saw all the questions in her eyes that he knew she had. This was a complete massacre in which both of them were completely caught off guard. The last thing Paul wanted was for Clare to leave but he knew he needed to let her go. Before she turned to make her way to the door Paul wrapped his arm around her and pressed his hand to the small of her back, pulling her into him. He leaned down to the side of her head that Jessica couldn't see and buried his face in her sweet smelling hair. "I love you," he sincerely breathed out so only she could hear before pulling back to meet her gaze. Clare's facial expression never changed from the nervous yet serious one that she was wearing, all she did was give a nod before she turned to exit through the doorway that Jessica was currently blocking.

"Good night," Clare said to Jessica very quietly as she brushed by her, unable to look her in the eyes.

When Clare left and Jessica stepped in closing the door behind her Paul needed a second to catch his breath. He felt like he'd been punched in the stomach and he was borderline delirious from all that had occurred in the last few minutes. One minute he was in bed with Clare, sleeping beside the girl he loved- the girl he hadn't seen for far too long, the next minute his ex is standing in front of him and Clare's out the door.

"What the fuck are you really doing here?" Paul spat out having a difficult time looking at Jessica without his blood boiling.

"I already told you. I'm just surprised you didn't tell your new girlfriend. So, what is this anyway? Did you steal her from James? She left her husband for you? I know you're capable of really hurtful things but I didn't ever think you'd stoop that low."

"No," he quickly shot back. "I'm glad you had a little powwow with Neal and all, but maybe he should have given you all the facts. So let's clear this up before this discussion goes anywhere else. I didn't steal Clare from him- she didn't leave him to be with me, nor did we cheat. He cheated on her frequently for a long time and when she went to surprise him on the eve of their wedding anniversary, she caught him red-handed. He treated her like shit and she had enough- that's why she left. We didn't start up for a few months after they split. We were friends til then, nothing more. So before you go making judgments maybe you should get the whole story- not just the skewed cliff-notes version he wants you to believe."

Jessica swallowed and looked down at her feet before taking a deep breath and meeting Paul's gaze. "He didn't tell me that part."

"I didn't think so."

"That doesn't change the fact that you obviously didn't tell her that during the nine years we were together you weren't exactly faithful to me," Jessica said, her heart pounding and stomach churning. She hadn't seen Paul since the day they broke up and, if it were up to her, they never would have.

"No," Paul said gently this time. "I wasn't and I haven't told her that because it's my past. I'm not that guy anymore. I grew up."

"And she's the one who gets to reap the benefits of that?" Jessica asked annoyed. "Not the girl who spent nine years of her life supporting you and loving you?"

Paul looked down and swallowed the lump in his throat as he ran his hand through his hair. "I know we had a bad break up and I know that you supported me but you can't deny we had our problems."

"Because you cheated on me?" she asked with her arms folded across her chest.

"No," Paul shook his head. "It was more than that. We forced it for far too long and it blew up in our face. Don't romanticize it more than it was. You weren't a saint either, tormenting me before games on guys you would go out with. Simple answer is we weren't right for each other."

"I never cheated on you," she immediately responded in self defense.

"Maybe not. Doesn't make for a functional relationship though."

"Maybe that's easy for you to say but I after about the second year I was waiting for a ring. Maybe you weren't mature enough or ready yet at that age but I was."

Paul didn't know what to say, he let out a sigh and shook his head. "And you're telling me that for all that time, and there was a lot of bad, that you were happy? That you would have been happy for the rest of your life? Because I can't see how it would have worked. It didn't work, it wouldn't have if there was a ring on your finger."

Paul could see the tears in Jessica's eyes as she let down her wall and walked over to him. She stood in front of him and looked up at him, when he wouldn't look back at her, she rested her hand on his cheek and lifted his face up until he did. "I still think about you all the time," she nervously said with a gulp. "Is there any part of you that still thinks about me?"

Paul felt his heart pounding against his ribcage and his breathing become increasingly more labored. "I think we spent a good chunk of time together and had some good moments, but it's gone now."

"What happened to you?" she asked bewildered at how much she wasn't getting to him. She barely knew the guy standing in front of her.

He shrugged and looked away from her, shaking her hands off him in the process.

"It's her. It really is her," she said in amazement. "You really love her, and it's more than you ever loved me," she realized as her voice began to crack. It was clear how much that admission hurt Jessica, and thought it might have been true, Paul didn't want to make her feel worse.

Paul nodded his head. "Yeah but it's more than that. I grew up and stopped wanting to be that guy. I spent a lot of time single and I liked it that way. When I fell for her it was game-changing."

"It's all for her- for your friends ex-wife."

"I don't care who she was with because," Paul paused and inwardly smiled to himself. "Well, she's mine now."

"So there is no chance of us working this out- of me getting to be with this new version of you that I should have had all along?"

"Jess, I don't wanna be the asshole here but if James hadn't called you to sabotage my relationship with Clare, we probably never would have spoken again."

Jessica slowly nodded her head as her tears fell to his floor. "I can't believe I fell for it too. God," she breathed out. "I should have known better. I mean, it's pretty embarrassing that after two years I hopped on a plane at the chance to be with you again- and you're right, it wasn't this storybook romance we had. I don't know Paul. It just isn't fair. I spent nine years with you and then it ended and I still haven't found someone who looks at me the way you looked at Clare just now. I don't know if you ever freaking looked at me that way. I just didn't see myself being almost thirty and still looking for that guy."

"I hope it happens for you and I really believe it will," Paul offered some reassurance. "Just not here."

"I know that. Because for whatever reason I wasn't enough."

"It wasn't that. It just wasn't right."

Jessica wiped her eyes as she leaned into Paul and wrapped her arms around him. She didn't say anything else as she hugged him and pulled away. She walked to the door and turned to look at him one last time before she closed it behind her. Paul didn't know if that was the last he'd see of her, he could only hope so.

Paul waited anxiously with his fingers interlaced on the back on his neck until he knew that Jessica had at least made her way down to the lobby before he sprinted out of his room and, instead of waiting for the elevator, immediately headed for the stairwell. He burst through the door on Clare's floor and felt his body trembling as he practically ran through her door and began to pound on it. He was slightly out of breath and afraid she wouldn't answer as he continued to press his fist to the cold surface he was banging on. "Clare," he shouted as loud as he could without causing a complete scene. "Clare open the door."

He slammed the palm of his hand on the door and rested his forehead against it after his initial unsuccessful attempt at getting her to let him in. "C'mon," he said under his breath with his eyes closed as he breathed heavily in a completely vulnerable moment. "Please," he was able to get out a little louder. "I'll stay here all night. I'll sleep in front of your door," he said with a raised voice but not quite as loud as he had been. For whatever reason he knew that she could hear him. "Just let me talk to you."

After what felt like an eternity he finally heard the door unlock and he stepped back just a step as it opened. He was relieved to be resting his eyes on Clare despite how unsure she looked as she gazed back at him. She didn't say anything as she stepped aside and extended her arm inviting him in- he didn't waste a second as he stepped in and locked her door behind him. In one fluid motion he spun from the door and scooped her face up in his hands as he looked down into her beautiful eyes. "I guess I should have been more honest with you about my past. I didn't think it mattered because it is just that- past. It's gone. I'm not that guy and I don't even remember what it was like to be that guy."

Clare pulled away and shook him off of her. "You know, that sounds an awful lot like the speech my ex-husband gave to me."

Paul swallowed and took a deep breath as some kind of shield from her words that stung him bad. "I understand that. But this is exactly what he wanted- he wanted to cause problems between us. Don't you see that? I told you early on that I'd hurt my share of people and I wasn't lying. I feel bad for what I did to Jessica but she was no angel either, and no I'm not blaming her for my actions, but the long and short of it is we simply weren't right for each other. She and I...we didn't make each other happy."

"Nine years is a long time to be unhappy, Paul."

"Yeah and I was basically a kid when we got together. Neither of us wanted to admit after a few years that it wasn't working. It was like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. We forced it for more time than we should have until it finally burnt out. I spent a lot of time single after we broke up. I needed my freedom," he explained as he stepped closer to Clare. "I enjoyed my freedom after the train-wreck that was mine and Jessica's relationship. Somewhere between then and when I met you, I grew up. I didn't find random one-nighters as intriguing. I like sex, don't get me wrong, but I realized that doing it with whoever, whenever didn't make me happy. Then you happened," he said as he scooped her up and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I don't even know how it happened, but like I told Jessica, when I fell for you it was a complete, total, indisputable game-changer."

Clare gave the faintest of smiles as she looked down, but Paul quickly put his finger under her chin and forced her to look back up at him. "I need you to understand that I'm in love with you."

"But it's always so good in the beginning when you fall in love. We're practically on a honeymoon," she explained without any anger in her voice. The feelings she was expressing were logical and genuinely something that she couldn't let go of just yet. "James talked a big talk when we were together, when we were dating. I didn't think he had it in him but I guess that was just me being young and naive- kind of like Jessica was. You might not find other women who hand you their underwear outside the arena intriguing now, but what about a year from now? What about five years from now?"

"Clare," Paul felt her name fall from his lips as he listened to what she said to him. "Things are different when you find the right person and you make the decision not to hurt them. I don't want to hurt you. I wouldn't let myself, I wouldn't make the mistakes he made- I was angry watching him hurt you and watching you go through it... it killed me. I couldn't live with myself if I did it to you."

Clare swallowed and let out deep breath as she felt Paul's warm body against her own. "You can stand by that for the rest of-" Clare caught herself from what she was about to say and stopped her sentence immediately as she began to fumble over her words. "I mean, how do you know?"

"I stand by that for the rest of my life with you," Paul finished her sentence unapologetically. "The question is, do you want that? Can you trust me enough to let me stand by you?"
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Sorry it took me a while to update- lots of stuff going on. Anyways, I don't know why I updated on a Friday because everyone's probably out and won't comment, lol. So, prove me wrong?

What do you think will happen next? Will it be awkward? Is Jess done with Paul or does she have something else up her sleeve? What about James- what will happen when the boys see each other?

I'll tell you this- something unexpected is going to happen soon- and it'll complicate everything. (No, not Jess and James 'happening', lol)

Thanks for reading.