Blue Eyes

The autumn leaves were falling quickly now and frost greeted us in the morning.
The pool was still warm, steam billowing from the water. Brown crinkly leaves were scattered all over the deck and on me. I was still on that damn deck chair. And now I was freezing. I got up and walked into the lounge where a few passed out teens lay wherever they had fallen the night before. I tried to find my sweater and my scarf but people were sleeping on the couch. I walked through to Derek’s bedroom to get one of his jackets. There were people under his covers in his bed. I couldn’t see who they were. I didn’t really want to know either.

I pulled out a grey hoodie from Derek’s drawers and put it on, feeling the chill of the sleep outside dissipate a little. The people in the bed rustled around a bit, so I crept back to the door so they wouldn’t see me.

“Shay?” A weary Alice took the covers off her face. Should have known.

“Hi, Alice. I’m going home now.” I’ll just call my mum or walk or fly I don’t know. But I want to leave.

“Please don’t be mad at me Shay,” she sounded like she was still drunk. I sighed.

“Why would I be mad at you?” I didn’t really want to know.
She just lifted up the blanket and showed me the face of the boy she had spent the night with. Taylor Smith. Rage filled me.

Alice did a sheepish smile and I just left. I was disappointed with Taylor but now I was really mad at Alice. I felt disgusted and betrayed. She knew I still had a huge thing for Taylor.

I felt sick again.

I walked into the kitchen, stepping on a few people accidentally, to reach the phone. I punched in my home number and after a few rings my mother picked up.

“Hi mum.” I said half-heartedly.
“Oh, sweetie. It’s been one of those nights again. Are you hung over? I’ll come get you. What’s the address again?”
She hardly let me put a word in before she was already on her way.

The car ride was making me feel dizzy again.
“I think my drink was spiked last night.” I said it like it wasn’t a big deal.
But mum took it as a big deal.
“Oh, honey! Are you alright? You didn’t get raped, did you?” She was horrified.

“No mum.”
“Well how would you know?”
“Because I didn’t pass out or anything.” Lie. I did. But my clothes weren’t tampered with so she doesn’t need to know.
“Maybe you just ate something funny.”
“Maybe.”

When I got home, I showered and went straight to sleep. The rest of my weekend involved sleeping, crying in my room because I hate Alice, and eating food.

For dinner on Sunday night mum bought me Chinese to try to make me feel better. It did help, but then reminded me that the only person that I can count on is my mother and I cried more about my social life.

Monday morning came to wake me and I shrugged back into my bed.

“I’m not going to school today,” I said to my mother when she came into my room to make me get up at eight thirty.
“You can’t let that thing with Alice destroy your school work, sweetie.” She had her hands on her hips and her head cocked to the side.
I was not going to win this.

After a light breakfast of toast, I hopped into my banged up car and drove down the road. I was a few metres away from Alice’s house before I remembered I was mad at her. I had to turn around in someone else’s driveway so she didn’t see me pull up and think I was okay with her sleeping with the one guy I would never get over.

A good song came on the radio, so I turned it up until I couldn’t hear the thrum of my unfortunately out of tune engine. As I pulled up to the school a lump formed in my throat; I had English with Alice first period.
I could still turn around and go home. It wasn’t too late to pull a sicky. Mum would have gone to work by now so I could just log onto her computer and email the school so they wouldn’t think I was being truant…

Then suddenly I spotted Antony, his blue eyes piercing through me. He was at least a couple of hundred meters away from my car but I could still make out his blue eyes. They seemed unnaturally blue now in the daylight. Was he staring at me or just looking in my direction?

I slunk down in the drivers seat so that I wasn’t visible anymore and turned off my engine, thinking about whether or not it would be okay to just wait here until he left then just drive home. What was he doing here anyway? Maybe his coming here was more permanent than I thought.

There was a tap on my window. I looked up to see who it was. Taylor waved at me with a little smile that made his eyes sparkle. Oh God no.

I wound down the window about an inch so he could hear me say, “go away,” and then wound it back up.
He just laughed. I could hear his deep chuckle through the glass. I felt my cheeks heat up.

“Seriously Shay. What are you doing?”
“Hiding.” I said it quietly so I doubt he heard me. I wrapped my head in my arms and tried not to cry. I felt so uncomfortable because of him and Alice were, I guess, together again. But this was no twelve-year-old ten second relationship; this was Alice, my supposedly best friend, and Taylor, the boy I had always had trouble letting go of, getting drunk and doing something stupid under the sheets of someone else’s bed.

Damn it. A tear made its way out of my left eye and soaked into my cardigan. My face was fully flushed now. Feeling embarrassed, I sat back up in my seat and started my engine.

“Shay, what’s going on?” He looked kind of concerned, but why would he be?
I wound down the window just an inch again.
“Don’t suddenly act like you care. And I really hope you didn’t get Alice pregnant.” I sort of spat the words at him and regretted it immediately. But I was too upset to try apologize.

I didn’t look at him, but I could tell he was confused and slightly shocked by the tone of voice he used to say, “what? What the hell are you talking about? Pregnant?” I still didn’t look at him though. I just started reversing and gunned it out of the school parking lot.

Even though I still hadn’t made up my mind about leaving, but I guess I was now on my way home. I was probably speeding, but I didn’t check to see if I was. I didn’t really care. Maybe I was over reacting, or maybe I was reacting the right amount for being humiliated and stepped on by Taylor and Alice.

When I stepped through the threshold of my home I didn’t even feel like crying anymore. Why was that? I’d felt like I was about to explode when I was in front of Taylor, and now I felt fantastic. Well, not fantastic, but my cheeks had cooled down and I didn’t want to explode anymore.
Now I just felt nothing.

After taking half an hour to type up an email excusing me from class, I flopped into bed and slept for what seemed like days. Even when I woke up around lunchtime I still didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to do anything so I just stayed in bed.

When I finally got myself out of bed, I took the longest shower I’d ever had. I blow dried my hair and got into clean pajamas. I felt better now that I was clean. Sleep always made my face feel greasy and made my hair stick up in weird ways.

Just as I walked down the creaky wooden staircase to the lounge, there was a knock on the door. I looked up at the clock, it was almost four now. Wow that was a long shower.

I looked through the peephole and sure enough, it was Taylor. I turned around and pressed my back against the door, sliding down into a squat.
My breaths started getting heavy. What was I supposed to do? Let him in, offer him tea and cake? Yes it is perfectly fine that you crushed my heart, come in, make yourself at home. I tried to steady my breaths. Maybe if he didn’t hear me, he’d just think I wasn’t home and would leave.

“I know you’re here, Shay. You’re car is here and I don’t think you leave your house very often.”
Damn. Why couldn’t I be one of those outdoorsy girls?

“Doesn’t make a difference if I’m here or not.” I sort of just blurted out.

“Why?” He sounded impatient now.
“Because I’m still not going to let you in.” I sounded like a toddler having a tantrum.

He mumbled something then started to open the door. Which was unlocked. Well done, Shay.
I slumped down into a sitting position and pushed against the door with my knees bent, feet planted on the floor. He ended up pushing the door open, which shoved me into the coat rack, which fell.

“Oops, let me get that.” He started picking up my coats and things and putting them back on the rack. “You know, if you had just let me in…” He let his sentence trail off as if to say “it’s your fault your stuff is all over the floor.”

“Yep well if you hadn’t slept with Alice maybe you wouldn’t have had to come over to apologize or…. whatever you’re doing here.” I said it quite accusatory.

He just put his hands palm up and raised his eyebrows. “Where the hell did you get that from? I didn’t sleep with Alice! Well, I slept next to her, not with her.”

“But then why did she tell me not to be mad when she lifted the blankets to show me she was next to you?” This still didn’t make sense.

“Well, I don’t know!” He sounded so frustrated. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He sighed before he spoke again. “She got really wasted that night and probably slept with someone and she just assumed it was me when she woke up. But I wasn’t that drunk-“

I cut him off with a “Pshh… “ And an eye roll. “You were so drunk, Taylor.”

“I wasn’t! And it wasn’t me. I just crashed next to her when I got tired. That’s all.” He looked into my eyes and gave me a smile that would melt anyone’s heart. “I promise.”

“Well, I’m glad for you. But Alice… She always does this. One day she’ll wake up pregnant and I won’t be surprised.” I turned on my heel and walked into the lounge. Taylor followed close behind.

I dived onto the couch and buried my face in a cushion. “Why are you even here? Why do you care?” I mumbled into the soft material.

Taylor took a deep breath, like he was about to say something difficult. When he didn’t answer, I looked up at him. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hand.

“What?” I demanded. I was getting angry. “You think I’m going to spread some ghastly rumor about you and Alice? Why would you even think that-“

He cut me off with a few simple words; “I didn’t want you to think there wasn’t a chance for us to be together!” He basically yelled at me.

I was quite taken aback. I just blinked for a bit, staring at him. Trying to figure out if it was a joke or a lie or what. I buried my face back in the cushion. He could never have feelings for me.
Suddenly I felt furious. “Get out.” I was almost inaudible.

Taylor leaned closer as if he didn’t hear me properly, or he just didn’t like what he had heard. “What?”

“Get out.” I said it a little louder now, but I could feel it bubbling out of my throat into a shout. I sat up on the couch so I could look at him in the face when I yelled, “Get out!” Get out!”

Taylor just stood there astonished. He flinched each time I yelled and began to slowly edge backwards out of the living room and out the front door.

I heard his car start as he drove away. A heaving started in my chest, I couldn’t calm my breaths. Tears started to pour out my eyes; my face felt hot. I got off the couch and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, but I hardly made it to the sink. I just collapsed onto the floor, heaving breaths in like it was all I could do.

My eyes started to go blurry from the tears. I could hardly see now and that made me panic more. I felt like a child. Like Taylor was trying to tell me that Santa was real so I wouldn’t give up hope. So he wouldn’t feel bad.

But I was upset now. I could hardly get enough air into my lungs. My hands started to shake and I couldn’t feel my legs. I sat on the floor gulping until I eventually passed out.

My surroundings started flooding into my eyes and ears as I slowly came to. My eyes un-blurred and I saw my mother by my side with the phone to her ear. She was speaking but I wasn’t sure what she was saying. She started hugging me as I tried to sit up.

“Oh, honey! You’re okay!” She seemed so relieved. How long was I out?
“Yes I think we will still need an ambulance to make sure she’s fine.” She said into the phone.

“No, mum I’m fine I swear,” I tried to get up to plead my case but I slumped back down unable to stabilize myself.

“You are not well, Shay, you need to see a doctor,” she said sternly.

The ambulance came and they checked me out and of course they didn’t find anything wrong with me but I didn’t want to tell them about my encounter with Taylor. They told me to go see my regular doctor and have him take a blood sample to test for low iron. Which made sense. But I knew I didn’t need to.

When they left, mum waved to them from the lounge window. She turned to me and cocked her head to the side. She looked so concerned. I walked over (I could stand up now) and gave her a halfhearted hug.

“I’m sorry, mum” I mumbled into her jacket.
“For what, sweetie?” She pulled my face away so she could look at me.
“Because I scared you. I’m fine. I just… Freaked out and started…” I looked down at the floor.
“Started what?” She looked even more concerned.
“Hyperventilating or something.” I didn’t look up at her. This was all so embarrassing.
“Oh honey!” She hugged me closer. “What was making you do that?”
“Just…” I started flicking through various ways to say it and decided to just not.
“Just stuff,” I answered finally and leaned out of the hug. “I’m going to go to bed now. I need to rest, I think.”

I slept well for once. I think it might have been because there wasn’t the incessant yapping coming from next door, but maybe also because I was exhausted from all the emotions that had raced through my head today.

When I woke up, it was still dark but I was wide-awake. I flung the sheets off myself. The cold air attacked me and I immediately regretted it. I stood up and put a robe on, rubbing my arms to shake off the freezing air. Why am I so cold? It’s usually not this cold.

I turned around to see that my curtains wee drawn, letting silver moonlight spill through my slightly open window. Odd. I hadn’t opened it in weeks. I sauntered over to shut it when I heard a thud come from outside. I froze. What do I do? I steeled myself and walked the few steps between the window and me. I quickly pulled it shut and locked it.

I lingered by the window, watching the street light flicker. My window overlooked my small front garden and most of the street that I was on. The pine tree next to my mailbox was starting to shed its needles all over my car. I frowned. Then I saw something move in my periphery. I ducked down so that I could only just peer out the window and fervently searched in the direction I saw the movement. Nothing happened for a little while and I though I was going crazy. Maybe it was just a cat.

But then it moved again. It ran to the pine tree and hid out of my view. It was a person. Panic starting building in my chest. It was a tallish figure wearing dark clothes. Oh god, oh god, he was in my room! I covered my mouth to try stifle a yelp. My eyes started to flood with tears as my chest started to overflow with panic. The man peered around the tree to look back at my house and in the moonlight I could see his face. Antony Cooper. What was he doing in my front yard? Even more, why was his usually piercing blue eyes turning silver in the moonlight? I tried to blink away my tears to get a better look, but when I looked back, he was sprinting down the street and then he was gone.

I was in shock. I shut my curtains and stumbled back into my bed, wide eyed. My phone made a beep and light up the room. Low battery. When did I last check it? I rummaged around my room until I found it. Six texts and two missed calls. Maybe they would explain why Antony was outside my house. And inside my house. I shudder.

They were all, however, from Taylor. I couldn’t help but feel sick.
At 5:34pm he sent: “Shay I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t understand how I did it, but I’m so sorry.”
Twelve minutes later: “Okay look, I have feelings for you. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I really wanted to say this in person, but you need to know.”
Four minutes later: “Shay please reply to me.”
Thirty six seconds later: “Or at least let me know you’re getting these texts?”
Then the most recent one was an hour and a half ago at 1:12am: “I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about how we left things. I really like you Shay. If you just want to be friends, that’s okay. I’d like more, but I don’t want to lose you.”
Maybe he wasn’t joking…

So much has happened in the course of a few days. I sucked in a deep breath. Tomorrow was going to be an uncomfortable day. But for some reason I was excited to see Taylor. And deep down I was also feeling sick with anxiety that Antony had been here.