Reaper

Slowly, I rose out of the bed and examined what he’d given me. It was a pair of flannel pajama pants and a baggy t-shirt, something I would wear to bed on most normal nights. I frowned – I wouldn’t look very attractive in these. I looked down at myself, dressed in a short black dress and some stockings. No, that wouldn’t do, either. I walked over to the chest of drawers and opened them, hoping for something to find. It was all men’s clothes, much like those Sawyer had given me. I opened another and pulled out a white button down, much like what I wore to work – that would do fine.

Carefully, so as not to lose my balance, I slipped out of my dress. I shivered as my skin was exposed to the cold air and hurriedly pulled on the shirt, quickly buttoning them up until I reached the top. I decided to leave the top two unbuttoned – no, one. No, two.

There was a sharp knock on the door, followed by Sawyer entering with a glass of water. I watched as his eyes widened in shock, just for a second, before he turned his gaze away from me hurriedly.

“Here, drink,” he ordered gruffly. I took it from him and did as he asked, the cool water sliding down my throat that I hadn’t even realized was dry. I finished the glass in seconds and put it back on the dresser, not really knowing what else to do with it.

Sawyer walked over and sat down in the armchair in the corner of the room, leaning his head back against the back of it and sighing audibly. He let his eyes slide shut, his face clearly relaxed. “Alright, you should probably get some sleep. I’m sure it’s been a long day for you.”

I sighed and crawled into the bed, pulling the blankets up to my chin and pulling my knees into my chest, trying to make myself as small as possible. My brain was still buzzing with activity, focused primarily on the way Sawyer looked at me in the dress shirt. But he hadn’t mentioned it.

That was so very him. It’s not that Sawyer didn’t feel things – on the contrary, I was totally convinced that he had just as many feelings as I did, despite his protests – it was that he was very, very good at hiding them. In his presence, however, I was an open book. I started to get a little irritated. How was it fair for him to be able to read my mind, but I couldn’t read his?

“Sawyer?” I said softly, my back still turned toward him.

“Mmm?”

I turned over so that I was facing him, still curled up under the blankets. He was stretched out on the chair, his eyes shut, obviously trying to tune me out. “You don’t hate me, do you?”

His eyes snapped open quickly. He sat up sharply and looked at me, confused. “Of course not. Why would you think that?”

I bit my lip, pulling the covers over my head to hide my face. “Because you never tell me anything,” I blurted, suddenly realizing the alcohol was still in the process of wearing off. “And after a few nights ago, and what happened to your friend, and earlier in the car you got so mad…” I pressed my lips together tightly to keep myself from saying anything else. Then he might just remember why he was mad.

He let out a long breath, running a hand through his hair. “Charlotte, this situation is difficult for me, I’ll admit. Forrest shouldn’t have been dragged into it, but that’s not your fault, it’s Isis’s.” He sighed again, rubbing his jaw. “I was angry in the car because I had just spent hours trying to find you because you hadn’t told me where you were going or-” He broke off, unwilling to finish the sentence. Or who you were with. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to avoid eye contact. “As far as the kiss… I told you, that was a mistake. It won’t happen again.”

I felt my face burn. I wasn’t sure whether it was from embarrassment for from anger or from something else, something triggered by the undertone in his voice as he spoke. I peeked out from under the covers to see that he was staring at me intently, his eyes questioning and a little annoyed.

Fueled by something deep inside of me, I decided to ask what had been bothering me for a while. “Why was it a mistake?”

Ah, that clearly wasn’t a good direction to go in.

Sawyer’s body went rigid. I could tell by the way his jaw set and how his hands tightened around the chair’s armrests that I had clearly struck a nerve. I wasn’t entirely sure why – he’d been the one to reject me, after all. But I instantly regretted saying anything. His eyes were burning as he looked over at me, as if I was obviously missing something important.

Once he looked at my face, though, his expression softened. He had seen the fear on my face, the concern.

“It was a mistake because I fear you’ll get the wrong idea. You forget, I’m not human, Charlotte. I cannot fulfill this dream that you seem to have of me.” I felt myself pull the covers tighter around myself in embarrassment, wanting the bed to just swallow me whole. “But, more importantly, any relationship with me would spell danger for you in the long run.” I saw his face drop, affected by what he’d just said. He clearly was upset. “I couldn’t live with myself knowing I’d only put you more in harm’s way than I already have.”

I sat back for a moment, mulling over what he’d said the best I could. It made my chest hurt a little to think that he’d pinned me so well – of course I’d had a few little fantasies about what being with Sawyer would be like. I was embarrassed that he knew, but then again I wasn’t surprised. I was slightly warmed that he cared enough about me to want only my safety, and that should have been enough to be satisfied with his response.

But another, larger part of me kept replaying that kiss over and over in my head. And it wanted to believe that there was a part of Sawyer that was just as attracted to me as I was to him.

With that in mind, I decided to say what it was that was bothering me. “You never said you didn’t like it.”

Sawyer groaned and slammed his fist down on the arm of the chair, making me jump in surprise. “Well, no, I didn’t say that, but-“

I don’t know what came over me, but I threw back the covers once he said that, and threw my legs over the side of the bed. With shaky legs, I took the few steps over to his chair, my gaze never leaving his. He stared at me, too surprised to say anything, as I stood in front of him, wearing nothing but a man’s shirt and a pair of shorts.

He looked me up and down, just once, so quickly that I wasn’t positive I’d seen it.

“But?” I pressed, taking a step toward him.

He swallowed hard, his eyes locked with mine. They were wide with fear, but with something else as well, something that made me feel warmth in the pit of my stomach.

“B-but it can’t happen again, regardless of how much I liked it-“ He cut himself off, realizing what he’d admitted to.

I stepped forward again, this time onto his lap. Wordlessly, our eyes locked in a war of wills, I fired the first shot. I carefully wedged my knees in between his hips and the side of the chair, wrapping my small arms around his neck, so that I was straddling his waist in the chair. As if by instinct, he placed his hands on my hips to steady me, but gave no indication that it meant anything else.

“So you did like it.” There wasn’t a question in my voice, only understanding.

There was a flash in his eyes and he set his jaw again, unwilling to incriminate himself any further. I could see the restraint in his face – he was clearly going to great internal lengths to keep himself away from me. When that was the last thing I wanted.

“Yes,” he murmured, his voice strained. “I did.”

That was all the confirmation I needed.

I quickly gripped his hair and pulled his lips to mine. He moaned into my mouth in shock, his eyes wide, as our mouths fused, but after a stony reception, he seemed to give in. I felt his hot breath on my face as we kissed, and the feeling made the warmth in my stomach begin to spread. It felt like fire in my veins, warming the deepest regions of my body, places I hadn’t even dreamed of exploring. Not until now, at least.

“Sawyer…” I breathed as he broke the kiss to move his lips down to my neck. His name tumbled from my lips before I could stop them, and after I heard how wanton it sounded, I felt myself blush a little.

This only seemed to urge him on. I felt his hands tighten his grip on my waist as he kissed the soft skin on my neck, soft and gentle, until he found a spot that earned a small squeak from me. He smiled against my skin and began to nibble at it softly, making my heart race. I was worried he could hear it practically beating out of my chest, and I only hoped his was doing the same. His hands began to pull me closer to him, fitting me snugly onto his lap, closing the distance between us. My chest was flush against his, and I felt myself grow hotter as I felt something begin to harden under me.

I tried to bring his lips back to mine, but he suddenly pulled away. We both breathed heavily as he rested his forehead on mine, his incredible eyes staring me down. I could see the turmoil that was raging inside of those eyes – he was clearly torn. I ground my hips downward, just a little, letting him know I wanted this. I needed this.

Or, at least, the alcohol did.

Suddenly something flashed again in his eyes. He drew in a deep breath. “Fuck it.”

And with that, he claimed my mouth again, this time more rough and urgent. I gasped in surprise, giving him the opportunity to slide his tongue into my mouth, sensually exploring the relatively new territory. I allowed him to, reveling in the feel of being dominated by him but, at the same time, in control of his reactions. I could feel the raw power coiled within him, emanating from beneath me.

I was taken by surprise when Sawyer grabbed me by my butt and hoisted me into the air. I clutched onto him closer, wrapping my legs around his middle tightly as he stood up and carried me over to the bed, almost effortlessly. We fell onto it together, never breaking the sacred kiss that was all-consuming in my head. I still couldn’t quite process what was going on, only that my skin was alive with need for him.

He crawled over me, fitting perfectly between my legs. I could feel the heat radiating from his waist, hot like nothing I’d ever imagined. I felt the warmth from my stomach react to this, coiling deep in my abdomen and licking at the connection between my legs. I ran my hands down his back, scratching lightly, pulling him closer to me as he kissed me fiercely.

“Charlie,” he breathed against my lips.

It sounded like a swear word, uttered in the heat of passion, because he was always so sure to call me by my given name. But hearing that from him sounded so full of lust, like he was losing control of himself, coming apart at the seams. Good, because that was exactly how he was making me feel. I felt like my skin was getting tighter, like I wanted to touch him everywhere and be touched.

He removed his lips from mine again, this time to trail kisses down the front of me. They began at my neck and worked their way south, nipping lightly at my collar bone and at my sternum. I felt my breath hitch in my throat as he worked the highest button apart with deft fingers, replacing the material that had rested there with his lips. I shuddered at the feeling that came over me, a hot wave of pleasure. He continued this until all of the buttons were undone and the shirt was open, revealing my naked torso. I should have been embarrassed, but the modestly felt unnecessary in Sawyer’s presence. I wanted to be rid of the clothing as soon as possible.

Slowly, cautiously, he raised one of his hands and rested it on my stomach. I shivered as it skimmed over my skin, his large hand leaving goose bumps wherever it touched. It made its lazy way up to my chest, where it rested, gently cupping the soft flesh. I arched my back upwards, pressing into his palm, a quiet moan still on my lips. I felt like I was on fire, a fire that only he could extinguish.

It was at that moment that I realized, without a doubt in my mind, that I wanted him.

As soon as that thought passed through my mind, Sawyer leapt off of me and stepped back about five steps, his hands in the air over his head. The cold washed over me instantly, bathing me in the harsh reality that I had escaped from in his arms. I then laid there, unclothed and exposed, but too in shock to move, as he faced the wall, away from me. His back was tensed, ready to strike.

When he turned around, I realized what was wrong. His eyes were glowing brightly, cutting through the dim light in the room like a beacon. I squinted at him, feeling the fear beginning to lap at the corners of my mind, causing my throat to tighten. I was still scared of him, especially in this state. Scared of what he could do.

“I need to Feed,” he hissed, and his eyes began to flicker back to normal. I could see the disappointment in his voice, the restraint beginning to set in. He was building those walls again, the ones that had taken so long to even see over, much less tear down.

I merely nodded, unsure of how to react. My nerves still tingled from the shadow of his touch, so suddenly ripped away.

He blew a breath out through his mouth, starting to pace. “If I just calm myself down, I’ll at least be able to control the urge-“ He inhaled sharply as his eyes began to glow again.

I sat up then, pulling the shirt around me to cover up. “Sawyer, just go feed,” I told him, practically begging.

I wasn’t entirely okay with the fact that his feeling meant the harm of another person. I never would be totally okay with it, not in a million years. But I also saw the self-discipline that went on in his head, the restraint it took just to be around me, someone he couldn’t have that way. I had hoped he was at least feeding enough to keep himself sane, but it was clear, the way he was reacting, that he hadn’t.

His eyes widened. “Charlie, I can’t-“

I shook my head. “Just go.”

He seemed to think for a moment, deciding. I could see the internal struggle, but, as before, he seemed to give in to what I was saying. Cautiously, he stepped back to me and kissed me on the forehead, gently brushing a curl behind my ear.

“I’ll be back soon. Try to sleep. If you need anything, Saphira is right outside.”

I had completely forgotten about her. I felt a blush creep up my cheeks. Had she heard us?

I nodded and began to pull the covers over me, suddenly feeling the fatigue begin to overcome me. I curled up again, drawing into myself, trying to stay warm. I was asleep before Sawyer had even left the room, out of my reality and into my dream.