Strong Enough

**Bryden’s POV**

I watched as she rode away from me, once again leaving me brokenhearted in her wake. I’d destroyed her? I thought by letting her go, by disappearing from her life, she could move on. Even if I couldn’t.

I never meant to hurt her. I didn’t mean to let that girl kiss me. And I never wanted to be the reason she was in pain.

“Jax, where are you going?” I followed her through the rain. She was booking it down the sidewalk, but I was faster than she was.

“Anywhere you’re not.”

“Please, let me explain.” My voice was frantic. I knew I fucked up, but it wasn’t supposed to happen. She whipped around, stopping me in my tracks.

“Explain? Explain what, Bryden? Explain how you’ve been acting? Explain why 2 days before I leave for college you’ve given up? Explain how after 10 years of friendship and a year of a relationship, you couldn’t keep it in your pants? Which part did you want to explain?”

Her hands pushed against my chest and while my body didn’t move, my heart clenched. She pushed away from me and her face told me she didn’t want to be anywhere near me. Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I had just thrown all of that away. I had done this.

“Tell me what you could possibly say that would make this situation any better? Are you going to apologize? Are you going to beg for forgiveness? You are a pig. And I don’t have time to listen to you try to clean up the mess you made. I’m getting out of this place. I’m going to a new school in a new state and I’m going to be happy. And, far away from cheating bastards like you.”

She turned rapidly and stalked away from me through the rain. Her arms wrapped around herself. I wanted to run after her. I wanted to hold her and beg for her to forgive me and promise to work until I died to make it up to her. But I didn’t. She didn’t want to see me. She didn’t want to listen to me.

I fell to my knees and let the tears fall. Why did I ever let that girl into my house?

I leaned my back against the tree, beating myself up once again for how stupid I’d been. She’d shown up at my house when I’d been vulnerable. I’d had a few drinks from my dad’s liquor stash and I was once again worrying about what was going to happen when Jax left for school.

What if she met someone better than me? What if she forgot about me? What if we didn’t last? Who was I kidding—she’d be able to find a better guy in a heartbeat. She was gorgeous and she was smart. She could literally do anything with her life and every guy in Vegas would inevitably be waiting in line to steal her from me.

So when that girl had shown up at my door that night, I was too preoccupied to think about why she was there. When she pulled me in for a kiss, I didn’t think, I just kissed back. I didn’t have enough to drink to blame my actions on that. I just let my anxiety rule my actions. I think I figured if I fucked it up first, maybe it would hurt less.

I know. I’m an idiot.

When her hand slid into my pants, I snapped to reality and was about to push her away when I heard Jax start to yell. I tried to explain. I tried to calm her down, but it was no use. When Jacqui’s fist hit the girl’s face, I couldn’t help but feel pride through the overwhelming feeling of guilt. I thought if I could just explain what had happened, maybe she could forgive me, or at least not hate me as much.

When I finally pulled myself from the sidewalk, I headed for Jacqui’s house. I knew she didn’t want to listen, but I was going to talk anyway. I was going to apologize until I couldn’t speak.

The lights from her house were on and I quickly made my way up the front walk, but I never made it to the front door. I stood on the porch looking into the front window.

Jacqui sat wrapped in her brother’s arms. I could hear her sobs muffled through the window and the rain, but I knew she was crying. He was petting her hair trying to calm her down. She pulled back, her eyes were bloodshot, her face covered in tears, holding all the pain I’d just caused.

I felt my entire being shatter in that moment. I’d done that. How had I done that? This was the girl I’d always dreamed of being with. I’d had a crush on her since the 4th grade when I put dirt in her hair. This was the girl I’d confided in when I’d fucked up my dad’s car at 16. This was the girl I’d taken to senior prom. This was the girl I wanted to spend my life with. And I’d caused her enough pain to reduce the girl who never cried to tears. I’d cheated on her. No matter how I tried to twist it in my head about anxiety and how I was about to tell the girl to leave, I had cheated.

I watched as Alex pulled her back into his arms, rocking her back and forth and I couldn’t watch anymore. I turned away quickly and made the walk back to my house in the rain, feeling every bit the piece of shit I was.

I paced around the tree, memories flooding my brain. I felt like shit every time these memories popped into my head over the last five years, but somehow this time was worse. Maybe it was because this time Jacquelyn had reminded me of them herself. Maybe it was because now I knew just how much it had hurt her and how much it was still hurting her. Or maybe it was because I’d just let her walk away from me again.

I stopped pacing and stared in the direction I’d seen her ride. She was long gone. The sun was beginning to fall behind the trees. Determination rising in my stomach, I realized I had to do something.