Just Let Me Go

ONE MONTH LATER:

The image before me burns my eyes. I think I'm going to be sick. I rush to the restroom and the few things I ate come up. No. Not possible. He wouldn't do this. He loves me. There's a very good reason behind the picture. Right? Right.
Still....
I look at the picture again. Tony's pressed against a girl at the party to mark the end of tour--talking or more? Why aren't I there? Well, I'm not in the mood to drink. Seems like whenever I do, bad things happen. Best to avoid it for a while. "Who's she?"
I text Austin back. "What do you know about her?"
"She's some random person that the guys from my band invited after the show. I dunno her name."
"No one knows her?"
A few minutes go by. No reply.
I don't like that...that means something's up.
"Well, Tony seemed to know her. Every single one of the guys seemed to, actually. Especially Mike."
I look closer. No...it couldn't be. Lexie? Uh oh. I puke again.
"Anastasia, you okay?"
"No. Can you get here before I do something I'll regret?"
"Of course baby girl, no need to ask. Something else just happened and I'd better explain the video in person."
I can only imagine what that means. My breath catches in my throat, tears fill my eyes. Could she actually come between me and Tony? I pull out my last blade. I found this in my bag last week, it's been there since last tour I think. Should I?
It helped you before, Anastasia. Why not now?
True.
BUT you may get addicted again and that's not good for anyone.
Also true.
Do you want to feel bad like this?
No.
Do it.
NO.
YES!
I give into temptation and push my pajama shorts up, making a cut on my upper thigh. I make another, and then another, and another. It's almost uncontrollable. I stare at the damage I just did to my thigh. Blood slides down and I can't move. Why did I do this to myself? I believed Tony's words. He wants to be with me forever? By the way he was pressed against her, probably not...loyally at least.
I make more cuts on my other thigh. She was always prettier than me, and my mom never let me think differently than that. She'd always compare me to her. Always.
I chuck the blade out the door into the hallway. What am I doing? I scream.
"Anastasia?"

~~~Austin's P.O.V.~~~

Why is she screaming? "Austinnnnn." Anastasia sounds scared. I wasn't fast enough.
I run into the bathroom and see her sitting on the ground. Her legs bleeding. Holy shit. "Sweetie, what happened?"
"Austin, please just help clean me up! I don't know why I did this. Tony's going to be crushed. Oh my God. Not again. No, no, no, no..."
"Calm down, okay? We'll get you cleaned up." Nice job, Austin, this is your fault. You didn't clarify what you meant. She thought the worst. I get a towel and wet it, then open it. "Do you want me to press or do you want to?"
"You."
I get down on the ground and place the towel on both of her thighs. "Three...Two...One." I press down and she winces, but then relaxes. "Anastasia, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made it sound like it was a bad thing. This is my fault. All my fault. That girl pushed herself onto Tony, and it took him a second to realize who she was--and by his reaction it wasn't good news. He started going ape shit, absolutely flipping out. Mike screamed at her, too. Vic and Jaime ushered her out, she was crying at that point, and then...well, now I'm here. I'm sorry."
She shakes her head. "It's not your fault. I'm a fucking idiot. I found my spare blade last week and when I saw Lexie's face--that's the girl, Lexie--I started thinking. I was going to do it anyway, it helps me not freak out. But they're going to hate me. My God....Vic's going to kill me. Tony...He's going to be crushed. I can't believe I thought he'd do that to me!" She starts crying hysterically. "Why am I such a fucking idiot? I knew Tony wouldn't do that, but I somehow convinced my mind that he would and cut. It was so tempting. SO tempting, Austin."
I lift the towel and see the bleeding has stopped. I take my time, examining her cuts--both old and new. She has a lot. Wow. What would bring such a lovely girl to do this? Clearly Lexie is a reason. Whoever she is...well, was. That girl is going to be out of Anastasia's life forever.
"Austin, they're going to hate me."
"No, sweetie, they won't."
"You don't know that. They get mad about me hurting myself."
"If they do, it's because they're scared."
"You can't tell them about this, Austin. Please."
i knew that would come up. "I can't say I won't. Anastasia, what you did is serious. You're lucky you didn't go too deep."
"I know. I know it's fucking serious! This is just my problem! I mean...I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!"
I notice her beginning to hyperventilate. Fuck me. "Anastasia, baby, calm down." I pull her into my lap and rock her back and forth. "It's all going to be okay. Let's just finish getting you cleaned up, okay? You'll need to tell the guys what happened. Whether we do it tonight, or we do it tomorrow. I'm not going to leave you on your own. I'll help you explain what happened, though I don't know much."
Her breathing becomes leveled again, and I smile. Good.
"Anastasia, we're back!"
Awh, fucking hell.

~~~Anastasia's P.O.V.~~~

I hear Vic's voice loud and clear. Shit. They're going to hate me.
"Don't worry. Stay here." Austin whispers in my ear, rolling the towel up and shoving it under his hoodie. "Go grab some sweats."
I nod my head, and rush into the bunk room. I hurry and throw sweats on over my shorts. Footsteps are coming this way, and I press my ear against the door. They stopped.
"Listen, Vic, she's fine. She'll need to talk in the morning, though, unless she wants to do it tonight."
"What the hell happened, Austin? You're freaking Tony out."
Oh God...Tony.
"I can't explain it all."
"Why not?"
"Because...I just...I can't."
"Did you two fuck?" Tony accuses.
He thinks I'd cheat?
"WHAT? NO! TONY ARE YOU DRUNK? She'd never do that to you, man! Neither would I!"
"Then why can't you say what happened?"
My head spins. This is my fault. He's just trying to protect me, and he's getting ripped on.
I open the door. "Tony...I'm so sorry."
I try to run pass him, but he stops me. "What happened?"
"You're going to hate me, and I won't blame you. I'd hate me, too. I'm sorry."
I drop the sweats onto the ground. My cuts can be seen, which makes me feel insecure. They're silence concludes everything I'm thinking. They're going to go off on me, they'll tell me that they hate me for this, and then I'll leave broken.
"Baby....why?"