True Love

The lakeside was empty, exactly like Jack had hoped it would be when he’d made the decision to leave work early and drive across town to the lake. In the last year or so, his visits to the lake had become less frequent than they had in the year that had come before. He pulled up in the parking lot before travelling by foot along the trail he knew so well. He’d made this journey hundreds of times, if not thousands, and there was something comforting about travelling along the familiar tree lined path that led to the lake.

His destination never changed and he could make the trip with his eyes closed. Jack was pretty sure he even knew the number of paces it took to get to the spot, shaded by the tree. It was their spot, or at least, it had been. The lake glistened under the suns bright rays, the sky was bright blue and cloudless. The day was perfect and it would have been a day that they would have spent at the lake together. As Jack leaned his back against the tree, his fingers grasped over his bended knees, tangling and untangling themselves, he felt all of the defences and walls he’d kept built up for the last two years, come crashing down as one sad sigh left his lips. His eyes, although covered by his sunglasses, were already brimming with tears and Jack wasn’t going to make any attempt to remove them. He didn’t want anyone to arrive at the lake and find him crying. Above his head, crudely carved on to the tree, was a heart containing the words “Alex loves Jack.”

Alex had carved the words onto the tree when he’d wanted to tell Jack he loved him for the first time and he couldn’t find the courage he needed to say them out loud. Thinking back to that day only made Jack’s tears fall heavier. The lake was the one place Jack felt connected with Alex. It was almost as if the older boy was sitting right beside him, if Jack concentrated hard enough, he could almost feel Alex’s hand over his or his head resting against his shoulder. Jack never felt that way when he visited his grave. Visiting Alex’s grave made him feel cold and empty while being at the lake made him feel like he had some connection to him. His visits to the lake tended to follow the same routine, he’d sit in their spot, put his headphones in, block out all noise and talk.

“Hey Lexie, it’s me. How are you? Actually, scrap that, stupid question, I know. I can’t believe after two years, I still find myself asking how you are. As much as I might want it, nothing’s going to change the fact that you’re dead. I’d ask for a do-over but I know that I’ll never get the start right!”

Jack shook his head, bringing the cuff of his hoodie to his face to wipe away tears that were snaking down his cheeks. Some people might think he was crazy for talking to Alex like this and they’d probably think he was talking to himself if they came across him while he was there. Hell, there were times that Jack began to doubt his sanity and questioned what good could come from talking to his dead Fiancé. These feelings of doubt were always over-ridden by sense of relief and peace he felt when he returned from the lake. No matter how many times he had these conversations, he never got the start right. Was there ever going to be “right” way to start a conversation with a dead person, although it couldn’t really be considered a conversation because a conversation would imply that Alex replied to him and he didn’t. If Jack had started hearing Alex replying to him, then he would most definitely begin to question his sanity.

It was kinda fitting that the start of their conversation, or whatever the hell these were, was so awkward because that’s exactly how their first conversation had been. Well, it hadn’t exactly been their first conversation that they’d had but it had been their first after not seeing each other for seven years. A lot had changed in those years so it could be considered a first conversation.

The boys had gone to High School together but they had never been “best friends” they’d be considered friends at best, sharing some mutual friends. Their relationship in high school had been one where they’d talk to each when they were together or if they met each other on the hallways, they would stop and talk. They hung out sometimes on the weekends, went to some of the same parties but there wasn’t a massively deep connection between the pair.

Jack had been the tall, thin, awkward, shy guy with ridiculous hair and a nose that was too large for his face. He was most at home with his head stuck in a book. Alex on the other hand, was slightly more popular than he’d been. Unlike most high school students, who seemed to fit in with one certain group of students, Alex’s bubbly and bright personality meant he was one of the few who managed to feel at home and more importantly, accepted in whatever group he found himself in. He’d not only been gifted with a talent for music but, he’d also been a really good football player too. He was the unlikely sports star, the schools secret weapon, their star quarterback, but he’d never adopted the cocky attitude that the other guys on the team had and instead chosen to remain down to earth. It was all part of his charm, part of what made him an all-round good guy.

Like most typical high school friendships, especially those that weren’t particularly close in the first place, Jack and Alex grew apart after Graduation. Both teenagers went in their own separate directions and they’d last seen each other at a party, Rian, Jack’s best friend had held. Alex was heading off to University on a sports scholarship and Jack was leaving the country and travelling to the United Kingdom to study medicine. While Jack would have been just as happy to study medicine in the States, his parents had insisted that he travel to London to receive what they considered the best possible Medical degree. Jack was going to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a successful Doctor.

The years that followed were extremely formative for both boys and they changed a great deal, learning more than they’d ever thought possible about themselves. While Jack made his way through Medical School, he somehow grew into his looks and became what many described as “hot” “handsome” and “attractive.” He received a lot of attention from the female students on his course and the nurses he encountered while on his rotations. He’d even gone on a few dates with some of them during his earlier years of University. The biggest change that came about for Jack though was the fact that he came to the realisation that although these women were attracted to him, he felt no attraction whatsoever to them. He was in no way sexually attracted to them, nor did he find them anyway appealing and the only relationship he could fathom having with them was one of friendship.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away in Maryland, Alex was going through some major changes himself. Mid-way through his Freshman year, not long after his 18th birthday, he had decided that the academic life wasn’t for him. He didn’t enjoy “student life” and had realised that combining his love of Music and English with his love of sport was a mix that didn’t fit well. He found it tedious to keep up with the requirements of his scholarship and his course. He didn’t feel happy and felt like all the love he felt for the sport and his subjects was being sucked away. He longed to feel like he could make a difference and he knew exactly how to fill the feeling he longed for so much. He returned to Baltimore and enrolled in Fire Academy for the fall semester and worked his ass off to make his way through the intense, rigorous training. The buzz he felt was un-imaginable and it didn’t take him long to know that he’d made the right choice. Unlike Jack, Alex had been aware of his sexuality from a slightly younger age but it wasn’t until he was a little older that he was able to truly admit and understand these feelings.



The day Jack first met, or “re-met” Alex was one that he would never forget. It was imprinted in his brain and he could remember it as if had happened a few hours ago rather than 6 years ago. It replayed in his head, like a movie reel, clear as day without any gaps in the memory. Just thinking back to that day was a bittersweet moment for Jack, one that always brought tears to his eyes and Jack was never sure whether they were tears of happiness or sadness. Deep down, he suspected they were a mixture of both.



Jack was on countdown to the end of his shift, the 24 year old was midway through his ER residency and loving everything that it brought with it. Well, except for the long shifts. He’d been working for the best part of 30 hours, managing to take brief naps and breaks for food but there had been a fire in an apartment building so the ER was loaded to capacity and all the staff were run off of their feet. The good news was that his shift was coming to an end and he’d only need to see one more patient before he could go home and get some much needed rest and take a few days off. He wasn’t back on duty for another two days and he needed the break. He grabbed a chart from the pile, glancing over it seeing that the patient he was about to see was a five year old girl, who’d been brought in for smoke inhalation and some burns. It looked to be relatively straight forward and it was the perfect case for Jack to end what had otherwise been a stressful shift. Jack had mastered the task of keeping his mind focused on work even when he was extremely tired. As long as he concentrated on his patients he was ok but he couldn’t concentrate on anything else.

He pulled back the curtain to reveal a small scared girl, sitting in the arms of a fire-fighter, clutching a sooty stuffed animal in one hand. She’d already been hooked up to an oxygen mask which would help her breath a little easier. She looked at Jack with wide, bright blue eyes, which clearly showed just how scared she was and Jack flashed his warmest smile at her, putting his charm into full effect, working to calm her down.

“Hello Sweetheart, my name is Jack, what’s yours? I’m a Doctor and I’m going to be looking after you, is that ok?” he asked, crouching down so he was closer to her eye level. The girl nodded timidly and told him her name was Katie. “Alright Katie, I’m going to need to listen to your heart and check your breathing. Then, when I’m finished I’m going to bandage up your arms ok?”

While Jack put a cuff on her arm to check her blood pressure, he finally got a look at the fire fighter who was with her. As unprofessional as it was, Jack couldn’t deny there was something attractive about the man and it wasn’t just because he was in a uniform. He had messy brown hair pushed back off of his soot smeared face, dark brown eyes which seemed to sparkle and a dazzling smile. He wasn’t wearing his jacket, giving Jack a view of his toned, strong arms and his defined muscles. There was something oddly familiar about him but the answer didn’t jump out at Jack so he didn’t think any further. The machine beeping distracted him from talking to him so he decided to put his multi-tasking into use.

“Were you one of the first responders? Is there any news on parents or guardians?” he asked, glancing at the screen, jotting the numbers onto her chart. “OK, Katie this might feel a little cold but I need you to take a deep breath?”

He placed the stethoscope on her back, instructing her when to inhale and exhale, listening to her breath sounds. She was a little wheezy but that was to be expected and her heart rate was a little elevated but they were all to be expected after what she’d gone through. There was nothing that would raise any concern in Jack’s books.

“Yeah, I’m Alex; I’m a Lieutenant with Firehouse 21. This little one was staying with her Auntie and she got trapped in her room but she did the right thing and kept low to the ground and waited until someone could come and get her. She burned herself trying to get out of her room at first but she did the right thing and stayed put because her room was the safest place for her,” he explained, making sure to praise the young girl which further put her at ease “The nurses called her dad and he’s on his way to the hospital, until then it’s just me and Katie.”

Jack had just finished cleaning the burns on the palms of Katie’s palms when he noticed cut on Alex’s arm.

“You look like you could do with my help. How’d you cut your arm?” he asked, pointing to the cut as a nurse stuck her head in, telling him that Katie’s father had arrived “You can send him in, I’m just about finished here. Can you arrange for her to be admitted to children’s ward for observation, just to be on the safe side? Alex, I’ll check that arm for you in a minute. I think you might need a few stitches. I’m just going to talk to her dad.”

Once Jack had reassured Katie’s father that his daughter was fine and she was only being kept overnight as a precaution, he reunited that father and daughter and sent her on her way to the children’s ward. When he returned to the cubicle, he noticed how Alex was looking at him inquisitively.

“Dr. Jack Barakat, huh?” he asked, a slight smile breaking out on his face, while Jack pointed out his name tag which did in fact confirm his name was Jack Barakat. He was confused about why this guy was asking him his name when he already knew it. Jack’s brain was way too frazzled to try and figure out where Alex was going with this, he could only concentrate on one thing and work was the one and only thing on his mind. “You mightn’t remember me but we went to high school together but that was like 7 years ago. I’m Alex Gaskarth, I was friends with Rian Dawson and that gang. It’s been a while, huh?”

Jack greeted him with an awkward “Hi, how are you?” as the pieces slotted together in his brain, albeit a little slower than normal, and he remembered who Alex was. He’d stuttered a little at first but he was able to talk to Alex normally. Their conversation died down as Jack cleaned the wounds, the only sounds coming from Alex was sudden intakes of breath as he tried to hide just how much the cleaning his wound hurt. Alex had stuck through it like a champ and when Jack had bandaged him up; he asked how much longer Jack had left on his shift. When Jack had told him that he just needed to get some paper work finished up before he left, Alex offered to take him out for breakfast, to say thank you and so they could catch up. Jack instantly agreed, not seeing any harm in going out for food with him. Alex returned to the firehouse to change his clothes and arrived back to collect Jack thirty minutes later.

Jack never expected anything to come from their chance encounter, except for maybe them keeping in contact, meeting up with more of their once mutual friends. The last thing he expected was for a relationship to start but that morning, in a diner in the city, the seeds of their relationship were sown and the pair had spent three hours talking that morning before the need for sleep overcame them and they had no choice but to go home after exchanging numbers. Later that afternoon, Alex invited Jack over to his apartment for dinner so they could continue their catch up from that morning. The rest as they say is history and the couple shared their first kiss two weeks after that day!



“Lex, do you remember how many attempts we tried to have at our first date? It had been a disaster and yet, in the end if turned out just perfect. First, I got called into work which scrapped our first plan. Then we re-arranged it and you ended up being sent on a call right before your shift ended and by the time you got back, my shift was starting. Remember how we were convinced that it would be a case of “third time’s the charm” and it hadn’t? At least no one in particular was to blame for missing out on that one, we just passed out on the couch, exhausted from our jobs and sleeping through our reservation at the restaurant. We said we’d just sit down for a minute because we still had time to relax for a moment before leaving. Six hours later and we woke up in each other’s arms, only waking because my phone was ringing, summoning me to work once again.

We’d taken our disastrous attempts at planning a date as a sign to step back for a minute and realise that starting a relationship with each was going to require a little more work than we’d thought. I’d told you that I knew what I wanted and I told you to think about it because me being a Doctor meant that I was going to probably be the one making things harder for you. I’d kissed you before I left for work and told you to take as long as you needed to decide what you wanted to do. I hadn’t wanted to pressure you or rush you, but I hoped you’d want to be with me just as much as I wanted to be with you. That night, you showed up at my apartment, brought me to the roof of my building and told me that if we couldn’t go out for a date that you were going to bring the date to us! You’d planned a romantic picnic, full of our favourite food and that night, as we lay on the roof, gazing at the stars, you told me that I was worth the effort. Damn, I still get butterflies just thinking back to you saying those words!”

The morning after the rooftop picnic, Jack and Alex had visited the lake for the first time together. They’d come across it by chance, something that seemed to be a common thread in their relationship. It had been a gorgeous summer day and since both of them weren’t working, they had decided to just get in the car, drive and see where they ended up. It had been fun to just cut loose, to just drive without a destination and decide on the whim whether or not whether they would turn left or right when they came to a junction. They’d been driving along a tree lined country road, about half an hour outside of the city when Jack had spotted the signpost for the lake. 5 minutes later, they’d pulled up in a car-park and walked along the pathway not really knowing what would be on the end of it. As it had turned out, the lake had been beautiful. The wide, open clearing in the forest had become the couple’s getaway, their special place. They had spent so much time at the lake which had actually been quiet a popular spot amongst locals. Even during the summer months, when the lake was at its busiest, it could feel as if Jack and Alex were the only two people there just because they were there with each other.

The first time Jack came to the lake after Alex had died, it had felt so odd and foreign coming to the lake without Alex. Before that, Jack had only ever been to the lake on his own once and he hadn’t been alone for too long because Alex had figured out where he’d gone and rushed to his side to comfort his boyfriend. Jack had what could only be described as a shift from hell and he’d been working on patients who’d been involved in a serious and fatal car accident. It had hit him hard and he’d just needed to escape for a little while, get away from everything. When Alex had found out what had happened, he didn’t need to think too hard to figure out where Jack had gone. He’d sat with Jack, cradling him in his arms, letting him vent and talk and most importantly, made Jack realise that even though he’d had a really bad day that he wasn’t alone.

The day after Alex’s death, Jack had found himself at the lake, looking for an escape from their apartment and all the sympathetic looks his friends were giving him. He’d just wanted to go to the one place where he’d felt closest to Alex. The place that had held so many memories for him, the place they’d shared so many amazing times. They’d spent countless nights camping at the lake, they’d made love there, they’d gotten engaged at the lake and they’d professed their love for each other. That day, Jack had been doing quite well at keeping his emotions in check as he’d been concentrating on getting to the lake without causing an accident. He’d needed to keep his mind on something, to stop the grief and the guilt he’d felt taking him over completely. Then, he’d seen the heart craved on their tree and he’d broken down, falling to his knees and sobbing until there were no tears left to cry as he remembered that day. In the end, he’d had to call Rian, to come and collect him because he knew he wouldn’t be able to drive himself home. He’d been too consumed by memories and living in the past had seemed so much better than living in the present, a time where Alex was no longer apart of his life.



Jack never liked having to wait, he hated surprises and Alex was keeping something from him. Apparently, he had a surprise for Jack. He’d known that Jack was impatient and yet, instead of waiting until later to tell him, he’d told Jack about it the minute he saw him and then watched Jack squirm as he was made wait all day. Alex had been fidgety, almost nervous, all day, ever since he’d picked Jack up from work and he wouldn’t tell him what his surprise was.

It had been especially torturous for Jack when Alex had insisted that they both take a nap before they went out that evening. They’d both worked the night shift and Alex had insisted that they’d want to be awake later. Jack was convinced that Alex got a kick out of seeing Jack act like a child excited for Santa to come and try to get to sleep on Christmas Eve. Now, they were heading towards the lake and Alex was telling him it was only going to be a brief visit. As soon as they pulled up in the parking lot, Alex made Jack put on a blindfold, further confusing the younger boy. Jack whined as Alex clasped their hands together and led him down the pathway.

“Hush your whining,” Alex scolded playfully, placing a kiss on Jack’s lips, silencing his complaining. There was a nervous tone to his voice and he sounded completely adorable. “I’ll take the blindfold off but you can’t freak out or laugh or think I’m being silly. I’m kinda nervous about this, ok?”

Jack shook his head because he’d never do that to Alex. He puckered his lips, hoping Alex would get the hint and kiss him again, because Jack couldn’t see where Alex’s lips were so it would have been pointless if he’d tried to kiss him. Alex obliged, placing another soft kiss on his lips that had Jack smiling against his lips and he reached around Jack to untie the blindfold. It took Jack a moment for his eyes to readjust to the light but he didn’t make a move to look when Alex was pointing nervously. Instead, he pulled Alex closer to him, joining their hands together and locking eyes.

“Whatever it is, you have no need to be nervous, Lexie,” he stated firmly, noticing how the older boy blushed at his nickname. Together, they turned their attention to the tree and Jack’s face lit up when he saw the message that had been carved into it. “I love you too Alex. I really do!”

Alex’s face lit up, looking cuter than ever as he grinned widely.

“You do? I was so nervous you’d think it was too soon and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you, I kept chickening out!”

He’d sounded shocked as if it was surprising that Jack could love him back and it made Jack laugh quietly, pressing feather light kisses to his boyfriend’s lips.

“You can be ridiculous at times, you know that right?” he’d commented, “You run into burning buildings without thinking twice and yet you find it hard to tell me you love me. But it’s ok because I love that about you!”



Alex and Jack’s relationship was one that many were envious of but it hadn’t come without some extra work on both of their parts. Their chosen career paths meant that they didn’t always get to lead a “normal” life together but they worked. They both grew accustomed to the fact that the other could be called away at a moment’s notice and their jobs meant they often worked unsociable hours. They managed to sync their schedules up a little and if Jack was working a night shift for a particular week, Alex tried to work one too. That way, the couple still got to spend some time together, even if it was only sleeping in the same bed.

Alex was the “true romantic” of the pair. He was constantly leaving little reminders of his love for Jack around their apartment and writing him little love notes and letters. It was common for Jack to find little notes in his lab coat or in his jean pocket that Alex had planted. Or he often showed up at the hospital with lunch or coffee for Jack, knowing the younger boy wouldn’t have eaten yet. Jack kept every single one of them and he’d tried to do the same for Alex, except sometimes he could never match the poetic style that Alex had perfected. Now, they all sat together in a box in his closet, a treasure chest of memories for Jack. Sometimes looking through the notes, cards, letters and photographs comforted Jack and other times, it was a painful experience for him as too many memories were brought to the surface all at once,

Alex was also the one who insisted that they have a song, one that defined their relationship and theirs just happened to be “Iris” by The Goo-Goo Dolls. Alex’s reasoning behind the choice of song? It had been the song playing on the radio when he’d picked Jack up from work one morning, two weeks after they’d met again and Alex had bit the bullet and kissed Jack. It had been their first kiss. Some of Jack’s happiest moments had revolved around Alex singing that song to him at completely random moments. He often did it as a way to cheer Jack up or de-stress him a little. Now, the lyrics meant more to Jack than they ever had and he only wished that they’d gotten the chance to have the song played at their wedding instead of at Alex’s funeral.

As the song played through his earphones, Jack voice got shakier and quieter as he finished his one-sided conversation with Alex.

“Lexie, I can still remember the night we stayed up all night talking about life and what we’d do if something happened to the other one. It was a little deeper than our normal pillow talk and at the time, we’d blamed it on drinking a little too much wine that night. It was just the two of us, lying in bed, drinking wine, talking and growing even closer as a couple, pure heaven in my eyes. We’d laughed a little when the topic came up, both declaring it was a slightly morbid addition to an otherwise loved up conversation. It was a necessary conversation to have, especially since your job put you in danger every single day and I’d had that run in with an angry patient earlier that week. Of course you were more worried about me than you were about yourself. One thing we were certain of was that no matter what, we wanted the other one to be happy and in the event that something happened, we wanted them to move on and find someone new.

We’d made each other promise that we’d move on and be happy. We’d even sealed the deal with a pinkie promise, something that was a silly, childish little tradition to some, but to us, was a serious promise. We used pinkie-promises for when we wanted to be serious and we never broke them. Of course, at the time, we never thought that something would happen. It was just words shared between two lovers and after sharing a kiss we’d moved on to fantasising about our future as a married couple, whether we’d have kids or not.

I never expected that it would actually happen. At the time, I couldn’t even imagine a life without you. It seemed like some sort of impossibility, something my worst nightmares were made of and I never expected them to become a reality but it had. If I didn’t know any better, I would have sworn Rian had somehow overheard our conversation because he was the one who, six months after you’d gone, was encouraging me to move on. He did it was a tactful nature that only Rian Dawson could only manage to pull off, never trying to make me feel overly uncomfortable but at the same time, he wasn’t taking no for an answer. He’s a crafty little bugger and that’s how he eventually managed to set me up with Matt. I’ve told you the story before, how we’d gone out for dinner and he’d conveniently had the excuse of forgetting something in his car and a reason to leave me on my own just after he’d introduced me to Matt, a friend of a friend. He didn’t come back that night, leaving me and Matt on our own to get to know each other. We’d had a lot in common, he was a Doctor and even though Rian didn’t know it at the time, he was about to transfer to the same hospital I worked at. It was almost like it was fate! I never believe in fate before but fate made me pick that patient that day and meet you and now, I guess fate brought me Matt.

I’ve never wanted to kill anyone as much as I wanted to kill him that night, but he knew me too well, he knew that it was what I needed. He’d chosen wisely when he’d picked Matt. I don’t think there could have been a more understand and caring guy. I hope he’s what you had in mind when you wanted me to move on. I didn’t think I could move on and then I met Matt. He’s great, Lexie, he’s not you and he never will be but, he understands that what we shared was special. He never set out to replace you and he never pushed me to move on or be someone I wasn’t. He loves me and even though it took me a little while longer than him, I eventually found myself able to tell him I loved him too. He knows that you will always hold a special part of my heart but I learned that there was enough room for him too. He didn’t even push me to talk about you when it was obviously still distressing for me. I think the turning point of my relationship with him was the night I was able to tell him about when you died. I finally trusted him enough to share with him the events that made up the worst day of my life.



Jack and Alex were due to head away on a much needed vacation today, they were both working a day shift and then later this evening, they were driving to the coast to spend some days away from the city. Jack had stopped off at the deli on his lunch break, picking up two sandwiches before making his way to Firehouse 21. He had a lunch date with his Fiancé. Jack was well known at the Firehouse and he was allowed pass through it to Alex’s office without any hassle. He greeted some of the guys warmly before knocking on the door before peeking his head through the gap, his face lighting up when he saw Alex sitting at the desk, looking hot as usual.

“Hello Lieutenant Gaskarth,” he smirked “Have you got time for some lunch with your boy?”

Alex was on his feet, closing the gap between them and pulling Jack into the office as they kissed.

“For you, my love, I’d make the time,” he replied, a sly smirk gracing his face as his hands came to rest on Jack’s hips as he looked at him through his long eyelashes “Especially when you’re dressed in those scrubs!”

It was while they were eating that Alex announced that they were going to have to delay their departure by a few hours. Someone had gone home sick and they were one man down and Alex wouldn’t be able to leave early like they’d originally planned.

“Don’t sweat it Lexie,” Jack replied, reaching across to squeeze his hand “They were looking for people to work an extra shift this evening. We can leave in the morning instead.”

Their lunch break ended all too soon and Jack had to get back to the hospital but not before sharing one last passionate kiss with Alex, telling him he loved him and reminding him to stay safe while Alex returned the sentiment. It was something that never changed, the way they said goodbye:

“Stay safe and come home to me! I love you!”

As Jack had predicted, the hospital had been glad of an extra set of hands especially when there had been an unexpected surge of visits to the ER. The weekend had seen the hottest temperatures so far and the summery weather meant there had been more minor injuries, burns from the barbeques, food poisoning, people who’d slipped and fallen, injuries from DIY attempts and the regulars like dehydration and sunburn. Jack’s afternoon had been busy and he’d been kept working continuously since returning from lunch. Jack liked these kind of days where all of his patients were minor at best.

He was just making his way back from the canteen after seizing the opportunity to grab something quick to eat. There ER was a hub of activity when he returned leading him to assume that some sort of trauma had been brought in. This suspicion was confirmed when he heard the alarm going off in Trauma 1 signalling that someone had gone into Cardiac Arrest and that they were in serious trouble. He was making his way to see where he was needed when he literally ran into Jason Blake, another Lieutenant at Firehouse 21 and a close friend of the couple. He looked pretty torn up and when Blake’s hands clamped down on Jack’s shoulders, he had no choice but to stop and talk.

“Hey, you here on a call, what’s up? Is Alex here too?” he asked, noticing how sad and nervous Blake looked. He was breathing hard, his eyes were bloodshot and his face spattered with blood. It made Jack feel a little anxious, especially when he didn’t answer him. He couldn’t make the words form a sentence to answer Jack. Blake was displaying signs of shock. “Dude, seriously, sit down, take a deep breath, you’re scaring me a little. What’s happened? Don’t tell me you guys lost a kid? Is that who the code is for?”

Jack knew that children being involved always shook the crews up a little more, especially if they were in a serious condition. If Alex had been on the scene, he would probably be a little cut up about it too. But then Blake was shaking his head and Jack was growing a little more anxious. He’d never seen Jason Blake act like this in all the time that he’d known him. Jack saw more nurses and doctor’s rushing towards Trauma 1 and he knew he should probably go see what was happening.

“Bro, I need to go see if I’m needed in there, it looks really serious. Get one of the nurses to put you in a cubicle and I’ll check you over in a few minutes,” he explained, making a move to stand up “Is Alex here? I’ll get him to come and sit with you. You’re obviously in shock about something!”

At the mention of Alex’s name, a strangled sob left Blake’s throat and he grabbed onto Jack’s hand, stopping him from walking away. Jack could feel his heartbeat racing and his anxiety level sky-rocketed. As much as he’d worried about Alex, he’d never ever thought that Alex would be a patient in his ER and by the way Blake was acting, it seemed that that was exactly what had happened.

“Jack, I’m sorry,” Blake choked out as Jack struggled against his tight hold “We got a call; there was a fire in an abandoned building. Alex was trying to clear the building but it collapsed. We tried to get to him quicker, we really did. He was trapped. He was in a pretty bad way when they pulled him out!”

Blake’s arms were wrapped firmly around Jack’s waist, holding him in place as Jack tried to break away.

“No, it can’t be happening. I was just talking to him this afternoon!” Jack pleaded, “Please let me go, I need to see him. I’ll show you that he’s ok!”

When Jack eventually managed to pull away, he ran towards the room, pushing through the group of firemen waiting outside and crashing through the swinging doors, Blake on his heels trying to stop him. Jack got there just in time to hear them turn the monitors off and the Doctor on Call announcing time of death. Jack’s knees gave way as he collapsed onto Blake. It couldn’t be happening to them. They weren’t even supposed to be working. They were supposed to be enjoying some time at the beach, relaxing.

A hand was placed on his shoulder as Dr O’ Callaghan explained they’d done everything possible but Alex had been down for too long. He’d been deprived of oxygen for too long and hadn’t regained consciousness. He might have been speaking double-dutch for all the sense it was making to Jack. All he could get from the conversation was that his Alex, his sweet, loving Alex was dead and Jack’s heart was currently in a million and one pieces.

His initial response had been denial as he clung to Alex’s lifeless body, willing him to open his eyes and wake up. It was all Jack wanted, to see Alex’s eyes open again as if he’d been sleeping and smile lazily at Jack and tell him that he’d kept his promise and come home safe to him. Alex always kept his promises to Jack. It didn’t happen though and it never would!”



“Alex, I’m not sure I can keep my promise to you any longer. I know I promised to move on and I really thought Matt was the one to do it with. I was determined to keep that promise, even though missing you hurt so much! Lately, I could even see myself marrying him and I know he wants to marry him. He loves me and I love him. Then, today I got news that changed all of those plans drastically. For the second time in my life, my life has been thrown a curve ball and everything has been messed up. Maybe it’s me and maybe I’m not supposed to get close to someone. What if I’m just destined to die alone? I have to end it with Matt,” he confessed weakly, not being able to cry any longer, feeling completely worn out as the news he’d received that day fully registered with him.

“Remember those headaches I got, the ones you used to bug me about, the ones that we put down to stress and being overworked have come back to kick me in the ass. I should have just taken your advice and got them checked out. But, I was a stubborn ass who thought that being a Doctor I would surely know if there was something wrong with me. I kept bargaining with myself that as long as they didn’t get any worse I was fine and as soon as they got more frequent I would get them checked. There was always an excuse for them, I was just tired, I was just overworked, I hadn’t eaten enough, I just needed to wear my glasses a little more. Eventually, I couldn’t ignore them any longer. I passed out in work last week and hit my head on a trolley so they sent me to a scan. I got the results back today, hence why I’m here I guess. As soon as they told me, I knew I needed to tell you because you are the only one who’s ever going to truly understand.

The scans showed up some irregularities so they sent me for a more in-depth one and the results aren’t good. I’ve got a tumour, Lexie, it’s on my brain and it’s inoperable. They can’t do anything for me; it’s in an unreachable part of my brain. I’m dying and I’m so fucking scared. I’ve only got a few months left. I’m going to break it off with Matt. I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through when I lost you. I’ve been dealt a death sentence, one that should have been dealt two years ago. I would give anything to have died with you on that day. Things would have been so much easier that way.

Before you died, I never believed in ghosts or angels but now I’m certain that you are one. I might be illogical and irrational but maybe it’s the reason why I’ve always felt so at peace with you here. I have to believe that there’s something better, that you’re by my side. Sometimes I think I can hear your laugh, I’ll hear it in a crowd and suddenly start looking for you. When I still lived in our apartment, I could smell your aftershave, hear your steps in the hallway, like you used to do when you were trying to sneak in after a shift and you didn’t want to wake me. I’d convince myself that you were lying in bed beside me, that I could feel you in my arms. For those brief moments when I opened my eyes, everything was perfect, you were there with me and you dying had been one massive nightmare. I was driving myself crazy living there, there were just too many memories of you and I had to move. I was living my day, waiting until I could fall asleep and dream of you or come to the lake and talk to you. I know you stayed with me and it was easier to deal with in my new place. Thanks for not forgetting about me.

Lexie, I don’t want to die alone but I don’t want to have to put our friends or Matt through that. I can’t put them through that. I can’t put Matt through the pain of losing someone he loves. Please say you’ll be there with me, that you won’t abandon me when I’m dying. Will you stay with me? I want your face to be the first one I see when I open my eyes and we’re re-united once again.”



Breaking up with Matt had been much harder than Jack anticipated. He’d arrived back from the lake and his boyfriend had taken one look at him, opened his arms for him and understood that he’d been to see Alex. Being the completely understanding person he was, he’d comforted Jack, urged him to talk about what was bothering, what had made him want to go to the lake when he hadn’t been in months. Jack had just told him he needed to clear his head and that they needed to end their relationship. Naturally, he’d been devastated when Jack broke up with him out of the blue but, he’d understood that Jack needed space and time. So, he gave him exactly that, he crashed at a friend’s house and knew it would only be a matter of time before Jack saw sense. After-all, Jack had let Matt into his life after Alex had died, they loved each other! Jack hadn’t wanted to hurt Matt. He just knew that it was what he needed to do.

It didn’t take him long to figure out Jack was sick, he was a Doctor and he quickly found out why Jack wasn’t returning to work. Once he’d found out, he returned to their apartment, telling Jack that he wasn’t going to leave him to go through this on his own. Jack had tried to protest, tried to ignore Matt, hurt him intentionally and do anything to make Matt want to keep away from him. Matt saw straight through his ruse and held fast. Matt Flyzik could be stubborn when he wanted to and when it came to Jack, someone he loved with all his heart, someone who was sick and hurting, his stubbornness was going to go into overdrive!

He wasn’t going anywhere and as Jack’s condition went deteriorated much quicker than anticipated; Matt was right by his side. One day he was ok and then all of a sudden he was in the hospital in a serious condition. The tumour had grown and spread to other parts of his body. All the Doctor’s could do was make sure Jack was comfortable and not in any pain as he spent his final few days alive. It meant that he was on a cocktail of drugs and after six months, the Doctor’s were worried his time had come and it was time to say goodbye. Technically, Jack was living on borrowed time and he’d spent the majority of his time slipping in and out of consciousness.

The Barakat’s had spent some time with their son, said their goodbyes before leaving Matt have some time alone with Jack. Joyce hadn’t wanted to be there when he died, she couldn’t bear it. Matt hadn’t moved from his spot in the past 24 hours except to go to the bathroom only when absolutely necessary. He didn’t want to leave Jack alone, even if it meant he went without food, sleep and anything else.

Jack’s eyes fluttered open and the weak squeeze he pressed against Matt’s hand alerted the older boy that he’d woken up. Matt lifted his head from the covers, seeing Jack’s eyes wide open and a weak smile on his face.

“Hey Jack,” he said softly, placing a kiss on Jack’s hand “Do you want me to get anyone for you?”

Jack’s eyes were staring off past Matt, looking over his shoulder.

“Lexie, you kept your promise, you stayed with me,” Jack breathed, sounding relieved and Matt didn’t want to distress him any further so he played along, answering as Alex and shakily replying with a “Yeah baby, I’m here!” Jack’s eyes locked with Matt’s looking happier than he had in a while before shaking his head “No, not you Matt. He’s really here, he’s over there. He came back for me, just like I asked him to. Thank you for staying with me Matty, come sit next to me, Baby.”

Matt didn’t deny his wishes. He knew he didn’t have much longer with him. He was glad that Jack was being comforted by the fact he could apparently see Alex but he knew that Jack hallucinating and seeing someone who wasn’t there meant that his borrowed time was running out fast. He sat beside Jack, holding him close and kissing him.

“I love you Matt, I really love you,” Jack confessed, his voice growing weaker and weaker and his heart rate slowing. “I’m ready to go now but I wish I didn’t have to leave you. I’ll never forget you Matt Flyzik. Alex is here to look after me, I’m in safe hands!”

Jack nuzzled his face closer to Matt’s, their noses grazing against each other in a tender moment as his eyes fluttered open and shut again, growing heavier.

“I love you too Jack,” Matt replied, comforted by the fact that they could be his last words to Jack. Matt had heard Jack speak about how comforted he’d felt knowing that his last words to Alex had been the same. He’d said them just in time as the monitor beeped quietly and Jack’s heart stopped beating. He couldn’t imagine a more peaceful way to go. Matt glanced around the room, as a Doctor made his way across the room. Jack had been so certain that Alex had come for him and Matt so desperately wanted to believe it. He wiped at the tears falling from his eyes, he managed to find his voice as he placed one last kiss on Jack’s temple.

“Thanks for looking after him Alex. Take care of him for me! He’s where he belongs, back with his one true love!”