Just Let Me Go

"I think that...I look hella good!"
Ariana walks over to me with a veil, placing it on my head. That's it. This is it. MY dress. HOLY CRAP IDEA.
"MELODY OHMYGODOGMYGODOHMYGOD!" I scream gripping her arm. "I'MINANARIELDRESSWHYNOTHAVETHEWEDDINGATTHEBEACH? IT'D BE PERFECT AS FU--"
"Now I can't let you scream that one out loud." Ariana giggles.
I can feel the heat in my face. Oops. "Sorry."
"It's fine! And I think a wedding on the beach would be fantastic."
Melody looks me up and down, nodding her head. "I think that'd be a grand idea, but you realize that's gonna be a bitch to walk on the beach in, right? Especially with heels."
My eyes grow wide. "Whoa, whoa, whoa...Who the hell said I was going to be wearing heels? I can't walk in those death traps."
"Me, that's who. You can't wear your combats or converses to your wedding, Anastasia."
Well there goes the comfortable shoe options.
"Holy shit, you were actually considering that, weren't you?"
"No..."
"Anastasia."
"Okay, okay, I was. Seriously, I can't walk in heels. The last time I wore them was for a homecoming, and I only stayed there for ten minutes, if that."
"Which homecoming?"
I look down at my feet. I've only been to one, and it's because then I had friends. "Sophomore year..."
"Why didn't you wear them to all your other ones?"
"I'd rather not talk about this right now."
"But I wanna know..."
I turn around and point to my back, "Ariana, can you loosen these up so I can just slip out of it when I get into the room? And Melody, pull out the envelope in my purse and pay Ariana for the dress and yours."
Ariana loosens the ties, and I walk as fast as I can into the changing room, letting the dress fall as soon as I close the door. Calm down, Anastasia, don't think so much. Don't let them rule your life...you're better than you were back then...You're st--weak...

"Anastasia, what a pleasant surprise."
Just hearing her voice makes me cringe. Why can't she just leave me alone and let me enjoy today?
"I didn't think you'd even think about going to Homecoming. I must applaud you. But really, hun, that dress? Your fat is showing."
Close your eyes, don't let her see you're about to cry. Everything will be--
"And those shoes...Ugh...I thought I told you that you look like a hippo in stuff like this? Oh wait, I never did...I was too busy trying not to hurt your feelings. Shame. Now you're just a slut and the world doesn't need anymore sluts, I don't care."
I bend over and take the shoes off, then I hear a rip. I stand up, the color sinking out of my face. Lexie starts to laugh as she shows me a pair of scissors. She cut my dress...
"I was helping you breathe, ya fat ass whore."
"Fuck you, Lexie, ya little bitch."
I turn and run as fast as I can out the doors to my house. My mom isn't home, thank God. She's out dating what's-his-face. Good. I go upstairs into my room, and pull out my blade. I make cut, after, cut, after cut...

I wipe the tears from my eyes and throw my clothes on. Lexie would hate this dress on me. She'd criticize me. So why am I still buying it? Would everyone think I'm fat?
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and see Tony sent me a text. "How's it going? :)"
I can't bring myself to lie...not to him. I make sure I have my ID and some money in my pocket and run out the door after I send Melody a text simply saying, "I'll see you later. Need space. Dress is in the room, have her store it at the store until I want to get it, please and thanks."
All I need is to breathe. But where am I going to go? It's two in the afternoon, there's nothing out. Unless I go to a bar, but they won't sell me a thing unless Vic is with me because he knows them. Anyways, I only drink at night. I find myself on a bridge and stop. I have no clue where the fuck I am. My hands rub my face, elbows sticking straight out. What the hell am I doing? I sit on the ground and lean against the bridge wall. No one seems to be walking around here, so I should be fine.
"You're a fucking slut, you'll never amount to anything in life."
"Didn't you hear? Alexander is dead...he killed himself. It's your fault, you bitch."
"I can't believe you're not a virgin! What the hell, Anastasia, I thought you said you never had sex."
"Ew. I can't even be seen with you right now."
"I'm not a friend, nor was I a true one. Ask anyone, they know I only talked about you behind your back."
Tears stream down my face. Am I still all of those things? No, of course not. Tony wouldn't have asked me to marry him if I were....right?
"You're only good for sex. Don't bother going to school anymore, you have talent in the sheets, not the classroom."
"Wanna fuck your mom, too? How about that dad of yours? Oh wait...he's dead."
I hit my hand on the ground. Stop it!
My phone vibrates like crazy. Someone's calling me. I look and see Tony's name--Tony Turtle *insert turtle emojii here*--pop up on the screen. Should I answer it?
Yeah...
Will I?
"Hey, Tone, what's up?" Please tell me he didn't hear my voice crack.
"Anastasia, where are you? Are you okay? What's wrong? Melody texted me saying you ran out of the place and left your purse and shit. Where are you? I'm coming to get you."
"Tony, I'm fine. I just needed...I needed..." Don't cry. DO NOT cry. "Time. Alone. Anyways, I have no damn clue where I am. Leave it to me to get lost." I make one of the fakest laughs ever. Not even I would believe that.
"Describe where you are."
"I'm sitting on a bridge that's about a ten minute run from the dress shop. That's all I know. I don't pay attention to my surroundings too much."
"What's the shop called?"
"I have no clue."
"How?"
"I didn't pay attention."
"Okay..." I hear him do something on his phone then he comes back. "I know where you are. I'll be there in--"
"Tony...don't bother coming. I just want to be alone."
"I'm coming to get you, end of story."
He hangs up. I pissed him off. Great. Lovely. Fan-fucking-tastic.
I take a deep breath. Calm down, Anastasia, he's just worried.
And pissed. Look at what you did.
No...he's just worried, if he's mad it's because he's worried, not two separate things...right?
Minutes go by and I begin to worry myself. What if he gets lost? What if he doesn't come for me like he said he would? What if--
"Anastasia, there you are!"
I turn and see Tony sprinting towards me. I begin to scratch my ring finger again, and shake my right leg, which is stretched out. Deep breaths, Anastasia, make him believe you're okay.
He drops to his knees and pulls me into a hug. "It's okay, Anastasia, I'm here now. Whatever it is, you can tell me."
"Am I a slut?"
"What the fuck? Who called you one? I swear to GOD I'll--"
"What about worthless? Only good for sex? "
"Is this about Alexander?"
I shrug. "It's about everything in general..."
"Go on."
"I've only been to one dance in my high school career. My Sophomore Homecoming...but it was only for ten minutes because Lexie ruined it. I never went back afterwards. Melody made me feel like I missed out on something...She doesn't even know about anything from high school...not my cutting, though it's plan as day...Nothing like that."
"It's--"
"I'm scared I'm never going to forget that shit, Tony."
He kisses me gently, then leans his forehead against mine. "If you don't forget, you'll remember and grow from it. You're strong, Anastasia, and sometimes I don't think you give yourself credit about being as strong as you are."