Strong Enough

“We’re pulling up now, Momma.” I held the phone in one hand as I steered the car through the gate to the condo Mia and I shared. “Dammit, I told you I’d call when I got home. I’m not home yet. Fuck, we’re here. We’re safe I’m hanging up now.”

Flipping the phone shut, I pulled into the garage and let out a sigh. It was like she went out of her way to make me crazy.

“You know she’s just being a mom. Mine’s the same way.”

“Doesn’t matter. She’s still insane.” We pulled our bags from the trunk and made our way into the home we’d shared for the last three years.

After a relatively calm, though tension-filled, night at the beach, Mia and I had made our way back to the house. We left California this morning around 9, making it back to the Las Vegas heat around 1.

I fell onto the couch in the living room and stared at the ceiling. I could hear Mia mulling around in her room, no doubt unpacking from the trip. I remained where I was, staring at the abstract designs above me.

A sigh fell from my lips as I pulled myself into a sitting position. It felt nice to be back in my home, away from the chaos and confusion I’d left in California. I had a job tomorrow with Mia for a new advertisement for a Casino. It was going to be business as usual. Maybe tonight, Mia and I would hit the town and remind Vegas exactly who we were.

Grabbing me bag, I made my way to my room to unpack when I heard Mia’s voice.

“You’re the biggest idiot I’ve ever met, you know that? And I’ve met some pretty stupid people.” There was a pause. She must be on the phone. “Dammit, fine, but you so totally owe me. And I don’t mean, a nice dinner. I mean you owe me like a week vacation with a spa day and free cocktails.”

Confusion etched on my face, I stood awkwardly at Mia’s door. When it swung open, a surprised girl stood gawking at me. She had her purse over her shoulder and she looked like she was going to take on the world.

“Why are you standing outside my door like a creep?”

“Who were you talking to?” Ignoring her question, I watched her face. A flash of something close to guilt crossed her features, but it only lasted a second. Maybe I imagined it.

“It was the manager for MGM for the shoot tomorrow. He fucked some shit up that I have to deal with now. I gotta head out for a bit, but I’ll be back around dinner. You want me to grab something?”

“Yeah, maybe Chinese. You want to go out tonight, maybe?”

“Maybe, but it might be more of a girl’s night, movie night. We can watch crappy romantic movies and do our nails and shit. We’ll see when I get back.”

I watched her strut out of the hallway to the front door before she disappeared with her car keys in hand. I shook my head at the actions of my best friend before continuing on my way to my room. I began pulling shit out and putting it away.

When everything was once again in its designated place, I jumped in the shower, attempting to scrub away any remnants of Bryden from myself. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I felt lighter when I left the shower. Wrapped in a fluffy white towel, I no longer felt like I was fighting to forget. I fell easily back into the state of denial I’d grown accustomed to.

After pulling on a bra and panties, I blow dried my hair. throwing on some capri sweats and a tank top, I flopped, once again onto the couch in the living room, this time flipping through the channels before landing on some How I Met Your Mother reruns.

By the time Mia got home, I’d watched Marshal, Lily, Ted and Barney get into some seriously funny shit. She popped the Chinese food onto the coffee table, grabbed us two beers from the fridge and we both ate while watching Barney tell Ted to ‘Suit Up.’

When the food was gone and we’d settled into our laziness on the couch, Mia declared girl’s night. She popped in Bride Wars before going and changing into her own comfy clothes. We sat and watched Emma and Liv fight over their weddings.

“Hey, Mia. Don’t ever let this kind of thing happen to us, okay?” I was sitting on the floor in front of Mia as she messed around with my hair.

“Bitch please, if either of us was going to start a war, it would be you.”

“Which is why you can’t let it happen.” I looked up at her and smiled sweetly before being met with a pillow.

When one movie ended, another replaced it. Somewhere in the middle of the third movie, Mia and I were on the couch painting each other’s toes. I was giving Mia’s feet the royal rainbow treatment, painting each nail a different color when she looked at me very serious.

“Why did you shut Bryden out again?” My face lifted to hers, my eyes filled with shock.

“What was I supposed to do?”

“Talk to him? Listen to him? Work something out?” She started listing things with her fingers. “Yell at him? Tell him to leave you alone forever? Tell him to never let you go? Fuck him? There are a lot of options my dear.”

“Every time he opened his mouth it was an empty apology and another explanation. I don’t need words. I don’t want words from him.”

“Then what do you want?”

“If I knew that, I don’t think you’re the person I’d be talking to.”

My life was complicated, that was sure. I knew what I wanted but I wouldn’t admit it to Mia—or anyone for that matter.

I wanted Bryden. I wanted him to be with me. I wanted him to fight for me. I won’t say it out loud because it hurts too much. I want the boy who devastated me. I want the boy who let me go.

But I wasn’t kidding anyone. He’d proven five years ago that he wasn’t a fighter. He let me walk out then, and he let me leave again today.

I guess more than trying not to relive my past, I’d been holding on to false hope for the last five years. I finally let myself see that I’d been secretly wishing he would show up at my door and tell me he loved me. I’d been silently hoping he hadn’t really given up.

But he had.

And now, so had I.