I Will Soon Forget the Color of Your Eyes

Going to sleep the night before had been incredibly difficult for Vic. When he had finally plucked up the courage to move from the spot Kellin had left him in it must have been at least four in the morning. He had just sat there, thinking. Thinking about everything; thinking about his life, thinking about Kellin, thinking about himself, thinking about his feelings, thinking about Kellin’s feelings, thinking about the scars on his arms and unfortunately the fresh cuts on his thighs.

The sun was beginning to pierce through the light array of clouds that littered the sky when he finally decided to move. He walked slowly and as quietly as he could back to the tent he shared with Kellin, only to find the slightly younger boy sprawled fully across the blow up mattress they were supposed to be sharing. Vic had no idea what to do, he could curl up at Kellin’s side, like he so desperately wanted to, or he could disturb him when he looked so peaceful, but continue to be angry.

Of course, he was still angry at Kellin. Or was he? He didn’t really know anymore, he could almost see where Kellin had been coming from. Kellin had been young and immature when he first turned on Vic, he didn’t understand what he was doing, all he had known was that he was getting picked on for being friends with Vic, so really what else would a naïve young boy do? To Vic it almost appeared that Kellin regretted what he had done, that he had never really meant to hurt Vic, it had just gotten out of control.

But then again, he could have stopped being friends with Vic publically and not made his life a living hell, he didn’t have to continually pick on Vic and make his life miserable. It wasn’t necessary. It was pointless and useless and cruel. There was no reason for Kellin to torture him the way he had.

It wasn’t until the sleeping boy in front of Vic stirred, moaning quietly before rolling over and leaving half the mattress free once more did Vic realise he had been staring at the sleeping figure lost in thought and also that the sun had fully risen over the clouds.

~~*~*~~

The next morning Vic awoke to the sound of a car pulling up far too near where the boys had pitched their tent for it to be a coincidence. He didn’t bother to check if Kellin was still there or awake or whatever before he turned over once more onto his front, hoping to capture just a few more hours sleep, considering he had managed to stay awake to see the sun rise.

Unfortunately Vic’s plan was flawed as within mere seconds he heard a car door slam, followed by a much softer sound of a door being shut, well normally. There was silence for a few moments before he heard her.

Vic could have, at one point or other have said he hated Kellin, in fact until last night he was sure he did, but his negative feelings towards Kellin were nothing compared to how he felt for her. Trisha. She was Kellin’s older sister, she was rude, she was cruel, she was manipulative, and she was Vic’s worst fucking nightmare.

She was worse than Kellin, in many ways, yeah Kellin could be hurtful and spiteful and cruel, but Trisha, Trisha was relentless. She would do everything and anything in her power to make Vic fucking miserable, in school and when they were with their families. She was just sly about it and he could never pull her up about it the way he had with Kellin many times before. Because she was a girl.

It was only minuets later that he heard another voice, ne he recognised vaguely but wasn’t really sure who it belonged to, he recognised the slight speech impediment when she said words with the letter ‘r’ in them, words like red coming out sounding like ‘led’.

Nicole. That’s her name. She was quite a quiet girl, quite short and plump, a round face but a bright smile. Her hair, or the last time I had seen it, had been cut short, just above her shoulders and dyed a bright red colour. Her eyes, always framed by black eyeliner were bright green with a yellow ring around her pupil; they were odd, but not odd like vic's, or so people said. They were beautiful.

Vic had never understood how someone as lovely as Nicole could be related to Trisha and Kellin; it almost made him sad to think that she and Trisha were so close. He had met Nicole at family/family-friend get together a few times before and she had been nothing but nice to him, even when Trisha told her not to be.

“Hey freak!” Vic heard Trisha call out, “I need help with my bags, get your weirdo ass out here and help me.”

Vic knew he would have to help her, so he stood quickly, forgetting about where he was and who was supposedly still sleeping next to him until he tripped, over what he would soon discover to be Kellin’s leg, effectively waking the other boy from what he assumed had been a reasonably peaceful slumber.

“Vic-what, what are you doing?” Kellin asked his voice heavy and still laced with sleep. Vic wasn’t even sure if he was fully awake yet.

“Your sister and Nicole are here, I need to go help her or she will bitch to your mom saying I didn’t and no offence your mom scares me a little so” Vic replied while quickly standing again trying to regain some kind of composure.

“Oh, she’s here is she?” Kellin only asked in return to Vic's explanation, yes he loved his sister and yes they were close, but she would never ever be accepting or understand his feelings towards Vic. She was rude and mean and judgemental and sometimes Kellin really did want to stab her.

“You gonna help me or what? If you do it’ll be done quicker and then I can fuck off to go swim in the lake or something so none of you have to look at me.” Vic replied hotly, showing Kellin that he was still upset. But in all honesty Kellin hadn’t really expected anything different form the Mexican boy.

In Kellin’s mind Vic had absolutely every reason to hate him, he should, hate him that is, after everything Kellin had put im through. After what he had done to Vic, after the way he had made him feel, after the way he had pushed Vic away only to push him down and tear away at any self confidence he had once had. If their roles were reversed he would hate himself. He kind of did anyway; he resented his actions every time he hurt Vic. He regretted ever giving into peer pressure all those years ago, he regretted ever losing Vic.

He was still determined however, he wanted to at least try and make things with Vic right. Even if they could never be true friends again, even if they went their separate ways in life once high school was over, even if they never ever spoke to each other again, he just wanted Vic to know he really was sorry. He wanted, no he needed to prove to Vic that he was serious when he said he would stop.

“Don’t be silly vic. This is a holiday, you shouldn’t be doing anything on your own, why don’t we go for a swim together later?” Kellin asked the Mexican boy sweetly, his voice was calm and natural. He sounded caring Vic could dare to say. It was a sharp contrast to the fake sharp tone he would use around anyone that was, well anyone.

The offer shocked Vic more than anything. Yes he had heard everything Kellin had said the night before but he didn’t really think Kellin had meant any of it. Vic had honestly managed to convince himself that Kellin was just drunk, he was drunk and he was high and he felt guilty so he was saying things he didn’t mean. Nothing Kellin said the night before meant anything Vic had told himself.

“Don’t look so shocked Vic, I might have been out of it last night, but I remember what I said I meant every word. I want to try, I know there is no way you will ever forgive me, I know that there is nothing I could do to ever make up for the way I treated you, I know that there is nothing I could say or do that could change the past,” Kellin paused, knowing what he was about to was risky and stupid but god he just he needed to try, “I know that I can never do anything to take back the years of pain and suffering I have caused you, I know that there is nothing I can do that could ever change how I've made you feel about yourself, I cant change what I have done to you,” Kellin leant forwards, grabbing Vic’s hand and pulling him down so they were both sitting on the mattress, “I can never erase your scars vic. I wish I could, I wish I could go back t the start and change it, I wish I had never abandoned you, I shouldn’t have.”

“Kellin…”

“Shh, I shouldn’t have left you because there is nothing fucking wrong with you Vic. You are beautiful, you are perfect, you’re so much better than me in every single way and you deserve so much better as well. But like I said, I want to try, I want to try and make this up to you, I want to at least try and make you forgive me. You probably won’t, and you don’t have to, but let me try please?”

Vic just stared at the other boy, letting everything he had said sink in, letting the fact that Kellin really had meant everything he said the night before, after those few moments, he reached level of clarity almost. He could finally see. It was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, like he just put on his glasses, like the fog had been cleared and all he could see, all that was left was Kellin.

He didn’t really hesitate after that, he just leant forwards and captured Kellin’s lips with him. He felt Kellin gasp against his mouth, obviously shocked by Vic actions, he didn’t even expect forgiveness, never mind for Vic to kiss him the way he was kissing him now. After the initial shock, Kellin began kissing back with just as much effort and fervour and emotion. The kiss was beautiful, it was perfect; it was slow and steady but raw and passionate.

The boys were so lost in their kiss that neither noticed the voices outside the tent growing louder, neither noticed that one set of feet stayed behind while the other trudged reluctantly to right outside the tent, neither noticed the zipper being pulled upwards, neither noticed the short red-head until she gasped, loud and clear, finally alerting the boys to her presence.

“n-n-nicole?” Kellin asked shakily, pulling away from Vic, not far enough to make Vic feel unwanted, but far enough.

“I won’t tell, I wont tell anyone, I wont even tell Trisha,” Nicole said quickly, her blatantly Scottish accent coming through strongly, as it did whenever she felt under pressure or nervous, he speech impediment also stronger than before, “I promise. I won’t tell you can trust me, I always though you two would make a cute couple.”

Nicole gave the two boys in front of her one final nod before turning and walking back to Trisha, quickly telling her that they shouldn’t be too long and why don’t they just get started, they can do it themselves.

Vic and Kellin were shocked, they were scared and they were just plain confused. Shocked that they had been caught, scared that Nicole wouldn’t keep her promise and confused by her reaction. They stared at each both thinking that the emotions they saw on the others face must have been mirrored on their own.

“Well, how about we go help them and then go for that swim?” Kellin asks Vic, having finally recovered from the shock. He knew Nicole was trustworthy, he also knew she wasn’t anything like how he used to be or what Trisha was like. She was an interesting girl, she was one of the most accepting people Kellin had ever met, she didn’t judge anyone, not because she thought it was wrong (she did) but it was more the simple fact she doesn’t see it as her business or her place to pass judgement. To her it was whatever, if it doesn’t have anything to do with her then why should she care.

He trusted her; he just hoped Vic could trust him.