Reaper

“That’s thirty-two for me,” Lina gloated, pawing the mountain of poker chips in the middle of the dining table and drawing them to her, “And none for Forrest. I like those odds, don’t you?”

Forrest scowled, throwing his cards down onto the table in a huff.

Simon looked up from the charts he was studying. “That’s what you get for playing poker with a mind-reader, Forrest,” he pointed out before returning to his work.

Saphira was pacing. She was beyond irritated – they all found time to play around while Sawyer was in danger. Hell, they were in danger. She knew this war that was looming over the horizon could break out the moment Charlie set foot of that godforsaken compound, and it was just a matter of time before that happened.

In the time since the incident, Saphira and Forrest had managed to track Sawyer’s fading essence to the compound of those Hunters she’d been warned about, but they would have been stupid to try to make their way into it. They had hundreds of automatic weapons and more guards than she could count at the edge – they’d be dead before they got two feet inside, especially since there were so outnumbered.

The wolves were still rattling everyone’s cages, but they’d been quiet for the last few weeks. Too quiet. Saphira knew they were planning something big, but short of completely overwhelming one of the other groups, she couldn’t figure out what they’d be planning. She did know, however, that Charlotte was the top of their hit list – she killed a young wolf, and it had just come to light that he had been a son to the pack alpha of the werewolves. He’d been a prince, and no one had noticed he was missing.

Saphira had snorted at that. In the chaos of that night, with Jesse having been bitten, she’d forgotten that Charlie had mustered up the courage to shoot the poor mutt point-blank. She also knew that the werewolf royal family was beyond dysfunctional. The prince she’d killed was the alpha’s youngest, and a thorn in his side at that. Knowing the wolves, he probably would have been dead soon, anyhow – but Charlie having killed him gave the wolves a reason to let all hell break loose.

As she was preparing to make another lap around the room, Saphira heard a noise on the other side of the door.

With lightning reflexes, she crouched into a position that was ready to pounce, poised to attack. The others seemed to notice that something was wrong, but Lina was the only one to sense the gravity of the situation. Saphira was still as the door swung open.

The last person she expected to see was Sawyer.

He looked awful. He wasn’t injured, or anything like that, but he looked like he’d been travelling for months. He looked thin and dirty and exhausted, his face gaunt and covered in mud and scratches. He carried himself like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, gradually weighing him down until he couldn’t stand on his own.

“Sawyer,” she gasped, standing up to full height. “How-“

He held up a hand to silence her. He didn’t say anything in reply, but he limped into the room and sat down at the table next to Lina and Forrest, who were both too shocked to speak. Simon’s attention had been drawn from his work and he was staring at Sawyer in awe – Saphira knew he would be taking a catalogue of Sawyer’s injuries. Hunter sat silently on the couch across from Simon, staring blankly.

The room was still as Sawyer calmly put his hands on the table, palms down, to steady himself. Sawyer’s face was relaxed, but Saphira could see his jaw twitching menacingly. She realized what she was about to do would be equivalent to poking a bear, but if she didn’t do it, she was afraid they would stay frozen in time.

Saphira lightly placed her hand on his shoulder.

Sawyer’s head snapped up to look at her and it was like she knew. Charlotte wasn’t with him, that much had been obvious – he had lived and breathed for her for the last few months, it was unlikely he would leave her under normal circumstances. That meant that there were two reasons why he was here and she was not. Either Charlotte was dead, or Sawyer had chosen to sacrifice his own happiness for her life.

Saphira could guess which one was the truth, and she’d probably be right. She had suspected from the beginning that Sawyer was too enamored with Charlotte to see that their relationship wouldn’t end well. There was little that Saphira could do to prevent this – Sawyer was bound to fall for Charlotte, if she really was his mate. Charlie, however, wasn’t bound by the same laws that governed Sawyer’s actions. And Sawyer knew from day one that he would be putting Charlotte in danger by loving her.

It all spelled out the conclusion that hastily formed in Saphira’s mind.

Sawyer looked absolutely broken. The fire in his emerald eyes had been extinguished. His shoulders were slumped and he looked weighed down by his decision, but he had made his way back to them somehow, and that’s all that mattered.

“Don’t,” he hissed. His voice was full of malice but he couldn’t seem to tell that to his face.

Saphira’s heart was breaking for him. Sawyer never wanted anyone to knew he felt anything – he used to be so closed off from the world, from her. Charlotte had brought Sawyer out of himself, and she had unknowingly shoved it back in, too.

Forrest sat back in his chair. “What happened?”

Sawyer’s face was stone. “It was better for her if I left,” he said simply, clenching his hands into fists on the table as he stared at them. “I found my way out of the Hunters’ compound and tracked my way here.”

Lina reached across the table and placed her hand on top of Sawyer’s. “We’re so glad you’re back.” she said quietly.

Saphira bit her lip. She could see that Sawyer was getting more and more uncomfortable as Lina and Forrest kept talking to him. She knew he didn’t want to relive what must have happened. Sawyer dealt best with time and distance.

She cleared her throat. “Sawyer, I’m about to go Hunt,” she told him, holding his stony gaze. “I’d like it if you came with me. Safety in numbers.”

He looked almost relieved as he stood up and followed her out of the building. She could hear his footsteps behind her as they took off, despite Lina’s protests not to. She knew Lina only wanted them to be safe, especially with the wolves out in such force lately – she wasn’t sure if Sawyer knew about that, and made a mental note to tell him – there was a chance they’d be ambushed. But Saphira knew how wolves worked – she’d dated one a few years back – and chose to stick to hunting grounds that would keep she and Sawyer out of harm’s way.

As they searched, they wandered the streets in silence, avoiding making eye contact with passers-by that didn’t fit their qualifications. Saphira was nervous when Sawyer grabbed a young girl by the throat and Fed from her, right on the roof of a building – it was like he’d forgotten everything he knew about Feeding. She quickly disposed of the body while Sawyer was frozen in the aftermath, staring at the girl’s face like it was a ghost.

When she came back, Sawyer was standing on the edge, staring down at the street below him.

Saphira could hear her heart thudding in her ears. No. He couldn’t – jumping wouldn’t kill him, not unless he forced himself to ignore his reflexes he was given to stop the fall. He’d have to make himself die.

“Sawyer,” she snapped, yanking him backwards by the arm.

Sawyer’s eyes were alight as he turned to her. They were flickering – surprising, considering he’d just Fed, he shouldn’t still be like this. She could see the tension on his face as his eyes slowly faded, replaced with green eyes that haunted her.

“What- what happened to you?” Saphira demanded, letting him go like she’d been burnt. She paused, realizing her mistake. “What happened to her?” she asked, this time more quietly.

It was obvious he didn’t want to tell her. His jaw clenched and he balled his fists at his side, like he was preparing for a fight. As much as she knew he wanted to draw into himself and forget about what – and who – he had left behind with the Hunters and with Isis, she also knew that whatever it was would consume him if he didn’t let someone in.

Sawyer seemed to realize this, too, because he finally let his hands relax. “I almost killed her,” he breathed, only barely audible over the sound of the city living below them.

Saphira’s eyes widened. “What? But – she's immune – how?”

Sawyer wouldn’t go into too much detail, but he filled Saphira in on the basics of what happened to Charlotte. As she listened to him, she could hear the pain in his words. He sounded like he was broken. He also sounded like he was hurting himself for something that might not even be his own fault.

Saphira shook her head. “You can’t possibly blame yourself for that,” she said, laying a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not like you knew that would happen to her.”

“Oh, so you expect me to blame her?” he snarled, suddenly angry.

Saphira held her hands up in surrender. “Wha- No!” she insisted, “Not at all, it’s just – Sawyer, shit happens, and-“

“I should have been more careful.”

Saphira groaned. “Yeah, okay, maybe. But you can’t honestly think you can protect her from everything, can you?” When he looked at her like she was insane, she went pressed further. “Seriously, we get that you love her – anyone can see that – but you physically cannot guarantee that nothing will happen to her, no matter how much you want her to be safe! The point is that you didn’t mean to hurt her. The rest isn’t up to you. It’s not under your control.”

Sawyer seemed to think about this for a moment, but then he shook his head and walked away from the edge of the building.

He was safe for now – but goddamn if Saphira wasn’t in for a long night of babysitting.



When I was well-rested, Mason filled me in on what had happened to land me in his care in the first place. I had been too overwhelmed to press Jesse for details – details I’m sure he wasn’t going to know, regardless – so when I had the chance to talk to my brother alone like a medical professional, I asked all of the questions that had been lingering in the back of my mind.

It was all hard to hear. He told me that I had reacted a certain way to Sawyer’s DNA that had sent my body into overdrive, to the point where I was attacking my own body and couldn’t stop until I ran out of energy. I was embarrassed that he had known about mine and Sawyer’s … physical activity, but I was more relieved that he knew so that he could figure out what the hell happened. And out of my two brothers, I felt like Mason would judge me the least.

He said there was so much blood that he feared I could have permanent damage to my internal organs. There wasn’t really a way for him to know for sure – and if there was, I would have refused – but the possibility of never being able to have children was a silent threat that loomed over me as Mason explained what he thought had happened.

I never thought about children, to be honest. But the idea that that option could be gone for me was heartbreaking.

Sawyer hadn’t come back. Every minute that passed felt like a hole being burned deeper into my heart. The guilt, the worry, the loneliness – it was all getting bigger and bigger, weighing heavier on my shoulders. I just wanted him to be back here. I wanted him to know that I didn’t hate him, that I didn’t blame him, that all I wanted was to be wrapped up in his arms and just for once feel safe again.

At night, I cried. I didn’t let anyone see except Jesse – and that was because he refused to leave. He comforted me, told me it was okay, but said little else. I was grateful for that, because I didn’t think there was much he could say to make my heart ache any less. He had done this before, he knew how it worked. He’d had a month of practice.

I cried because I wanted to go home. More than anything, I wanted to transport myself back to my apartment with Mandi and Fitch and the occasional work night spent behind the bar with Jesse and the millions of girls that fawned over him. I wanted to be soaked with rain and sticky with sweat and get shoved around making my way down to the subway. I wanted to make the choice between Chinese food or pizza and then complain about it once it got there. I wanted the normal that I didn’t have here. The kind that I wasn’t sure I’d ever see again.

It’s an odd feeling to grieve for something you never had.

One night, after I felt too dizzy to keep crying, I sniffled and turned to Jesse.

“What do we do now?” I asked miserably, rubbing my sore eyes.

Jesse sighed and tucked a loose curl back behind my ear. “I dunno, Red. Hope it gets better from here.”

In that moment, I dared to think we could.