Heart & Soul

From that night forward, I was irrevocably and utterly enraptured in all that was Mike Fuentes. Wasting my time being cynical was put on the back burner, and I tried to focus on what lay ahead of me. If I said that I wasn’t beyond fascinated and curious about this man that stumbled into my life, it would be the biggest fallacy ever expressed. I could feel my exterior being slowly knocked down, but I wasn’t about to let it all crumble just yet. I still needed to protect myself from the possibility of what could go wrong.

It had been about a month since the night that we shared at the beach. That was a night that I would remember for the rest of my life, the thought that went into it the sweetest gesture that someone had ever given me.

I found myself smiling every time I thought of him, saw him, or even heard his name. It almost felt sickening to like someone this much this soon, but I knew that I needed to kick my hesitation aside for a moment in time and just absorb what was happening.

“Oh, Josephine!” I heard an all-too-chipper voice call from the hallway that connected to the kitchen, the front door audibly closing behind the voice. I recognized it immediately and looked up from my laptop screen, waiting for the goofy, widespread grin of the heavily tattooed man that would appear at any moment. Sure enough, a few seconds later Mike came into view with a dopey smile on his face, carrying a Starbucks latte in each of his hands.

I probably looked a mess with my hair sitting atop my head in a top knot, my thick rimmed, black glasses perched on my nose and day old makeup still on my face. I was still in my pajamas, as well; an old Southern Illinois University sweater from one of my cousins and a pair of spandex shorts.

“Aw, you look so cute in your specs,” he pointed at me and I stuck out my tongue. He walked into the living room and kissed me on the cheek before handing me one of the lattes. I grinned at both things.

“Thank you so much, I needed the caffeine,” I graciously took the latte, bringing it to my lips and taking a generous drink no matter how scalding the substance still was. “Mmm,” I closed my eyes and indulged in the coffee concoction. Mike had gotten my favorite; a salted caramel mocha, skim milk, hold the whipped. “You know me so well,”

“I don’t know about that one,” he teased, sitting down on the couch next to me, the couch cushion sinking under his weight.

I rolled my eyes, scrolling down the document on the screen of my Macbook. I sighed, discontent with how the assignment was turning out, but continued to trudge through the sentences to reach my character and page limit to keep my professor happy.

“Hemophilia is a rare, hereditary genetic disorder that impairs the body’s ability to control blood clotting and coagulation. BORING!” Mike read over my shoulder, including a remark of his own at the end there.

“I know, not intriguing whatsoever,” I slumped down in my seat.

I had been going to class lately, and it just reminded me of why I never chose to go. The workload was intimidating, the textbooks were costly, my classmates were shallow, and I was still unsure of what to do. Everything was telling me to stop lying to myself, to just drop out and stop giving myself a false sense of security that I knew was never going to pay off or work out in my favor. I knew that it needed to be gone from my life sooner rather than later, but I still couldn’t bring myself to do so.

“Are you making him read your report, J? God, don’t let her torture you like that Mike!” Bailey padded out of her bedroom, fully dressed and showered and ready to start her day.

“I am doing no such thing, I will have you know!” I shot her a grimace complete with furrowed brows.

“Vic told me to tell you he would be here soon,” Mike called to her as she dug around in the fridge.

“Oh yeah, isn’t the barbeque today?” she asked, closing the refrigerator door and setting down ingredients for a salad on the counter.

“Yeah, about that…” Mike trailed off, and I looked at him with a confused expression.

“What barbeque?” I questioned, pulling my sweater sleeves down around my hands, my nervous habit that I did almost subconsciously.

“My family is having a cookout today, and I would like for you to come?” Mike said quickly, his voice making the statement sound more like an inquiry.

“Hold on, what?” I asked as soon as it registered in my brain.

“Pleeeease?” Mike pleaded, sticking out his lower, pierced lip and widening his eyes to create a puppy-dog look that I couldn’t help but to fall for.

“Does it involve socializing with people I don’t know?” I questioned, though I already knew the answer.

“Y-” Mike started but was cut off by Bailey’s booming voice.

“Of course it does, J. Yes, Mike, she will be there whether she likes it or not.” Bailey answered sternly on my behalf.

I sighed exasperatedly, shutting my laptop with much more force than I intended and shoving myself off of the couch.

“Jo-” Mike began, but I closed my bedroom door rather loudly.

I knew that I was overreacting, but I couldn’t help myself at this point. I felt like everyone neglected how I felt about certain situations, even when they knew the things that were going on in my head. Bailey had a full knowledge and understanding of why I was the way that I was. Still, she pushed me out of my comfort zone every time. It got to me.

I took off my glasses and tossed them onto my bed before walking into the bathroom that connected mine and Bailey’s bedrooms and turning on the hot water for a shower to clear my senses...and to get ready for this barbeque.

I stripped down and stepped underneath the warm water, letting it cascade down my body and to give me a bit of relaxation.

When I finally got out, I dried off and wrapped my black silk robe around my body. I pulled a brush through my hair as I opened the door and stepped into my bedroom. Mike was sprawled across my bed, his phone in front of his face.

I almost expected him to be in here. After that night at the beach, things were different between us. I was getting increasingly comfortable in his presence, and I didn’t know whether or not I should get too cozy too soon. The thought of someone leaving your life as quick as you let them in had always scared me, and with what happened in the past, I don’t want to relive something I couldn’t handle.

Although Mike and I had done nothing sexually, I was still nervous in his presence.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t wanna, J.” Mike sat up a little bit and tucked his phone away into his black jean pocket.

“I do, Mike. It’s just...complicated.” I shrugged, sitting down at the farthest edge of my bed away from him.

“Why is it so complicated?” he asked softly, and I knew that I couldn’t tell him the reason. Not yet. Not ever.

I shrugged in response, letting out an exasperated sigh to show that I didn’t necessarily want to talk about this right now.

“Nevermind. Just get ready and come with. Please?” he looked at me, and his big brown eyes were pleading for a positive response. As much as I wanted to say no just to not put myself into a difficult position, I could never do it.

I nodded my head slowly and bit the inside of my lip. I tugged at the hem of my robe sleeve and rose from my bed. I walked to my bedroom door and opened it, shooing Mike out of my room so I could make myself presentable. He pouted a little before exiting without another word.

I closed the door and walked back into my bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror, hands rested on the counter. I took in my small frame, covered in black silk. I glanced over my natural, cleansed face. I took in my entire appearance, but I wasn’t happy with it. I don’t know if it was the fact that I was never happy with the way that I looked, or the fact that no one had ever really showed me that I should appreciate the way that I look that made me so discontented. For a moment, I thought about bringing out the old blade. Reliable and convenient, a way to quickly rid these feelings. I closed my eyes tightly, swallowing my feelings down hard to shake away the thoughts of my past and what had caused me to become this wreck of a girl. When I reopened my eyes, I looked away from the mirror. I couldn’t return back to my old habits. Not now.

I tended to my hair and did what I could with my makeup before getting dressed in a navy blue romper, little, printed feathers adorning the fabric and giving it a subtle splash of color. I put on a few pieces of jewelry, slipped on an old pair of red Toms, grabbed my bag and made my way to the door that led into the living room. I closed my bedroom door, the returning thoughts of mutilating my body and of my past gone, a smile and a blissful facade taking its place.

**

The Fuentes’ house was gorgeous. The exterior was fashioned with multicolored brick, the prime color a terracotta. There were flowers expertly placed next to the stone walkway, the verdant grass allowing the arrangements of flowers to look even more appealing to the eyes. It was May now, so the California heat was quickly setting in before the summer officially began.

“What’s on your mind?” Mike bent down to ask in my ear. Mike had driven, Vic and Bailey choosing to drive separately because they wished to arrive sooner than us.

“I like the flowers,” I pointed towards the plethora of colors poking through the ground. “They’re beautiful.” Mike placed a hand on the small of my back as we stepped up the few steps to get to the front door. The aroma of food flooded my nostrils almost immediately, and I found my mouth watering. Even outside the home, the smell of assorted Mexican foods was evident and enticed my senses.

“So are you.” he smirked, leaning in to kiss me on the lips as I basked in his compliment. Mike’s lips touched my own, the cool metal of his lip piercings colliding with the flesh of my lip and sending an electric shock throughout my entire body. It sent shivers down my spine.

Just then, the front door opened, startling me and causing my heart to beat rapidly before I even saw the face of the person who had caught us in the middle of a kiss.

“Oh! You must be Josie. Tony! Mike’s girly-friend is here!” the person who had opened the door was a male. He had soft, brown eyes and spiky dark hair that had a mind of its own. I noticed tattoos trailing down his arm, the colors of them popping against a naturally tanned skin tone. “I’m Jaime, and I’ve heard lots about you.” he smiled a charming, pleasant smile. He had dimples in his cheeks as deep as craters on the moon and teeth so white a dentist would be envious. He stuck a hand in my direction, and it took a second for me to recover from being startled and respond to the gesture.

“Nice to meet you,” I answered, showing a small smile before Mike cleared his throat.

“Dude…” Mike trailed off and Jaime swatted a hand in his direction as if to tell him ‘shut up’.

I heard heavy footsteps come from inside before another face joined Jaime’s.

“I caught them smoochin’!” Jaime cried loudly and turned to the man next to him. He was slightly taller than Jaime was, a snapback sitting on his dark head of hair. I noted a small diamond dermal sitting beneath his eye as it caught light from the spring-time sun. He, also, was heavily tattooed, with a natural tanned skin tone.

“I’m Tony,” he smiled, but did not offer a hand as Jaime did. I was thankful to avoid the contact, though it was nothing against him in the slightest. I just shied away from any sort of physical contact. That’s why the way Mike was towards me was so foreign, and I was still growing accustomed to it. “And don’t mind him, he’s nosy and obnoxious.” he punched Jaime in the bicep and Jaime whacked him back. I stirred, unsettled because of the situation and just offered a nervous laugh in response. Mike stood next to me, shaking his head at his friends and chuckling at them.

Great, not even five minutes in and I was already on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“Will you guys quit terrorizing the poor girl?” Vic’s voice sounded over the playful quarrel that was happening, and it was relieving to hear a familiar voice. He appeared in the doorway next, and I slowly began to question just how many Mexican boys could fit in one doorway before it got too crowded.

Jaime pouted and Tony rolled his eyes, the both of them still laughing. Mike guided me through the door then, and we made our way into the home.

The interior was just as gorgeous as the exterior was. The furniture was dated, but well kept and tasteful. There was a fireplace in the living room that was just a few yards from the entrance of the house. There weren’t any other people that I could see, but I heard distant voices and figured that they must be outside.

“Everyone’s outside,” Vic explained, hitching a thumb over his shoulder and pointing behind him.

“Except for me!” I heard Bailey’s voice coming down a hall and soon, she was in view. “Come with me! Let’s get something to drink.” she spoke and I looked to Mike. He nodded and gave me a smile before I followed Bailey into the kitchen. I heard the boys laughing and talking, but couldn’t make out what it is they were saying.

“How are you doing?” she asked while taking a bottle of water out of the fridge and handing it to me before retrieving one for herself.

“Well, considering I just got here and already almost had a panic attack, I’m not so sure.” I replied quietly, opening the bottle and taking a long drink. “I’m nervous to meet his family. I don’t really know what he’s going to say about me, either..” I trailed off, thinking of how he would explain the situation to his various family members that were in the backyard of his parents’ house as we spoke.

It was a strange feeling for me, to say the least. I was used to staying inside and only leaving to go to work or the occasional class. I didn’t interact with people well after...the incident. I didn’t trust them. I didn’t trust anybody, really. I didn’t socialize and involve myself with others because I needed to keep myself safe. I had become too invested in someone, and that ended up getting me hurt. In retaliation, I didn’t put myself in that situation anymore. And frankly, meeting the family of a guy that I had only just met was a bit too much for me. I felt out of place, and I had only met two of the many people that were sure to come.

“You’ll be okay, Josie. I promise,” Bailey smiled and placed a gentle, reassuring hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be here.”

Part of her statement annoyed me, because if she was there for me in a figurative sense, she would have never vouched for me in the conversation earlier when she knew that I would be anxious about the situation. She was constantly pushing me to do things that were out of my comfort zone, and I wanted to stay far away from those things.

I heard hushed talking in the other room, and I couldn’t help but to listen in a little bit as Bailey talked about something that we should do when we got home.
“Just don’t say anything to the family, okay?” I recognized the voice as Mike’s, and I furrowed my eyebrows slightly. Bailey snapped in my face to get my attention again.

“Did you hear anything I said?” Bailey asked me, taking a drink out of her water. I realized at that second that what I was doing was wrong. I shouldn’t listen in on conversations that didn’t involve me.

“No, sorry. I was thinking. What were you saying?” I asked her while peering around the kitchen. The neutral color scheme calmed me, and the little crayon-drawn pictures I noticed on the fridge brought a smile to my face. There must be children somewhere in the family. I wondered if Mike and Vic had any other siblings.

“Damn, your focus is terrible. You’re like a puppy, I swear,” Bailey rolled her eyes. “But I was saying that we should go to the guys’ local show that’s coming up in a few weeks.”

“Yeah, that would be cool,” I nodded in response, though I didn’t really absorb the words she was speaking. My mind wandered so much that it rarely ever focused on what was happening in the current world.

“What are you ladies talking about?” Vic asked as he casually strolled into the kitchen, the three other boys hot on his tracks. He walked up to Bailey and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her to him and placing a kiss on her temple. She smiled deeply, and I felt the affection radiating off of them and envied it to the furthest extent.

Mike wasn’t very flamboyant with me, which in most ways was good for me. But physical affection was something that I had always enjoyed because I felt that I never received the proper type. It made me so elated to see Bailey with someone that genuinely cared for her, and vice versa. They deserved each other.

“We were talking about how much your band sucks,” I joked, feeling risky with my behavior around two guys that I had only just met minutes before. But if they were going to be around, I was going to need to open up eventually. I felt more at ease because it was still just the five of us in the house, and I chose to get myself into a sociable mood now rather than not being prepared in a few short minutes.

All of the boys scoffed in unison and Bailey and I burst out laughing at the reaction.

“I’m just kidding. I have yet to hear you guys do your thing.” I spoke, my voice soft but unwavering. I was proud of myself for talking freely, rather than being guarded.

“Mexicore will be your favorite soon enough!” Jaime exclaimed and I gave him a questioning look in response. Bailey and the rest of the guys laughed at his answer, but I was confused as to what ‘Mexicore’ was.

“What the hell is Mexicore?” I asked, giggling.

Tony, who stood closest to me, was the one to respond. Apparently they had dubbed their music ‘Mexicore’ at one point because they could never describe it when they were asked in interviews. I tuned most of his explanation out though, only nodding and giving a small chuckle his way as to say that I understood. But my attention was fixated on Mike, who I noticed was standing somewhat of a distance away from me, his thoughts seemingly elsewhere as his eyes darted around the room and he tapped his foot lightly on the hardwood floor beneath our feet. It was strange for him to not partake in conversation much, he was normally always babbling away. I thought this to be peculiar, but I figured it was nothing.

“Why don’t we go out there and eat? I’m starved.” Jaime motioned toward the sliding glass door that led out to a patio, where I could now see people standing and conversing with one another. My nerves spiked through the roof and I shot a quick glance to Mike and he sent a soft smile and a nod in return. I felt my lips curl up in a soft smile and my heart flutter just the slightest bit.

Just that small gesture of reassurance and the amount of courage that it gave me told me one thing, and one thing only; I was falling hard for Mike Fuentes.