Jeans of a Star

Kissing Dave was like feeling everything in the world at once. It was like reaching the top of the tallest mountain after a yearlong journey. It was like the first taste of hot chocolate after a day of sledding. It was like magic and beauty all wrapped into one.

His lips were moving so perfectly against mine, like he’d had millions of years to perfect his perfect kiss. The way his hands tugged on my hair and his teeth nibbled on my bottom lip made me shiver, and I never, ever wanted him to stop.

But he did, and when Dave pulled away from me, it was like he pulled the breath right out of my lungs with him, and I found my chest tightening as he looked at me. Honestly, he looked just as shocked as I was, because of all the things Dave and I had done together in the past – like baking pretzels, going sledding, and breaking into his parents’ bedroom to get alcohol – kissing had never been one of them.

“That was –” Dave stuttered, stumbling over his words, as he stood up from the bed. His fingers were on his lips, running over them, while he had a far off look in his eyes. It was a long moment of both of us catching our breath before he turned to me again, speaking softly. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”

I had no idea what to say myself and I was sure whatever my mind could come up with wouldn’t be any better than the sentence Dave had stumbled over. The whole situation was more than I could wrap my mind around, but all I knew was that I wanted to kiss Dave again.

I guess I always knew, deep down, that I’d had feelings for him, even before he left for LA. It was probably the reason I was so angry at him and why I’d never forgiven him for leaving like he did. He had made a mess of all of my feelings.

“Don’t be sorry,” I managed to sputter out, ready to give some long spiel that would probably include everything I’d ever thought about him. But before I could, Dave shook his head, effectively silencing me.

“I am, El.” He ran his hands though his hair, looking up at the ceiling as he did, and I was certain I’d never seen him look as flustered as he did at that moment. I don’t know what he was trying to do, but all he was doing was making me feel worse and worse. “God, I don’t know what I was thinking. I mean, you’re there and you don’t have any clothes – god, I’m so stupid.”

I think that was the moment I lost the ability to speak, because something just looked so wrong with Dave – like he regretted every moment of being in that room with me – and I had no idea why. Before he had left, I probably knew him well enough to decipher a bit of his babbling, but now it was like some secret code.

“This was a mistake. You’re my best friend and I never should have–”

“Best friend?” I interrupted, lifting myself up from the bed to stand across from Dave. I didn’t bother grabbing the cover and let it fall to the floor, leaving me nearly naked in front of him. I didn’t care though, because I was too angry to care. “How on earth could you call me your best friend? You haven’t spoken to me in over a year, Dave. Did you forget about that?”

Of course, when my mind finally figured out how to talk again, nothing that came out of my mouth was any good. It was like my head had finally caught up to everything that I was feeling, and it was all being released in this big glob of nonsense that I wanted to trap in the deepest, darkest corners of the earth. My head always failed me when I needed it most.

“Eleanor, I –”

“No, Dave,” I shouted, pointing my finger at his chest. “How you could do that? I missed you every day you were gone. I had to listen to everyone talk about how you sent them post cards and mentioned them in interviews. I had to watch while you flew everyone out to see your new place, and I didn’t even get a phone call. If this was a mistake for anyone, it was me.”

I couldn’t speak anymore, because I could hardly even breathe. It was like everything in my body had stopped working and all I could do was look at Dave.

He looked upset, hurt, something, but I was too caught up in the moment to care, and he was too shocked to do anything about it. His eyes blinked quickly as he looked at me, and it took a moment for everything to catch up to him.

“El, I never meant to hurt you.”

“Well, you did, Dave.” I breathed out, letting my eyes fall to the ground. “A lot.”

Dave opened his mouth to speak again, but before he could get a word out, I reached to the floor and picked up the blanket, wrapping it around me. The room was getting too stuffy – too full of something – and I had to get out immediately.

Without another word to Dave, I stormed out of his bed room, passing Blake along the way. He shouted something at me, but my head was too full to hear what.

“Hour’s up,” I shouted back at him, not caring enough to grab my clothes. All I wanted to do was get the hell out of Dave’s house and get as far away from him as possible. I knew all along it was a mistake to come to his party, but Charity hadn’t listened to me. This was all her fault, really.

It was when I was walking down Dave’s staircase, with a clear view of the driveway, that I saw Charity’s trademark Prius pulling away. She’d left me again, and of course, she was my only plans for a ride. I lived a good couple miles away with no money to call a cab and I didn’t know anyone else at the party… except for Dave. The person I’d most likely just made hate me with every fiber of his being.

Well, shit.