What's It Like to Kill a Man?

Nervous?" Gerard smirked at me before shutting off the car engine.

"Well.... Yeah.." I answered with a 'duh' kind of tone while looking down at my hands for a minute. I wasn't nervous for myself though.

"Don't think you can handle this?" He was still smirking at me.

"No... I'm pretty sure I can handle this...." I responded looking into his eyes. "I'm nervous for your victim."

"Oh.. Well... you can't be a vampire with that attitude." He responded mockingly before getting out of the car and shutting the door behind him. Sighing to myself, I quietly got out of the car and walked over to his side where he was standing lighting another cigarette.

"So... what's the plan..?" I asked in whisper.

"There is none right now.." He told me as if I were stupid. "Do you see anybody on the streets right now? I sure don't. We can't have a 'plan' if there aren't victims to make one for." He added in the same tone before taking a drag of his cigarette. "And you don't have to whisper. There's no one out here besides us."

"Ok.... So are we going to go somewhere else in a minute then?" I asked in a normal voice motioning to the car.

"No.. We just got here. We are going to wait and walk around until we find somebody." He spoke at me again is if I were an idiot.

"Ok.." I said again just leaving it. I didn't want to say anything else that he'd think was stupid. I just didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be killed for messing things up because he neglected to tell me what I should do in the situation. I stood quietly as he looked around for a few minutes.

"Let's start walking down the street." Gerard told me as he stomped out his cigarette. I didn't say anything and followed where he was headed a foot behind him.

"If we run into someone.. what do you want me to do?" I asked not caring if he thought it was a stupid question or not, because I didn't think it was.

"Nothing." He said not putting any thought into it.

"What do you mean nothing? You want me to just stand there.. while you... you-lure them in?" I asked trying to find words to describe what he must do to catch his prey.

"Look." He sighed and turned around to face me while grabbing my shoulders. "I'm probably not going to kill anybody tonight, so you can chill out... And if we run into someone," He started talking while looking into my eyes then paused to think of a scenario. I was surprised he was able to sense that I was nervous he was going to kill someone tonight. I wondered if he had the ability to read my mind and got freaked out for a second.

"-If we run into someone, our story is that our car is parked that way. We ran out of gas, I want you to ask them if they can explain to us where the nearest gas station is from where we are. While they're explaining and gesticulating to you. Try and stand next to them while they're pointing ahead of us. I'm going to stand behind you and them and just dive in.... Alright?" He finished.

"Ok..." I said before he patted my right shoulder once and turned around to continue walking forward again. "Wait..." I said causing him to turn around again.

"What?" He asked and rolled his eyes at me looking slightly irritated.

"Can you read minds?" I asked, my question making his mood change to a slightly quizzical one.

"Some people's." He said then turned back around and started walking again.

"Can you read mine?" I asked running a little to catch up with his fast walking pace.

"No." He answered smirking over at me, he must have thought it was funny I was asking.

"Really? You can't? Are you sure?" I asked cautiously. I thought maybe he was lying so he could know what I was really always thinking. I was hoping he was being truthful.

"Yeah I can't, why? Thinking things you don't want me to know?" He asked still smirking at me.

"No.." I said lying, wanting to get off of that topic. I was extremely glad he couldn't read my mind though. If he wasn't lying.

After we turned into an ally that connected two streets Gerard grabbed my arm causing me to stop in my tracks. Then pointed to a man sleeping on some old looking blankets near a dumpster. I suddenly felt my heart start racing and my stomach drop. I was scared for this man. I knew that Gerard said he wasn't going to kill anyone, but that wasn't for sure. I felt Gerard lean in close to my face to whisper into my ear, I could feel his breath against me slightly.

"Ok, I'm just going to go for this one. You don't have to do anything. Just watch and learn." He said trying not to wake the man up and make his job more difficult. I looked into Gerard's eyes before he backed away from me. He had a big grin on and his eyes started to turn darker.

I felt my heart rate increase even more then it already had. I really didn't want to watch what was going to happen, but I was. I moved into the shadows so the man wouldn't see me while Gerard started feeding off him. I watched as Gerard quietly walked over to the blonde man who had his back up against the wall and his head down.

The man looked like he must have been in his mid 30's his blonde unkempt hair was mixed with a lot of grey strands. He had a ratty tank top on and some shorts that had a dirty thin blanket covering them. Gerard squatted down in front of the man then suddenly, he aggressively grabbed the man's throat with his right hand. The man's head shot up and his eyes shot open, the second Gerard touched him. The man's reaction and how quickly Gerard went for him made me jump. Gerard stood back up with his right arm holding the man against the wall by his neck. Chocking sounds bellowed from the man's throat as his hands flew to Gerard's wrist to try to pry Gerard's hand off of him. Gerard was much too strong, the man's face began getting red and he kept kicking his feet to try to get away.

Although I've seen my share of violence before, I felt so terrible watching this. I felt like I could almost get sick. I hated seeing how terrified the man was, and I wasn't sure if Gerard was going to strangle the man to death or not. That made it scarier on a different level. I hoped he was going to let the man live. I was so tempted to call out to Gerard to tell him not to kill the man. I was afraid of what might happen to me if I did that though. After another second Gerard slid the man down from that position. The man wasn't putting up a struggle and when Gerard moved his hand from the front to the side of his neck, the man's head flopped a little like he wasn't conscious. Then Gerard bit down into the side of his exposed neck. I was terrified that he had just killed him since the man hadn't been moving at all. I felt my stomach churning a lot more then it already was. It was the most terrible feeling. Luckily Gerard only fed off the man for about a minute and a half before he removed his mouth from the man.

"Come over here." He looked over at me and motioned with one hand for me to come over. I must have looked so terrified. As soon as Gerard could see my face he started laughing at me.

"You.. didn't kill him right?" I asked trying to hide my fears and feelings.

"No, he's still alive and he's going to be fine. Calm down, come over here. Help be lay him back down." I sighed so relieved and thankful that the man was going to be alright and he wasn't dead.

"We've got to make it look like he hasn't been disturbed by anyone else." Gerard told me as soon as I got close to him and the man. The man eyes fluttered open and then close a few times. Although he showed signs he wasn't dead yet I was still worried because I felt like I hadn't come off that out of it after I had been fed off of. The man didn't have too too much blood on his shirt. Gerard smeared some of the man's blood around his nose to come off like the man had a nose bleed. I placed the man's thin blanket over his lower half after Gerard laid him down.

"I'm going to hypnotize him now." Gerard said out loud and looked over at me before he started. I just nodded silently and backed away a little. I saw Gerard looked directly into his eyes and spoke.

"When you wake up you will realize that you had a terrible nightmare where you were attacked by a vampire. Vampires are not real, and it was just a dream. Go to sleep now." Gerard spoke while looking into the mans eyes before he pulled a bandanna out of his pocket and small bottle of liquid.

"What's that?" I asked pointing to the bottle of liquid he had in his hand.

"It's just hydrogen peroxide." He said before putting some on the bandanna and wiping the man's neck with it, to cleaning his wounds and get the blood off.

"Are you sure he's going to be ok?" I asked looking at the man who's eyes were now closed. He had closed them when Gerard had finished telling him to go to sleep.

"Yeah, I'm positive. But hey.. it's not like I do this every day or anything." He said a little annoyed with me. I didn't respond to him. I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want Gerard to think I couldn't handle anything, but it is in my nature to actually care about people. "I know it looked sort of bad, but this guy didn't have it bad at all. I did way worse to you the other night. I could have killed you if I would have fed off you a little longer. I did more damage to your neck too. I know it must have hurt way more then what this guy is experiencing right now." Gerard explained to me. "I made him pass out before I started feeding on him too so that lessened some of what he would have felt." I just nodded at what he said. I was still a bit worried about the man but I felt a lot better about it knowing that I went through worse and am still alive now.

"Let's go." Gerard said signaling for me to walk out of the ally from the way we came. I noticed it was early enough for the sky to start turning a light blue color. I looked over at Gerard who was standing next to me as we began walking back down the street.

"You have some blood around your mouth." I thought to inform him incase we crossed paths with anyone else.

"Oh.. Thanks.." He mumbled before taking out the bandanna and wiping all of it off. We walked back to his car in silence. The events that had just happened still were playing over and over again in my mind. It was terrible to keep thinking about how scared that man was in those moments and how it seemed like he was being killed instead of just fed off of.

"You ok?" Gerard looked over and asked me blandly before unlocking the doors to his car.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I sort of lied. I wasn't really fine. I was still sort of scared for that guy.

"He's going to live.... He's going to forget what happened too. I can tell the hypnosis worked." He informed me sounding annoyed I was still affected by it. I was a bit surprised he wasn't as mad as I thought he would be at my reactions.

"I know. I believe you." I nodded simply, I wasn't sure if I completely believed him the thought that he could have been lying about it crossed my mind. At that moment I was starting to have different feelings about being turned into a vampire. Gerard started the engine a few seconds after I responded to him. Then we started driving back in the direction we had come from.

The ride was mostly silent I kept trying to think of other things besides what I had just seen tonight. Asking Gerard questions like I was earlier might have helped, but I didn't feel like talking. I was also scared to show or give off any signs that I was starting to have different thoughts about becoming a vampire. I didn't want to experience the alternative to that. The end of the ride I got to watch the sun start coming up. This car ride was shorter then the ride up there by maybe an hour and a half. That was because we ended up at a different place then I was picked up at.

"You're not taking me back to my apartment?" I asked as we pulled up to a house that was sort of secluded from other house that we passed on the street.

"Nope."

"Where are we?" I asked after we pulled into the drive way of the house. I was a little worried why he wasn't taking me back to my apartment.

"My house. I've got a spare bedroom you can stay in." He told me before he got out of the car.

"Um.. Ok... Thanks? But why am I staying here?" I asked getting out of the car as well. The hospitality was polite but I would have rather just been at my apartment. I hoped maybe he got tired and didn't want to drive the extra hour and a half and figured I would stay at his house until tomorrow.

"You can't go back to your apartment yet."I stood next to him as he unlocked his front door. The house looked like any normal house, no castle. It just had a lot more shady trees in the yard then most houses so you couldn't really see the house from the street. His house had a semi long driveway and was a light green color with white trim and a white front door.

"Why not?" He let me inside and we entered the living room area first. It was an open concept living room, the kitchen was open concept as well with an island and a breakfast bar with some bar stools at it. It was a nice house, but just a regular house.

"You know vampires are real, You to just go back to your apartment." He spoke while leading me down the hall and opened a door and motioned for me to go inside of it. Before I could respond with anything he walked into the kitchen leaving me in the room alone for a second.

The room was fairly large. It had long black curtains over the windows blocking out the light of the sun. The bed that was somewhat centered in the room was queen sized and sat on a small frame. It was covered with a grey comfiture and black sheets and pillow cases. The walls were actually a light orange color and the floor was just dark hard wood. The bed had a plain white rug underneath it.

"Just because I know that doesn't mean I'm going to tell anybody about it. I'm not that close with anyone to the point where I'd even think about telling them. I don't even really talk to anybody." I told him thinking if he knew more about me and my life he'd totally let me go back to my apartment and be Ok with it. He wouldn't even have to kill me or turn me either. If he knew maybe he'd just let me leave me alone forever..

"Yeah.. well... I don't know that. You can't go back right now. Here's a water bottle." Gerard said sounding a bit frustrated while handing me a Poland Springs labeled plastic bottle.

"But I'll go back some point soon, right?" I asked not even being able to fathom staying at his home for more then a few days.

"Yeah. Some point." He sighed still frustrated while messing with his hair. It seemed like the situation was making him sort of stressed and that worried me. He could just so easily decide to kill me and be done with it. I was pretty lucky he had decided to take me up on my offer. But unlucky I happened to be the person he had captured to feed off of. "There's an en suite to this room as well... if you hadn't noticed yet." He informed me changing the subject and pointing to the corner of the room I hadn't looked at yet. There was another door that I could see led into a bath room.

"Thank you." I said turning back to face him not wanting to press him about the situation. I wasn't sure if he would snap or not. I really hadn't seen him any angrier then slightly annoyed. That made me sort of fearful that he must have a pretty bad temper when he's pushed. He was still messing with his hair and looked uneasy.

"Ok.. Well... I'm going to go to bed. You can stay here... There's cable, you can watch TV if you want." He said pointing to the dresser that was across from the foot of the bed that held a flat screen TV. with two remotes on top of it.

"Wow, thanks.." I said again. I didn't have cable in my apartment so I thought that was cool even though I figured I wouldn't end up watching it.

"Alright. So.. Goodnight... Bye.." Gerard said awkwardly and walked out of the room. Right after he did so I heard a lock fasten on the outside of the door. It sort of freaked me out. I wasn't really planning on trying to escape especially since after I would get out of the house, then what? I'd have to walk or hitch hike for probably 2 hours to get back to where I lived. I would get caught attempting that and then killed before it would be night time again. I wanted to call out to him and ask him about how it was unnecessary it was, but figured I would worry about that later. I at least had a bathroom right in the room I was in and some water.

I manually turned the TV on then shut off the light in the room. I placed the unopened water bottle on the night stand and grabbed the remotes off the dresser and threw them onto the bed. Then took off my black vans and socks then put them at the floor of the left side of the bed. I took off my jeans and my work shirt, and slid into bed.

The man's face that Gerard had fed off of that night kept popping up in my mind. Although I knew deep down the man was going to live, just the whole ordeal of watching everything was still very hard to get out of my mind. I also felt worried with Gerard sort of knowing that I was bothered by it. I was somewhat afraid he might turn around and kill me in the morning. I tried to push all of those thoughts out of my head. I put a sleep timer on the TV, and found the Animal Planet channel which didn't have any infomercials on. I was so thankful the room had TV with cable it was a good distraction. I don't think I would have been able to fall asleep if the TV hadn't been in the room. After about 2 and a half hours I felt myself starting to be falling into a light sleep and I tried to give into it and let myself fall asleep.