Glass

It was a terrible feeling, to be so torn. Matt was right, I wanted to be a part of this family. But just because I wanted to be a part of it, didn't mean that I belonged. I wanted nothing more than to return to the old days, back when Craig wasn't even a thought in my mind. Zack and I would just be happy. No complaints, no arguments. Just... happy.

But Craig... Craig had been by my side for a year. Despite our rocky start, he had been strong next to me. He stood by me and looked at me like I was adored. I was a trophy, and as much as I hated it... I liked that. That's what I was supposed to be, right? A trophy? I had wanted to be that before I met Zack. I forgot about it for a little while, but Craig helped me remember.

I wanted Zack, though. An entire year away from him, and I thought about him every single day. In my mind, Zack was my safe haven. As much as I tried to embrace the fact that I had found Zack once again, I couldn't. Perhaps it was fear, but I just couldn't do it.

"Hey," A voice called me out of my thoughts. I turned to the doorway, seeing Val standing there with a smile on her face.

"Good morning," I greeted and she stepped into the room. She was still dressed in her own pajamas as she got on the bed, leaning back casually as she sighed.

"This is insane," She breathed out with a grin on her face, "I mean, you're here with us."

I turned to her, "Yeah, I am."

"Are you up to seeing Zack today?" Val asked.

"We're not going to fix anything if we're apart," I replied and she nodded, turning to me.

"He loves you, Vi," She stated firmly, "He loves you with all his heart. He's just had this talent for pushing people away," She noted and I nodded.

"Be honest with me," I said.

She took in a deep breath and sat up. She crossed her legs and turned to me, like we were at a high school slumber party or something. "When he found out you went to New York, he was upset. He was still upset about the whole thing. He was mad at you, at everyone else... He was just angry."

"Then what happened?"

"Craig went to his house and threatened him. He said if Zack didn't give up where you were, then he would take away Vengeance University. Still, Zack refused to tell. It was Brian who said New York, but he wouldn't say where exactly. He only said that to get Craig to leave."

"I understand," I smiled at her. She was obviously worried I would hold that against Brian.

"Zack went insane. He went to Jimmy and told him he had to go to New York to get you. He knew you wouldn't want to see him, so he sent Jimmy and Dan instead. He was so worried about you. It was then that he realized that he was wrong. He shouldn't have gotten mad at you and he should have let you explain."

I shook my head, "I wouldn't have let me explain, if I were him," I said.

"When they were trying to get a hold of you, Zack's phone rang. Craig left a voicemail saying that his end of the deal was clear. Zack knew you went to Vegas... He," Val paused, "He changed after that."

"Why?"

"Why?" Val scoffed, "Because the love of his life just ran back to the person who hurt her the most, just to save him. He hated himself, Vi. He couldn't cope with the fact that you were trapped in that city with Craig... So he started drinking again."

"Oh no," I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, biting back tears. Zack had gone years without picking up a bottle to cope with pain. Sure, he had drinks with the guys all the time. Before Zack met me his life was practically a mess. I never wanted him to turn back to that. Especially because of me.

"We tried to get him to stop. He was a mess. The guys said he got a little better on tour, because they were always with him to monitor him. But when he was home, it was the worst. He just didn't know how to handle it."

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I began to sob and Val had me in her arms in an instant. I cried harder than I had in an entire year. Harder than the times Craig had beaten me.

"Why, Val? Why would he even still love me?" I asked.

"Because when you love someone, nothing can come between you. He'd do anything for you."

"Why couldn't he have just found someone else and been happy?"

Before Val could answer, a deep voice cut through the room , "Because she wouldn't have been you."

I looked up, my eyes meeting pure green ones. I gasped, seeing Zack in the doorway. He looked like he just rolled out of bed after a night of no sleep. His messy hair and scruffy face still made my heart stop as I looked at him.

"Val, can you give us a minute?" He asked softly and she nodded, standing up and walking out before shutting the door behind her. I watched Zack as he slowly stepped further into the room. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his jeans, "Vi..." He started.

"Don't apologize, Zack," I warned and he looked at me.

"I'm sorry," He stated and I breathed deeply, "I'm sick of you saying not to apologize. Don't be guilty, don't be sorry... I can't help it, Violet. And deep down you know that if the roles were reversed, you'd be feeling the same thing."

"If the roles were reversed I wouldn't be able to stand the sight of me, Zack," I said and he shook his head.

"Please, Violet, just listen?" He asked and I nodded, "For an entire year I have felt nothing but guilt and sadness. Guilt because I should have listened to you. I should have just sat down with you and Matt and let you explain. Sadness because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't save you. You were trapped and taking the worst punishment possible because I was a fucking idiot, Violet. You suffered because of me. So let me be sad and let me be guilty because I love you. No matter what, Violet, I will always love you."

I looked up at him tears in my eyes as he stepped closer to the bed. I crawled towards him as he sat down on the bed and he took me in his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck, "I'm so sorry, Zack," I whispered.

"I'm sorry, Violet. I should have never said those things," He said back to me.

"You didn't mean it?" I asked.

"Of course not. I was just saying things to hurt you. I don't know what came over me," He said and I clung to him tighter, "Vi," He pulled away so he could look down at me, "I can't give you answers, okay? I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to make this work. You're going to be okay and we're going to be happy and grow old together."

"Okay," I whispered. I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. I had serious doubts in Zack, and I felt guilty about it.

"Say you believe in me," He said softly. His voice was almost a whisper, barely cracking as he looked down at me.

I looked up at him, "I believe you."

He smiled, kissing my forehead before bringing me close again, "Want to go home?" He asked and I nodded.

I stood with him, and he was sure to not remove his arm from my waist as he opened the door. He led me down the stairs where Matt and Val were speaking softly in the kitchen, "Hey," Matt nodded at Zack.

"Hey," He nodded back. It was obvious the tension was there, and Matt wasn't exactly happy Zack was back with me, "We're gonna head home. Is Jane okay?"

Matt nodded, "We're bringing her here. She's a lot safer somewhere Craig can't find."

They stared at each other for a long time, not saying anything. I looked between them, waiting for one of them to say something before Val cleared her throat, "C'mon, Vi, let's go put your bags in the car."

-

Zack sighed deeply, watching Violet follow Val out of the room before turning to Matt, "Go ahead," He nodded, "Say it."

"You're irresponsible, Zack. You've fallen off the deep end and you expect to just fix things overnight," Matt stated, "Oh, and you're a dick."

Zack looked away, "I get it, Matt."

"Do you?" Matt asked, "Do you understand what state she's in? Because a few days ago, you didn't. She doesn't love Craig, Zack. She loves you but she's so clouded by this need to protect us, and this fear of Craig finding her that she feels like she needs to be loyal to him."

"I get it!" Zack snapped suddenly, "I don't know what came over me the other day, okay? I was upset because I was expecting this perfect homecoming and she would be happy. When it didn't work out like that, I got upset. I swear I didn't mean any of it."

Matt nodded. He could see the pain and remorse in Zack's eyes and he knew he was telling the truth. That didn't mean he felt Zack was ready to stay with Violet alone, "Be careful, Zack," Matt stated, "Don't hurt her again. I'm afraid what might happen. She can't handle that again."

Zack knew he was right, and that scared him more than anything.