Life Ever Fasting
My dearest, beautiful, Bert.
We were the perfect couple.
Everyone thought we were soul mates. We were supposed to be together forever. We had our difficulties like any relationship but we were two halves of one whole. We shared everything, nothing was sacred and through that, everything was sacred. We held each other’s hearts as well as secrets.
We were perfect, until things changed. Until she came between us. Ana. She was so hideously beautiful. I saw hideous and he saw beautiful.
It started out small, “I just want to be a little bit thinner Gerard, I have control.”
But my beautiful Bert didn’t have control. He started talking of how beautiful ana was. How perfectly desirable her frail skeletal frame was. All I saw was the sick gleam in her eyes as she roped my boyfriend in, tugging him further and further away from me. Taunting me in my dream, things I could never achieve, things that were all Bert wanted.
I tried to ignore it for a while, I was the model boyfriend supportive, caring, loving and reassuring, and I tried to fight her. Yet, all I got in return was a boyfriend that grew more distant as he grew more and more attached to ana and his new friend mia. It was two against one now. Ana and mia against me. As they became more inviting, more pleasing and more beautiful to my gorgeous Bert, I became more repulsive, more disgusting and more sickening to him. Ana was what he needed. What he craved when they were not around and as he grew more distant, I knew he was with them.
”They are disgusting!” I yelled. “Please let me help you,” I pleaded, my eyes brimming with tears.
“I don’t need you to look after me, I have this sorted,” was always his cold reply.
As I watched our perfect relationship crumble to the ground, I could see my beautiful Bert was happy. Happy with her. If ana could make him happy, I should have been happy right? Happy for him, that is the mature thing to do, yes? No. I was not happy. I loved him, I watched him fade away whilst she grinned and helped him. I listened to his stories of how they hurt him, how they killed him inside. His stories of how mia made him bleed and ana made him ache. His stories all told with a smile on his face and a degree of love in his voice that would make me cry when he could not see me- usually when he was with them.
And heaven forbid when I insulted them, you have never defended me like that.
”She is not horrid,” you always defended angrily.
It was as if I had insulted a part of you. She was a part of you. A part of the frail half person you had become. If our two halves made a whole, then now you needed her to complete our whole. There is a reason polygamy is illegal, because more than two does not work. I wasn’t with you anymore, I was with you and ana and mia.
This is what I thought,
I thought you need me,
This is what I thought so think me naïve,
I promise you a heart you'd promise to keep,
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.
I gazed down at your sunken greyed face as they closed the lid on your casket with visioned blurred by the freely falling tears, your hollow checks and frail wrists still showing your dedication to her. I cried for you. I cried for us and I cried for what we had. As I turned around to leave, I saw ana and mia there, grinning as always. Their angular, disgustingly thin faces grinning. They had never truly cared for you. They never cried for you. They never thought you were beautiful like I did. They never wanted you like I did.
You wanted them and they devoured you.
Whilst you devoured nothing.
And now I have nothing.
Because of them.
Because of what they did to us.
We have nothing and you have become nothing.
But you were my everything.
My dearest, beautiful, Bert.
Everyone thought we were soul mates. We were supposed to be together forever. We had our difficulties like any relationship but we were two halves of one whole. We shared everything, nothing was sacred and through that, everything was sacred. We held each other’s hearts as well as secrets.
We were perfect, until things changed. Until she came between us. Ana. She was so hideously beautiful. I saw hideous and he saw beautiful.
It started out small, “I just want to be a little bit thinner Gerard, I have control.”
But my beautiful Bert didn’t have control. He started talking of how beautiful ana was. How perfectly desirable her frail skeletal frame was. All I saw was the sick gleam in her eyes as she roped my boyfriend in, tugging him further and further away from me. Taunting me in my dream, things I could never achieve, things that were all Bert wanted.
I tried to ignore it for a while, I was the model boyfriend supportive, caring, loving and reassuring, and I tried to fight her. Yet, all I got in return was a boyfriend that grew more distant as he grew more and more attached to ana and his new friend mia. It was two against one now. Ana and mia against me. As they became more inviting, more pleasing and more beautiful to my gorgeous Bert, I became more repulsive, more disgusting and more sickening to him. Ana was what he needed. What he craved when they were not around and as he grew more distant, I knew he was with them.
”They are disgusting!” I yelled. “Please let me help you,” I pleaded, my eyes brimming with tears.
“I don’t need you to look after me, I have this sorted,” was always his cold reply.
As I watched our perfect relationship crumble to the ground, I could see my beautiful Bert was happy. Happy with her. If ana could make him happy, I should have been happy right? Happy for him, that is the mature thing to do, yes? No. I was not happy. I loved him, I watched him fade away whilst she grinned and helped him. I listened to his stories of how they hurt him, how they killed him inside. His stories of how mia made him bleed and ana made him ache. His stories all told with a smile on his face and a degree of love in his voice that would make me cry when he could not see me- usually when he was with them.
And heaven forbid when I insulted them, you have never defended me like that.
”She is not horrid,” you always defended angrily.
It was as if I had insulted a part of you. She was a part of you. A part of the frail half person you had become. If our two halves made a whole, then now you needed her to complete our whole. There is a reason polygamy is illegal, because more than two does not work. I wasn’t with you anymore, I was with you and ana and mia.
This is what I thought,
I thought you need me,
This is what I thought so think me naïve,
I promise you a heart you'd promise to keep,
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.
I gazed down at your sunken greyed face as they closed the lid on your casket with visioned blurred by the freely falling tears, your hollow checks and frail wrists still showing your dedication to her. I cried for you. I cried for us and I cried for what we had. As I turned around to leave, I saw ana and mia there, grinning as always. Their angular, disgustingly thin faces grinning. They had never truly cared for you. They never cried for you. They never thought you were beautiful like I did. They never wanted you like I did.
You wanted them and they devoured you.
Whilst you devoured nothing.
And now I have nothing.
Because of them.
Because of what they did to us.
We have nothing and you have become nothing.
But you were my everything.
My dearest, beautiful, Bert.