Always

“I don’t wanna go!”

Brian rolled his eyes at his best friend, running his smooth palm of the curve of Jacob’s head and smirking when he realised the irony of their situation. Jimmy was the one throwing the temper tantrum about having to retrieve his belongings from his family home and yet his son was sat calmly at the dining room table with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, expertly made by Brian while Jimmy was out collecting his divorce papers.

He had decided, while Brian sat across from him with a half empty pint of ice cream and a glass bottle of coppery coloured whiskey between them, that there would be no turning back from this bump in the road. As much as he had told himself that he loved Bailey, as much as he had insisted that no matter what happened, he was in their marriage for the long haul- he couldn’t take it much longer.

Bailey had been away from their family home when he and their son needed her most, she had been intimate with one of his best friends and she had had the unmistakeable nerve to bring him into their home and have her way with him, right under the nose of their innocent sun. Jimmy could not, under any good conscience or ethical implication stand to be with her for another second longer.

He raked his fingers through his unkempt hair, crystal blue gaze glancing instinctively over at his son for just a moment before he returned to pacing the airy room. It was a safety thing really- he had treated Jacob like glass for the first six months of his life until eventually he had told himself that the little boy was ready to start becoming more of a child rather than an object that they kept away from the outside world.

Bailey wouldn’t have understood it at all- he still remembered kissing her goodbye at the airport just three months after Jacob’s birth before she boarded a flight to New York. He was a mess- he had slept in his clothes for the night, refusing to let Brian give him anything. Jimmy Sullivan was not one to become a victim of charity; taking from others and never giving back. Though he had let his best friend clothe Jacob in the spare clothes that Jimmy had required all of his friends to carry in their homes for when they visited, he had chosen to stay wearing exactly what he had worked in all day- the crumpled pinstripe shirt, the grey slacks that were too short for his legs and stopped awkwardly just above his ankles.

His dishevelled state had prompted Brian to try and force him back to his home, where he could pick up what he needed and bring it back- though it hadn’t exactly settled well with the blue eyed man.

“Jim, don’t be such a baby. You need to pick up your stuff and besides, Bailey might not even…”

“Don’t say her name in front of my son!” Jimmy hissed, rushing over and placing his hands on Jacob’s little ears, eyes turning to nothing more than dark little slits that punctuated the sunken skin of his face.

The little man barely even seemed to notice a change in his scenery, instead, continued to take another bite out of his sandwich and stared blankly at the flickering screen in front of him, immersing himself in the colourful adventures of his cartoon compatriots. Brian sighed, running his hands over his tired, drawn out features before he began to speak again. He had always known that Jimmy was overprotective of his little boy, but he’d never seen the extent to which that mantra had applied.

“OK, she who shall not be named! Jimmy, you’re acting crazy. Jacob’s got more sanity than you have right now. Yes, she slept with your best friend, yes she betrayed you- but you know what? You were too good for her- she didn’t deserve you. Now for God’s sakes, go home and get some fucking clothes before I do it myself!”

Jimmy stood in shocked silence for a brief moment, Brian’s words acting like a slap to the face or a glass of cold water being thrown over his head. It gave him clarity that he had never seen before, revealing to him a whole new way of seeing his painful situation. Slowly, he nodded, picking up his jacket from where it had been slung over one of the rickety wooden chairs and leaned down to kiss his son’s head, still a little out of it.

“I’ll be back soon.” He murmured, more to himself rather than to the other two occupants of the room, and as Brian shot him a poignant look, Jimmy exited the apartment, dragging his heels slightly at the prospect of having to see the distilled shadow of his old home once again.

He walked numbly through the streets of his hometown, seeing things the same way he saw them on a walk of shame, staring at the women who were dressed in the same clothes that they’d worn the day before, carrying their heels in their hands and limping every so often as their hangovers and blistered feet caught up with them. As he walked he thought of Jacob, the little boy that would grow up without the love from both of his parents- the nurturing mother that would give him the support and guidance that he needed to become a better man himself.

He could try all that he wanted to be both a mother and a father to his son, but the truth had to come out sometime. Jimmy couldn’t be both at the same time. Taking a deep breath, he allowed himself to think of a time when he and Bailey had been happy, when the idea of cheating on him had been nothing more than something that happened in books and movies, a far off thought that they never believed would be applicable to their own lives. Things had seemed so damn simple back then- maybe they’d had it easy.

He had been so sure that he had life figured out by the time Jacob had walked into their lives- now he was questioning every motive, idea and belief he’d ever been blessed with.

The house he had left stood tall and looming above him, basking in the midday glow of the California sunshine and as he paused on the sidewalk in front of the house, he found himself feeling more than a little concerned. The driveway was deserted- his car was at Brian’s, and yet Bailey’s was gone. The faded floral cushions of the swing seat still sat on the porch, the broken hanging plants still dangled loosely from the beams that decorated the front door. It was almost as though they were all still here as a happy family, living together.

No one on the outside would have guessed the devastation that had happened past the bright white brick of the house. On the steps to the porch sat Matt Sanders, a note in his hand and his hazel eyes rushing over the suburban nightmare that was their street. He looked just as roughed up as Jimmy, though the blue eyed man could only guess that his heart wasn’t as broken.

The man always looked for an easy fuck, he would never settle down if his mother would allow it. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Matt had always dreamed of having a Hugh Hefner kind of deal until the day that he died; though with his significant lack of funds and women dripping off of his arm, it remained very much a fantasy rather than an achievable reality.

“What the hell are you doing here, Matt? Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage for one day?” Jimmy spat as he stalked forward, watching maliciously as Matt’s head jerked up from the ragged paper in his hand and swallowed.

There had never been a time when someone as well built, bad tempered and horny as Matt was terrified of gangly, wouldn’t hurt anything but a spider due to his stupid fear of the eight legged bastards, Jimmy. But seeing his eyes turn to dark slits, his mouth curling into an unnatural scowl of pure anger was enough to send a shudder of discomfort racing down Matt’s back. No one fucked with Jimmy unless they wanted to receive the bum end of the deal in the end.

“I came looking for…never mind. She’s skipped town on the both of us. I guess I just thought she’d at least talk to us before she walked right out of the city.” Matt grumbled, just enough sorrow in his husky voice for Jimmy to become possessed with the strength of a thousand men. He growled like a wild animal, pounding forward until he could grip the starchy fabric of Matt’s shirt in his shaking hands, lifting him off of the steps and slamming his muscled body into the uneven planks of the porch gate.

“Don’t you dare try and put in the same fucking group, Sanders. You fucked my wife, you ruined my marriage and you forced me to do something that I’m probably going to regret in a few days. Why couldn’t you just keep it in your pants?” Jimmy growled, staring angrily at the man in front of him, their faces barely inches apart. Matt’s eyes widened, turning to the size of dinner plates at the thought of being threatened by someone like Jimmy, whose grip was so steadfast that his knuckles and slender fingers were in danger of turning a ghostly white.

“Jimmy…I…”

“Shut up,” he spat, “You ruined everything Matt Sanders; I’m ashamed to even have my hands on you. My wife has gone- my wife. Not your lover, your abused little whore to just fuck whenever you felt like it. My wife. And now look- everything’s fucked up because of your pathetic little charade. If you come within a foot of me or my son, I will kill you. I will shoot a hole right into the side of your skull and no one will be able to stop me because you. Ruined. Everything.Now…” he shoved Matt aside, fighting back the urge to spit right at the man’s feet as he crumpled to the ground, his expression coated in an unnatural white of sheer terror.

It was somewhat victorious to see such a huge figure of power and domination being brought to his knees by a pissed off spouse.

“Get the fuck off of my property.” Jimmy snarled before he turned on his heel and begrudgingly made his way up the porch steps and into his house, almost as though nothing had happened at all.