In the Rearview

Jack finds him on a random Wednesday, mid-June. The small beach town is packed with tourists and nobody should stick out to Jack the way this guy is. But this isn't just some guy and no matter how crowded it is, Jack will probably always be able to pick him out. Because he's Alex. He'll always be Alex. Or so Jack thinks.

There's a long line in front of the register in the coffee shop, and Alex is sitting at a table towards the back windows, looking small and out of place. Jack is debating between waiting and getting coffee first, or just making a beeline for Alex and skipping the coffee today. The fact that it's only a little past seven in the morning, paired with the fact that he and Alex didn't quite part on good terms, keeps him in line and trying to focus on what kind of coffee he wants.

Thankfully the line is long enough to allow him to comprehend exactly what is happening to him right now. Walking in to his usual coffee spot and finding the ex-boyfriend he's been missing for years is definitely not something he was, or ever will be, ready for.

He allows himself to glance up at Alex every so often as the line moves forward. The man sitting there is nowhere close to the boy Jack left behind all those years ago. Looks-wise, he's the same. Taller, if that’s possible. And his hair is darker. But Jack can just tell that something has happened to Alex to bring him all the way to this coffee shop in Bethany Beach, Delaware.

"The usual, Jack?"

Jack blinks, coming back from his thoughts and finding himself at the front of the line, the girl behind the register looking and waiting for his order.

"Yeah, Kelly," he says quickly, not even quite sure what his usual even is right now. "Sounds good."

Turns out, his 'usual' is a large black coffee. His brain has seemingly decided to forget half of his normal every day routine and he's going to blame it all on the sudden appearance of Alex. And he has every intention of walking right up to him and letting him know that. That is, until Alex looks up from the coffee cup in front of him and when his eyes meet Jack's, there is no sign of recognition at all.

It floors Jack - for the second time in fifteen minutes. Alex is looking at him just as anyone would look at a stranger who happens to be standing within their line of sight. Jack sits down in the closest seat available, hands clutching his hot coffee and breaking all eye contact. Alex doesn't recognize him. At all.

He chances another look at Alex's table, only to find that he's suddenly no longer alone. One of the boys who works at the shop, making the drinks behind the counter, is sitting in the empty seat that Jack was going to take. He has a new cup of coffee, sliding it across the table to Alex and Alex is nodding in response to something the boy just said. He looks confused, but he's smiling and nodding to whatever was said to him and he looks…happy.

Jack knows that the way he left Alex in Maryland gives him absolutely no privileges and he should not be feeling so jealous over some random guy talking to his ex. But he can’t help but think that it isn’t just a coincidence that Alex has shown up in the tiny little town that Jack has been hiding out in for the past three years.



Jack somehow manages to get to work on time after his little almost-run-in with Alex at the café. He’s worked at the same independent book store ever since he started his freshman year of college at Wilmington University and needed a decent paying job with flexible hours. Now, three years of school down and one more to go, he’s working full-time during the summer and he’s the assistant manager of his shift. It’s an easy job with good pay that keeps him occupied until classes start up again. Today however it is almost impossible for Jack to be occupied. He’s got a million thoughts running through his brain and it’s all he can do to stay focused on restocking the shelves.

Alex has no idea who he is anymore. If it were anyone else from Maryland, Jack wouldn't think twice about it. It's been nearly three whole years since he moved away. It wouldn't be surprising if people forgot what he looked like. But this is not just any person from Maryland. This is Alex. This is the boy he loved more than anything else. This is the boy he hurt and could never possibly apologize enough to. He and Alex were perfect together. Until he went and fucked it up all in one night.

"I can practically hear you thinking over there," Matt Flyzik says from across the store. He's sitting on a step ladder, eating a bag of popcorn and watching Jack do all the work. Typical Wednesday afternoon.

"I had a bit of an interesting morning," Jack admits to his coworker, who also happens to be his roommate. "I got my usual coffee at the usual place and saw a very unusual person there."

"Was it that weird kid?" Matt asks, tossing a piece of popcorn towards Jack. It misses and falls in the middle of the floor. "The weird art major who dates that other weird art major?"

"Wow you're so specific. I totally know who you're talking about."

"The super tall and skinny kid-"

"Whatever. It wasn't him. It was Alex. My ex-boyfriend from Maryland."

At that, Flyzik looks as shocked as Jack still feels about it. Nice to know he isn't alone. He rolls up the bag of popcorn and gets to his feet, leaving the bag behind as he starts helping Jack put books on the shelves.

"What did he say, dude? Did he seem like he was over what happened?"

Jack swallows hard. Just being reminded about what went down and how Alex handled it all almost hurts as much as it did when it initially happened. "He didn't say anything. We didn't talk at all. He didn't recognize me."

"Come on dude. Maybe he didn't see you."

"No, we made eye contact, he stared at me. I know when someone's pretending not to know me and he was not pretending."

Matt nods, playing with the pages of the book in his hands. "So...why do you think that is? I mean, you're his ex. And you two were perfect together, according to you at least. And you cheated on him. So what would make him forget about you? If I were him, I’d have your face on a billboard and searching you down so I could punch you in the balls a couple of times."

"I have no idea," Jack admits, "But I'll be finding out. Trust me."



Things were always so good for Jack and Alex when they were together. They started dating sophomore year of high school after being friends since elementary school. Their relationship was easy to start and easy to get used to and Jack thought that that was it – that Alex was the one for him. He was young, and he knew that if he ever dared say that out loud he would be mocked by everyone and told that he was just ‘young and in love’ and didn’t know how he’d feel in a few years. But they would have been wrong, because even two years later, fresh high school graduates with a whole new life ahead of them, he still knew that Alex was all he’d ever want. So naturally, he slept with someone else.

Being just eighteen and so completely in love with someone is a terrifying thing. Just the thought of knowing exactly who you would be with for the rest of your life and knowing exactly what you wanted was too much for Jack to comprehend sometimes. Alex didn’t seem to be nearly as fazed by it – he would talk about their future with such ease that it made Jack nervous. How could they just know that this was it for them?

So at one of the many graduation parties that summer, Jack showed up on his own. Alex was sick – some kind of head cold. Maybe a stomach virus. Jack can’t remember exactly what is was anymore. The party was being thrown by some kid in their grade named Vinny Vegas. That wasn’t his real last name – Jack just never bothered to find out the real thing. He lived in the nicer part of their neighborhood and his parents didn’t care what he did or didn’t do at parties. So they were out, and the entire graduating class was in attendance. It was sort of a disaster. In more ways than one.

Josh had been the new kid that year – a transfer student all the way from England whose parents had decided he needed a change of scenery. Jack’s not sure why they thought Maryland was a good change but he and Josh never really became friends, so he never found that out. But Josh was in a few of his classes and he was loud and obnoxious and it was hard to not find him attractive. Especially when he finds you alone at a party and brings you beer after beer and talks to you in that alluring British accent. And even more attractive when he invites you into the guest bedroom to ‘talk’.

Needless to say, Jack was the stupidest eighteen year old on the planet that night, managing to fuck up his whole future. He should have stayed home and hung out with his sick boyfriend. Although, he can’t say without a doubt that he wouldn’t have fucked up some other way.

When Alex found out (a number of days later), he was crushed. They had a huge fight in Jack’s bedroom and Alex cried a lot and, from what Jack can remember, he broke a couple of picture frames on Jack’s desk. He left that night and didn’t speak to Jack again; wouldn’t answer any phone calls; wouldn’t come to the door when Jack tried to visit. And Jack left for college barely a week later, convinced that that was the end of him and Alex. Last he had heard from friends back home, Alex was dating some guy named Dan. There was no reason for Jack to think for even a second that he and Alex would ever have another shot. So he’s determined to find out exactly what brings Alex to Delaware – and why he doesn’t seem to remember Jack at all.