What's So Good About Picking Up the Pieces?

Waking up in a strange girl's bed, I rubbed my eyes to clear the room around me. Blinking them open, the events of last night began to unfold. Shooting up heroin with some chick and popping random pills she found in her medicine cabinet. This wasn't the strangest thing I had ever done, and I had a feeling it wouldn't be my last.

I sat up and pushed the girls arms off of me. Thankfully, it didn't wake her. It was clear to me that this girl was a newbie and she would probably be out for hours. I swung my legs over the bed, my eyes looking down at my feet. I placed my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands. How the fuck did I ever end up in this predicament; doing drugs with a girl I hardly knew to get away from reality. Because I was to emotionally fucked to experience real euphoria.

My thoughts lingered on a shaggy haired teenager. No, I couldn't blame Oli forever. He might have left, but my actions were my own. There was nobody to blame anymore. Not the abuse I had received from my father. Not the unloving mother who hated her family for reasons unknown. Not even a love who had left.

I slowly dragged myself out of bed and began to search for my clothes that ended up off of me. I couldn't even remember when I first started searching for female companionship. After having my heart broken, I just couldn't bring myself to look at any man. I didn't even want any guy touching me. Hell, I wasn't even lesbian. I didn't enjoy fooling around with women, and I couldn't even fathom why I slept around with them.

An hour after I woke, I left the sleeping girl. I'm sure she'd text me later. I would answer, only because I needed somebody to shoot up with. I never did it alone. I could never bring myself to stop. I honestly had no reason to quit either.

That little scrawny, shaggy haired boy lingered in the back of my mind. He used to be my reason for doing and being better. Now, he was only the pain I wanted to get rid of.

***************

"My name is Scarlett Henson. And I'm an addict." I fidgeted in my seat, uneasily looking around at the circle of people who looked exactly like I did. Or at least in the sense that it was obvious we had a problem.

The host, whose name I always forget, softly spoke up. "And what brings your here today, Scarlett?"

I avoided rolling my eyes. I hated this shit. I really did. The only reason I was here again was because I overdosed. Sighing, I answered, "Because I have a problem and I need to quit."

"Scarlett, we know you need to quit, but is there a reason why?"

I sighed. "Not in particular."

"You know this does not help your progression. If you don't have a reason, you'll just relapse again. And we don't want that."

People mumbled incoherently. It seemed nobody here had the will to quit. "I honestly have no reason to quit."

The doctor sighed. "How about we start from the beginning, to where it all started. The downfall of your happiness that made you addicted to heroin."

"I prefer not to indulge in my past."

But the memories came spilling back, everything did.

[Flashback]

It was the summer that I turned eight. My family and I had moved to to Stocksbridge in Sheffield, South Yorkshire because my father had his orders from the Navy to be stationed here. I was used to moving every three years. The constant moving and relocating had made me very shy and introverted. It didn't help that my father and mother didn't really include me in any activities to at least help me get out of my shell. To them, an eight year old needed to not worry so much about having friends. Instead, I should just deal with whatever life threw at me and not bitch about it.

That day was also when I met him. A little shaggy haired boy. I was sitting on the curb, poking the ground when I saw a pair of feet in front of me. I looked up to see a scrawny little boy in front of me. He stuck out his hand. "Ello, I'm Oli Sykes. Nice to meet yeh!"

I was shocked and had no idea what to do. So instead of shaking his hand. I ran. But meeting him was inevitable. This Oli boy was very persistent and stubborn, despite me running away every time he tried to approach me. It became apparent that I would have to talk to him.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" I finally had gained the courage to at least say this to him.

He gave me a cheesy grin and replied in the most innocent voice, "I thought you needed a friend."

And he was right. As months turned into years, I began needing a friend more than ever. My dad would get belligerently drunk towards me and my mother at night. And when I needed my mother the most, she was never there for me. Oli became my one and only friend, my best friend. It seemed I spent every moment with him. And his home was like my home. His parents were like ones I should of had.

As we grew older, we grew closer. Once we hit our adolescence years, things began changing in us. We both began maturing and our relationship started becoming much more than just a friendship. It became obvious that my feelings for him were ones he felt.

We were both sixteen at the time. I was sitting on his bed and he was on the floor playing some video game. Suddenly, Oli paused the game and shot up onto the bed to sit in front of me.
"Do you have a crush?"

I looked at him funny. "Why does it matter to you?"

I remember trying to ignore him, but he made it so hard when he stared at me with those eyes of his. "Because, you can't like him."

"Oh really, why not?"

"Because I like you."

And from that moment on, I knew I liked Oliver Sykes. After that strange confrontation, Oli became my boyfriend. At first, I thought it would be a short live relationship and we could go back to being best friends. But as two years passed by, Oli became my first everything. I literally mean everything.

My favorite memory was of us lying under the stars in a field. I was wrapped in his arms, my head on his chest. We had started going out during the night just to see the stars when we got into the first year of our dating relationship. This night was different from other nights. I had ran out from my house to go see Oli. My father was being extremely aggressive and mean towards me.

Oli had lifted me up so he could see the bruises. He had gently kissed them, his soft lips caressing my tender and purple skin. "I would never hit you."

I smiled. "I know."

He laced his hands into mine. "I'm never going to leave you alone. Ever. I promise, Scarlett."

"Don't promise something you won't be able to keep."

He chuckled that chuckle that drove me nuts and smiled that handsome smirk of his. "I promise. I love you."

Those three words shocked me at first. Yet, I said them back to him. And I believed him when he said he'd never leave me. We were inseparable. Until the day he got really involved with his band. This one seemed more hopeful than the past others. I supported him whole hardheartedly. But I saw him less and less because he was always in band practice. I didn't complain though, I knew it was his dream.

But all to soon, my world was crashing down. I was kicked out of my house. My mother no longer lived with me and my dad, and I started getting tired of my dad. It got so bad that Oli had gotten involved. So instead of taking his shit, I fought back. I got severely hurt, but it felt good. After a few days in the hospital, Oli brought me home with him. It seemed all was well, but it wouldn't be.

Laying in bed, Oli brought up that he and his band was signing with Thirty days of Night Records. We never talked about me going on tour with him. He soon became very busy packing and getting ready to go on tour. I felt so out of his world. Then the bombshell came, he was leaving me.

His reasons for breaking up with me was that he would be gone all the time. He promised to come back and we would rekindle our love, but for now, it was for the best. I agreed. At first, I was happy for him. But I soon missed him. Then we started losing communication. A year had passed and I was hopeful.

I had my own place at the time and a job. I didn't know when Oli would be back, but I knew it would be soon. I didn't expect what I saw. I was walking to the market to get some food when I saw somebody vaguely familiar. Some girl was wrapped around him. Deep down in my heart, I had hoped it wasn't Oli. But it was. The same boy I grew up with and loved so much had moved on and officially left me.

The pain hurt to much. I saved up money and left for my home country, America. I quickly found a place in New York and found a job. But soon started hanging out with the wrong crowd. My life began spiraling down. I pushed Oli out of my life completely. I had a new life now. I began to become introverted again. I couldn't bring myself to be with another guy. I soon started dabbling in heroin, and that became a full blown out addiction.

[Flashback Over]

The memories were to much. I arubtly stood up and and ran out. I ran to some dank alley, leaning my back against the wall and slid down to the ground. It had been four years since then. Four long years. And I wish I could have been strong without Oli. I really wish I could.

My phone vibrated in my back pocket.

-Heyyy, it's Mara. I'm lonely and have some stuff. Please come back?

I couldn't deny my want. I left the alley and signaled a taxi. My want out ruled my head every time.