I Will Soon Forget the Color of Your Eyes

There's a lot of controversy when it comes to comas, even medically induced comas, as to what happens in the patients mind. What does happen when your entire being is teetering on the brink of life and death? Do you dream? Do you hear what's going on around you? Or do you simply lay there, practically already dead.

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"Kellin!" Kellin heard his name being called by a childish voice. He looked around and saw that he was in the woods behind his house. "Kellin where are you?!" Suddenly it hit him. He had been here before, in this moment in time, with Vic, 11 years ago.

"Hehe come find me Vic!" He heard a small laugh and request from another childish voice. It must have been his. He wandered around the woods until he heard young Vic scream "Gotcha!" And more laughter. He appeared at a clearing to see both boys laying in the grass.

"You cheated!" Young Kellin said, poking Vic's side.

"Did not!" Vic said, poking back.

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Uhhh!" Young Kellin made a noise of frustration and rolled over on top of Vic, pinning him to the ground.

"Not fair you're bigger than me!" Vic said, receiving only a shrug from Young Kellin, who continued to look down at Vic. "What are you looking at?" Vic wiggled uncomfortably and pushed Kellin off of him.

"You're really pretty, Vic." Young Kellin said, awkwardly digging holes in the ground with his finger.

"Ew, Kellin. That's weird. Girls are pretty, not me."

"No you are, Vic. You have pretty hair and pretty eyes and you're pretty." Young Kellin said looking over at the older boy.

"Well then you're pretty too!" Vic said sticking his tongue out. Both boys laughed and played back in the grass. "Hey Kellin? We're gonna be best friends for ever and ever right?"

"Yeah Vic." Young Kellin said extending his pinky for a pinky promise. "For ever and ever."

Suddenly everything went black. Kellin would have screamed if he wasn't still unconscious, frustrated at himself. He had forgotten about that promise (rightfully so seeing as it was 11 years ago) and now he just hated himself even more. He should have never turned his back on Vic; not then, not now, not ever.

But isn't that what he's doing? By trying to kill himself He was just turning his back on Vic one last time. It doesn't matter that he said he loved Vic, it doesn't matter that he put Trisha in charge of looking out for him. That was his job. And he failed. Now he's doing it again.

“Kellin I’m so sorry about everything." Kellin was pulled out of his own thoughts by a voice he thought he would never hear again, but he was glad he did. "I’m sorry that I drove you to this I swear if I could I would trade my life for yours right now. You can’t do this again you can’t leave me; cause without you there is no me. So I need you to wake up so I can tell you how much you mean to me and how important you are to me. You are my life line you have been since we were those two little kids in the park on the swings. I need you to come back to me I will do anything to keep you in my life, I love you more than life its self so please I need you.”

Kellin could feel his entire body aching at the sound of Vic's voice. He needed to see Vic, to explain to him that it's not his fault at all. There was nothing he needed more on the world to see Vic. To feel him, to touch him, to love him. He needed to see Vic. He needed to see

"Vic" Kellin said opening his eyes finally.

"Kellin" Vic said, a mix of joy and confusion littering his voice. Tears started flowing from his eyes as he littered Kellins face with kisses. "I thought I lost you, Kellin, I was so scared. Please don't leave me, Kels, you can't just do that to me."

"I'm sorry, Vic." Kellin said as Vic clung to his chest and cried. "I am so so sorry."

They stayed like that for a while, Vic crying into Kellins chest, while Kellin let some tears loose too, until Vic let the ultimate question slip. "Why? Why did you do it?"

Kellin looked into Vic's two colored eyes and wiped away some tears. "I don't know Vic. I hurt you so bad. I promised I would look out for you and that I wouldn't hurt you but I was being too selfish. I should have helped you. I should have kept my promise but I couldn't. After that I couldn't get. Your face out of my mind. How hurt and betrayed you looked. It was all my fault."

"Kellin I love you." Vic said suddenly. As soon as the words escaped his mouth he clamped his mouth shut and his eyes got wide. "I'm sorry. You were just talking so negatively about yourself and I don't know why, Kellin, because hell you aren't perfect but you're amazing nonetheless. You've made mistakes and so have I but we're here now and there's no reason to hate ourselves anymore. We have both spent so long taking anger out on ourselves and we don't have to do that anymore Kellin."

Kellin sat dumbfounded. Vic had just said the L word, outloud, in person. Everything was out on the table now. Well, not everything.

"I love you too, Vic."