Reaper

Sawyer pulled me around the corner from the dining hall before he finally released his grip on me. I breathed out angrily and whirled me to face him, gripping my shoulders tightly and forcing me to look him in the eyes.

“Charlie?” he pleaded, his green eyes wide with what looked like fear. He was searching my face for a response.

He didn’t get one. I stared blankly at him, knowing he was there but not really seeing him. My brain was too busy processing all the information that Mason had uncovered. I knew that he could be lying, but something about the way my mother had reacted told me that he wasn’t.

And that wasn’t forgivable.

Sawyer shook my shoulders lightly. “Charlotte, please, I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

My peaceful trance was shattered. It was the eye of the storm. I was suddenly yanked back into reality, face-to-face with Sawyer. I knew in the back of my mind that he meant well, and that he cared about my own well-being, but that wasn’t in my thoughts at that moment. Just then, I had only one thought on my mind.

Murder.

I angrily wrenched myself out of his grasp. “Alright?” I snapped, “ You really think after all that just happened in there that I’d just walk away and be alright?!”

Neither of us were expecting that reaction from me, so it took a few awkward moments of silence for Sawyer to react to that. I could feel my own fists balled up at my sides and I could hear my heart thundering in my chest – this was anger like I’d never felt before.

“Well, no,” he stammered, rubbing the back of his neck, “t-that’s why I pulled you out of there, beacause-“

“Because you wanted to protect me!” I roared, taking a step closer and putting myself into his personal space.

I had been closer with Sawyer than I had ever been, physically, with anyone. But being this close to him felt different in this context. The tension rolled off of me as I stared up at him, daring him to try and make it better. The touch that normally made me feel safe and secure now made me feel weak and vulnerable, and I didn’t think I could let myself feel that way right now.

Sawyer furrowed his eyebrows, his emerald eyes narrowed. “Well yes.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Yes, I did, because I was concerned for you! You were nearly attacked by an angry mob in there! And what Mason said couldn’t have been easy to hear, so I just thought-“

“-That I needed a knight in shining armor?!” I could hear my voice rising in pitch and in volume, but it was out of my control. “You have no idea what just happened in there! My entire life was screwed up because of a mistake that those people in there made. Do you know what that feels like?”

“I'm not exactly new to the whole idea of paying for my parents' mistakes, Charlie," he said dryly, "I didn't ask to be born to kill people, alright? I just wanted to help-“

“I don’t need your help!”

I don’t know what came over me. Some physical urge that was foreign to me, maybe. Maybe I was possessed. No, I think I was possessed – by this anger that I felt rising inside of me as the gravity of the situation began to finally sink into my head. As I processed it, the more that anger grew. It was too much for me to deal with. I had to let some of it out or I’d burst.

And unfortunately, Sawyer was the only thing there to absorb it.

I pressed my palms firmly onto his chest and shoved him backward as hard as I could.

Granted, he was massive and I wasn’t very strong, so he only took about half a step back to absorb the impact. But the significance of what I’d done wasn’t quite so slight. He stared back at me with wide, accusatory eyes, his hands hovering over the spot where mine had been a moment ago. His jaw was slack - surprised, and, as much as it bothered me to admit it, hurt.

“I am so sick of everyone wanting to help me,” I spat through gritted teeth, trying to look away from him but failing. “I’m sick of everyone feeling like they have to save me from something. Like I’m a damsel in distress. For once in my life I would like to be able to save myself!”

Sawyer calmly put his hands up, palms facing me, in a gesture that meant surrender. His eyes were wide still, pleading, as he spoke in a gentle voice. A voice, I realized, not unlike the one he’d spoken to me with last night. “I know you want your freedom, and you can have it, but I just don’t want you to get hurt. If something happened to you, I’d-“

I cut him off, taking another menacing step forward. “Do you even know what it’s like to not have any control of your own life?!”

“Of course I do!” Sawyer snarled, his face suddenly inches from mine and his face bunched up with rage. “I don’t have any control of my own life now, Charlotte, because you do!”

I stumbled backward, suddenly afraid of his outburst but also trying to process what he had said. “Wh-what?”

Sawyer’s shoulders relaxed, and he covered his face with his hand. I could see vaguely that he was shaking, but with rage or with something else, I wasn’t sure.

“Charlotte.”

The way he said my name sent shivers up my spine. It was spoken in a hushed whisper. In the moment, it sounded so vulnerable and broken that I felt like I was seeing a side to Sawyer that I’d never seen but had always known was there. It was almost like a prayer.

He looked back at me, eyes blazing. “You control me. You say ‘jump’, I say, ‘how high?’. Everything I do is to please and protect you. All I think about, all I care about, all I live for – it’s all you. I know you think I’m trying to shelter you, and maybe I am, but the truth is that the idea of losing you fills me with the darkest fear you can imagine.” I angrily wiped away the tears that pricked the backs of my eyes. “When Isis captured me, she tortured me by telling me you were dead because of what had been my fault. She knew what it would do to me. I wanted a swift death after that - which, thankfully, she wasn’t kind enough to give me. But Charlie, I would have given my life in a second if it meant keeping you safe, and you know that, because I’ve been putting my ass on the line since day one.”

I thought about the first night I’d met Sawyer, the night of the subway incident. He was right – he had risked his position in the pack to pull me out of there safely. He kept a witness alive to make sure my heart was still beating. And after spending some quality time with Hunter, I understood now that what he had done was a risk to his life, along with the dozens of other times he’d put himself in the line of fire for me.

“Sawyer, I-“ I opened and closed my mouth a few times, unsure exactly what to say to that. “I know. It’s not the same thing.” I hugged myself tightly. “All my life, people have been making my decisions as well as my mistakes for me, and I- for once, I would like the ability to make them for myself.”

Sawyer bit his lip, distressed. “I know that, Charlotte, but to be honest, you have also lived most of your life without any knowledge of this world-“

“-Which was also not my fault!-“

“-And so maybe it’s in your best interest to trust those of us who have, at least as far as your safety is concerned.” His eyes were pleading. “Please. I’m asking you to let us protect you.”

I clenched my fists at my sides. My head was spinning and the anger was returning, blood boiling under my veins. This was not a battle I was willing to lose, not this time. I had spent too long being treated like a child. I was done being cared for, being protected. I’d find a way to make it on my own, regardless of what anyone else thought was best for me.

Unfortunately, that included the man standing in front of me.

When I spoke, my voice was low. “I don’t need my parents,” I said slowly, “I don’t need my brothers, even though they want to be there. I don’t need the SDS. I don’t need your pack.” Finally, I looked back at him, with what felt like tears in my eyes. “And, Sawyer, I sure as hell don’t need you.”

And with that, I turned and walked down the hallway.

I could feel the soreness in my abdomen that reminded me all too painfully of what Sawyer and I had done the night before, but in the moment it only drove me forward. I was starting to think that it was only there to remind me that I was actually completely dependent on Sawyer, emotionally. I was tied to him by some invisible force that I couldn’t explain, but this was too important for me to back down from. I needed some control over my own life.

“Maybe not,” Sawyer said quietly from behind me. I could hear the pain in his voice, and it cut through me like a knife. “But you don’t seem to understand that I need you.”

No, that pain wasn’t the words, actually.

I felt a searing pain rip through my belly as I for a few more feet down the hallway. It felt like I was being torn in half, like the worst period cramps anyone had ever experienced. I moaned in pain and gripped the wall for support, but by the time I managed to bend forward to try to relieve some of it, I had already fallen over.

I had only felt pain like this once before – when Sawyer was shot and I discovered that I was supposed to be his mate. But this – this was actually happening. To me. My insides were being ripped to shreds, and I was powerless to stop it.

I clutched my stomach, my breathing shallow, as I collapsed onto the floor. I noticed with distant thought that they touched moist cloth. When I shakily pulled my hand pack, I realized with a shock that it was damp with blood.

The last thing I saw before I passed out was Sawyer’s terrified face, calling my name over and over.



There was so much blood.

Sawyer knelt over Charlie’s unconscious body, shaking her shoulders gently, trying to wake her with little success. Cursing, he examined her, trying to find the source of the blood.

It had started so quickly that he hardly had the chance to see what had caused it. She had been turned away from him, so that when he had gotten to her, the blood had covered the front of her jeans and had nearly soaked them through.

He realized, with a jolt, that the blood had come from between Charlie’s legs.

He knew a decent amount about the functions of a female body, but he knew this wasn’t how periods worked, not in the slightest. He also knew that nothing had changed in Charlie’s life to make this drastic of an impression in her reproductive system, except…

Except for last night.

Sawyer carefully scooped her up in his arms and stood shakily, trying to maintain a tight grip on her legs and carefully lift her hips higher than the rest of her body to hopefully slow the bleeding. He quickly headed back toward the dining hall, unnerved as Charlie’s blood began to drip down his arm.

He could feel the fear gripping hard at his throat as he opened the doors again, but he knew he needed to be brave for her when she couldn’t be. He also knew how this would look to her – carrying her bridal-style while making a dramatic entrance into the room she’d just stormed out of – but he was concerned only for her health at the moment. He’d justify his actions later.

If he got the chance.

The crowd turned to face him, covered in Charlotte’s blood and carrying her limp body in his arms. He suddenly realized how this must have looked to all of them. All of these humans thought that he was some kind of monster for being a Reaper, and even though Mason had declared him fully human, the stigma had yet to wear off.

“Please,” he heard himself saying, his voice hoarse. “Please, something – she – I don’t-“

Mason had torn through the crowd as soon as he saw his sister. As Sawyer struggled for words, Mason was shoving and elbowing to get to where he stood, his own face pale with fear. He quickly began to look her over as Sawyer’s arms started to shake, his medical mind working as quickly as it could.

“Come with me,” he commanded, grabbing Sawyer’s forearm and guiding him out of the room. “Lily! Prep one of the hospital rooms, now!”

Sawyer saw the small Asian girl nod quickly and dart from the room, sprinting down the hall ahead of them.

"What happened?"

"She just - I don't - she just collapsed," Sawyer struggled to say. "There was blood everywhere, I don't-"

Mason just nodded gravely.

Mason led Sawyer after Lily, his hands never leaving Charlie’s limp body as they walked. Sawyer noticed dimly that he was taking her pulse as they went, and Sawyer made a mental note that Mason really, really seemed to be good at what he did. Better than Simon, even.

Mason glanced nervously up at Sawyer. “How long has she been bleeding?” he demanded, his fingers quickly feeling around her abdominal area.

Sawyer swallowed hard and tried to look away. Knowing Charlie was in pain was almost too difficult for him to stand. “Not very long. Five minutes.”

Mason cursed under his breath. “Where’s it coming from?”

He didn’t want to tell him. He knew Mason would figure it out eventually, though, so Sawyer swallowed his pride. “Her… reproductive area,” Sawyer said uncomfortably. He was beginning to detest the feeling in his arms now, soaked with blood.

Mason’s eyes widened as they finally reached the room, one that was nearly identical to the one that Sawyer had resided in during the first week or so of his stay in the compound. He shivered as the memories of those few days flooded back to him with the rhythmic beeping and whirring.

He carefully set Charlie down, lying her head on the pillow.
When he pulled back, he couldn’t help but look at the way her hair was fanned out beneath her and how her pale face was turned up at him. But now, what he wanted more than anything was to see the life breathed back into her.

“What’s wrong with her?” Sawyer asked hesitantly, grasping Charlie’s hand in both of his to anchor him.

Mason shook his head.

“I don’t know. I’m sure as hell going to find out.” He looked back at Sawyer again. This time, the full force of her brother’s fear was written clearly across his face. “But you’re going to have to tell me everything.”