A Lifelong Promise

Paul stood in front of his former friend and tried to absorb what he just said. "What?"

"You heard me," James spat out bitterly. Seeing Paul standing in front of him only served to remind him of the fact that he'd lost his wife and she only had eyes for his teammate.

"What did you do to her?" Paul asked as he took a step forward. He was ready to throw a punch before James even had the opportunity to speak.

"I didn't do anything to her. Maybe she just felt guilty from what happened between us the other night."

Paul's heart leapt up into his throat and he froze when he heard James say that. "What?" he asked, this time more devastated.

"Have you even talked to her?" James asked with his head cocked. He had the upper hand here and he knew it. The pieces were starting to come together the longer Paul stood on his porch.

"She never came home. I thought she was with you." Paul's words were soft as he looked down at the cold ground. He felt numb and despair and confusion all wrapped up into one. What he feared while she was gone seemingly happened, and the worst part was he had to hear it from James - not Clare. "Is she coming back?" What he really wanted to ask was if Clare was coming back to James but he didn't have the nerve to say it out loud.

"I wish I could be of more assistance," James said callously. "But I can't."

"There's nothing else you can tell me? Nothing you know that I should?"

As James was about to shut the door he looked in Paul's eyes and shook his head. "Nope," he lied as he went back inside alone.

James let out a deep sigh when he locked the door behind him. His interest was now peaked. He thought Clare had left in defiance to go back to Paul, but now it was anyone's game. He loved her, he loved his wife, but he knew when he looked in her eyes that the fire she used to hold for him wasn't there anymore - she was in love with Paul. He couldn't stomach the thought of her being with someone else let alone a friend, so he selfishly put her in a position he knew would hurt her. Seeing Paul standing there clearly broken over losing her made him feel slightly better, but at the same time he didn't really care. He didn't know where she was - all he knew in that moment was she wasn't with him, and it was enough.

***

Paul seriously contemplated not getting out of bed when the sun came up. He thought about staying locked in his room, holed up in his apartment, and not moving until he had the energy or will to - which as of now didn't seem like it was ever going to happen. He just laid there, hung over in all his glory - and all he could see in the back of his mind was Clare kissing James, touching him, looking in his eyes and letting him put his lips on her. He figured James was lying to him in some capacity, that she probably would be back and when she was, it'd be to Neal's place she'd go. But he couldn't shake one thing - the initial shock James had on his face when Paul showed up, the fact that James outwardly admitted he thought she was with Paul - something didn't add up. It didn't really matter though because James would never give him the whole story and there was nothing he could do about it.

Paul spent the night in his place drinking himself into a fool. He pathetically stayed in and downed whatever he had to kill the pain he felt from losing Clare. The last time he saw her, she was jumping in his arms proclaiming her love, she begged him not to give up on her and here she was, giving up on him.

He finally jolted when he heard someone loudly banging on his front door. His heart raced as he crawled out of bed, thinking, hoping it was Clare. It took him longer than usual to make the journey from his bedroom to the front door - mostly because he felt like he was on a teeter-tooter - and when he finally opened it he was greeted by Sid. "Well good morning there Sleeping Beauty," Sid said sarcastically as he let himself in.

"What are you doing here?" Paul asked as he rubbed his forehead, trying to tamper the pounding headache he was feeling.

Sid made his way into the kitchen and began to pour a glass of water. "Well," Sid started as he began rummaging through Paul's cabinets. "I guess that answers my question of 'do you remember calling me last night' - and clearly you don't."

"I called you?" Paul asked with a raspy voice, embarrassed to where this was headed.

"Oh, you called me. You called me pretty late too - Hannah thought something terrible happened. Scared the shit out of us both. When I realized what was up...dude you were fucked up."

Paul squeezed his eyes shut and looked down at the ground. "What the hell...."

"You were obviously very, very drunk. You don't remember any of it? What he hell did you have here?" Sid asked as he pulled the advil out of a cabinet. When he turned and looked around the kitchen and living room and saw the empty bottles of vodka, he quickly nodded his head. "Never mind. I think I can see what happened." Sid said as he walked over to Paul and pushed the glass of water and two advil in Paul's hands. "Take this."

"Thanks man. What the hell happened?"

"You called me up, told me everything that happened over at Neal's. Hannah thought it'd be a good idea to come make sure you were alive, so here I am."

"Well I appreciate the concern." Paul made his way into the living room and plopped down on the couch. Sid followed behind him but didn't take a seat.

"So you don't know where she's at or what really happened?"

"What else is there to know? I mean something happened between the two of them and she bailed."

"But if she wanted to be with him, wouldn't she be with him? You said he thought she was with you - it doesn't add up." Sid was clearly on the same page as Paul, if only a more sober one.

"I don't know," Paul said as he rested his elbow on his leg and his head in his hand. "She left me."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Sid shook his head unconvinced.

"What more proof do you need?" Paul yelled in frustration. "Do you see her here? She's gone! She left! There isn't any way to sugarcoat it!"

Sid pursed his lips and breathed in slowly. It was suddenly a little more awkward in Paul's apartment. "I'm sorry," he said as sympathetic as he could - he meant the words too. He knew how terrible Paul must have been feeling, but he wasn't sold on the fact that it was as black and white as Paul thought it was. "Look, practice is optional today. I think you should opt out."

Paul looked up at him and didn't say a word.

"Spend the day recovering from everything. Get some rest. I'll see you at the rink tomorrow," Sid said as he began to make his way to the door.

"Thanks," Paul said with a nod. "I'm gonna go drown my sorrows in my leftovers," he said as he grabbed an almost-empty bottle of vodka.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Sid said sternly as he stood in the hallway with his hands in his pockets looking at Paul.

"Fine," Paul spat out. "I'm going back to sleep. Wake me up when you're a grandfather."

"Alright." Sid watched as Paul began to stumble back towards his bedroom. He wouldn't say it out loud, but what he wanted to say was that he was going home to scoop his wife up into a huge hug. He didn't envy Paul or the gutter he was in, but he felt bad - especially since he knew that there wasn't much he could do.

At least at that very moment.

***

Paul took himself up on the offer to lay in bed all day. He'd never felt this torn up over a woman before, and he knew how pathetic he looked, but he didn't care. He was angry - with himself, with Clare, with James - at everyone. He tried to come up with reasons in his head why she wasn't right for him, why he needed to get over her quickly and move on with his life - but he knew deep down that those were all lies. He'd never been happier than when he was with her.

He didn't know what time it was, how long he'd been in bed. All he knew was things like food became obsolete. He thought about going out, getting over her the classic way in which his species got over bad break-ups. He knew it wouldn't be hard for him to find someone to go home with. He thought about dragging his body out and putting on a facade but he just couldn't do it. He let his mind wander back to that moment when James showed up at his door, about how Clare was on her knees ready to take him. He saw the way she looked at him, the way he thought she adored him and it made him even more angry that he answered the door that day. He always was concerned about doing the right thing that he stopped her when she begged him not to. If only he hadn't listened, if only he hadn't opened the door. Who knows what would have been. He thought about Clare sliding her wet lips around his hard cock - how much better it would have felt opposed to the blue balls he was left with. And as he imagined Clare slowly moving her mouth and wet tongue around his dick, he felt himself becoming aroused.

Paul pictured himself throwing his head back as he let her work her magic on him, alternating between going faster and slower. He imagined pushing her away, pulling her up and taking her tits in his mouth, licking at her sweet pink nipples and squeezing at the torturous amazing flesh in his hands. As he let this fantasy play out in his head, he grabbed his cock and began to pump at it. He wanted nothing more than to rip her pants off and feel her delicious, wet pussy as he slid his hand between her slender thighs. She would toss her head back and open her mouth in pure ecstasy as he massaged her most sensitive area, bringing her close to coming, teasing her until she couldn't take it anymore. He felt the head of his own cock in his hand and massaged up and down his shaft as he fantasized about pushing it inside her wet, willing body. Faster he went just as he would go in and out of her, alternating his speed as needed to get her body where he wanted it to go. He closed his eyes and saw her face as she arched her back and slammed her palm into the headboard the harder he slammed into her. Kissed her neck, down to her nipples and licked at the hard buds then traced his tongue back up until his lips met hers. He felt the familiar feeling in his balls as he came - only this time in was all over himself opposed to in her warm body.

He pulled himself from the fantasy he was living in and looked down to see the mess he'd made. He threw the covers off and made his way into the bathroom to clean the sticky goodness off himself. After he'd sufficiently gotten every last drop off, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He placed his hands down on the counter on either side of the sink and let out a deep breath. He pitied himself for the first time maybe ever and knew there was no getting over this one - she'd always be the one that got away.

When he walked back in his room he heard his phone ringing from his nightstand. When he looked down and saw Kunitz calling he immediately picked up the phone. "Hey man," Paul greeted him.

"Hey," Chris answered in return. "What are you doing?"

Paul felt his cheeks flush just the slightest as he wasn't about to reveal what he'd actually just been up to. "Not much," he settled for the cliche answer instead. "What's up?"

"I have some information for you - I think you're gonna want to hear this."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I went out for a late lunch with Neal. We ended up having a few drinks, well, a lot of drinks. Well, actually he had a lot more than me," Chris rambled on. "Anyway. After he was nice and loaded I asked him about Clare, what happened at the funeral, all that."

Paul felt his heart pounding in his chest as he waited to see what his friend had to say. "Okay."

"Apparently he's up to some shady shit. Look, Crosby told me what happened. So I kind of have both sides. First things first - she didn't do anything with him. Nothing happened. I mean, it did, but the way Neal described it when he was drunk, I don't know, I wouldn't be upset with her. He told me he was upset and he went to her room and he kinda hit a low point and she was just trying to be nice when he kissed her and tried to get her clothes off but she pushed him away." Paul felt relief spread through his muscles as he heard that revelation. He was too much in shock to say anything, all he could do was continue to listen. "Apparently, the next day Neal took her out on a picnic, supposedly it was the place they had their first date. But she didn't bite. So he played on her insecurities a bit - told her that it wasn't fair to drag you into everything between them, that once the media and fans found out they'd hate you, think the wrong thing about the situation and run you out of town. He basically told me, and I'm not kidding, that he basically told her that if she kept on being with you that he'd go to Ray and have you traded. He thought she'd 'see the light' and come running back to him, instead she left and didn't even give him a good-bye."

Rage began to shoot through Paul's veins as everything suddenly made perfect sense. He tightened his jaw and felt his body begin to tremble in anger. "Where is she?"

"That I don't know. But I thought that this was a good start so now at least you know what happened. She didn't leave you - she was trying to protect you man."

Though Chris couldn't see it, Paul was nodding his head slowly. "I gotta go."

Paul was pretty sure he knew where Clare was, and as he was going to do what he needed to do in order to get to her. He put it in the back of his mind to thank Sid for sending Kunitz out to do the dirty work - he knew better by now than to think it was coincidence, and grabbed his phone to make an important phone call.

"Hello?" he heard James answer from his end.

"You go to Ray, you go to whoever you want and you tell them to trade me." Paul said fiercely, and didn't think twice as he hung up the phone.