A Lifelong Promise

Clare was determined to make James notice her again. Though he'd pulled away from her and she kept on being the dutiful, loving wife she'd always been to him she didn't go above and beyond as much as she used to. She stopped trying to some degree when she realized just how much he'd changed. She did the little things she always did, which were easy to her because she did them out of love. This was the time to whip out the big guns and see where it got her.

Clare had a plan. It might not have seemed like much of a plan to those on the outside, but it was the best she could come up with nonetheless. She wasn't a malicious person, she didn't scheme to get revenge on him. She just wanted him back, she wanted her husband the way she used to know him and she wanted him the way he used to be with her. Her plan consisted of doing things out of the ordinary again. Some things were smaller than others, while there were grand things mixed in as well. If she was going to get him to snap out of the spiral he was undoubtably on then she needed to shake things up.

James wasn't going to be home every day, of course, due to his hockey schedule, but it didn't matter. She had to stick to this plan she concocted in her mind. Their five year anniversary was right around the corner and she wanted to celebrate it the right way. With the way things were going it wasn't out of the question to think they wouldn't even make it to then.

Her first gesture was simple and sweet. James had a home game and rather than continue living these separate lives all the while pretending they were a strong unit, Clare wanted to actually try and be on his team-- if he'd let her.

When James woke up that morning he groggily made his way down the stairs and found the coffee had been made with a note next to the pot. Good morning my love. I made you a pot of coffee. Breakfast is in the oven. I love you. -C

His lips curled up into a slight smile when he read the words his wife had left for him. She used to do things like that all the time for him, but it was around the time he pulled away from her that she stopped doing it-- that was a minor detail that he failed to acknowledge. To him everything was just fine; he was an egotistical athlete who thought he was living the dream and didn't realize how unhappy he was making his wife. He poured himself a cup of coffee and enjoyed the food she had prepared for him. He didn't think much more into it as he went back up the stairs to take a shower. He also didn't seem to think too much into it when he chose to go out with the guys after the game and leave her on her own.

"Really?" she asked him without a hint of an attitude, more out of shock. She thought he'd come home with her but the more she thought about it she came to the conclusion that all she did was leave him a note and make him breakfast, why would that make a difference in his brain anymore.

"I won't be long Clare I promise." There was a time in their relationship when he would put his arm around her waist and lead her out of the arena so they could go home together. Those days seemed like an eternity ago to her and she desperately longed for them.

"You tell me that and the funny thing is you always end up coming home after I'm in bed," Clare said as she watched some of the other guys do exactly that with their wives. She saw the way Crosby looked at Hannah and how Deryk Engelland looked at his wife. She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut before getting the strength to look back up at him.

"You don't have to go to bed so early," he tossed back at her not willing to give in, not really even noticing how upset she was. He was so wrapped up in himself, in his sin, that he simply didn't notice-- he didn't have the capacity to care about anyone other than himself anymore and he didn't even know it.

"I don't have to spend my nights alone either and somehow I do." It would be easy to think she was scolding him or fighting him but she wasn't. She knew that he was interpreting this as flirting and he was failing to see the hurt that he was causing her.

"Well wait up for me and I'll make sure you don't go to bed alone," he raised his eyebrows and flashed her a smirk and she had to force a smile. Him giving her sexual innuendos wasn't helping the situation. She wanted to argue with him but this wasn't the place nor the time.

"We'll see," she answered knowing full-well the answer. She didn't want to wait up for him to come strolling in the house during the wee hours of the morning only to be drunk and wound up from flirting with other girls. "Alright well, I'll see you later," she said as she spun around and made her way home alone. She didn't reach for a kiss and he didn't offer one, but in that moment it was fine by her-- she didn't want one anyway.

She was almost down the hallway so wrapped up in her thoughts that she barely noticed it when she knocked right into a big strong body and nearly fell backwards.

"Shit, you alright?" Paul Martin asked her as his reflexes took over and he grabbed her waist to steady her and prevent her from falling. She wasn't overtly close with him but she had met him in passing a few times and to her he seemed nice enough.

"Yeah," Clare looked up at him startled and made a face that gave away how stupid she felt. "I'm sorry about that I wasn't paying attention."

She was about to cry, her eyes were glassy and her voice a little shaky. She tried to hide it and thought she was pretty successful until she got called out on it. "You okay?" he asked her as he wrinkled his brow. "Where's Neal?"

Clare gave a little sniffle and tried to brush off his question. The last thing she wanted to do was cause a scene or give anyone something to go talk about. "Back there," she answered with a little head nod back towards the locker room, "He's going out. I'm going home. I'm really sorry I ran into you that way. I wouldn't want you to get hurt and sue me or something."

Paul gave a little smile. "I would never."

"I know," she forced a slight smile in return.

"You sure you're okay though?" he asked again before she started on her way again.

"Yeah," she responded unconvincingly, "Thank you for asking though," she said softly. She gave him an appreciative glance as she crossed her arms over her chest and headed on her way.

Paul watched her leave for about two seconds before he shook his head. It wasn't his place to get involved in whatever was upsetting her, but it didn't make him immune to feeling bad for her. Besides, he had a pretty good idea of what it was.

Clare felt the tears steam down her face her entire way home up til she climbed into bed. She thought about giving up entirely but as she closed her eyes to fall asleep her eyes locked on their wedding photo- they were so incredibly happy in it that it gave her the extra push to keep trying.

***

When she woke up the next morning she felt James in bed passed out next to her with his one arm flung over her waist. She shimmied out of his grasp and could still smell the alcohol that reeked from his pores. She rolled her eyes as she went downstairs and made herself a cup of tea. She took the card she bought the day before out from the drawer she had hidden it in and began to write in it. She realized that when she promised to love James through the good times and the bad, she didn't think the bad would be so hard. As she finished writing the sweet words she was declaring to James, she ended it with asking him out to lunch for the next afternoon. She wanted to surprise him and kind of reenact their first date-- take him to a flowery field, pack a picnic, hold his hand and maybe spark something inside him. Her fear was that he'd wake up, feel guilt from the night before, and go out and buy her something. She didn't want things-- she wanted him. She sealed the card with a kiss as she let out a deep breath and placed it next to the coffee she put on for him. Before she left she strategically placed a sexy pair of her panties in his gym bag and headed on her way.

Clare waited anxiously for a text or phone call from her husband and when she finally got one she couldn't help smiling.

Such a sweet card. I'm a lucky man to have a wife like you. Of course we can do lunch tomorrow. Meet me at the arena after practice and we'll go to lunch since we head out immediately after the game for two days tomorrow night. Love you.

Good, I can't wait. I have it under control, it's a surprise. I love you too, she sent back feeling the butterflies in her stomach.

It wasn't like they never talked to each other because they did. It was just different. He had changed and their marriage was in trouble because of that, he just couldn't see it- or better yet, he didn't care to.

A few minutes later she got a second text. Nice surprise in my bag. Put them on later and I'll take them off you since you got me all hot and bothered now. He'd obviously found her panties and it stirred up images of her in his mind, much to her pleasure.

Clare smiled to herself again. Maybe he was coming around. She couldn't wait to get home to him and when she did they ate dinner together and talked sweetly to each other about their day. After watching a movie on the couch he took her by the hand and led her up the stairs to their bed where they had sex. Great sex at that. They cuddled together in bed that night and things seemed to be working the way she hoped.

At least that's what she thought until she showed up at the arena the next day to meet him for the lunch she was so excited about and he wasn't there.