Please, Won't You Push Me for the Last Time

~Vic~

Alex has taken me into this room through one of the tunnels where there’s a table, it’s like a makeshift conference room. He says it’s better I don’t see Kellin right now. He also says I need to get myself together so I can call my and Kellin’s parents and say we are at our friend Alex’s house practicing music and won’t be home tonight. I can barely talk right now though. I’m a mess. Finally, I manage to ask Alex what exactly is going on with Kellin, and he seems relieved to have something to talk about.

“Alright, there’s two phases. First, we have to get the drugs out of his system, quite similar to what we had to do when you drank while on cures, except a bit more intense. It’s just a drink, and a nasty one. But the process can be a bit painful, I actually don’t know all the details of that. I just know it feels like your fucking veins are on fire. Assuming that… goes okay, um, the next step is to get the stuff we had to make him drink out of there, along with any food that he might still have in his stomach because at that point pretty much everything can be toxic. That’s a laxative drink and unfortunately, Kellin will probably be fully awake and aware for that. It sucks. But it’s worth it to be back to yourself…” he ventures off.

I feel slightly better knowing what’s going on. I tell Alex I think I’m ready to go call our parents and he goes with me. I tell Kellin’s parents that he’s really into his rehearsing and I thought they should know we won’t make it back tonight but I didn’t want to disturb him, and they seem thankful for my call considering he left while they were at an appointment. We get back to the conference room and I force myself not to peek at Kellin while we’re on the way. Once we get there, I have some more questions for Alex.

“What kind of appointment would they have been at?” I ask him. People don’t go to appointments as couples usually unless it concerns their kids.

“They’re probably talking about taking Kellin to the hospital,” he says simply, “but don’t worry. I will do everything I can to keep that from happening to anyone here.”

“Why though? What did Kellin do that was so unhealthy? I know skipping cures is bad and all, but I mean, he’s not too bad off. He’s been doing well!”

“It’s not really about being healthy, I’d think you’d have figured that out by now,” Alex explains, “he’s not under control. He’s challenging the system, and that makes him a danger to everything. One person could snap everyone out of their trances if they let them loose without medication. The whole thing could collapse if they let us run about without being uniform. It’s a threat. He’s a threat. It has nothing to do with health.”

Damnit. Not more of this confusing revolution talk. I can’t process it. It doesn’t add up. The government wants health! Not power.

“Let me guess,” Alex says at my confounded expression, “you can’t put it together. It doesn’t make sense to you, how your precious government could want anything but our health and happiness. You know why you can’t figure it out? You took one of those little white pills this morning. Yours need some recalibrating for sure. You are getting more and more individual every time I’ve seen you. Plus, you’re way more upset than someone ‘healthy’ would be when someone they only met a few weeks ago is in a little danger. But they still stop you from fighting back. They stop you from believing. They stop you from creating and innovating. You can’t see big problems and you especially can’t see solutions.”

His words are so true. Down to the point. I’ll have to think about it… when I’m not on cures. Which reminds me, “how do you do it,” I ask, “how do you hide or get rid of cures if you don’t take them? How do you make it look like you took them?”

“I could write you a novel on the number of ways you can do that. Don’t do whatever Kellin did though. Sorry. Not the time for dark humor. Um. I’ll help you with that. Another time though,” he says, he seems to be a bit distracted.

“Sorry,” I say, “I’m just… trying to get my mind off of things…”

“I… I’m going to go get Jack to sit with you okay? And I’ll go help with Kellin. I think Jack might be better at making you feel better right now. He can also tell you how Kellin is doing. Is that okay?” he asks me cautiously. I think he’s getting a little exhausted from my obvious emotional conflict. Or maybe it bothers him being around someone on cures. I don’t know. But I really would like to know how Kellin is doing, so I agree.

Jack is in the room a few minutes later, and he smiles lightly at me, which makes me feel a bit better already.

“He’s doing good,” Jack tells me, “Alex said he explained a bit of how it works to you. All the signs say he’s gonna make it through, though he is in quite a bit of pain right now. You can see him in a couple hours, before we start part two, if you want. I’m sure he’d like that.”

“Of course,” I say, feeling a bit relieved because he will probably survive, but not fully because I don’t know if he will be himself or not, and because he’s in pain.

“Hey,” Jack says, looking really serious and taking a seat next to me, “I’ve been through this you know. About a year ago I was in the exact same position you are when Alex got back…” he looks down as if he didn’t want to continue that train of thought before shaking it off and carrying on, “Except I stayed with him… watched the medical kids work. I can’t tell you how much I wish I’d gone in the other room, but we didn’t know as much then, and I was alone.”

I don’t know what to say. I guess I hadn’t thought about this happening before, even when Alex mentioned it. This must be why he sent Jack back here instead. Maybe he felt bad for giving me a revolution lecture while this is going on or something.

“It’s gonna take time. Before Kellin gets back to how he was completely. He’s a spirited one though, a lot like Alex. He’s gonna need you. Remind him what he loves, why he didn’t want to be fixed. Be patient with him. I made the mistake of getting angry with Alex when he didn’t get back to normal right away. I almost lost him. I couldn’t have handled that. My life has been so much better with him in it, reminding me what we’re fighting for, teaching me to think for myself, showing me things I never thought of. He’s more rational now, and he learns faster. I think those things came from the cure they did on him, but I think he kind of got the best of both things, the cured and the natural.” That’s a lot to consider. Of course I will help Kellin, however I can, but I’m glad Jack told me this. I know I’ll have to remind myself sometime. Plus, talking like everything is going to be okay is really comforting.

“Thank you,” I say to Jack.

“Anytime man. You can come talk to me, if you need any help. I highly doubt Kellin can be half as much of a handful as Alex,” he smiles, his tone more friendly already. I’m surprised how much easier it is to relax now, knowing that someone’s got my back in this. I’m still worried about Kellin though. I don’t want him to be in pain, obviously.

Over the next couple hours though, Jack manages to get my mind off of things a bit. He tells me stories about Alex being a handful and I can’t help but laugh at some of them. He laughs too. It’s a bit forced to have any fun on a night like this, but it’s nice to at least try. It’s nice to put things in perspective for a while. Kellin will be alright, I will be alright. Things will look up.
Finally, Alex crawls through to let me know that it’s okay to go see Kellin now. He’s not in pain anymore and he needs a few minutes to recover before phase two. Alex thinks he’s a little more himself already. I head out of the conference room and find Kellin sitting up, looking a bit sick, but there’s more character in his eyes than before. He smiles when he sees me.

“Vic!” he shouts, “I’m so glad you’re still here. I want to say thank you. For bringing me here. I was gone Vic.” He stands up shakily and hugs me, which I return, trying to keep him on his feet as much as trying to hug him. He seems really weak, but I’m glad he thinks I did the right thing.
“Alex is the one who got you help Kellin I just helped… convince you…”

“I said thanks to him too already. He said I seem way too perky for someone who was just in so much pain, but I don’t even care. It’s gone now and I’m happy I can think again,” he smiles, but I can tell he’s still weak, and still a little zoned out. I see why he needs some recovery time. I convince him to sit back down and take a seat next to him. I’m so glad he’s okay, he’s him, at least mostly. I’m just so relieved. That’s when I realise how exhausted I am. It must be getting pretty late, and I’ve been under a lot of stress. Maybe I will sleep for a bit while I wait for the rest of this to be over.

I sit with Kellin for a few more minutes, holding him and talking to him. He keeps smiling at me like I’m the best thing he’s ever seen, and it should make me happy, but mostly I’m worried. I’m worried that’s it’s just because I brought him here, and I’m worried that he isn’t himself. I’m getting upset again thinking about all this, but I just hold Kellin a little tighter and hope things will turn out alright.
“My stomach hurts,” Kellin complains when one of the medical kids come to check on him. I think that means it’s time for phase two, and just as I figure that out Jack comes over to get me and the people who came over go back to get whatever concoction they’ve been working on in the back.

“C’mon Vic, trust me when I say Kellin will wanna be alone for this part,” Jack says, smiling, “he’s gonna be okay,” he adds when I hesitate. I kiss Kellin on the cheek real quick and follow Jack back into the conference room. I tell Jack how worried I am about Kellin, and he just nods reassuringly and reminds me that he’s here to listen, and that Kellin will be okay, it just takes time. I try to believe him, and I try to calm down. But nothing is working. Before long, I’m crying again, and Jack keeps trying to say things to help, but when it isn’t working just puts a gentle hand on my shoulder and lets me cry. That’s how we stay for a while, I don’t even know how long, until Alex comes to tell me that Kellin is okay now, and wants to see me.