To Live Is Just to Fall Asleep

I've always tried to remind her that the future's just a few heartbeats away from disaster. I'm afraid that I've thrown it all away. - Kissing In Cars

*&*

Vic's Point Of View:

They say that good things in life never last long. That you can't stay blissful for too long, before life comes and bites you in the ass. I've never been one to live by the rules, or play it safe by any means. I always thought that taking chances and being spontaneous is what life is all about. You only get to live it once, so surround yourself with those who lift you up when you're down, never fail to make you smile, and people that build you up as a person.

So what happens when life makes you question all you've ever thought?

I didn't cheat on Ellis, I would never do such a thing. A simple fan greeting gone awry, and someone just so happened to be there to capture the moment.

There were always fan encounters that went wrong, but none that we couldn't handle. A couple weeks ago at a meet and greet, a fan tried to get a little too up close and personal. She tried to kiss me, and I pushed her off immediately.

I never told Ellie any of these things, simply for the fact on how she would react. Women are territorial, and I never wanted her to have any suspicion. I guess I need to find better ways to approach these subjects.

[b*&*

Hospitals have always given me the creeps. Bad things happen in them. Lives are lost, families are torn apart, souls escape to be free.

The plain white walls didn't give me even an ounce of comfort, nor did the bland paintings in the waiting room, or the little coffee bar that loved ones waiting could help themselves to.

The sterile, bleach smell flooded my nostrils unpleasantly as I paced back and forth through the corridor of the hospital, trying to make sense of the situation that had occurred only minutes before. I wasn't hurt badly at all, the worst of my injuries being a gash in my forehead that required a few stitches that had been done on the ambulance ride here.

My main concern was my fiancée. My Ellis. I didn't care that my nice, white collared shirt was half untucked and spattered with blood. I didn't care that my knuckles were cut up from the glass. I didn't care that the car was totaled. All I cared about was Ellie. I wanted her to be okay, if it was my dying wish.

They wheeled my unconscious fiancée into an immediate evaluation room, to determine how bad her injuries were. From where she sat in the passenger seat, she had gotten the brunt of the crash. Things were going great, up until this point in time. The band was doing phenomenal with the release of A Flair For The Dramatic. Fans went crazy, jumping up and down in pure enthusiasm, singing along to every lyrics that I wrote. We were doing well financially with my job on the road. It was paying the bills, as well as giving Ellie a boost with her school work where she was studying to become a psychiatrist when her salary wasn't enough.

Given the circumstances, fights broke out between Ellie and I, but none that we couldn't ever set to the side and resolve. We were happy together, blissful and content. So why did this occur? Why would everything just crumble beneath me?

I couldn't tame any of the thoughts running through my head, they all came in like a stampede, one after another. Tears silently cascaded down from my eyes as I walked over to a wall, putting my head against it as I tried to think rationally.

As the sounds of the sirens and the calls of the doctors haunted me, I panicked.

"Get the stretcher, now! Significant blood loss, possible internal bleeding."

"There is metal lodged in her abdomen, and a pulse that is rapidly deteriorating."

"We need to help this girl, and fast. Williams, the stretcher NOW!"

Their words punctured me straight through the heart. A ceramic knife cutting through a tender organ with ease.

I yelled for them to get her out of the car, telling them that I was fine, that Ellie was the one that needed the immediate attention. She was knocked unconscious by the force instantaneously, barely breathing as they hoisted her on to the stretcher.

They allowed me to ride with her in the ambulance, stitching up my wounds whenever I wasn't hyperventilating or crying at her side. My hand never left hers. I didn't let go until they wheeled her into the evaluation room. I wouldn't let go. I couldn't.

Reliving this all again, it ripped my chest open and exposed to everyone my barely beating heart. I don't know what I would possibly do if the world took away the reason for my existence. I couldn't bare it.

Thinking this, I punched the wall in front if me, hard. Burning down every ounce of composure I had left. I yelled, a panic-stricken howl that caused nurses to peak around the corner from their stations. The tears fell freely from my eyes, not showing any sign of letting up.

I slammed my hand against the wall, thinking the worst, but praying for the best.

I heard the automatic doors in the corridor open, shoes shuffling into the waiting room where I stood. Low, murmuring voices cooed in my ears, but I couldn't understand the jumble of words that elicited. I was numb.

"Vic, calm down. It's going to be alright, Ellie is going to be alright." I heard my younger brother speak, a reassuring hand on my back.

"Vic, come sit down, it's alright man." Jaime's pacifying voice rushed to my eardrums.

"Everything is going to be alright, she's a tough girl, Vic." Tony coaxed.

None of these statements made me feel reassured, calm, or any increment of a feeling in between.

"None of you understand," I choked. My voice was hoarse, mangled, pleading, broken. "She thinks I was cheating on her," I managed.

"Why would she think that?" Jaime replied, his voice calm.

"Because she saw a picture of that fan attacking me. She got it all wrong," I managed to choke back a sob that threatened to rack through my lifeless, broken body.

I felt weak, like my knees would give out at any given moment, that I would crumble to the floor that was slowly slipping out from under me.

None of the guys said a word. They just rested reassuring hands on my back, and slowly led me over to sit in one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs.

You would figure if you were waiting to here if the love of your life was going to make it through or not, they would at least make you feel at home.

No. They just gave you more agony.

I placed my head in my hands, my whole body shaking and stiff. I let the tears fall, silently questioning what I had ever done to deserve this.

Time passed. Minutes, hours, days, I don't know. It felt like an eternity before a doctor even appeared.

"Are you the family of Ellis Maxwell?" A small female doctor asked in a meek voice. The look on her face didn't look like it was about to present good news.

"Yes we are." Tony, Jaime, Mike, and I all rose and spoke at the same time.

"All immediate family? Brothers? A husband?" She asked, gesturing to the group of us. We probably frightened the poor woman. All of the guys had shed a few tears for Ellis. We were all praying she was going to make it out of this. She had to. She was the strongest person I knew, and she couldn't just be gone. No. I wouldn't let that happen.

"I-I'm her fiancé," I sputtered, breaking out in a cold sweat. I felt like I was going to vomit, the nervosa practically laced into my intestines at this point.

"I'm sorry, but there is really no way to say this easily, or sugar coat it. But Ellis was hit with so much coerce, that it sent her into a coma instantly. She had major internal bleeding, and we had to take her into surgery immediately. She broke quite a few bones on the right side of her body, as well as one of her lungs collapsing due to the metal of the car being lodged into her abdomen. It's miraculous that she is still alive, especially for a woman of her size," the doctor's voice was weak, almost as if it hurt her to bring the bad news.

"W-will she wake up soon?" I asked, my hands starting to tremble.

"I'm very sorry, but it is highly unlikely with the condition she is in at the moment. At this point, she would need a miracle to bring her out of her slumber," the doctor cringed.

With that statement, my world stopped rotating on its axis. Time stopped, and the only thing I could do was collapse to my knees, letting out the shriek I had been holding in for hours.

How could this happen? Why did this happen? Why on earth did they want to take my Ellis away? What had I done?

"I apologize to all you gentlemen. You may go back to see her if you'd like. But let this serve as a warning; it's a gruesome scene." The doctor explained.

"We will go back in just a second, ma'am, thank you." I heard Mike explain to the woman before she nodded.

"Take your time." Was all she said before I heard her shuffle away.

"Vic, come on buddy. Let's go," Tony rubbed a gentle hand on my back, as Jaime and Mike pulled me off of the ground. I couldn't say a word. I couldn't move for myself. All I was capable of was shedding an innumerable amount of tears.

They managed to drag me into the room where my entire world laid on her death bed, and all we could do was stare.

Mike cringed.

Jaime bowed his head down.

Tony wiped away a stray tear.

The doctor was correct; it was gruesome. Bruised, broken, and bloody was the woman my heart belonged to. I walked to her slowly, reaching my hand up to stroke her delicate, frail cheek, the tears coming down in streams.

I crumbled to a pile of ashes at her bedside, taking her hand in mine and resting my head on the edge of the hospital mattress.

She didn't move, didn't stir. She barely even looked like she was breathing, the rise and fall of her chest so faint. Her body was cold, limp. Her nail beds bright blue in color, the color of the bruises that adorned her beautiful, innocent body. The sight was hard to look at, but hard to stray away from.

Jaime, Mike, and Tony took seats in the chairs around the room, silent as I grieved. They mourned as well, but in a different way than I did.

They mourned because they were slowly losing a best friend, a sister in a way.

I was mourning because I was slowly losing the love of my life.

My future was just a few heartbeats away from disaster, and there wasn't a single thing I could do to stop it.