Please, Won't You Push Me for the Last Time

~Kellin~

When I look at Vic, I can see something really genuine in his eyes, and I can feel myself falling even harder for him, just like that. I had wanted to stop seeing him, to stop this from happening, but now I’m not so sure that’s what I want. As soon as I start trying to figure this out though, I hear music coming from the other tunnels. Real music, not like on the radio or from school. There are others.

That’s all I can think now as I push past Vic and climb into the tunnels, to my surprise though, he follows me. Unfortunately after a couple of seconds my brain turns back on and I remember why I’ve never gone any further in here before, I start imagining a thousand scenarios where this doesn’t end well. The passageway could cave in, or it could get blocked and then we’d be stuck. What if air stops filtering through? Where does the air in here come from anyway? Oh God I can’t do this. I stop suddenly in the tunnel, and it’s a squeeze, but I manage to turn around and face Vic.

To my surprise, he reaches for my hand and holds it, looking at me concerned, “tight spaces?” he asks, and I nod. Him being here settles me down a little, and I’m still freaking out, but at least I realize nothing is actually likely to cave in. We sit for a minute and listen, and we’ve gotten close enough to hear the music more clearly. There’s a guy singing, and a guitar, one of the old ones, the guy’s voice is low and melodic. Nothing like mine really, and the words flow so smoothly from him, and I can make out the lyrics from this distance.

They’re finding me out,

I’m having my doubts,

I’m losing the best of me.

Dressed up as myself,

To live in the shadow,

Of who I’m supposed to be.

I’m determined to find the source of this music, and we can’t be too far if we can hear it this well. This is definitely not from an old music player, somebody is singing and playing music, real music, here, right now. I let go of Vic’s hand and smile at him before continuing down the tunnel.

We’re all part of the same, sick little games,

And I need a get-away, get-away

I’m wasting my days, I throw them away,

Losing it all on these sick little games.

Finally, we get to a room a lot like the one I found, except it’s larger, and the walls are scratched and uneven, as if somebody had chipped it, piece by piece, until it was bigger. To my surprise, the room isn’t packed with things from the old days like mine is, it’s actually pretty empty except for the two boys sitting in there, one lost in singing and one holding an old electric guitar, they stop playing the second they notice us. To my surprise, they look pretty young, like close to my age if not younger. They don’t seem too surprised by our appearance.

“Hi there,” the one who was singing says, looking at me, “well don’t just sit there in the tunnel, join us,” he says, gesturing for me to stand and come into the strange room. They notice Vic is behind me and for some reason seem a little surprised by this.

“There’s two of them?” the boy with the guitar looks at the singer as if he had some kind of answer to this.

“I guess so. I’m Alex by the way,” he looks at me and Vic, “and this is Jack, who are you, and what brings you here?”

“Uh,” I stutter, still taking in the whole situation, “I’m Kellin, this is Vic. There’s um, there’s another little room that I go to sometimes… we heard music and…” Between the tight spaces and the new place and all the things I’m wondering about how there’s other people like me, I’m just a stuttering mess. They don’t seem at all phased by this information though, and they smile at each other for a moment, and I start to wonder if maybe they’re a couple.

“It’s okay,” Alex assures me, “we’re always looking for new people. How’d you find out there was a room to go to?”

“Well I’ve been going for a while,” I say, trying to avoid giving a full answer, “he followed me a couple days ago.” I gesture to Vic, who hasn’t spoken since we got here. He looks a little freaked out actually. Alex looks at him for a moment before exchanging a look with Jack, the two of them seem to be able to talk without even using words. I wonder for a moment what Alex means by ‘new people’ but before I can ask he starts talking again.

“Okay, so Jack and I actually have to be somewhere soon, and there’s a lot of things I have to talk to you two about if you’re new, so, Kellin right?” he looks at me and I nod, “can you meet me here tomorrow, around this time?” I wonder why he’s only asking me and not Vic, and what exactly we are “new” to, but I nod in agreement and him and Jack hurry off through the opposite tunnel almost instantly. Which I’m surprised by, I kind of wanted to talk to them longer, but I don’t make a move to stop them. I look over at Vic, who isn’t showing any expression, which concerns me.

~Vic~

This is just too much to think about right now. First of all, Kellin and I keep having these moments where I start to feel things for him that just don’t make sense, I mean I know it’s normal to want to protect someone and to like someone and all, but there’s something different about Kellin. He isn’t like anyone I have ever met before. I’ve never seen someone look as scared as he did in the tunnels, and it should have made me run to get him help, fear like that with no logical cause is one of the most obvious signs of a problem. So why can’t I bring myself to tell someone about Kellin and get him help? I guess I just don’t want him to change. He’s fascinating and just… great. Is that selfish? Am I getting sick too? Do I even mind if I am?

And the two boys we just met. I’ve never met anyone like them either. I don’t know if they’re together or what, but they have such an obvious connection, it’s almost visible. I mean, I can tell that and I only met them for what, five minutes? Maybe this is what people are like when they don’t take cures. Maybe they have fear and anger and don’t make sense, but they can connect with other people better. I wonder if me and Kellin could ever be like that. I wonder whether he even wants that.

I can’t think about this anymore right now. I’ll deal with it later. Kellin is looking at me with those searching eyes of his again and I realize I probably haven’t moved for a few minutes. I’ve just been so lost in thought, but I love when he looks so interested in me, so without planning it out, without overthinking it, I pull him over and kiss him. He kisses back for just a second before pulling back and looking at me.

“H-hey Vic,” he says with a nervous stutter that for some reason I find completely adorable, “we still have to crawl back and I just… I don’t know if I can…” he looks at the tunnel we came in through nervously, and I pull him close to me again.

“It’s okay, I’ll be right there the whole time.” I say, and he smiles before heading into the tunnel without hesitation.