Blood

Seeing Nash laid out with a meter wide red polka dot under him wasn't beautiful. It was downright hysterical. Not hysterical as in funny, hysterical as in I can't control my reaction kind of funny. I remember looking at Kayla who stared back at me dumbfounded and thinking, ‘’How in the world could this have happened?’’

Kayla wasn’t able to utter even a word as she just stared at the pool of blood inside the bathroom of my room along with his lifeless body. My brain hadn’t comprehended the facts yet…it was like I was seeing a nightmare or even better living in it. Nash who was my boyfriend, my other half and also Kayla’s brother was dead. He had committed suicide inside my own house.

The shock must have been too much for Kayla because she ran out of the room and left me there all alone. I kept staring at his body because I wasn’t able to touch it. Something inside me told me I shouldn’t touch it because then I’d never wake up from this nightmare.

My heart had broken…and my soul was slowly freezing. His hands were beside his head and they were open with the tips of his fingers pointing towards the door of the bathroom. I observed his closed eyes and his pale face. I felt the need to touch his face and open his eyes with my fingers, only to see his kind brown eyes once again…but I got scared and didn’t do it. His eyes would have told me all he wanted to say before he’d never have the chance to talk to me again.

His hair was wet and the tips of them were covered with blood like he had dyed his hair that way. Even like this, in his own pool of crimson liquid, he was still beautiful. His wrists were cut open and no matter how much I liked the beautiful color that is red, at that very moment I felt hate for it and it burned me sweetly, like passion often did.

I knew it was my fault and now I would blame myself for his death every single day. After all, it was the only thing I could do because I wasn’t brave enough to take my life as well. I should have never cheated. I knew he would have done something crazy if he found out and he did.

I wondered how he must have felt…how unbearable the pain must have been for him to end his life and how betrayed he felt...just like I felt now.

I thought I’d never betray him and I had promised not to, but the forbidden fruits are the sweetest and I wasn’t able to help myself. Now the guilt would eat me up, like my betrayal ate him. I guess…it was my turn to die because I had to pay, and that was how I never woke up from my nightmare.

A nightmare was all it was, but all, wasn’t a nightmare.