I Will Soon Forget the Color of Your Eyes

I was dumbfounded by Kellin’s behavior towards me. What did he meant with “I’m sorry”? I was still standing in the middle of the hall when I saw him approach Mike and I could’ve sworn I heard him apologize to him too, then he ran away.

I walked closer to Mike and patted him on the shoulder, he was still looking to the direction Kellin went earlier. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, just… let’s go to the cafeteria with the guys.”

We walked down the corridor in silence, caught up in our thoughts until we reached the table the guys were sitting at. They all looked uncomfortably at each other, like they were debating whether to tell something or not. I looked around until I met Ellee’s eyes and she looked at me sympathetically.

“What? Why is everyone staring at each other like you know something we don’t?” Mike bursted out and everyone hung their heads low.

“Uh, Kellin was here.” Tony looked cautiously at me. “And he apologized.”

“Apologized? For what?” I asked with an ushered voice, Tony shrugged and looked down to his lap again.

“Then he ran away.” Cal spoke, her green eyes meeting my own. “I tried to stop him but I couldn’t.” She stood up and dragged me far away from the others. “Vic, he seemed in so much pain and I’m worried he’s going to do something stupid.”

I instantly feared the worst and ran down the hall leaving Cal behind calling my name, but the only person in my mind in that moment was Kellin.

He wouldn’t do this. He’s too strong, he’s not weak like me, he wouldn’t dare to hurt himself. Would he?

I reached for the school’s door and stepped to the parking lot and as I feared, his car was nowhere to be seen. I ran to my car instantly and unlocked it with the spare key I always carried in my front pocket. My hands were trembling out of fear.

I can’t lose him. I can’t lose the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t care if he’s not ready to tell his friends yet, and I don’t care how much damage he think he has caused me. I’ve come to the conclusion that I love him more than I love life itself. And I know it’s not healthy but I can’t help it. He means so much to me that I don’t think I could bear to breathe knowing he’s not there.

I started the ignition and drove as fast as I could to Kellin’s house, and as the home came to my view, so did his car. To my luck, no other car was there. I rushed out of my own and opened the front door, my heartbeat being the only thing I could hear.

The eerie silence surrounded me while I made my way to his bedroom. Once I reached his door, I saw him peacefully lying on the bed with a vodka bottle next to him. I thought he was passed out drunk but then my eyes reached the empty bottle of pills that seemed to be hiding from under his bed.

“Kellin!” I yelled and ran to him, putting my ear close to his chest to try and find heartbeat and it was barely audible, but there it was.

I took my phone out of my back pocket and dialed the emergency number, yelling the information they asked me to provide. I was a bundle of nerves in that moment. And how could I not be? He was dying in my arms.

I held him close to my chest while I waited for the ambulance to arrive, I couldn’t stop sobbing, he couldn’t die like this. He was just scared and he didn’t deserve any of this.

I looked up from my tears and saw three envelops perfectly folded next to his body. One of them was to his parents; another to Trisha and the last one was for me.

I reached out with shaky hands and grabbed it, while I kept rocking him back and fort in my arms, I couldn’t let go of him just not yet. I opened the envelope carefully and unfolded the note, scanning my eyes over his messy and, at the same time, perfect handwriting.

When I was about to start reading the note I heard the front door being opened followed by rushed steps to the room we were laying in and soon two paramedics entered the room, taking Kellin away from me.

I put the note in my back pocket and followed them suit to the ambulance.

“Is he going to be ok? Please answer me.” I asked with tear stained cheeks.

After I repeated the same question a few more times, one of them finally replied, “I don’t know son.” Then proceeded to close the vehicle door and drive away.

I hopped into my car and followed them to the city hospital, parking nearby and running to the front desk in the emergency room.

“Could you tell me how is Kellin Quinn? He was admitted a few minutes ago.” I asked as calmly as I could

A nurse, probably in her middle forties looked at me sympathetically before answering. “Was he admitted for overdose?” I nodded. “They’re pumping his stomach, so it might take a few time. Once they’re done, they’re taking him upstairs but only family members can come in.”

“Ok, thank you.” I said and backed away, taking my phone out while I paced around the room.

I dialed Cal’s number and waited until she picked up.

“Hello?” Her Scottish accent sounding thick. “Is everything alright Vic?”

I sighed. “Cal, I’m in the city hospital. Please let Trisha know.” And with that I hung up.

I slid down the floor, took out the note he had left for me and started reading it. My sobs were too loud and I couldn’t silence them even if I put my hand over my mouth.

He can’t do this, he can’t tell me love me, he cares about me and then just leave me on my own. He can’t expect me to be strong enough without him.

I crumbled the note in my hands and then held my head between them, pulling at my hair slightly while I freed a few more tears, unable to control them anymore. I had reached the point where was gasping for air and my chest burnt. I knew I was having an anxiety attack and I couldn’t control myself, I was starting to panic really bad when I felt warm arms embracing me and I instantly recognized Ellee holding me tightly to her.

“Just breathe, Vic. Everything’s going to be ok.” I looked at my side and sure enough, she was there smiling weakly at me. “In.” She said while she motioned me to take a sharp intake of air. “That’s it, you’re alright.”

After a few more attempts, I looked around the room and saw Trisha clinging to Cal, while the green-eyed girl rubbed circles on her back, trying to sooth her down a bit. I could hear her sobs from where I was sitting and for once, I felt bad for her. Cal noticed me staring at them and looked me in the eyes before letting a small smile dance around her lips, but the gesture didn’t reach her eyes.

I looked around a bit more and I spotted Matty, Beau and Josh next to the girls with concerned looks on their faces. Matty was already staring at me and he was about to walk towards me but for in that moment Trisha held him back by his arm and whispered something in his ear. An understanding look washed over his face and he nodded, relaxing a little bit.

Trisha turned and started to walk towards me, and once she was standing in front of Ellee and I, I could feel Ellee tensing by my side. I looked at her, letting her know it was okay, before she stood up and walked to the other side of the room, still glaring at Trisha, until she met my brother and Shannon.

Once Ellee was gone, Trisha sat beside me and said. “I’m sorry, Vic.”

I looked at her and saw her playing nervously with her hands, a guilt façade covered her demeanor. “I’m sorry we’ve treated you this bad.” She swallowed the forming lump in her throat. “Hell, I don’t even know why we started doing it.” Her eyes were piercing trough mine and I could see guilt in her gaze, real and honest guilt. “I want you to know that I’m really sorry Vic, I really am. And if he doesn’t–“

“He will, he will make it Trisha.” I cut her off before she could continue. “He’s really strong and I’m pretty sure he will walk out of this hospital.” I said, my own eyes starting to water.

In that moment, a tall young doctor walked in the room and spoke. “Kellin Quinn relatives?”

We all turned to see him and he spoke. “He has been transferred to room 307 on the third floor. Only relatives can come in.”

“Is he stable?” Trisha asked before he turned to leave.

“Yes, fortunately we were able to pump out the pills of his stomach before they dissolved.” He said leaving the room, I let out a sigh of relief I didn’t know I was holding.