Let Her Go

-Luciana POV-

As the weeks drew on, the lilac walls surrounding me became comforting. They were stable, never going to leave. I missed my boys, especially Jimmy. Jimmy was the first one of the boys I knew and in all honesty, he would always be my favourite. I missed his ability of making me laugh, I needed him around me now. As I sat in Aubree's pale green bathroom looking at the toy rubber duck sitting in the bath, I couldn't help but wonder is this what my bathroom will be like in a couple of years? Covered with a child's toys as I tried to dry them with a fluffy,gentle towel. My life depended on this result on the cheap Walmart pregnancy test.

"Has it been enough time yet?" Aubree asked quietly breaking my previous train of thought. I shook my head and smiled at her gently. I think she was just as worried about this as I was.

"Another minute I think. It doesn't matter either way, he isn't going to know." I mumbled as I started to read the back of the box for what felt like the hundredth time. The annoying alarm went off on Aubree's iPhone to say that the five minutes had been up.

"Do you want to look at it or will I?" She questioned trying not to look at the result but trying to look at my facial expression. Her clear blue eyes questioning my every move almost like I was a criminal in for questioning over a murder.

"I will, I guess." I whispered as I reached over to the small cream sink ledge where the test had been delicately balancing. I clenched my hand around the test as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This was it. This was the moment I had been dreading.

The dreaded pink lines came up. I was pregnant. With my ex-boyfriend's baby. Almost involuntarily, my hand moved down to my stomach where a baby, mine and Matt's baby, was growing.

"What are you going to do? If you want me to call Zack and get him to put Matt on the phone I can do th-" Aubree chanted as my options went through my head. Abortion? No, I could never kill a harmless child. Adoption was an option but it wouldn't be an easy option.

"Don't you dare call Matthew. I don't want him to know okay? Promise me Aubree that you won't tell him or the guys?" I pleaded as I looked up at her with worried filled eyes. I couldn't do this to him, not when he was only starting to follow his dreams.

"But why shouldn't he know? It is his baby isn't it? Oh please say it is Luciana, I don't think I could keep that a secret if he found out." She rambled on as I tried to keep calm with all this new information.
I was going to be a mother. In a short couple of months, I would be welcoming a child, my child, into this uncertain world.

"Because I want him to follow his dreams. I want the band to become successful. I love him and those boys too much to ruin their careers before they've even started." I said uncertainly as I wondered what to do. Should I tell Matt or wait till I had it confirmed at a doctor's appointment?

"But what are you going to do? I'm going to support you either way Lucy but realistically, what are you going to do?" She questioned as she bent down to my level, her strawberry blonde hair flowing over her shoulders.

"I don't know, I'm on my own."