Distance

I jumped at the sound of somebody banging on my door. I briefly wondered who it was – I didn’t buzz anybody up – but then I just turned my head and stared at the door, contemplating. It was most likely one of my friends who’d heard what happened Wednesday and wants to continuously ask if I was okay. But that’s stupid because I am okay. It was me who ended it, not him. I’m just fine.

“Stephy, I promise you that I will knock and yell until somebody makes a complaint and you can’t afford another complaint, so you’ll get kicked out,” my best friend, Lydia, shouted from the other side of the door. “So get your ass off of that couch and unlock the door.” I frowned, annoyed with my best friend. Sighing heavily, I threw the blanket off of me and dragged my feet to the door, unlocking it before walking away without opening the door. I heard the door open behind me as I dropped back onto the couch. “Okay, so I got you a coffee from Starbucks but I’m too broke to buy me one too and the traffic sucked and I got thirsty,” Lydia explained, taking a seat beside me, a Starbucks coffee in her hand. She held the cup out to me. “So... I got you an empty Starbucks coffee. Appreciate me.” I let out a small laugh, grabbing it from her and setting it on the couch. “And she makes some sort of noise! This is great progress, I think I should alert the media,” she announced.

“It’s the thought that counts, not the amount of coffee,” I teased. “But why are you even here? Isn’t there a sale going on this weekend at the shoe store you love?”

She actually looked pained for a second. “You’re more important,” she said, probably trying to convince herself more than me. Her love for shoes is never-ending and it’s the main reason why she couldn’t afford to get her a coffee as well. “My best friend needs me, shoes can wait.”

Did I call it or what? “I’m fine, Lydia. Really,” I insisted. “Everybody is calling and asking me if I’m okay but they seem to be forgetting that I broke up with him. Not the other way around.”

“Yes, but you have been dating him forever and now you’re not and you expect me to think you’re actually over him?” she asked.

I chuckled, shaking my head. “You can say his name, I don’t care,” I told her. “You can also go shoe shopping because I’m fine.”

“I will when you tell me why you ended things with him,” she bargained. “You were so happy with Liam. There’s no way you just woke up and decided you wanted to break up with him.” I chewed on the inside of my cheek, hoping she’d decide to leave without an explanation. “I promise I won’t pry, I just want to know,” she assured me. “Besides, without you two as a couple, where’s the connection to my future relationship with Niall?”

I laughed, amazed by her schoolgirl crush that has lasted this long. I looked at her and her face showed determination, so I gave in. “It just got so hard, you know?” I said, looking at my hands. I played with my fingers as I thought over my words. “The fans, the touring… I mean, I knew it was going to be difficult being in a relationship with Liam but it seemed like we spent more time trying to have a relationship rather than actually being in one. It just got to be too much.”

Lydia was quiet for a few seconds before breaking the silence. “Okay, I know I promised I wouldn’t pry but that is so not in my nature so it was a stupid promise,” she started. “But really? I thought you’d gotten into a huge blowout or something. But that’s all? He kept up with calling, text and Skyping though so…”

“It’s a lot harder than it sounds,” I replied. “I was prepared for not seeing him enough and I was even prepared for talking to him a lot less than I do. I just wasn’t ready for it hurting so bad that he wasn’t around.” I paused, shrugging. “I didn’t really have a choice. It wasn’t going to hurt less for me and he wasn’t going to stop doing what he loved, so it was a happy medium.”

“Right, happy. That’s why you look a mess,” she mumbled, causing my jaw to drop. She must’ve expected me to not hear it because her head shot up and she gave me a sheepish smile. “So anyway, I said I wouldn’t pry so I’ll go ahead and leave now. But expect me here tomorrow night, we’re going out.”

“Lydia, I really don’t-“ Too late. She was already out the door and I knew I wasn’t getting out of this. I sighed, letting my body fall sideway on the couch. I was finally starting to doze off when somebody started knocking on the door. Fed up with the interruptions and questions, I shot up and all but stomped over to the door. “Look, I’ve said it a million times; I’m fine. So if you all would just-“ I stopped my loud words when I opened the door and saw who was standing there. I suddenly wished that it was somebody coming to check up on me. “Oh.”

“Well, good to know that one of us are doing fine,” Liam deadpanned, taking my hand off the door and walking right into my apartment like he owned the place.

“Well, I’m glad I invited you in,” I said sarcastically, not at all pleased with his tone. I shut the door and turned around, finding him standing maybe a yard away from me, arms crossed as he just stared at me. I scratched my forehead, uncomfortable under his stare. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see what the hell is going on with you,” he answered without hesitation. “You call me right before I have to go on stage, telling me that you can’t do this anymore. No explanation, nothing. Then you actually ignore all of my calls ever since.”

I shrugged. “I didn’t realize you were about to go on stage and I’ve been busy all yesterday and today. I just got home an hour or so,” I lied through my teeth. It was a stupid attempt – Liam always saw through my lies – but it was worth a shot, right?

“Bullshit!” he argued. “You knew what time the concert started because we talked earlier that day. Why couldn’t you have at least done it then, when you could’ve explained yourself? And I’m not even going to comment on that last lie, because you look like you haven’t left the house in days.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You can’t just come into my house and accuse me of lying!” I told him.

“Then stop lying and hiding behind excuses and tell me the truth,” he shot back. I was a little taken back with the harshness in his voice but could I really blame him? I broke up with him without any explanation. I’d called him and told him that we were over because I couldn’t do it anymore and before he could really say anything, somebody was calling him to the stage. That was exactly how I planned for it to go, too. “Just tell me the truth, Steph. I think I deserve that.”

I rolled my eyes, running a hand through my hair. This was exactly what I wanted to avoid, as selfish as that sounds. I didn’t want to tell him why nor I never expressed how much it bothered me he wasn’t around. It would only make him feel bad for doing what he loved and that was the last thing I wanted. One Direction made him so happy and I didn’t want to be responsible for him feeling even a shred of guilt for simply being happy. “Fine,” I said. “You really want to know why?” He nodded. “Okay. I broke up with you because I can’t stand often you’re gone. We’ve been dating for two years and it’s like we’re in the same place we’ve been after the second date. You’re never around and we spend hardly any time together and I thought I could handle that, Liam. I really did but I can’t.” His eyebrows were furrowed and he went to open his mouth but I interrupted him. “Don’t apologize.”

He shook his head slightly, looking at me in disbelief. “I wasn’t going to,” he replied. “But you don’t think that it bothers me? Not only us not being together often, but me not being able to be there for you? You think I’m okay with that?”

I sighed, knowing he’d take it the wrong way. “No, I’m not saying that,” I responded. “I’m just not as strong as you. I can’t deal with that.”

He scoffed. “I can’t believe you were really about to just let everything go without even talking to me about it,” he said, shaking his head.

“It was easier that way!” I defended. “Just ending things the way I did would make it easier to get over the break up and you. I knew you’d try to argue that and change my mind and I didn’t want that to happen because this feeling isn’t going to go away.”

He was quiet for a few minutes, processing. “Let me change your mind,” he suggested, although it sounded more like a demand.

“What?” I asked.

“Let me change your mind about your decision,” he repeated. “I don’t have to leave until Sunday evening and that gives me plenty of time. If I can’t prove it to you by then, I’ll leave and not talk to you again unless you want me to.”

I was confused. “Prove what to me?” I questioned.

“That we’re worth fighting for,” he said confidently. “That despite the distance, we belong together. That letting distance get between us is silly. That we can make it work just like we have been doing.”

“I don’t think-“

“I’ll be here at noon tomorrow to get you,” he interrupted, apparently not caring about what I thought. “Unless it’s life or death, cancel any plans you had. Please. I need you to let me do this, even if you just humor me.”

I sighed, not being able to say no. “Fine, I’ll be ready,” I caved.

“Fantastic,” he said. He walked toward me, stopping only a few inches in front of me. He brought his hands to my cheeks, caressing them with his thumbs. I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment. When he dropped his hands, I opened my eyes to find him a few steps away from me, looking irritated with himself. Before I could say anything, he continued. “I’ll see you then, love.” And just like that, he was out the door.