Status: We'll see where this one leads

A Lifelong Promise

Broken

It took about five minutes after James left for Paul to run out his door. He tracked her flight using the information James had given him and felt his heart pounding anxiously against his chest as he sped to the airport. There wasn't a lot of time to be played with and there were no guarantees he'd make it to the airport in time - there was also no guarantee that if he got to her before the plane left, she'd want to stay. He couldn't think straight, all Paul could do was obsessively check his watch as battled himself in this race against time.

He pulled up and threw his keys at a valet without so much as a glance as he sprinted through the automated sliding glass doors in search for Clare. He checked his watch again and pressed on harder to the check-in desk to buy a ticket so he'd be able to get through security. The valuable time he was wasting he knew would go against him as he estimated Clare's flight to be loading within the next five to ten minutes. He fidgeted as he waited in security, knowing if he made a scene and burst through the lines of people he'd automatically be taken down for his suspicious behavior before ever having had the chance to see her.

Paul knew he looked like he was probably on drugs, or at the very least going through withdrawals as he couldn't keep still in line. He looked around anxiously and threw his shoes into the plastic bin before he stepped through the metal detector. When it went off and the security guard pointed out his belt, Paul rolled his eyes and let out a deep sigh of annoyance before ripping it off and throwing it in the bin as well. He stepped through with no problems and began to hop towards Clare's gate as he put his shoes back on and didn't even bother with the belt as he carried it in his hand. He sprinted down the halls and pushed by everyone in his way but when he rounded the corner to Clare's flight he stopped dead in his tracks. No one was there, he was too late. He looked out the window and watched the plane drive onto the taxi and away from him. He'd succeeded at losing her, at pushing her away, and now he was alone trying to catch his breath in more ways than one.

Paul drove home in a daze, staring at the road and running his hand through his hair in frustration. He didn't know what to do - he pushed her away and now she was gone. He didn't know if she'd even want to see him ever again. He pulled into his parking deck and walked into their building; practically dragging his body through the doors to the elevator. When he went to press the button for his floor something came over him and he couldn't resist pushing hers instead. He needed closure - he needed to go to her empty apartment and make his peace with the situation he had gotten so wrapped up in. He took his key out and slid it in the lock hearing the clicking noise as he pushed the door open. He stepped inside and found it just as hard to breathe as the last time he'd been there leaving her the tea and whiskey - a gesture he hoped demonstrated to her that he still loved her; that those items, that day was the moment he realized he did to begin with.

He stood there for a moment prepared to turn around and leave before something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. As he spun to walk out the way he came he spotted Clare's flats on the floor next to the door. His brow wrinkled as he looked at them and his heart jumped. Before he could make another movement he heard a noise coming from deep down the hallway from her bedroom. Paul instantly felt his legs begin to carry him down to her room where the door was shut and when he got to it he pressed his ear against the hard wood. He could see the light beaming through the cracks and hear the shuffling around of her feet moving about. His heart was caught in his throat as he slowly turned the knob and pressed the door open, and when he did he found himself looking at Clare.

She didn't see him or know he was there, she was busy going through her drawers with an open suitcase on the bed. He was in shock he was seeing her there by herself - that she hadn't stepped on that plane and he didn't know what to do. The only thing he could muster out was her name very softly and very confused.

She gasped as she spun around and put her hand over her heart. "Paul you scared the hell out of me," she panted as her chest rose and fell rapidly. "What are you doing here?"

"I..." he straightened himself out against the frame of her bedroom door. "I thought you were..."

"Yeah well I'm not," she said coldly as she rolled her eyes and turned back to continue whatever it was she was doing.

Paul finally found his legs as he stepped the three feet closer to her and grabbed her arm, gently spinning her around into him. "I'm so sorry," he pleaded with the most sincerity she'd ever heard from anyone in her life.

He felt Clare pressed against him, the warmth from her body as she rested her head against his chest and he didn't want to lose that feeling. "Clare," he breathed out as he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. He could feel his throat tighten as he swallowed back tears and inhaled deeply before releasing a heavy sigh. "I've missed you so much. I was wrong and there are no words to even begin to explain how wrong I was..."

Clare ripped away from him and pulled every part of her far from him so that he wasn't touching her anymore. "Get out."

Paul could see the heartbreak on her face and the hurt in her eyes as she looked at him with her jaw tightened. He expected her to be angry with him but he wasn't prepared for it either way. "Please listen to me," he pleaded as he tried to take a step close but she put her hands up and took a step back.

"Are you kidding me?" she spat out. "You promised me you wouldn't give up on me - on us. You told me you loved me... and you know what, I really thought you were different."

"I do love you," he instantly professed needing for her to believe him. "More than you could possibly -"

"You left me!" she screamed as the tears began to well in her eyes. "You made love to me and then you drove me to his house without telling me and dropped me off like some kind of package, like some kind of damn trophy," she continued through gritted teeth as she swallowed back more tears. "You looked me in the eyes and told me you didn't want to be with me."

"I know what I said," he practically whispered. Hearing Clare's words and seeing how much he'd broken her heart made him sick to his stomach. "I told you that your best interest was always at the core of everything I did. I thought it was the right thing to do and I said some fucked up stuff to get you out of the car."

"Well it worked. You wanted me to believe you? Congratulations, you win."

"I didn't win anything Clare. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I've been going out of my mind insane this past week. I barely even know what has been going on in my life because I'm pretty sure I drank most of the week away. I can't blame you at all for being angry at me, for hating me, but I know that you love me. I know you do." He walked closer to her and reached out for her despite the fact that she gave him nothing back. "I'm sorry," he breathed out again with a shaky voice as he got down on his knees in front of her and rested his cheek to her abdomen groveling at her feet. "Please." He wrapped his arms around her and knew she could feel the wetness from his tears seeping through her shirt.

Her arms hung limply at her sides as Paul knelt there in front of her as vulnerable as he'd ever been. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips delicately kissing the top of it. She didn't put up as much of a fight but he knew when she pulled her hand away he wasn't making up any ground. Paul looked up at her before resting his forehead against her flat stomach and letting out a deep breath. He stood to his feet and brushed his hand against her face, moving the strands of her that were falling loosely in her face back. She melted into his touch and closed her eyes, rolling her shoulder up and into his hand. "I was wrong," he whispered when she finally looked back up at him. "What can I do?"

Clare quickly flickered her eyes down and away from him. "You can go."

"What?" he felt the word fall from his mouth in disbelief. "You're serious?"

"About as serious as you were when you left me at his door."

"Clare I can't even explain what was going through my mind. I just thought stepping aside would help you clear your head - that you could make a decision on what you wanted without me clouding your judgment."

"Am I five? Do I give you the impression I don't know what I want? If I wanted to be with a cheating husband who completely disrespected our vows, pushed me away and only really showed any signs of remorse after he was caught - then I never would have left. I never would have fallen in love with you and made the choice to pick you and what we had together over everything else in my life every single day when I woke up. He messed me up, sure. But I would have gone through it a hundred times over if it meant that at the end of the day I would have ended up in your arms. And you," she turned her head away in attempt to regain her composure. Paul tried to reach out and pull her to him but she pushed him away. "I thought after you came down to South Carolina for me that there was nothing left to question. I was wrong."

"No," he shook his head and refused to accept the fact that he'd destroyed the only thing that ever made him happy. "Look at me," he gently turned her head and made her look him in the eyes. "I love you."

He could tell by the way she broke down hysterically that she felt the same way for him as he did for her. She just wasn't ready to admit that yet. "Go."

Paul squeezed his eyes shut and felt his body go numb as he nodded his head and turned to walk away like a soldier who just lost a battle.

***

Paul wasn't doing so hot the next day despite the fact that they had a game. All he wanted to do was get through it so he could enjoy two days off to focus on getting his life back in order. He barely slept thinking about what Clare had said to him over and over again and he would have given anything in order to make things right. He looked like a hot mess, an exhausted hot mess, and since he was going through the motions in life, he figured it wouldn't be that much harder to go through the motions at work. He gave his all but there wasn't much left to give anymore - at least these days, anyway.

He didn't say anything to anyone as he walked out of the arena en route to his car and his buddies knew better at this point than to ask him anything. He walked out in silence and drove home the same way. He walked through the front doors of the lobby when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket.

When Paul pulled his phone out to see who was calling his eyes widened when he saw Clare's name flashing on his screen. "Clare?" he asked borderline frantically as he stopped in his tracks.

"Paul?" her voice was panicked and almost confused which immediately raised his concerns.

"Clare what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"No, Paul," she slurred out again in a raspy sigh. He could tell by her voice that she was in trouble. "I need help; I need you. I went for drinks with a bunch of coworkers and I only had one drink. I think Jason spiked it. I need...." she trailed off.

"Clare where are you?" he immediately asked, praying that she wasn't too far gone yet to be able to answer him.

"Bar around the corner from the museum. I'm scared, I'm so scared," she cried before Paul lost her.

He sprinted back to his car and sped like a lunatic to the bar. He didn't put it passed Jason to do something so vile; he'd practically pinned him for it the first time they met. His body was shaking as he pulled up to the bar making the best time of his life. He opened the doors and frantically looked around for Clare or any of her coworkers so that he could get her home safely and out of harms way. Finally he saw Jason down at the end of the bar by the back door with his arm tightly secured around Clare's waist. He had positioned Clare's arm around his neck and had to support all her weight since she was practically passed out. As Jason tried to maneuver Clare out to the back door Paul sprinted through the bodies in his way and ripped Jason backwards.

"You're disgusting," Paul screamed as he threw Jason into the wall of the bar like a rag doll. "Get the fuck away from her." He slammed his fist hard into Jason's face before spinning around picking Clare up from the person who caught her when Paul ripped Jason away from her. He carried her bridal style out of the doors and wrapped his suit jacket around her as he secured her in his passenger seat. When he got in the drivers seat he turned and cradled her face in his hands. "Clare!" he yelled trying to see if she was coherent. "Clare wake up!" he yelled again more frantically. She was sweaty and shivering and he couldn't think straight as he held her hand and kissed in like it was the magic spell she needed to come out of drug-induced coma she'd been forced into.

Paul drove her home and carried her up to his apartment. He rested her in his bed and wiped her face down with a warm wet cloth. He called out to her, begged her to answer him and when he finally got something of a moan he breathed a sigh of relief. Her breathing was totally fine and so was her heartbeat - he knew she wasn't going to die but watching her lay there so lifeless terrified him. He went in his drawer and took out the satin pajama set she'd left there and changed her into it. He kissed her forehead and whispered how much he loved her into her ear, how much he adored her, and didn't care whether or not she could hear him. He didn't go five minutes without checking on her and stayed by her side all through the night waiting to see when she would wake up. It was easily the most worried he'd ever been and after hours of laying next to her unresponsive body he finally felt her move ever so slightly.

"Clare?" Paul slid his arms around her and pulled her close to him "Can you hear me?"

"Mmm," she moaned out still not able to communicate any better.

"Are you okay? How are you feeling?"

She moaned again and finally was able to form some words. "My head hurts."

"Do you remember what happened?"

She nodded her head and moaned again. "I think so. I just...need sleep."

Paul nodded into her and kissed the side of her head. "It's such a relief to hear your voice. If anything worse would have happened to you...Clare you gotta know I love you. I'm sorry - I am so sorry for hurting you. I promise if you give me the chance I'll never leave your side again. I don't want to live without you." He buried his face in her neck and felt himself begin to lose control of his emotions. He couldn't stop the tears that fell, after everything he'd gone through in the last day and a half it was something of a release. The thought of something happening to her broke him in a way he didn't know he could be broken. "I'm never going to be able to get through to you how sorry I am."

"I know," she moaned sweetly. Paul wasn't prepared to get any kind of response from her considering her current state but it was a pleasant surprise - especially since it was receptive to his pleas.

"You...you do?"

"I love you," she breathed out before pressing into him and drifting back to sleep. Paul wasn't sure whether or not she knew what she said until he felt her rest her hand over his which was tightly draped over her waist, ever so delicately rubbing her fingers reassuringly over his.
♠ ♠ ♠
Jason is a slimeball - Paul called it. But he loves her and he knows that she knows that now.
thanks for reading. the more comments you guys leave, the faster I update.
I hope you aren't disappointed. Next chapter will be fun.