Reaper

I picked up a wash cloth from the bathroom and filled up a bowl with hot water, trying not to glance at my reflection in the mirror. I knew I looked terrible, what with the dirt in my hair and my clothes and my face and the blood stains – those were new. Deciding that Sawyer could wait a few seconds more, I rinsed off my face and pulled my hair back into a tight bun, hiding the nastiness that hid in my curls.

With one final huff, I grabbed what I had come for and walked out, carefully and quietly shutting the door behind me. I didn’t want to wake Mandi or Fitch, but I knew that even if I did, they’d just be cheeky bastards and make fun of me for having someone over.

Upon getting back to my room, I was met with a harsh grunt.

I quickly set the bowl down on my night stand. “Stop picking at it, you’ll only make it hurt worse,” I muttered, lightly slapping Sawyer’s hand away from his temple.

I picked up the cloth and dipped it in the water. Sawyer watched my every move, irritated – yet somewhat intrigued. It was as if he were watching some kind of show that I wasn’t aware I was putting on, unsure of what I was going to do next. I squirmed a little under his intense gaze, suddenly uncomfortable. Quickly, I reached up and placed the towel on the cut, trying to clean off the dried blood.

Sawyer hissed. “Charlotte, this is hardly necessary-“

“Stay still,” I ordered, a little more harshly than I intended. He rolled his eyes and lay back on the pillows that were propping him into a sitting position on the bed.

I continued to wipe away the dirt and blood on his face, aware that his eyes were all over me. I felt my cheeks heat up as he did so, his gaze intense and his emerald eyes sparkling with humor. He was obviously just trying to placate me, and I was grateful for the opportunity to get my mind off of everything that was going on.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Sawyer cleared his throat. “Mind if I ask what happened?”

I paused over his temple for a second, surprised. I continued, staring at what my hands were doing rather than at his eyes, which were searching mine for something to go on. “I went around back to be alone on my break. He showed up right after I did.” My voice was soft – I was trying to hold back how upset I was about the whole thing.

Sawyer’s eyebrows furrowed. “Break? You hardly ever go on break. You said something about your boss not allowing it.”

I bit my lip. “I know. I, uh… I had to clear my head.”

He blinked up at me for a moment before lifting his hand. Slowly, he brought it up to rest on top of mine, making me jump a little at the contact. He hardly ever went out of his way to touch me - besides in a manner other than helping me up or something like that - so this was completely unexpected.

“Something happened.” It wasn’t a question, he didn’t have to ask. He knew, from my face, that he was right.

I sighed and looked down at my lap, pulling my hand away from his before I did something stupid. “I got a call at work,” I grumbled, biting my lip. “My, uh, my brother just came home from Afghanistan. He was shot.” I had to bite my lip harder to keep the tears from falling, just from thinking about it.

I heard Sawyer inhale sharply.

My head shot up as Sawyer balled his fists into the sheets. He clenched his jaw tightly and looked away from me, clearly affected by something. Frightened, I stood up and nearly fell on to my butt, trying to put some distance between us.

“Sawyer…?”

Every muscle in Sawyer’s body was tense. After a few seconds, he relaxed, collapsing back onto the pillows again. His eyes slid shut as he started to breathe slowly, inhaling through his nose and out through his mouth. He seemed eerily calm for what had just happened a moment before.

I stood on the other side of the room, still somewhat shaken. Sawyer finally opened one of his eyes to peek at my reaction, still frozen.

“I am very, very sorry,” he said softly, sitting up suddenly. “That was my fault. It has been a while since I have Fed, and you were just so close…” His voice cracked as he said the last word. “I am truly sorry, Charlotte, I should go-“

“But-“

With one swift move, he kicked his legs off the side of the bed and stood up opposite me, facing me with tense shoulders. I could see that every muscle in his arms and chest were tensed, like he was ready to pounce. His animal instincts had kicked in in a millisecond, and it was nowhere quite so obvious as in his eyes. The light flickered in and out of existence, surging like an ocean tide, ebbing and flowing with my heart rate.

I felt my heart in my throat as he moved to the window to leave. In hindsight, maybe I should have let him go, and then I could’ve avoided what happened afterwards. But in the moment, all I felt was the hot fear that snaked into my chest, terrified that I had hurt or offended the one person who went out of his way to protect me.

Without even thinking about it, I darted around the bed and grabbed ahold of his arm just before he stepped outside the window.

His head snapped back at me, eyes ablaze, for single, horrifying moment. His wild eyes began to calm as he searched the stoic expression on my face. I could feel my lips hardened into a flat line and my eyes pleading, begging him to listen, to stay. A second later his gemstone eyes were searching mine, searching for something, but I wasn’t sure I knew what. His jaw was set in a hard line – he was waging an internal war that his eyes only showed a glimpse of.

As the tension built, he finally stepped down and spoke. “Charlotte, there is something you should know.”

I stared at him, my heart pounding and my mouth dry. I was afraid he was about to drop another bomb, and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to handle it.

Once he realized I wasn’t going to reply, he continued. “Just because I can’t Feed from you…” He looked away for a second, choosing his words, and embarrassed to look me in the eyes. “It doesn’t mean I don’t Sense what you’re feeling.”

Out of reflex, I snatched my hand back from his arm, suddenly feeling completely exposed. My eyes were wide as his words began to sink in. Every reaction, everything I felt, was wide open to him. He knew all of it, and even though it couldn’t kill me, he could certainly come close. He knew when I was scared, when I was sad. He knew how my eyes watered at the thought of my brother and how my boss got on my nerves and how my heart sped up just a little every time I looked at him.

He knew what he did to me. And it wasn’t fair.

“That’s not fair…” The words were a faint whisper off of my lips, fallen out of my mouth before I even realized I had said them.

He took a step towards me. I took a step away from him, again out of reflex, suddenly afraid. Nothing I said or did around Sawyer was private – it was like having my head torn open and examined for the world to see. I felt so vulnerable, so small, compared to the power that he had over me.

He sighed, running his hand nervously over his jaw, scratching the faint stubble. “You’re right. It’s not fair. It’s not fair because you can’t do the same with me. It’s not fair because I know your heart races just a little every time you see me. It’s not fair because I cannot be there for you the way any human man can, in the way you desire from me.”

I felt my cheeks flush bright pink, and I ducked my head. I was mortified. I had hoped that Sawyer didn’t know I was attracted to him, but I had been wrong. From the moment I met him, Sawyer had drawn me in like a forbidden fruit, a fantasy that was so close I was willing to risk everything to chase it. I couldn’t get enough of the way his eyes searched mine whenever he wanted clarification, how his lips parted when he spoke, how he never let on how he felt about anything.

I was suddenly aware that I knew nothing about him.

He took another step forward, and this time I let him. My nose was level with his sternum as I stared straight ahead, too ashamed to even look up at him. I could feel his eyes on me, hot and questioning, as he began to reach up his hand.

“And it’s not fair,” he breathed, his voice rumbling softly in my ear. “That you don’t know how badly I want to kiss you at the moment.”

My head snapped up, wide-eyed, as I stared up at him. His hand that had been lifted was brought to my cheek, where he stroked it softly. It was such an intimate gesture for Sawyer that I was completely blown away, the air suddenly escaped from my lungs. His eyes gazed into mine as his hand travelled down my face, to my neck, and finally to my hair, where it rested on my bun. With deft fingers, he quickly took it out, letting my dirty hair cascade down my back. His task done, he lifted up his hands to cup my jaw, forcing me to look up at him. I was rooted to the spot, completely frozen in shock.

And suddenly, his lips were on mine.

It was as though someone had lit a fire inside of me. Once I had recovered from the surprise, I sighed into the kiss, my lips relaxed under his gentle ones. I felt the stubble of his jaw tickle my chin as he moved and I wondered wantonly what it would feel like in other places. I reached my arms up to wrap them around his neck, standing on my toes to fully reach, and he deepened the kiss, letting out a long breath from his nose. I felt him wrap one hand around my waist and knot the other into my hair as he brought me closer to him, my front suddenly flush against his.

Slowly, unsurely, Sawyer nibbled at my bottom lip. I unknowingly let out a small moan in response, opening my mouth for him to claim. He growled softly, somewhere in the back of his throat, and ran his hands up and down my back. I threaded my hands into his hair, suddenly feeling that my entire being was hot with electricity that had been dormant for as long as I could remember, sparking to life at every area of contact with him.

I had been kissed before, but never like this. It had been mechanical, forced. To those guys, I had been an object, a method to release their tension. Sawyer cradled me like I was a treasure, valuable and worthwhile, highly desired.

He wrenched his lips away from mine to kiss down my neck, his lips fluttering from spot to spot until he found one in the crook of my neck that garnered the reaction that he had hoped for. “Sawyer…”His name was a breathy moan as I clung to him, wanting to be close to him more than anything else.

Suddenly he lifted me from the ground. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist for purchase, just to be sure I wouldn’t fall, though I knew perfectly well that my weight would be no match for Sawyer’s inhuman strength. Still, I clung to him desperately, breathing heavily against him as we fell together onto the bed behind us. He hovered over me – my protector, my guardian.

I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that it was very, very wrong. It went against everything I knew was rational and real, and yet here I was, thrust into a realm that I didn’t even know existed. I made every attempt to close all the distance between our bodies as Sawyer kissed me, pressing me closer and closer to his pounding heart that was beating in time with my own. I felt irrevocably connected to him in that moment, like we were the only ones in the universe, alone with our thoughts and our emotions. It was me and Sawyer. No one else.

And yet I knew that nothing good could come of it.