I Will Soon Forget the Color of Your Eyes

This camping trip was going to be a living hell. Not only was I stuck with kellin but now there was some sort of weird sexual tension going on. Since when did we kiss? Since when did we think the other was attractive? When did kellin suddenly decide that I, the two-toned freak of nature, was anything more than a punching bag? For 17 years I've been putting up with his bullshit and now we're making out? Something isn't right.
Luckily for me we were driving separate on the way to the camping spot. I drove myself and Kellin drove with his parents. Driving would give me time to think about everything going on so I was grateful for the solitude of my car. As we drove down the interstate I started to recall all the things I've had to go through because. Kellin.
When he first brought up my eyes we were 5. We were swinging at the park near our houses, our parents on the bench watching us, when kellin turned to me and said 'Why are your eyes different, when everyone else's are the same?' I turned back to him and said 'I don't know. My mom says it's because I'm special.' He got off his swing and I stopped mine, he turned to me and said 'Trisha say's its cause you're weird. I think Trisha's right.' Then he asked his mom to leave and they did. That was the first time I started to doubt my love for my individuality.
In kindergarten, we were put in the same class. We played together everyday until a new kid came, his name was Matty. Yes, it was the same one. His first day he asked to move tables because he 'didn't want to catch my freak.' He was moved to kellin's table where they immediately became best friends, bonding over their shared disgust of my eye color.
We turned off the interstate and on to a back road that I recognized as the halfway point to the camping ground. I also realized at that moment that I was crying whilst reminiscing on my depressing past. I wasn't about to stop though, I was already going.
In 3rd grade we had to do projects all about our lives, in mine I wrote about my parents, my favorite things, and my best friend Kellin. I still considered Kellin to be my best friend because I was young and naïve. Since no one talked to me st school I figured kellin was the closest thing I had to a best friend, because we hung out all the time outside of school. Kellin wrote about hi sister, his best friend Matty, and his biggest regret; 'the two-toned monster'. At the time, everyone thought it was an imaginary friend that he was embarrassed about, only later did I realize the monster- which was half brown, half blue- was an innocent child's depiction of my eyes.
In 6th grade I ran for student body president. I was so excited because for a few years things had dialed down and I had high hopes of actually winning. I thought I had a chance, too, until Beau Bokan ran against me. During his speech, he went on a big ramble about normality, and how only the normal was acceptable. The ending line of his speech was 'If it is outnumbered, it is overpowered. If it's overpowered, we've already won.' His speech got a standing ovation, and when we left the auditorium there was a giant banner of me with the eyes cut out hanging from the ceiling, and at the end of the hallway was Trisha, Kellin, and Matty holding tape and a scissors. Needless to say I withdrew from the race.
That day in 6th grade was the day I made my first friend since kellin, her name was Ellee. El went up the the so, ripped it right up the middle, and tore it down. No one knows what happened to it afterwards but rumor has it Beau found scraps in this gas tank. Ellee came up to me after school that day and said 'I would have voted for you.' Just like that I had myself a friend.
The happiness didn't last though. Right when I thought I was safe, due to the lack of harassment for 3 years, I announced I was gay my freshman year. It was something i had always known but after losing my only friend I felt no reason to talk about it. After I did, though, I was a target again. Oddly enough, they never bullied me about being gay (now that I put two and two together I realize maybe its because Kellin is gay) but I did seem to throw myself back under the spotligh. Now that we were in highschool though things got more.... creative.
Last year they pulled a variety of pranks. One was Josh doing a report on heterochromia, or the defect that causes different colored eyes, and completely bullshitting the whole thing to make it offensive. He said that people who have this defect are nothing more than a disgrace to society and should be treated like such. On Halloween they all got colored contacts and went as me. On my 16th birthday they painted my car two different colors while it was in the school parking lot- perfectly split down the middle with freak written in Kellin's eloquent hand writing.
When we were a few minute from camp I reevaluated everything that was going on so that I stopped crying. Me and Kellin had kissed 2 times in the past week, had a sex dream about him, and he got himself off in the shower this morning- okay I didn't know if that was because of me but it seemed suspicious. So what was happening? Were we starting to like each other? The more I thought about it the sicker I felt to my stomach- or were those butterflies? Didn't matter. I cannot like Kellin Quinn.
We eventually got to the campsite and before getting out of my car I took the precaution of putting headphones in, that way if Kellin tries to talk to me I have a quick escape. As soon as I stepped out though there was a tent being shoved in my hands.
"So since your parents aren't bringing our camper until they come up we have to share this for a week and a half." Kellin said as I looked over the tent. 64 square feet?! That's only and 8 foot by 8 foot tent. That will fit one blow up mattress and our bags. That's it.
"No." I said dropping it and walking away. "There is no way in hell that's happening."
"Everything okay boys?" Kellin's mom asked from her spot by their van. Oh yeah, Satan-Spawn over here is supposed to be my best friend. I was about to reply something along the lines of 'I have lice and need to leave' when Kellin shouted back
"No, Mom, actually, Vic just offered to set up the tent." He threw the tent back in my hands before walking over to a flat area and sitting cross legged, obviously with the intent of watching me work.
Halfway through my project Kellin looked spoke up, "Did you bring sunglasses? We're only like 15 minutes into this trip and your eyes are already bugging the shit out of me."
"Yes, Kellin, I brought sunglasses. You don't have to worry your pretty little head over my fucking corneas." I snapped back. He just scoffed and continued to watch as I finished setting up the tent, blew the air mattress up, and set up the tent with our bags on the inside. As I was throwing some sleeping bags on the bed I was pushed down with a small frame pinning me to the bed.
"Are you done yet? I'm ready to have some fun'" Kellin said into my ear I rolled over and he pinned my hands above my head. Before I could protest he crashed his lips against mine.
At first I complied, moving my lips against his soft ones, until suddenly all the feelings of my childhood came rushing back. This boy I was kissing was the child that ridiculed me, abandoned me, made me insecure and made me hate myself. Suddenly I was pushing kellin away and standing on my own two feet as he fell back onto the floor of the tent.
"No!" I said sternly looking him in the eyes. I could see him squirm under my gaze and it just made me more mad. "You can't do this to me. You have done nothing but make me feel like shit my entire life and you cannot randomly go 180 degrees and kiss me. We used to be close Kellin and you turned on me. Well guess what you're not turning on me again. This isn't happening. This is never going to happen. I will deal with you on this trip because I have to but don't for one second think this is anything more than forced toleration." With that I stormed out of the tent only to hear Kellin's footsteps behind me.
"Come on Vic you liked the abuse. Why else would you be having a sex dream about me?" It was supposed to sound cocky but all it did was hit a nerve. I felt tears in my eyes as I whirled around to face him.
"I liked the abuse? I liked losing the only friend I had in 1st grade? I liked being stabbed in the back by the one person I was closest to? I liked being mocked everyday by everyone just because of you and your puppets? I liked crying myself to sleep at night? I liked punching countless mirrors because I was convinced a freak was looking back at me?" I don't know what I was thinking, and I'm sure the tears streaming down my face didn't help, but the next thing I knew I was pulling up my sweatshirt sleeve and exposing all of my scars to Kellin. "Yeah, Kels. I fucking loved it." I spat at him. He stared at all the self inflicted wounds in shock until I pulled my sleeve back down and left him in his dumbfounded state. It was going to take a lot more than a few kisses to fix what Kellin did to me. At this rate, it was going to take a lifetime.