Reaper

“Charlotte!”

No way was I going to turn around. I set my eyes straight ahead to the end of the hall and ignored the voice calling after me. I knew whose voice it was, and I wanted nothing to do with it.

“Charlotte, please!”

It was Sawyer’s voice, I recognized with a pang to my heart. That wasn’t possible - Sawyer had left me. Again. He wanted to control me but that was something I wasn’t willing to give to him.

I’m not sure exactly where I got the strength, but I ignored that call, too. I fixed my eyes on my bedroom door, but the more steps I took, the further away the door seemed to get. I started to panic - how was that even possible? The door is right there. Just a few more steps, and -

“Charlie!” Sawyer screamed.

My heart was in my throat. He sounded like he was in agony. I had only heard that sound a few times, but I could feel it deep inside me. Sawyer had been attacked, tortured, shot - but this was on a whole new level.

I whirled around.

Sawyer was on me in an instant. His eyes were glowing brighter than I’d ever seen. He had a predatory look on his face - I was clearly the prey. He suddenly looked like he was a million feet tall, hovering over me, breathing heavily. All of my limbs locked in place. I could do nothing but gape at him, horrified, as he lifted his hand to take ahold of my throat.

He gripped his hand around my neck, slowly lifting me up off the floor. I gasped for air and clawed at the hand to no avail - he was in a trance, there was no convincing him to let me go this time. But he can’t Feed on me! My eyes were wide with fear, but I was blinded by the light being emitted from Sawyer. No, this can’t be happening!

“S-Saw-yer,” I croaked, still clawing frantically at his hand, hoping to convince him to let me down.

Nothing. No budge. I could faintly see that he was just staring at me, his eyes blazing. I was starting to see black dots on the edge of my vision - I couldn’t breathe. The lack of oxygen was hitting me hard. I could feel my attempts at clawing myself free begin to weaken, and the black dots started to take over.

My heart was breaking. Sawyer, why are you doing this? I knew he could Sense what was going through my head. It’s me! I loved you!

“Oh, Charlotte.” His voice was faint, like a whisper to my assaulted senses.

The black was closing in. Everything in my body felt like it was on fire. I tried to open my mouth to protest, but nothing came out. No breath, no sound.

“If only there were someone out there who cared enough to protect you.”

It all happened at once. Sawyer began to Feed - a flash of light, suddenly overcome with darkness. A searing pain shot through my head, illuminating all of my memories all at once. Everything I had ever felt all at once. I felt like I was on fire. I could feel myself crying out in agony.

“Charlie!”

I sat up in bed, still screaming. Wait. What? I was still in bed?

“Charlie,” Jesse’s voice came to me quietly. His hands were on my shoulders, and he was looking directly into my eyes. “Red, hey, shh, it’s okay.”

The room was pitch black. It was the middle of the night. I could just barely make out Jesse’s face a few inches in front of me. He looked terrified, searching my own face for some sort of sign that I was okay, when clearly I wasn’t giving him one.

I finally quit screaming, trying to get my bearings. “Wh-Wha-” No luck. I was still desperately gasping for air, trying to calm my pounding heart.

Jesse shushed me again. “You’re fine, okay? It was another dream. You’re fine, you’re safe.”

My eyes flew wildly around the room. It was a dream? How could that have been a dream? It felt so real. The pain - the pain was excruciating. I could feel the ghost of the pain running through my limbs, like the phantom pain that’s left after you get a cramp.

Suddenly I was dizzy.

Jesse pulled me into his chest as I began to fall over. I could feel the contact of his bare skin under my cheek as he wrapped his arms around me, whispering to me over and over again. Before I could control myself, I could feel the hot, wet tears begin to stream down my cheeks and down Jesse’s chest - I had no idea that I was crying. I wasn’t the one piloting my body anymore.

“I’m right here. You’re safe. I’m here with you,” Jesse whispered, gently kissing my forehead.

That’s when I started to really cry. It had been tears before, but now I was openly sobbing. I could feel my whole body shaking from the wet, painful sobs. The adrenaline had faded from my system, allowing me to move, to feel, to finally come to terms with the fact that I had been scared shitless. I didn’t even think to care about how I must look to Jesse - terrified, sobbing, and gripping his torso as tightly as I could. He was my anchor in all of this turmoil.

Both literally - because I was clinging to him - and metaphorically.

“J-Jess-”

He shushed me again, gently, cradling my head with one of his hands. The other was wrapped tightly around my torso, pulling me into him. I could feel the soothing warmth radiating from his body, wrapping me in a blanket of comfort. “Everything is okay, Charlie. I’m here. I’m not leaving.”

His statement hit me like a ton of bricks.

He was here. He had always been here, since the beginning. This was an adventure he hadn’t dreamed he’d ever sign up for, and yet here he was. We’d been attacked. He had been bitten by a werewolf. He had to be nursed back to health by Saphira and Lina. He’d been held captive by Reapers. His fake death had been blasted on the news all over the country - everyone who knew him thought he was dead. He’d offered himself as bait to get Sawyer back. He’d comforted me when I thought I’d lost Saywer forever. He’d stayed with me when my heart and my self was broken - he had taken the time to put me back together. He had been through hell and back just to be by my side.

I was shaking as I pulled my head away from his chest to look at him.

He looked back at me, concerned, letting his free hand fall to my waist. “What is it?”

His face was tired. He had bags under his eyes. His skin was pale, paler than I’d ever seen it. I knew that he was a little better since we had come to the compound, but he would never be the same as he was before this all happened. He had aged so much in such a short amount of time. His electric blue eyes were sunken into his face, hidden underneath a furrowed brow. His sandy blonde hair hung limply across his forehead. He had a faint scar across his temple that connected faintly down a line to his neck - it was a scar leftover from the werewolf attack. His face was sharp, angled, and too mature for the happy-go-lucky boy he had been.

I lifted my hand up to cup his jaw. He stiffened at the touch, but his eyes bored into mine. There was something behind those eyes that sent a pang through my chest - there was concern, admiration. But there was also pain, and fear. I was suddenly struck with a realization.

Jesse couldn’t read me. He was very good at reading my face, at knowing what I was thinking - but he wasn’t literally in my head. The knowledge that he had no idea what was going on in my head was enormously liberating. My thoughts were my own. No one was observing them without my knowledge. The feeling was mutual - I couldn’t read his mind just as much as he couldn’t read mine. Despite that, we could read each other without a word, with barely a glance.

Jesse stared intently, his eyes burning into mine, trying to read my face. He clenched his jaw, flexing the muscles underneath my hand.

“What, Red?” he breathed, never breaking eye contact.

Slowly, carefully, I trailed my hand down his jaw, to his neck, and down to his chest. It was the path of the pale pink scar. I brought my hand to rest over his heart. I could feel it thrumming quickly under my touch. The warmth was spreading to my hand, to me, to the rest of the room.

My eyes flickered up to his again. The intensity of his eyes made me breathless. “Jess, do you still-?” I couldn't finish the sentence. My mouth wouldn’t wrap itself around the words.

He never broke eye contact. “Love you?” he whispered.

I swallowed, hard. Then nodded.

“Always.”

There was tension in the air between us. I could feel the gravity settle in between the two of us, electricity crackling through the air. This was new. This was intense. When I had been this close to Sawyer, I had always felt like there was flames - with Jesse, there was a slow burn, like curling up next to a fireplace on a cold night. Safe, inviting. Like I never wanted to leave.

He was looking at my face, trying to process what was going on. “Charlie, what are you thinking?” His voice was shaking – he was nervous.

It made my heart want to burst. I couldn’t take the feeling in my stomach any more. All I knew is that in that moment, Jesse was my knight in shining armor. He was what I needed right then, I was sure of it.

I leaned forward – slightly, slowly, trying to give Jesse time to react to what I was doing. To give me a sign that it was something he wanted. His eyes blazed into mine, but he was still, except for the twitching in his jaw. I pressed my forehead to his, pinning him to his spot, and gazed into this eyes.

He inhaled sharply, gripping me closer around my waist. His eyes were wide, and I saw his jaw flinch again.

“Jess?” I breathed.

“Y-yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

Jesse let out a shaky breath. “Uh, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

My heart nearly stopped in my chest. My head was spinning with all kinds of thoughts. Wait, what? What was wrong with me? He just said he loved me! And he was here, and he was so kissable, and I wanted him more than anything right now. I needed something to bring me back to reality, and he was here, and he was safe.

I pulled back. “W-what?” I could feel the tears pooling up in the corners of my eyes. “B-but you said –“

His face fell. “Sh, hey, it’s okay,” he whispered, so calmly that it made my chest hurt. He carefully raised one of his hands and brushed a stray curl behind my ear. The gesture was so intimate that another tear escaped my eye. “Charlie, you’re under a lot of stress right now. A lot of things are happening. And you’re scared.” His lips formed the ghost of a smile. “It’s okay, I’m scared, too.”

I sniffled. “Yeah, I’m scared,” I admitted softly. “But that’s not –“

And suddenly he looked sad.
I almost knew what he was going to say before he said it.

“I’m not Sawyer.” His voice cracked, just a little, at the end. He was looking into my eyes now, but his voice gave him away.

I reached up and pulled his head back to mine, so that his forehead was resting with mine again. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing – it was in sync with his, rapid, shallow. My hand fell down and rested on top of his heart – perfect unison.

“I know,” I whispered, wrinkling my nose at the feeling of the tear in my eye. “I know you’re not, Jesse. Believe me. But I love you.”

“Sawyer has protected you this whole time,” Jesse went on, his heart rate increasing. “I mean, he kind of got you into this, but – wait, no. He took a – he took a bullet for you, Red. I-I don’t know if I can top that.”

I shook my head. “I know that. I’m not going to say that didn’t mean anything, but that’s just it. I’m not asking for someone to die for me – I need someone who will be there for me while I’m living.”

Jesse just pulled away, confused. “What?”

I sighed. “Sawyer tried so hard to protect me that he locked me away from the world, like I’m some fragile thing. I don’t need to be protected, Jess. I need to be supported and cared for, just like everyone else does. But you respect that I can choose what I want to do with my life – and who I want to spend it with. That’s a basic human right.” I reached up and cupped Jesse’s face. “I-I’ve thought about this, Jess, more than I’d like to admit, and –“

“Okay, now is where you stop talking.”

And he leaned in, softly pressing his lips to mine.