Heart & Soul

“Abaxial?” Mike asked, flashing me the notecard from his position in front of me.

I was laying upside-down on the couch, my hair dangling off the edge and all of the blood rushing to my brain. My head had begun to hurt, but I was comfortable.

“Lying outside the axis of any body or part; situated at the opposite extremity of the axis of a part!” I declared, throwing my fist in the air and narrowly missing hitting his jaw. He ducked out of the way just in time.

“Slow down there, Killer. I’m leaving here with all of my teeth,” Mike pointed a finger at me like he was scolding a puppy. I pouted out my lower lip a bit and he rolled his eyes and leaned down to press a soft kiss to my lips.

“Can that be my reward every time I answer one of my vocab cards right?” I asked, hopeful. I pressed my palms together to make it look like I was praying for him to say yes.

“You’re not going to be able to kiss me soon due to the lack of oxygen your brain is getting right now, goofy,” he ruffled my hair and I grimaced, trying to smooth it back out as best as I could whilst being upside-down on the couch. It was a challenge. “I’m not even the one in medical school and I know that!” Mike did a little dance where he was sitting on the shag carpeting and I couldn’t help but to let a chuckle pass my lips. His dance moves were more of just an awkward, sporadic flailing of limbs because of how lanky he was.

“Okay fine, next card!” I clapped my hands together, ready for action.

“Racemic calcium lkjaslkfjaf? How the hell do you say that last word?” Mike looked at the card, squinting his eyes. I giggled at him while flipping back up the right way on the couch. I took the card from it and looked at it myself.

“Pantothenate, goofy,” I mocked him and stuck out my tongue at him. I handed the card back to him and recited the definition perfectly. “Racemic calcium pantothenate is a mixture of the calcium salts of the dextrorotatory and levorotatory isomers of pantothenic acid; same uses as calcium pantothenate,”

“What in the fuck does that mean?” I heard a loud voice call and the front door shut. I then realized that it was Jaime’s voice, and soon after I matched his face to his voice, he and Tony came strolling around the corner.

“She just explained the definition! Something to do with acids and salts. Bath salts?” Mike roared, and the mention of ‘bath salts’ cracked all three of the boys up.

“No, not the drug that makes you eat other people’s faces,” I rolled my eyes.

“Oh! I forgot to give you your reward,” Mike tossed all of my notecards in the air and they flew in different directions, landing all around the room and making me frown because I know that I would be the one to pick them up.

He grabbed both sides of my face and laid a loud, sloppy, and wet kiss right on my lips, causing Tony and Jaime to groan and tell us to get a room.

I couldn’t help but to burst into laughter in the middle of the kiss and push Mike away.

“Ew! Mike! That was so gross,” I giggled, wiping my now-soaked mouth with the back of my hand. I had on one of Mike’s old Metallica hoodies and a pair of black spandex shorts, my hair in a messy bun atop my head.

“I heard that with my bedroom door closed,” Bailey peaked her head out of her room. She had a cold this week and had quarantined herself and made me bring her food all the time.

“Where’s Vic?” I questioned, expecting his head to pop out of Bailey’s bedroom at any moment. I didn’t even know if he was here or not.

“He’s sorting some stuff out about the tour next month,” Tony explained to me and I just nodded my head in understanding. It was weird to think about them touring.

The fight that took place between Mike and I had long been over, a few weeks had passed. Time literally seemed to be melting away when I was with him. In the duration of those few weeks, I had gotten to know Tony and Jaime more, and even Mike as well. Things were going great, and Mike hadn’t pushed me to open up in the slightest bit.

I knew that I was being selfish by not letting him in, I just chose not to put too much thought into it. It wasn’t the best or most healthy way to go about things, but in all honesty, I wanted to avoid the topic of my past and what we “were” at all costs. If he was content with not needing to know for a while, then I was content with not explaining.

“Shouldn’t you all be doing that?” I joked, trying to break myself from my thoughts.

“Yeah, but he’s the adult, duh,” Jaime joked, laughing at himself as he said it. He then proceeded to turn around and look into our fridge for something to eat. It warmed my heart that they were becoming so comfortable around me, though from what has been explained to me, it doesn’t really take much.

I rolled my eyes before pushing myself up off the ground to collect all of the vocab cards that were now strewn around the living room.

“What ink did you get, Tony? Himes told me you guys were going out so you could get something done,” Mike questioned and I looked up, confused.

“I got a Rubik’s cube!” Tony exclaimed, turning around and point to his calf where he had gotten the tattoo done. The color in it was super bright, and the line work looked amazing, from what I could see.

“That looks sick,” Mike stood up and walked over to him, bending down to examine the new freshly tattooed skin.

“What tattoos do you have?” Jaime asked me, a mouth full of Fritos.

I opened my mouth to explain that I didn’t have any, but Mike beat me to the punch.

“She’s a tattoo virgin!” he shouted exasperatedly. Tony and Jaime both turned to me at the same time with wide eyes.

“What?! You’re like a Vic!” Tony shouted.

“Are you afraid of needles or something?” Jaime asked then shoveled in more Fritos by the handful.

“No, I’m in medical school so if I got one and they saw it, they would murder me,” I shrugged and Mike scoffed. I shot him a glare and he stuck his tongue out at me.

I picked up the last notecard as Tony responded, “Why don’t you get one that’s not visible then?” he inquired, and I actually had to think about it for a moment. The truth was; I was afraid of the pain...very afraid. But his suggestion was very plausible.

“Pshh, she wouldn’t ever do that. Josie’s a chicken shit!” Bailey roared, her voice sounding hoarse and cracking because of her sickness.

“Stuff it Croaky,” I pointed in her direction and she huffed, folding her arms across her chest.

“Bawk, bawk, bawk,” Mike clucked like a chicken, trying to antagonize me.

“Josie’s a chicken, Josie’s a chicken!” Jaime cried, marching in the kitchen with his bag of chips in hand. Short after, Tony joined in, followed by Mike and Bailey.

“QUIT IT YOU ASSHOLES. You don’t think I’ll get a tattoo?” I demanded, folding my arms across my chest.

“No, we know you won’t get a tattoo,” Bailey smirked from the position she had taken on the couch. This was the first time she had fully emerged from her bedroom in days.

“Try me, bitches,”

“Okay, I bet you the cost of whatever tattoo that you get, that you’ll chicken out if we bring you. If you soldier through it, I’ll pay for it,” Mike suggested, an eyebrow arched at me.

“Sounds like a fair deal,” I nodded in agreement.

“AND if you chicken out, you pay for my next one. AND no sex for a month,” he furthered the bet, and I couldn’t help but to blush at the mention of our sex life in front of three other people.

“Oh, quit blushing, J. You’re far from quiet,” Bailey rolled her eyes at me.

“Well I think I’m going to retract that statement anyway. I think it would be harder on me…” Mike admitted, causing everyone in the room to burst out laughing, including me.

“You guys are on,” I said after a moment of silence. Tony and Jaime whooped and hollered and Bailey’s mouth hung open in shock.

“I have to call Vic!” Bailey yelled and jumped off of the couch and ran straight into her bedroom.

“Go get dressed girl, we’ve got to pop your tattoo cherry!” Mike shouted, picking me up off the couch before tossing me over his shoulder and running into my bedroom with me.

“I will once you put me down!” I giggled and kicked my legs so he would set me down.

“Wear your frayed black shorts, they make your ass look nice,” Mike commanded, slapping me on the butt before throwing me down on my bed.

“Aren’t you pushy today,” I laughed before straightening myself out and standing up. I walked over to my dresser and pulled out the black shorts that Mike was talking about and a white Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt. I shimmied out of my spandex shorts and Mike’s hoodie and began to put on my clothes.

“Are you ever going to give me any of my hoodies back?” Mike chuckled, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist that was bare, seeing as I hadn’t put on my shirt yet.

“Nope!” I snickered, and he just laughed into my neck. He started placing kisses from my neck back to my shoulder blade, and each one sent a set of shivers down my spine.

“Mike,” I pleaded, knowing that we had left my bedroom door open and that we needed to be leaving soon. Now was not the time for him to be kissing my neck, because I was putty under his touch.

“Josie,” he said against my skin. His lips had made their way back to my neck, and I couldn’t help but to close my eyes and enjoy the feeling.

“Can’t we do this later?” I knew that if he kept kissing my neck, that one thing would lead to another and needless to say, I wouldn’t get the tattoo.

“We can, but we can also do this now,” his voice was low, and after he had spoken, he nipped at the skin on my neck. The feeling of his teeth on my neck made my knees weak, and I had to lean back into him for support.

His hand reached from my waistline down to the lace band of my underwear, and my body shook as his fingers grazed my skin.

I reached my hand up to tangle into his hair, cocking my neck to the side so he could kiss it easier.

I tugged on the ends of his hair, signaling that I wanted him to pull his head up. He took the hint, and I connected my lips to his once he had done so.

The kiss wasn’t sweet and innocent, more so eager and urgent. His hand traveled down and pushed my lace underwear to the side, getting access to my most intimate area. His fingers worked in slow circles against my clit, and his other hand reached up to cover my mouth just before I let out a moan.

“QUIT FUCKING AND GET OUT HERE SO WE CAN LEAVE!” Jaime’s voice boomed throughout the apartment, causing me to jump.

“Fucking Jaime,” Mike whispered, laughing into my neck. “To be continued?” he asked me with a sexy smirk and I nodded eagerly in response. I finished getting ready, then we were on our way to “pop my tattoo cherry”.

**

“So what were you looking to get done today?” the man that would be tattooing me asked from behind the counter. Mike, Jaime, and Tony had brought me to the shop where they got all of their tattoos done when they weren’t on the road. His name was Alex, and from what I could tell by the tattoos that were visible on the guys, he did a really decent job. Bailey decided to stay back home, but she requested videos and snapchats, of course.

“I think I’m going to do a thigh piece,” I decided while we were on the way, and I had been toying with the idea for a while now.

“Oooh, she’s goin’ big!” Jaime shouted. His voice never failed to startle me.

“If you shout while she’s getting inked, she’s going to murder you because you make her jump every time,” Mike chuckled from behind me, an arm wrapped around my waist.

“Sure you wanna do this?” Mike pushed, and I knew he was only trying to psyche me out.

“Hell yeah, I’m sure I wanna do this. I won’t hear the end of it if I don’t,”

“And what is your name?” Alex asked me. He was a tall guy, with dark, shaggy hair and bright blue eyes. He had lots of colorful tattoos showing, and tunnels that were probably big enough for me to fit two of my fingers in.

“Josie,” I smiled at him softly. barely showing teeth.

“All right Josie, come over to the chair with me so we can see how big you want this and then draw something up for you,” he smiled back politely.

The boys all followed hot on my heels as I walked over to the chair that Alex had motioned to. In front of it was a small desk-like area that housed paper, pencils, his tattooing needles and the various shades and hues of ink bottles. There were two other people beside this station that were getting tattooed, and the sound of the tattooing guns going made my stomach churn. I knew that this was going to be scary to do, but I tried to think about how much I was going to love what the artwork looked like in the end, and soon after it was over, the pain would be gone. Plus, if I stuck it out, I wouldn’t even have to pay for it, and that was pretty damn cool too.

“So what kind of design are you looking for? Would you like to see any examples or pictures from some books that I have?” Alex took a seat in the rolly chair beside me and made eye contact with me as he spoke.

“I want to go for a floral design, with minimal color apart from black. I want a deeper shade of pink, and a dark purple as well, if you could,” I tried to explain to him the sort of design that I had in my head to the best of my abilities.

The black chair that I was sitting in was soft and comfy, and had a long foot rest so I could stretch out my legs once the tattooing process began.

“How big?” he asked, taking a sheet of the tracing paper off of his station.

I decided that I was going to be getting it done on my right thigh, that way the cuts that were still healing wouldn’t be revealed and I wouldn’t be interrogated.

I pulled up my shorts to reveal the small area of skin that they covered, and I eyeballed the area to see what size I would want. I decided to go a few inches below the start of the part of skin that showed, and it would go down until about four inches above my knee. It allowed for a big canvas, and that both scared me and excited me.

“Is this your first tattoo?” Alex asked me and I nodded immediately, to which he gave a chuckle to. “Just relax, you’ll be fine,”

Mike, Jaime, and Tony were all gathered in chairs that they pulled around the bench. They were all looking at me with their phones out in front of them, videotaping me.

“Will you guys quit it!” I covered my face from their cameras, leaving a little space in between my fingers so I could peek my eyes out.

“Oh come on babe, you’re never camera shy,” Mike chortled from behind his phone and I whipped my hands down from my face.

“Michael Christopher! He’s kidding, I swear,” I scowled at him and all of the guys cracked up and went “OHHHH!” in reaction to his statement.

“I didn’t know you were into that kinky porn shit, J,” Tony laughed and I just shook my head at him.

“I’m not, but from the stories I’ve heard, your ex girlfriend was!” I stuck out my tongue at him.

“OHHHHHHHHH!” Mike, Jaime, and even Alex joined in when I referenced Tony’s exgirlfriend, Jessie, who just so happened to be a porn star.

“Not cool!” Tony pouted, but quickly joined in on the laughter.

It was nice to be able to joke around with Mike’s friends, almost as if they were my own. And I guess they were slowly becoming my friends as well, and it made me very happy to realize. The only days where I had a ton of friends were my college days, when I was a wild party child that got wasted every night of her life. And then it happened. Everything changed, and suddenly, I couldn’t do any of that stuff again.

I gulped when I made the realization that this, getting a tattoo, would’ve been against the rules as well. A lump was forming in my throat, and I suddenly felt like I was going to pass out.

“Josie?” Mike stood up from where he sat across from the bench, worry laced in his tone and he took a few steps closer to me. “Are you all right?” he asked once he saw my demeanor completely change as my thoughts had drifted elsewhere.

I swallowed the lump and closed my eyes, willing the thoughts to be gone for a while so I could just be sane and have a good time.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I flashed a weak smile. I looked around to the other guys that surrounded me, and all of their expressions were quizzical. “Just nervous jitters,” I explained, trying to cover up my episode as best as I could. Once I saw the nod and the small smile from each of them, I realized that it had worked.

I turned my attention back to Mike, who was still standing up next to me, looking down at me with worried eyes.

“You’ll be okay, babe,” he flashed a weak smile and bent down to press a gentle kiss to lips. I turned my head so he got my cheek instead, and he stuck out his lower lip a bit in a pout.

I hated PDA, and he knew that. A kiss on the cheek, I didn’t mind. But I was opposed to multiple kisses and overly-touchy type stuff. I wasn’t very flamboyant, whereas Mike didn’t give a flying fuck if someone saw him having sex in public. We were very different people in most senses, and I honestly have no idea how he put up with me at some points.

“So is there any particular type of flower you were looking for?” Alex questioned, cutting out the size of tracing paper he would need.

“Not really. I just really like how floral thigh pieces look. I trust you to come up with a design!”

“Alrighty, I’ll get started on this bad boy!” Alex picked up his pencil and began to sketch out the design.

“I’m thirsty,” I whined, jutting out my lower lip and swinging my legs back and forth on the bench.

“I was just about to say that I’m kind of hungry,” Jaime added, rubbing his belly.

“Himes, you’re always hungry,” Tony laughed, causing me to crack a smile. Jaime had eaten the entire bag of Fritos at the apartment before we had taken off.

“I’m hungry too,” Mike nodded to Jaime.

“Wanna go get some food and come back here?” Jaime asked Mike, to which Mike nodded in agreement. I figured I would be staying here so that Alex could sketch out my tattoo and ask for my input on some of the details.

“I’ll hang back and stay with J,” Tony spoke, and I was thankful that he offered to keep me company. I got very...anxious being around people that I didn’t know and it would be nice to have Tony here with me. I was very weary of others, and I have been like that for a while now.

“What would you guys want?” Mike looked to me and Tony, pushing himself up off the chair he had been sitting in.

“PIZZA!” Tony and I shouted in unison, and we both turned and pointed to each other and busted out laughing.

“Pizza it is,” Mike laughed. “Dr. Pepper, J?”

“Do you even have to ask?” I joked, my tone sarcastic.

“We’ll be back then!” Jaime called over his shoulder, already walking towards the door to the tattoo parlor. He was like a garbage disposal, he honestly never got full.

Mike leaned down for a soft kiss that I allowed and he followed Jaime out of the shop.

“Was Jaime born hungry?” I giggled when I thought about all the times I have seen him. There hasn’t been a time yet where we’ve hung around him and he wasn’t eating something at some point.

“Honestly, I think so,” Tony laughed with me.

We sat in silence for a few minutes after that, though it was a comfortable silence for the most part. I occasionally peaked over Alex’s shoulder at his drawing of my tattoo, my nerves slowly going up due to the anticipation.

“He really likes you, Josie,” Tony’s voice broke the silence.

“What?” I asked, furrowing my brows in confusion.

“Mike. I have never seen him act this way towards any girl that he’s ever dated,” Tony explained and his statement caused my cheeks to turn a vermillion hue.

“Well, technically, we haven’t put a label on anything. Nothing is ‘official’,” I put air quotes around the word “official” to emphasize.

“Yeah, I know. But you guys may as well be dating, you know? There’s just no label,” Tony shrugged. “But in all sincerity, I really believe that he thinks you’re different than all the other girls that he’s dated. Mike isn’t the best with...relationships and all those other intimate things, you know? He’s got issues of his own,” As I was about to ask Tony to elaborate on what he meant by “issues of his own”, the doorbell dinged, signaling that a customer had walked into the shop.
I didn’t have to turn around to match Jaime’s face with his booming voice as he shouted “Honey, I’m home!” throughout the entire tattoo parlor. I felt bad for all the other customers.

“Just in time, too! I just finished the sketch!” Alex spun around in his chair, holding up my drawing.

Mike and Jaime took their seats and the aroma of cheese pizza flooded my nostrils immediately.

“Gimme!” I shouted, holding my hands out like a little kid on Halloween when they went door to door asking for candy.

“Not yet! I want you to look at this and see what you think,” Alex rolled his chair so he was blocked my path from the pizza. He shoved the design in my front of my face and I laughed, taking it from him.

The design was absolutely gorgeous, and I was so pleased with how it came out that I couldn’t help but to let my jaw hang open.

“It looks great! It’s gorgeous. Go ahead and slap that bad boy on there before I get too nervous,” I chuckled. Alex smiled in response, rolling his chair over to where he would be working. He precisely positioned the stencil onto my thigh, and then lifted it up. The outlines were left on my skin, and all of the guys got up to come and look at what the markings looked like.

“That’s gonna look so good,” Mike commented, and I heard Tony and Jaime say “yeah” and nod in response.

“You ready J?” Jaime clapped me on the back and I slapped him in the stomach in retaliation.

“Ready as I’ll ever be! Now give me pizza and my Dr. Pepper or you die!”

“Oooh, fiesty. Jeez,” Jaime chuckled. Mike lifted up the pizza box and held it in front of me so I could grab a slice, and then he handed me the giant Polar Pop he had gotten me from the gas station as well.

I managed to scarf down two and a half pieces by the time Alex got his gloves on and all the ink set out. The moment I heard the sound of the tattoo gun start, I froze and my eyes went wide.

“Finish this,” I shoved the slice of pizza towards Mike, and he took it.

“Did you see her eyes practically pop out of her head when she heard the gun start?” Jaime made fun of me and I glowered at him.

“Shut up,” I whimpered, preparing myself.

“You’ll be fine! I’ll even hold your hand!” Mike chuckled, moving his seat forward so he could sit closer to me. He reached out for my hand and I gladly took it, giving it a squeeze.

“You ready?” Alex asked, but I didn’t even look to him, I just nodded furiously, to which he chuckled at. “All right, here we go,” he said and brought the needle to my skin.

I gave Mike’s hand a hard squeeze as Alex started the first line. And to my surprise, it really didn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would. I expected it to be like a pressurized knife on my skin for hours, but the pain wasn’t anything I couldn’t tolerate. After time had went on, it started to become numb, and it just became an uncomfortable feeling, but I sat through it like a champ, and even finished off the cheese pizza and my Polar Pop. Mike, Tony, and Jaime all snapchatted Bailey and Vic, and took pictures and videos of the long process that they were going to put up on Instagram and tag me in.

It took four hours total, but it turned out looking gorgeous, and I couldn’t have been more content with the outcome. The cost was definitely a pretty penny, but Mike owned up to losing the bet and so he paid for it, no grumbling or objections.

“Look at you,” Mike hip-bumped me, causing me to stumble as we walked to his car. “That looks awesome on you,” he smiled at me.

“Well thank you for popping my tattoo cherry,” I said in a lame voice that made him crack up.

I looked down at the colorful ink that was now a permanent feature to my body, and I smiled once I realized that I was changing. If this had been three or four years ago, I would have never even allowed the thought to cross my mind because of how controlled I was. But now, I was slowly starting to become my own person again. As much as it scared me, it made me put a lot into focus. I was my own person, and I could make my own decisions. I could tattoo my entire body if I wished. I could drink if I wanted, I could move to Alaska and change my name if I wanted. I was constantly searching so desperately to find myself, when who I was had been right under my nose all along. I needed to start doing things for myself, and I knew exactly where to start after I got home.

I turned and to look at Mike, who was sitting in the driver’s seat of his car with one hand on top of the wheel, the other placed firmly on my non-tattooed thigh. I looked at im intently, thinking of everything that had taken course over the past few months that I had known him, and how much I had changed since I had met him. He had helped me come out of my shell, and made me become comfortable around someone again, and I really owed a lot to him for that.

He turned to look at me then, and small smile playing on the corners of his mouth.

“What?” he asked me, giving my thigh a squeeze.

“I think I want to drop out of medical school.”