Just Let Me Go

Tony places a bowl of Man 'N Cheese in front of me. Both him and Vic sit on either sides of me. I take a few bites, but then feel sick. My fear of not knowing what they're going to say makes me nervous. And when I'm nervous...
"You can't be done." Vic says after a few seconds.
Pushing the bowl away, I answer. "I lost my appetite."
"Are you being serious?"
I nod.
"Look at me and say that."
"I. Lost. My. Appetite." My eyes burn into his.
"Alright. What was wrong with it?"
"Nothing, I can't eat when I'm nervous."
"Is that all?"
"Yeah." Lie. I don't want to eat that much. My weight's going to skyrocket if I finish this.
"Anastasia, I know what it's like, ya know, to feel like you do."
"Okay."
"I seriously do."
"I know."
"Can you at least tell us what's going through your mind?"
I scoff. "You guys don't want to know...at all. I saw these pictures before, the one saying, 'If you could read my mind, you'd be in tears'. At this point, it's true. Don't bother. I'm not talking about it."
"That's just it, though, you SHOULD talk about it! It actually does help."
"Not always. I do better thinking about things, dealing with them that way."
Vic rolls his eyes. "Then cut it out, uh huh, that's just so healthy for you."
"Shut up, Vic."
"No. I'm trying to help you! You almost fucking killed yourself today, Anastasia."
I turn to face Tony. "Is there somewhere else we can go? I don't want your mother to hear a single damn thing."
He looks at Vic, then back at me. "Okay. Lets go to the beach. It's normally empty around this time."

THe car ride was silent, but this beach....it's beautiful. It's kind of secluded, or so it seems. I wonder why a lot of people don't come here more often. Even though it's later, it's still awesome. Like the lighting is absolutely breathtaking, along with the sound of the ocean.
Aimlessly, I walk towards the water. That is, until a hand grabs my arm. I look down. It's Tony's.
"What do you want?"
"To make sure you're okay."
I sigh. "No, it's because you don't trust me. It's okay, you can admit it. If I were you, I wouldn't let me out of my sight, either."
"Really?"
"Yeah. But then again, I would realize that one would need a moment to oneself to collect thoughts." I laugh. "Plus the water is, like, two feet deep. I don't think I could drown myself here without a struggle."
He hugs me from behind, resting his head on my shoulder. My heart felt dead, but now it's beating like crazy. Why does he do this to me?
"Anastasia, I don't want to lose you. You know that right?"
I nod.
"Then why would you do that to me? I've told you so many times before that. Why don't you believe me?"
"It's easier for me to expect the worse. People lie, tease, beat, ridicule, and say things to or about me, so before I let people get close...I keep a distance. SImple as that. I don't want to get screwed over again. Either way, I hurt everyday."
When he exhales his breath, it hits my neck, making goosebumps rise on my skin. Stop it. These types of feelings are not allowed. No, no, no. Remember sex ed, yeah. You'll get preggers if you even breathe in his sent. Think like that, good girl.
"But how? You smile whenever you're with us--and that's everyday."
"It's scary what a smile can hide, isn't it?" I smile at the thought.
"Yeah...Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"If I didn't pull you away, would you have taken the other step?"
Shit. Out of all the questions I thought they'd ask, I never thought about this one. Ass. The truth would be nice for once. But am I ready to actually say it? "I...well, erhm...I...I dunno. Like, I was still kinda processing everything...I'm not gonna lie anymore. At least, not about...THAT."
"You're not even going to say what you almost did?"
I shake my head. "It's too hard..."
"You were probably thinking that you were fixing a problem, not committing suicide. That...if you were out of the world, everything would get brighter, clearer, more alive without you. Maybe the only one that was feeling pain was you, right?" I nod. "I know what that's like. I almost jumped off a cliff into a bunch of water and rocks last year. Wanna know why I stopped?" He takes a big, shaky breath. "It's because I thought that a cheating girl isn't worth it. There's bound to be someone out there that makes everything better one day, and I wanted to find her. I always thought about high school as this magical thing due to the bullshit 'best years of your life' thing. No it isn't. Especially nowadays. Society is fucked up."
He almost killed himself?
"Yeah. I did. I was drunk, sad, thinking, then one thing led to another, and I found myself standing on the edge. The only things in my mind were what I told you, and Jaime. He'd never forgive me. At least that's what I told myself, and I couldn't have my best friend in the whole wide world pissed off at my stupidity."
And I'm fucking stupid for not realizing I spoke out loud. Dumbass.
Tony laughs. "You're not stupid."
"Ya know, maybe I should just stop thinking. I seem to not be able to control my mouth tonight." I laugh. And not just a ha-ha laugh...a REAL one. What. The. Flying. Fuck. What is happening?
"Nah, it's kinda cute."
Everything in me tenses up. Did he really just say that?
"I, uh, I'm...I'm sorry. Real sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"It's fine...I'm not used to...compliments. But, uh, thanks?"
He presses a kiss to my cheek. "Don't mention it. At this point, I want to compliment you as much as possible so you finally realize everything you are to us. Trust me, you're the nicest girl ever. We've all agreed on that, and we don't agree on much."
Where his lips touched my cheek burns. Not in a bad way, though. I like it. I want another one. "Tony?"
"Hm?"
"Do you think--"
Out of no where Vic jumps in front of me. I scream, causing him to smile. "Alright, kiddies, I have to go. Mike needs a DD, and, of course, I can't say no. Will you guys be fine to walk?"
"Yeah, I like night walks." I answer.
"Me too." Tony says.
"Then it's settled. Tony, get her back to my house by midnight. Or else!"
Vic runs away, leaving me smiling more than ever. He's so frickin' adorable, I can't stand it. "Wanna sit?" I ask.
"Yeah, sure."
He sits down, pulling me with him. I lean back against his chest, his heart beat calms my racing one. Somehow this is starting to feel natural. I don't now if I should like this or not. What if it all goes down hill? What if I do something to piss him off and he wants nothing to do with me? I mean...am I that paranoid? I don't think so, giving my past friendships. Then again, this is starting to feel more than a friendship.
That scares me. My last relationship ended horribly. I was terrorized by my ex and his friends, unless my 'friends' were with me...then come to hear a year later, they all agreed with everything my ex had said about me, then lied and made up more things, which turned into a rumor, which in turn ruined my life.
"Anastasia?"
"Yesh, Turtle?"
"Not that again." I know he's scrunching up his nose, he does that whenever I call him Turtle.
"Sowwy."
"It otay. But in all seriousness, where are you staying tonight? Vic's for sure?"
I shrug. "I guess. I mean, I don't exactly have a set place. But I feel bad staying there, the kid's done so much and I don't want to invade his home anymore than I already have." I see dolphins doing what dolphins do best, which is act cute. I jump up and point. "TONY DID YOU SEE THEM? THOSE WERE DOLPHINS! LOOK AT HOW HIGH THEY GOT!"
He laughs so hard at my childish manners. "Yeah, haven't you seen them jump like that before?"
"Only in the movies." I admit, blushing slightly.
"WHAT."
"Yeah..."
"Then keep looking, girl! Don't look away until you can't see them anymore! Hell, I'll take pictures of that shit for you!" The sun is setting, and I hear a click. When I turn around, Tony shows me the picture he just took. It's beautiful...
Two silhouettes of dolphins jumping against the pink, purple, orange sky. The water shines below, and beyond the dolphins. This looks like something a professional would take, only they have photo editing tools. He doesn't.
"Tony...That's gorgeous. Really."
"It's yours."
I smile. Never have I had someone be this nice to me. Not even my old friends.

And as the sun sets even more--just for a moment--I finally feel like everything's going to be fine...