A Lifelong Promise

Paul sat on the barstool with his elbows resting on the sticky surface of the bar and his forehead pressed into his palms. He didn't look good and he knew it but it was a reflection of how terrible he felt. Each day that passed he knew that he made a terrible, irrational decision which at the time seemed like the right thing to do. Problem was there was no getting over her and after almost a week of self-inflicted hell, he knew it.

"You look like shit," Kunitz chimed in as he took a seat next to Paul at the bar. Paul didn't even look his way all he did was shake his head. "Wanna talk about it?"

"You already know." Paul didn't feel like talking about it anymore. He tried to put on a warriors face and pretend he was just fine, he smiled at James when they were together and didn't raise any eyebrows but it didn't take a genius to figure out he was hurting.

"Yeah I take it you regret that terrible, stupid ass choice you made huh?"

"Can we just not talk about it. Seriously. Leave it alone."

"Okay man, that's your call. You look pretty drunk though - how are you getting home?"

"You mean to the apartment that I have to walk in and the only thing I can think of is her? How she lived there? How I slept next to her and now when I take the elevator to my floor and pass hers I want to fall down the shaft."

"Ooookay," Chris let out with a slow nod as he dropped his head. "There it is."

"I had to do it - you know that."

"I don't," Chris disagreed. He had a few beers but he was no where near as hammered as his friend. "She didn't want him man. She wanted you. You threw that away and gave him a second chance. I don't get it."

"I'm not explaing this again," he slurred out. He couldn't make up his mind on if he wanted to talk about it or not. Every time he said he didn't, he'd bring it up even more.

"Hey at least you've been the bigger man when you're around him, so for that I guess I have to give you props."

"I want to bash his face in."

"Oh," Chris wasn't prepared for that and though he felt bad for his friend, seeing Paul this drunk was slightly entertaining. What he wasn't about to tell him was that Sid had sent him to keep an eye on Paul because it was clear he was about to self combust. "Well that's..."

"I wonder if they're working it out - if she's fucking him in their bed."

"And if they are you're the reason for it."

"No," he slurred again as his squinty eyes looked over at Chris. "If they are it's because she wants to. She wouldn't do it if there wasn't something there and in that case I know I did the right thing."

"You need to go to sleep. I'm tired of hearing about this. Seriously, you know you made a huge fucking mistake - rationalize it all you want but you fucked up. Take responsibility. She's a big girl, if she wanted him, she would have picked him long ago. You hurting her and making the choice for her - I'm sorry bro, it's not cool."

"You don't know anything. Mind your own fucking business."

"Really? You've made this our business. Look at yourself - you've drank yourself into a blubbering idiot - again - over a girl you should be with right now. You've been drunk all fucking week! You've went and requested to be traded. This affects all of us man. Not just you, not just him."

"Just leave it alone," Paul said once again as he shook his head. He didn't really know what to say, all he knew was that even though he was stupid drunk, deep down Chris was right.

"Whatever," Chris shook his head annoyed at Paul. "Way to pussy out on the one girl you've ever really fallen for."

"Fuck yourself," Paul spat out angrily in an almost threatening tone.

"Okay." Chris walked away irritated instead of continuing to fight with his drunk, unreasonable friend. Paul ordered another drink and got more angry with each passing second. He couldn't stand the thought of Clare sleeping next to the jerkoff she married and with each sip he got closer and closer to black out drunk. He knew it probably wasn't the best tactic but it was the only thing that numbed him for any amount of time from the pain he couldn't stop feeling.

Paul didn't really know what was happening when a girl started flirting with him. He knew he could be charming and even drunk had a winning smile, and even though he had no interest in this girl and barely could see what she looked like he was that drunk, he thought maybe he'd feel something for the first time in almost a week - something other than broken. He stumbled to his feet and felt her hand take his to lead him out of the doors.

"Hold up," he heard bellowing from behind him as the cool air hit his face. "Sorry but he can't leave." Paul didn't really know what was going on, he just knew Kunitz prevented him from making a huge mistake. He didn't even know if he would have been able to fuck this chick had he left with her because he was at the point of passing out. "Look," Chris said as he held Paul up as straight as he could. "Come with me," he said as he lead him out to the car out front. "I called you a driver. Get in the car and go home. Get in your apartment and go in your bed and sleep it off. This is not how you're going to handle this."

"Okay," Paul slurred out and got in the car by himself. Chris closed the door and told the driver Paul's address before giving the vehicle a pat on the roof.

***

It'd been much the same for Clare as she continued her stay with James. They could spend time together and talk, they could even share laughs - and she'd let him hold her hand or kiss her cheek, but there was simply no passion there. There was no love between them the way it should have been. If anything they were friends - and that, in Clare's mind, was more than she ever thought they'd be.

"Hey," James walked in the bedroom. "Are you going to bed?"

"Yeah," Clare nodded as she walked into the connecting bathroom. "I'm pretty beat. Are you staying up for a while longer?"

"I don't know," James breathed out and followed behind her. "Do you want to watch tv up here or..." he asked as he watched her wash her face and then brush her teeth.

"Doesn't matter. I'll probably just doze off. You can stay up here if you want, it's your call." She shrugged as she rinsed out her mouth, not seeing what he was really asking. She turned around and nonchalantly walked by him and back into the bedroom where she peeled the covers back to climb into bed.

"Clare..." his voice made her freeze in her tracks. She tucked a foot underneath her and dangled the other off the side of the bed so it was grazing the hardwood floor.

"Are we going to talk about the fact that we barely touch when we sleep in bed together."

Clare looked down at the ground and let her shoulders drop. "I don't know. What's to say about it...really?"

James pursed his lips together and let out a sigh that was indicative of how frustrated he was. He began to briskly walk towards the bedroom door when he stubbed his toe on the same bed post Clare had a knack for hitting. "Son of a bitch," he yelled out in pain as he instinctively reached down and nursed his foot, falling sideways on to the bed.

"Are you alright?" she asked genuinely concerned and put her hand on his back for support. When he looked at her and she looked down at the grimace on his face the only thing either of them could do was burst out into laughter.

"I hate that damn thing," James said through his laughing fit.

"I told you," she chimed right back. "It's almost taken a toe or two of mine."

James scooted up and into her. "I appreciate you laughing," he teased. "No concern."

"What!" she playfully gasped. "That's not true. I asked if you were okay before I laughed. But to be fair, you laughed too."

"Oh yeah," he said sexily as he leaned in closer to her.

"Yeah," she nodded back feeling her heart race as the space between them closed.

Just as Clare thought he was about to kiss her, he took her by surprise and began to tickle her in her most vulnerable areas. She fell back on the bed hysterical as he climbed on top of her and continued to torture her in them most hilarious way possible. "Stop!" she cried out through her giggling as she tried to escape from him.

He didn't initially let up, but when he did he found himself on top of her and it didn't seem so funny anymore. He looked in her eyes and swallowed nervously before leaning down and pressing his lips to hers. She was reluctant at first but went with it after a few seconds, kissing him back and seeing where he would go next.

James ran his hands up her sides and rested one hand under her hair on the back of her neck. He kissed her hard, pouring all his regret and bottled up agony into it, and though she was kissing him back he knew something was off. Eventually it slowed to a stop and James pulled back to look her in the eyes. He breathed a sigh of relief when she smiled at him but as he was about to go in for more she shyly turned her head. He looked down at her and could see the look in her eye. "This isn't ever going to happen. Is it?" he asked as he swallowed back the frustration from the rejection he was getting. She tried, she really did, but it only further confirmed what they both pretended they didn't both already know.

***

Paul pounded on the door with his heart racing and adrenaline flowing, not caring even an ounce that it was after one in the morning.

"What are you doing here?" Neal asked as he opened the door. It was clear he'd been asleep and seeing him in that state and picturing him curled up in bed with the woman he loved enraged him even more.

"Where is she?" Paul demanded as he pushed James back into his house and walked in.

"You need to leave," James grabbed him and spun Paul back to try and avoid him making any more of a scene. He didn't exactly want Clare to come downstairs and see the man he knew had her heart.

"No," Paul ripped his arm out of James' grasp and pushed him back. "You don't deserve her. You fucked whatever you wanted behind her back - you deserve to be miserable. You deserve to be alone."

"This was your idea man," James reminded him, trying to keep himself calm realizing just how drunk his teammate was. "Don't be mad at me for taking advantage of your idea."

"Well it was the worst thing I've ever done. I want to see her. I want to talk to her. I miss her so damn much." He didn't realize how much of an ass he looked like. His words were slurred and he was clearly inebriated but what he was saying was true.

"No," James shook his head and tried to push Paul backwards to the door. "Get out."

"I'm not leaving without her," Paul said as he shoved James hard yet again. "I never should have brought her here to begin with."

"But you did. Because she's my wife not your slut," James said as he shoved Paul backwards equally as hard.

"You threw your marriage away - you lost the best girl you could ever have. You did. And on what? On nothing!" Paul yelled back as angry as he'd ever been. James didn't take well to Paul's words and reacted by slamming his fist into Paul's face. Since Paul wasn't sober and didn't have his balance it was easy for James to knock him off his feet and on the ground. When Paul was able to get back up he ran hard into James' waist and tried to wrestle him to the ground. Having the upper hand of sobriety, James was able to maneuver out of Paul's grasp, and when he did he punched him hard in the cheek once again sending him stumbling backwards on his ass.

"Stop! Stop it!" Both men looked up and watched as Clare ran down the stairs in horror. "James leave him alone," she said with her voice still elevated as she reached them. She quickly fell to her knees and cradled Paul's face in her hands. "Are you alright?" she breathed out as she looked at him in all his drunken glory.

Paul shook his head and didn't say anything as he looked into her eyes. He put his big paw clumsily on her cheek in as gentle a way as possible and held her for a second. With tears in her eyes she reached up and grabbed his hand and removed it from her face. She stood up on her feet and pulled on his until she was able to help him get to his.

She walked over to James and placed her hands on either of his shoulders, "He's drunk. Leave him alone," she said before walking away and heading back up the stairs.

Before another word could be spoke there was another knock at the door. Both men turned their heads alarmed and unsure of who it was. When James walked over and opened it he found himself looking at a very exhausted Sid. "C'mon man," he said groggily as he tried to lead Paul out of Neal's house.

James turned his head and looked up at the top of the steps to see Clare watching the scene unfold with tears in her eyes. He knew right then that she was the one who called Sid for backup.

Sid pushed Paul out of the door and dragged him to his car. "Let's go," he spat annoyed as he shoved him in the back seat. "Fuckin drag me out of bed at two in the morning away from my wife to break up a fight. This is completely out of line."

"At least you have the girl you want," Paul yelled as he buried his head in the back of the seat.

"Because I fought for her you idiot. I didn't give up on her." Sid was pissed due to the current circumstances but truth was he felt for the guy. He knew Paul wasn't in a good place and was as broken as he'd ever seen. Instead of taking him home to deal with it on his own, Sid brought him to his house and put him in the guest room with a garbage can - he knew Paul would be in no condition to deal with the ramifications of his actions once the sun came up.

***

When Paul's eyes opened he felt like he was spinning a thousand miles a second. The light hurt to look at and he immediately closed his eyes again and put the pillow over his face. He turned over to his side and tried to bury his face as deep into the darkness as he could before he realized that he heard the sound of a woman talking coming from out his door. He carefully tossed the covers back and realized he wasn't in his bed, or his apartment, and it took him a minute to realize that he was in someone else's bed, someone else's house. His heart pounded as he climbed out of bed and put his feet on the floor. He forced himself to get up and walk out of the room and when his eyes fell to the hallway he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well good morning there cupcake," he heard Sid say sarcastically from behind him on the top of the stairwell.

Paul turned around and rubbed his head. "What is going on?"

"You mean you don't remember last night?"

Paul ran his hand over his face and realized his cheek hurt from his touch. He pulled his hands away and carefully put his fingers on the sore area. "Oh you don't remember that?" Sid asked as he watched Paul wince in pain.

"What the hell," Paul breathed out trying to remember what happened. "What am I doing here?"

"What is the last thing you remember?" Sid asked trying to see how bad Paul was and when he lost all recollection of what happened.

"I don't...I don't even know. I remember being in the bar chatting with Kunitz...I think that's where it ends. How did I get here? Is Hannah pissed?"

Sid shook his head. "Nah. She's concerned." He paused for a second. "But maybe I'd be careful when you go downstairs - she wasn't happy at two in the morning when I had to get you from Neal's."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes. I had Kunitz babysitting you since you singles all went out last night. Told him not to let you do anything you'd regret. He had a driver for you, told him the address. All you needed to do was sit in the car. But you told the driver at some point to take you over to Neal's house and a fight ensued. Believe it or not, Clare was the one who called me. She was in a panic. She saw you pull up and stumble out of the car so I was already on my way before you got inside. I came to get you and couldn't bring you home with a clear conscious, and that's why you woke up here."

"Well practice should be fun today," Paul sighed out as he rolled his eyes and rubbed his forehead.

"We don't have practice today, remember? Lucky for you we're off until tomorrow. You can actually show up sober and not hung over. Look, go downstairs - Hannah made breakfast. I'll take you home afterwards. Just go shower and sleep it off man."

***

Paul spent most of the day in his bed or lounging on the couch with a pounding headache. It took most of the day to feel better but by the time the sun was setting he was in a good place - physically at least.

He was about to call and order take out when he heard his doorbell go off. He wasn't expecting anyone and he didn't know who it could be. He opened the door and stood wide eyed prepared for a fight when he found himself standing in front of James.

James took one look at him and dropped his head to the ground. There wasn't a lot to say and neither knew how to break the ice so James just drove straight into whatever brought him over. "Here," he said somberly as he placed a manilla folder in Paul's hands. "It's the papers. I signed them."

Paul looked up at him in amazement even if he was confused why he was the one receiving them. "Why -"

"Didn't I give them to her?" James said finishing his thought. "Look down at the folder." Paul did as he was told and saw what it took him a second to figure out was flight info. "You can still catch her."

Paul looked back up at him and swallowed before saying anything. "What made you change your mind?"

James sighed out and shook his head. "She doesn't love me anymore. You win."