Status: Thank you for taking the time to read this story! Please subscribe, recommend, and please leave constructive feedback, for it is greatly appreciated
Thorin's Long Lost Daughter
"That's What Bilbo Baggins Hates!"
Dwalin poured his ale into Oin’s hearing trumpet, and as Oin spluttered in anger, everyone else laughed. Oin put his hearing trumpet to his mouth and blew the ale out of it, making it squeal. One of the dwarves yelled, “On the count of three!” and the dwarves pounded their tankards together. Someone counted, “One!...Two!” Then all the dwarves go quiet and begin drinking their ale together. They are incredibly messy, as ale falls all over their faces and runs down their beards. When finished drinking, they began burping; the youngest, Ori, let out the biggest burp. The dwarves laughed, and Bilbo looked away in disgust.
When the meal finished, the dwarves left the table and began walking about. Bilbo grabbed a doily back from Nori.
“Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth!” Bilbo said, wrestiling the doily from Bofur
“But it’s full of holes!” Bofur exclaimed.
“It’s supposed to look like that, it’s crochet.” Bilbo explained.
“Oh, and a wonderful game it is too, if you got the balls for it.” Bofur said, absentmindedly
“Bebother and confusticate these dwarves!” Bilbo complained, to himself
“My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?” Gandalf asked the young Hobbit.
“What’s the matter? I’m surrounded by dwarves. What are they doing here?” Bilbo responded, sounding a bit outraged.
“Oh, they’re quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them.” Gandalf said, smoothly, and he looked over his shoulder to see that Nori had a chain of sausages over his shoulder, and Bofur grabbed them from him, and they began to play tug-of-war with the sausages.
“I don’t want to get used to them. The state of my kitchen! There’s mud trod into the carpet, they’ve pi-pillaged the pantry. I’m not even going to tell you what they’ve done in the bathroom; they’ve all but destroyed the plumbing. I don’t understand what they’re doing in my house!” Bilbo said, sounding a bit exhausted.
“Excuse me. I’m sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?” Ori asked, innocently.
“Here you go, Ori, give it to me.” Fili called, as he took the plate from Ori, and he threw it to Kili, who threw it behind his back, to Bifur, who was standing at the sink in the kitchen. He caught it behind his back, without even looking around. Kili, Fili, and the other dwarves began throwing plates, bowls and utensils to each other, and they eventually threw them into the sink, so that they could be washed. As dishware flew through the air, Gandalf and Evelyn ducked to avoid from being hit.
“Oh!” Gandalf said, softly, and Evelyn smiled.
"Gandalf was right. They are a very merry bunch." She thought to herself.
“Excuse me, that’s my mother’s West Farthing crockery, it’s over a hundred years old!” Bilbo argued, as the dwarves at the table began to rhythmically drum the table with the utenstils, and their fists.
“And can-can you not do that? You’ll blunt them!” Bilbo sputtered out.
“Ooh, d’hear that, lads? He says we’ll blunt the knives.” Bofur said, with a gleam in his eye.
Kili began to sing and the other dwarves joined him, as they continued to throw the dishware.
“Blunt the knives, bend the forks
Smash the bottles and burn the corks
Chip the glasses and crack the plates
That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!
Cut the cloth and tread on the fat
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat
Pour the milk on the pantry floor
Splash the wine on every door
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl
Pound them up with a thumping pole
When you’ve finished, if any are whole
Send them down the hall to roll
...
That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!”
Bilbo huffed up in anger, only to find all the dishes had been stacked neatly and cleanly. The dwarves, Evelyn, and Gandalf laughed. Suddenly, there were three loud knocks on the door, and everyone fell silent.
“He is here.” Gandalf said, breaking the silence.
When the meal finished, the dwarves left the table and began walking about. Bilbo grabbed a doily back from Nori.
“Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth!” Bilbo said, wrestiling the doily from Bofur
“But it’s full of holes!” Bofur exclaimed.
“It’s supposed to look like that, it’s crochet.” Bilbo explained.
“Oh, and a wonderful game it is too, if you got the balls for it.” Bofur said, absentmindedly
“Bebother and confusticate these dwarves!” Bilbo complained, to himself
“My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?” Gandalf asked the young Hobbit.
“What’s the matter? I’m surrounded by dwarves. What are they doing here?” Bilbo responded, sounding a bit outraged.
“Oh, they’re quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them.” Gandalf said, smoothly, and he looked over his shoulder to see that Nori had a chain of sausages over his shoulder, and Bofur grabbed them from him, and they began to play tug-of-war with the sausages.
“I don’t want to get used to them. The state of my kitchen! There’s mud trod into the carpet, they’ve pi-pillaged the pantry. I’m not even going to tell you what they’ve done in the bathroom; they’ve all but destroyed the plumbing. I don’t understand what they’re doing in my house!” Bilbo said, sounding a bit exhausted.
“Excuse me. I’m sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?” Ori asked, innocently.
“Here you go, Ori, give it to me.” Fili called, as he took the plate from Ori, and he threw it to Kili, who threw it behind his back, to Bifur, who was standing at the sink in the kitchen. He caught it behind his back, without even looking around. Kili, Fili, and the other dwarves began throwing plates, bowls and utensils to each other, and they eventually threw them into the sink, so that they could be washed. As dishware flew through the air, Gandalf and Evelyn ducked to avoid from being hit.
“Oh!” Gandalf said, softly, and Evelyn smiled.
"Gandalf was right. They are a very merry bunch." She thought to herself.
“Excuse me, that’s my mother’s West Farthing crockery, it’s over a hundred years old!” Bilbo argued, as the dwarves at the table began to rhythmically drum the table with the utenstils, and their fists.
“And can-can you not do that? You’ll blunt them!” Bilbo sputtered out.
“Ooh, d’hear that, lads? He says we’ll blunt the knives.” Bofur said, with a gleam in his eye.
Kili began to sing and the other dwarves joined him, as they continued to throw the dishware.
“Blunt the knives, bend the forks
Smash the bottles and burn the corks
Chip the glasses and crack the plates
That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!
Cut the cloth and tread on the fat
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat
Pour the milk on the pantry floor
Splash the wine on every door
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl
Pound them up with a thumping pole
When you’ve finished, if any are whole
Send them down the hall to roll
...
That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!”
Bilbo huffed up in anger, only to find all the dishes had been stacked neatly and cleanly. The dwarves, Evelyn, and Gandalf laughed. Suddenly, there were three loud knocks on the door, and everyone fell silent.
“He is here.” Gandalf said, breaking the silence.