Hell Above
Props and Mayhem
I used to always wake up feeling miserable. It got so bad that sometimes I would attempt to overdose on sleeping pills; not enough to kill me, but just enough to fill my empty heart. Along with filling myself with pills, alcohol was something that helped as well. No one loved me and no one ever noticed when I wasn't at school. None of the pain was worse than knowing that I was also a ragdoll. Some people called me prostitute but I'm not stable enough to call myself that. Doing that kind of work numbed me. I needed to feel something. I've never been proud of it, but I have no other escape. My life was a wasteland.
Every night I went to Oli's bar, was another that I tried to feel something. Oli was a pretty cool guy, and he hated what I did with my life but he allowed me to use his back room as my "office". It was a Friday night, which meant I was already at the bar so I didn't have to go anywhere for "work". I had already had a few drinks. I don't like the taste of alcohol but it helps me forget what I did each night.
I finally lifted my head up from looking at the floor to see a bar tender I didn't recognize. It definitely wasn't Alan because the unknown bartender's hair wasn't fiery red. It wasn't Oli because there were no tattoos on this boy's neck. The first thing I noticed when the bartender turned around was his bright eyes. He was beautiful. I was quickly pulled out of my thoughts when I heard him say "What can I get you?". For some reason I couldn't find the words to speak. " I..umm...I'll have a...um..beer?". That was all I could muster up but he was quick to reply. He giggled which was by far the cutest thing I have ever heard and then he said "Well, that was specific. What kind?" I finally got a quick string of words out. "Anything's fine." I never stuttered and I have no idea why it had changed then.
He turned back around and filled my cup with some type of beer and then handed it to me without a word. Once he walked away to another customer, I couldn't help but stare at him. I turned away for the sake of someone noticing but then swiftly glanced back, but this time he was staring back at me. He noticed me looking at him and walked back over to me. " Oh by the way, your beer is on me. If you need anything else, my name is Kellin." All I could think about was how beautiful he was. Before I could even think about what I was saying, I blurted out "I do need something. I need you." I don't know why I said that but it felt right and for some reason, I feel like I actually do need him. He blushed and he just looked into my eyes. I felt the connection as we stared at each other. "I get off at 11" was all he said and then he walked off and began to make someone else's drink.
I really didn't feel like working tonight but I needed the money for food. I found Oli across the bar talking to some girl but I didn't really mind interrupting. "Hey Oli, can I get the list for tonight?". He handed me the list and with a bit of a surprise I noticed that only one guy was on the list for tonight. He was a regular so I wasn't surprised he was on the list. I found him eventually after looking for him awhile. He walked up to me and I could smell the harsh aroma on him. "Hey pretty. Are you ready to go? I have a few things I want you to do to me tonight." he said as he smiled and tried to grab my ass. I quickly smacked his hand away and led him to the back room secretly. I didn't want Kellin to know what I was actually doing at this bar. Once we got into the back room, he only asked for the usual so I slid down his pants and went to work. I tried not to think, which usually worked, but tonight all I could think about was Kellin. I let myself slide into a dream state of mind, and I started fantasizing about Kellin. I snapped out of it once I heard the man say that he wanted me to stay the night with him. I refused unlike usual because this time, I felt guilt. Something in Kellin's eyes made me change. I didn't want to do this anymore. I stood up and took the money, and then stormed out of the room. I checked my phone for the time and it was only 10:30 so I still had 30 minutes until I could see Kellin. I walked back to the bar to see Kellin talking to some girl. Then it crossed my mind; what if he wasn't gay?
Every night I went to Oli's bar, was another that I tried to feel something. Oli was a pretty cool guy, and he hated what I did with my life but he allowed me to use his back room as my "office". It was a Friday night, which meant I was already at the bar so I didn't have to go anywhere for "work". I had already had a few drinks. I don't like the taste of alcohol but it helps me forget what I did each night.
I finally lifted my head up from looking at the floor to see a bar tender I didn't recognize. It definitely wasn't Alan because the unknown bartender's hair wasn't fiery red. It wasn't Oli because there were no tattoos on this boy's neck. The first thing I noticed when the bartender turned around was his bright eyes. He was beautiful. I was quickly pulled out of my thoughts when I heard him say "What can I get you?". For some reason I couldn't find the words to speak. " I..umm...I'll have a...um..beer?". That was all I could muster up but he was quick to reply. He giggled which was by far the cutest thing I have ever heard and then he said "Well, that was specific. What kind?" I finally got a quick string of words out. "Anything's fine." I never stuttered and I have no idea why it had changed then.
He turned back around and filled my cup with some type of beer and then handed it to me without a word. Once he walked away to another customer, I couldn't help but stare at him. I turned away for the sake of someone noticing but then swiftly glanced back, but this time he was staring back at me. He noticed me looking at him and walked back over to me. " Oh by the way, your beer is on me. If you need anything else, my name is Kellin." All I could think about was how beautiful he was. Before I could even think about what I was saying, I blurted out "I do need something. I need you." I don't know why I said that but it felt right and for some reason, I feel like I actually do need him. He blushed and he just looked into my eyes. I felt the connection as we stared at each other. "I get off at 11" was all he said and then he walked off and began to make someone else's drink.
I really didn't feel like working tonight but I needed the money for food. I found Oli across the bar talking to some girl but I didn't really mind interrupting. "Hey Oli, can I get the list for tonight?". He handed me the list and with a bit of a surprise I noticed that only one guy was on the list for tonight. He was a regular so I wasn't surprised he was on the list. I found him eventually after looking for him awhile. He walked up to me and I could smell the harsh aroma on him. "Hey pretty. Are you ready to go? I have a few things I want you to do to me tonight." he said as he smiled and tried to grab my ass. I quickly smacked his hand away and led him to the back room secretly. I didn't want Kellin to know what I was actually doing at this bar. Once we got into the back room, he only asked for the usual so I slid down his pants and went to work. I tried not to think, which usually worked, but tonight all I could think about was Kellin. I let myself slide into a dream state of mind, and I started fantasizing about Kellin. I snapped out of it once I heard the man say that he wanted me to stay the night with him. I refused unlike usual because this time, I felt guilt. Something in Kellin's eyes made me change. I didn't want to do this anymore. I stood up and took the money, and then stormed out of the room. I checked my phone for the time and it was only 10:30 so I still had 30 minutes until I could see Kellin. I walked back to the bar to see Kellin talking to some girl. Then it crossed my mind; what if he wasn't gay?