Always

Work killed him sometimes. There were times when he just wanted to stand up from his desk and roar like an injured animal before throwing his computer out of the seventh storey window and quitting right on the spot. But he needed the money, and the time spent away from home was really the only thing that got him out of the house these days. Work was a pain in his ass, but everyone had to do it, whether they liked it or not. He wasn’t the kind of person who depended on everyone else- he worked hard for the money he earned to support his family and wasn’t going to be subject to someone else’s petty charity.

Jimmy Sullivan was nothing more than clog in a working machine that made the world a worse place than it already was. It had not been top of his priority list as a teenager to get married, settle down with a family and kids and be stuck in a dead end job for the rest of his working life, and yet it had happened all before he’d turned thirty. He would have done anything in his power to grasp the life of the successful musician he had dreamed about, sitting in loud and pulsating bars, drinking tequila shots from the belly buttons of blonde hookers and inhaling the scent of cheap booze, sex and sweat.

But, he still tapped diligently away at the chipped computer keyboard in his claustrophobic office, clicking through the text on the glowing screen in front of him for the happiness of his wife Bailey and his three year old son, Jacob.

The pair of them had been blissfully happy for the three years that Jacob had been in their lives, perhaps Jimmy more so than the woman who lay next to him at night, listening to the sound of his disjointed breathing. Often he had thought to himself how Bailey had been rather reserved for Jacob’s childhood- preferring to take long business trips out to various states rather than stay at home and care for him.

He had spent countless hours taking care of his little son while he was sick, picking him up from school and helping him tack his colourful pictures on the refrigerator door, taking him to the beach during the summer- yet Bailey had barely been around. Sometimes it felt as though he was a single father, coping with the stresses of taking care of a child and of himself. But he adored Jacob with all of his heart, had done since the moment his hand had splayed across the black and white image on the ultrasound screen.

That smiling little face, with the big blue eyes that were almost identical to his own, the mop of sandy coloured hair and little pale cheeks that dimpled whenever he smiled- that was the reason he sat at his desk every day, back hunched as he looked over the computer with absolute boredom. To make sure that his son got the best life his father could offer him.

As he drove along in the beaten up car that had seen him through since he was sixteen, he thought of what he and his son would do tonight. Bailey was up in San Francisco at a three day business seminar and so the pair of them had spent their nights eating mac and cheese (the only thing Jimmy really knew how to make), watching the movies that Bailey wouldn’t let them watch when she was home and playing the endless amounts of games that Jacob had stacked up over the years.

For a three year old he had almost too much energy for Jimmy to deal with and yet, he’d been exactly the same at that age. Full of life and too much activity for just one person to keep up with. The light flickered green and he swerved off into the turning that would take him to his family home. It wasn’t the biggest of houses, nor was it the fanciest, but it suited both him and his son. Slipping into the driveway, he killed the engine of the car and stepped out, smiling when he saw the figure of Jacob’s silhouette running around the living room. That was the first sign that something was wrong.

His smile dropped slightly. Who was home that had picked up Jacob from one of Jimmy’s friends? Had Bailey come back early from Frisco to take care of her son for the first time in weeks, months perhaps? He ran forward, pushing his key into the lock and rushing inside, glancing anxiously around the almost empty house. To the sound of the television blaring a bright and bouncy theme song, Jacob came rushing out of the living room hot on the heels of his father and wrapped his arms around his gangly legs.

Despite his shitty mood, a smile brushed over Jimmy’s features as he glanced down at his son, the same one who was offering him a dimpled smile from almost three feet below him.

“Daddy! Can we watch a movie tonight?” he asked, pouting up at his father as Jimmy knelt down and cuddled his son close to his chest, all the while glancing around the main entrance room for a sign that someone else was home. There was a pair of high heeled shoes beside the decorative table that held the key bowl and the useless crap drawer, shoes that had not been there when both Jimmy and Jacob left this morning.

A briefcase had been slung over the bottom of the banister and a suit jacket that didn’t belong to either him nor his wife, covered the thick leather material. Heart leaping into his throat, he glanced down at his son and pressed a chaste, panicked kiss to Jacob’s head, ruffling his hair.

“Maybe, buddy, maybe. Did Mommy come home today?”

“Yeah- she and Uncle Matt came to pick me up from kindergarten”

Matt. Matt. Could his own wife have gone so far as to sleep with his best friend and then take their stupid relationship to his family home and carry on their affair in the same house as his son watched TV blissfully from downstairs? He swallowed, adjusting the collar of his work shirt slightly before he ruffled his son’s hair and pointed towards the living room, where the inviting call of the television was coaxing his son back towards its Technicolor gaze.

“Why don’t you go watch some TV, Jacob? I’m going to go and find Mommy.” he whispered absentmindedly, his well-trained ears pricking to the occasional noise that echoed from the upstairs area of their home. The quiet chink of bedsprings as they moved in a rhythmic pattern, the slam of a headboard against a painted wall from their bedroom as it echoed through the house, the occasional grunt and high pitched giggle as it filled his brain. It twisted and transformed into something dark and disfigured- and yet he couldn’t be angry.

At least not yet.

For all that he knew, she was alone in bed taking a nap, the realms of a nightmare causing her movement to become rigid and unfamiliar to him. As Jacob released his father’s legs and toddled back into the living room, intent on reconnecting with his multi-coloured characters, Jimmy walked numbly towards the staircase, knowing that the faster he got up to his marital bedroom, the faster his dream of the perfect marriage would come crumbling around him.

As he placed his foot on the first step, he began to think to himself, weighing out the reasons of why Bailey would have felt the need to cheat on him. Admittedly, they hadn’t had sex in a while- but what kind of marriage was built on purely sex alone? For him sex was about the love that the pair of them felt for each other, the never ending adoration that they had for each other. His feet moved up to the next few steps, his legs moving robotically as he began to speed up slightly in his movement.

Since Jacob had been born, they’d been more focused on raising him and making sure that his childhood was the best one that they could provide, rather than focusing on each other and how they could survive parenthood. For Jimmy, Jacob was his top priority- if their marriage was going to crumble; he needed to make sure that that his son was the least affected by it all. As he moved further up into the house, the noises from the bedroom became louder and the feeling of an ice chip being shoved inside of his beating heart became sharper and much clearer. He thought back to their wedding day, the elaborate ceremony just outside of the city where they had promised to love each other until death parted them, remaining faithful until all faith in living had dissipated entirely.

Had those promises been fake? Had she kept one hand behind her back with her fingers crossed as they said their vows, knowing that in the years to come, she and Jimmy would not be the man and woman that had married each other? He placed his hand on the bedroom door, hearing the lustful moan of a man and the whimper of a woman as they moved together, their bodies rushed with need and want. And suddenly- there was nothing human left in him. His hands pushed the door open and he stepped inside of the bedroom, coming face to face with exactly what his mind had envisioned.

His wife, naked in only a way that he had seen before, lay beneath the muscled form of his once best friend Matt, her body covered in a sheen of pleasured sweat as he moved inside of her, hands braced against the headboard of the bed.

“Jimmy!” she screeched suddenly, detaching herself from Matt and pushing him away as though it would make everything better once again. Her hands flew for the bed sheet to cover herself up, scrabbling for the robe that lay in a silk puddle beside the bed. He stood completely still, devoid of all emotion but sheer anger and heartbreak at seeing his own wife in bed with another man.

“Jimmy, I can explain…” she began, tying the robe around her body as she stepped out of the bed, running towards her husband and placing her hands on him. He shrugged them away, eyes turning dark as she attempted to turn the whole sordid ordeal in her favour.

“Explain what? That you’re fucking my best friend while our son sits downstairs, completely oblivious that his mother is a lying cheating whore? Bailey- we’re married, it means we’re meant to be monogamous! Or did you miss the damn memo because you were too busy sucking face with this asshole.”

“Jimmy, don’t- we can fix this. It was a one-time thing, I needed to just forget…”

“Don’t even try to explain it Bailey. I am sick and tired of feeling like a single parent, fed up with being the only person in this marriage who actually gives a shit about keeping our family together!” he roared, his throat closing up as her eyes began to fill with water, unable to keep her emotions behind her skin any longer.

He breathed heavily for a moment before storming out of the bedroom and racing down the stairs, hearing Bailey’s shouts coming after him as he ran. And yet he didn’t stop. Instead, he ran into the living room and lifted Jacob up into his arms, turning off the TV and racing out into the front hall. Jacob hung on for dear life, wrapping his little arms around his father’s neck as Jimmy slung his work jacket around his son’s body, hoping to keep him warm as they left.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Bailey screamed from the upper level of the house, causing her very own son to burst into sudden tears at hearing his own parents yelling. Jimmy paused for a moment, placing his hand against the back of Jacob’s neck before he grabbed his car keys.
“I’m leaving. And I’m taking our son somewhere that he doesn’t have to live with his deadbeat mother.” he snarled, pressing a kiss to Jacob’s head before he stormed out of the house altogether and ran towards his car.

He wasn’t thinking straight, adrenaline was pumping through him with complete reckless abandon and yet, he loved the feeling. As he strapped Jacob into his car seat, he slipped into the driver’s seat and kick started the engine, ignoring the screeches of his wife as she stepped out of the house, telling him to come back. Instead, he pulled out of the driveway and onto the road, driving to the only place that he could think of in his angered state.

Jacob didn’t utter a word, just wrapped himself up further in Jimmy’s jacket and tried to hide beneath the comforting fabric. By the time Jimmy’s reckless driving got them to the apartment block he had been looking for, his eyes had filled with tears, blurring his vision. Without wanting to get too emotional in public, he unbuckled his son from his seat and lifted him into his arms, stepping out of the car and towards the apartment building.

In minutes, he was stood outside Apartment 4B, his fist knocking against the wooden door that hid the abode of none other than Brian Haner. And as the door opened to reveal his mocha eyed friend, Jimmy bit his lip and cradled his tearful son close to his chest. That was the only constant now- Jacob.

“Can we stay here for a while?”